Chapter 760 'Guiying's' confession (3)
'Guiying' folded her arms and brought them closer to her chest, feeling slightly chilly. From the corner of her eye, 'she' noticed Zixin fumble as if he wanted to cover her with his coat, but he stood hesitant and confused.
"Don't bother. I won't stay for much time."
Zixin stiffened.
'She' then said, "She chose to trust and love you. I didn't. I started to do so only when I met you. Only when we started talking to each other and when you understood and accepted my existence. Just like Guiying, you treated me as a separate person who had her own heart and feelings. I have to admit, it did make me happy and special. You were cognizant to ask my opinion everywhere we went. And I started to treat you as a very good friend of mine. A very important person to me too."
Zixin slowly balled his fist. He understood it now. 'She' only treated him as a good friend and nothing else.
"I swore to myself that I will always cherish you just like I cherish Guiying. I will fully support you two with all my heart. But then…I betrayed that determination myself."
"Betray…?"
'She' glanced at Zixin and smiled. "Zheng Jiao rightly said. It's very easy to fall for you. You are kind, well-mannered, polite and to you, Guiying and I were the whole world. You always look at us as if you cannot see anything else besides us. What kind of woman wouldn't fall for it?"
Zixin widened his eyes.
Didn't that mean…
"I know what you are thinking or the conclusion which you arrived at. But that's exactly the problem here. I don't, I never want to become the third person between you two."
"Third person?" He spoke, aghast. "How could you think that way? You are not a third person-"
"No. You are contradicting yourself, Zixin. You say that I am a separate person with my own individuality. Then doesn't that make me a third person in the love story? You cannot see it that way because physically, Guiying and I share the same body. Sometimes, it's hard to make the distinction and sometimes it isn't. And I…" 'her' eyelashes softly fluttered. "I cannot live this way, Zixin."
He trembled, feeling a lump in his throat.
"Despite us having a split personality, you treated us very well, Zixin. At every step, you did your very best to love and take care of both of us. You chose to accept us unconditionally which I believe must be very challenging for a partner to do. Yet you did it so naturally. But the reality doesn't change with that, Zixin. Unfortunately, it doesn't."
'She' let out a wry smile. "You love Guiying, which is what made you send those letters to her. You fell for her stories, her words and her as a person who was behind those words on the page. Guiying loves you and your letters made her forget all the pain her brother ever inflicted on her. Between an invisible screen between you two, you both understood each other very well and fell for each other despite never meeting each other. I was simply never in the equation. This love is something that exists only between you and Guiying. But when you learned about me, you were obliged to accept me too because Guiying and I were inseparable."
Zixin shook his head desperately. Oblige, compulsion - he didn't want 'Guiying' to say that he was forced to accept her because that wasn't the truth.
"Again, you will say that it's not the truth. That the feeling of being forced never even occurred to you. But I won't be able to see it that way, Zixin. Not now. Not ever. Because I wasn't supposed to exist anyway. I was born only out of Guiying's desperation to protect herself and to become her shield. That was my only role. And that role ends today, Zixin. Guiying doesn't need me anymore."
Zixin stared at her, dumbfounded. A very eerie and unsettling feeling arose in his chest as if something extremely terrible was about to happen.
"What are you saying?"
'She' smiled. "Exactly what I said. Guiying doesn't need me anymore because now she has a whole world of her own to look after her. She mended her relationship with Ai. She stood strong and determined to not waver and free Cai Lingyun out of any blood relation responsibility. She couldn't have ever done that before. She came out of her shell and made good friends like Zheng Jiao and Xian Shun. She was able to stand up for herself when the accusations fell on her without my help. Her world steadily expanded for the better which only aided her to become a better and stronger version of Guiying. And most importantly…"
'She' gently held his cheek and whispered. "She has you by her side now. A man who would unreservedly love and protect her. A man who would never let the smile from her lips fade away. Until your hair turns old and grey, you would always, always firmly hold onto her hand. Now, she has your family who will treat her with so much love that her own family could never do that. She achieved all these milestones by herself, Zixin. I couldn't be more proud of her. As someone who came to this world to protect her, I don't see any need to remain here or within her any longer. My role ends here."
"No…No…" he shook hard and grabbed 'her' hand. "You are wrong! She still cherishes and loves you and it doesn't have anything to do with your role. Your relationship with her is much more than a protector! 'You' are a very important and special person to her. Nobody can replace 'you.' 'Yo-you' cannot disappear and leave her alone like that!"
"But I am not leaving her alone. I am leaving her with the people whom she and I trust would never hurt her. She is finally in safe hands. She finally became the person I always wanted her to become. I want her to live her life to the fullest and without any inhibitions. A happy and peaceful life. I don't have any place in that life, Zixin. My existence is abnormal. My love for you or your love for me is unnatural, and I never want any one of us three to find ourselves in a crossroads someday which would ruin everything for us."
'She' helplessly chuckled. "I am sorry for acting moody and cranky these past few months. I couldn't help it. I knew my time to disappear was coming sooner, and it hurt harsher because I was beginning to fall for you too. I don't want to put you in a spot of loving two women at once. You might accept it. Guiying might accept it. But my pride won't allow that, Zixin. I am sorry to leave on your birthday. But this is the day Guiying chose to finally confess her answer. I knew I had to meet you one last time as well. Please apologize to Guiying for me, will you? I...I wanted to talk to her one last time too. But I just don't have the courage to face her. I cannot. Such a coward I am. Plus, she is very angry at me for hurting you, right?"
"Don't... Don't do this please-"
'Her' hands trembled as 'she' held his, pearls of tears sliding down her cheeks. 'Her' consciousness began to lift into someplace unknown, and 'she' felt her existence floating into the abyss.
"I cannot return your love, Zixin, but please always remember that you would always be my very first and the most special and irreplaceable friend. Thank you for everything," 'She' spoke her last words as 'she' drifted away forever.
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