762 The painful doomsday
Guiying stumbled back on her feet as the world view changed before her eyes. The familiar night sky and cherry blossom tree appeared before her vision.
"Guiying!"
Zixin caught her arm and pulled her back. She collapsed on her knees despite his support, breathing hard. "Zixin…"
"I am here right beside you," he wrapped her arm around her back, squeezing firmly in the warmth of his chest. His heart ached seeing her thin body tremble and shiver.
Guiying couldn't wrap her head around everything that happened too fast for her to process. She tried to feel the presence of 'Guiying' within her, but all that met her was emptiness. There was nobody within her to talk to. All that remained was an incredible downfall of loneliness that tore her heart apart. The mysterious dark space within which 'Guiying' was just a distorted and dissipating apparition brought chills down her heart.
Suddenly, the past few months came rushing into her mind, and she thought of the distance 'Guiying' was gradually starting to put between them. 'Her' abrupt silence and refusal to appear, her mood swings, her crankiness and then the last dream she had in which she had walked with 'her', talking and laughing.
Was that all a sign of this doomsday to come?
'She' was gone. 'She' had really disappeared forever.
"'She'...'She' is not here anymore, Zi-Zixin. 'She' is really gone…"
Zixin widened his eyes.
"You talked to 'her?'"
Guiying tremblingly nodded with her wet, misty eyes. "'She' said that I didn't need 'her' anymore…'She' said that 'she' didn't want to become the third person between us. And then…and then 'she' just disappeared, Zixin. 'She'...Is 'she' really gone…?"
Zixin pursed his lips and helped her stand on her feet. He slowly walked with her and gently helped her on a nearby bench. He removed his coat and covered her quivering shoulders with it.
He watched her body shaking as tears slid down her eyes.
"What did 'she' tell you?"
Zixin stayed silent for some time. He himself struggled to form the last words 'she' had said. He went on to slowly explain 'Guiying's' side of things and perspective. Guiying quietly listened to him, holding her breath.
"I am sorry," Zixin said, his eyes mirroring the same moistness as her eyes. "I still lacked in taking care of both of you. I tried my very best to keep you two happy. But still in the end, I failed to understand 'Guiying.' I was still too naive and insensitive to properly Guiying broke down into silent sobs while shaking her head in dismissal. "It's not your fault, Zixin. I am the culprit here. We stood tough together for years. I am supposed to understand 'her' more than anybody else, yet I ended up hurting 'her' the most. I forced 'her' into a corner until 'she' had no choice but to leave."
"Please stop blaming yourself, Guiying," Zixin didn't know how to get rid of the guilt from her heart.
With a vacant gaze, Guiying looked ahead at the empty space. On one hand, the pain of losing 'Guiying' shook her to the core. Her heart was filled with fury and resentment of 'her' leaving her just like that. Years of friendship and close kinship dissipated like it never existed. It was still hard to believe for her that 'Guiying' appeared before her the last time and left for good.
'Guiying' was such an irreplaceable part of her life that the mere thought eluded her that one day would come where she would lose her alter personality. 'Guiying' said that with 'her' gone, she would become the real Cai Guiying who was only supposed to be herself.
But instead of feeling whole, Guiying felt as if she was split into half. As if an important organ of her body had suddenly stopped working. 'She' was here until a moment ago and now 'she' wasn't.
"What should I do now, Zixin? 'She' really left me. How should I live my life now? Am I supposed to just forget 'her' and move on? 'She' just…'she' just decided all by herself to leave me and now I feel this void. I don't…know…"
Zixin himself didn't know what to say. Even though he wanted to console her, 'Guiying's sudden disappearance left a gaping hole in his chest too. He tried to put a lid on that pain that kept erupting and bleeding his heart. The first memory of their meeting occupied him. The first sight of him seeing 'her' smoke with the haughty look in 'her' eyes had enamored him. Though 'she' was completely different to Guiying, 'she' had become an important part of his life just like Guiying was.
'She' claimed he was being forced to accept 'her' alongside Guiying, but truly and genuinely, that wasn't how Zixin felt at all. He wanted to give 'her' the same happiness that Guiying always deserved to have too. 'She' had spent 'her' life protecting Guiying and now this time, he wanted 'her' to step back and be protected and cherished, not fight and get wounded.
'Guiying's' departure was just as hard on Zixin as it was Guiying and under the grim night sky, he searched to find an answer about how he was supposed to deal with this loss?
The hand of the clock struck midnight at that moment and a new day was on the horizon. It was a new year for Zixin after his birthday, but it felt incredibly lonely for 'her' to be not there to welcome it for him with Guiying. In this new year and in all the coming new years, 'Guiying' would never be there.
The thought of that desolate future pooled tears into his black irises. They sat on the bench in silence, each of them trying to come to terms with the truth and 'Guiying's' parting words in their own way.
Time would eventually heal their pain but to them at this moment, that time seemed far, far away.
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