721 Just Guiying
Guiying signed on the visitor's register and prepared herself to face her brother. She exuded calmness from the outside but a violent turbulence was shaking her heart from within.
She stood tremblingly on her feet and proceeded to follow the officer when Zixin held her hand back.
"Don't go. You don't have to go…"
His gaze pleaded her to stop in her steps. Guiying had been hurt and wounded a million times by her brother. With a lot of courage and facing her past, she had come this far in her life. With great resolve she tore herself from the bleak and abusive past. Zixin didn't wish for all that strength to shatter in the blink of an eye. He didn't want Cai Lingyun to break her heart once again. He knew he would because that was the only thing he knew to do.
Hurt Guiying over and over again.
"I will be fine, Zixin," Guiying smiled. She had made up her mind. "I really need to do this."
Zixin didn't let go of her hand. It clung onto her hoping for otherwise. Eventually, he freed her and understanding her decision, he slowly nodded.
"I will wait for you here."
"Thank you," she genuinely meant it.
Guiying followed the officer and stood outside the door. Beyond it, she would see her brother in the next room, separated by a glass panel. With quivering lips, she inhaled shaky breaths. She couldn't control her mind from getting forcefully occupied by the painful memories of the abuse. Tears pooled in her eyes and she quickly wiped them off.
Not today. I won't be weak today. I won't be afraid of him today.
She tried to feel 'her' presence, but strangely she couldn't.
"I know you are worried about me, but let me do this. I will face him today. No matter what he says or how painful it would be, I will face it all."
She waited for any response, but 'she' remained silent. Guiying felt hesitant with the silence. 'Guiying' never remained so quiet whenever it was about Cai Lingyun. But today it was as if 'she' just wasn't there.
"You can go inside, Mam."
Guiying nodded at the officer. With a trembling hand, she clutched the door knob and went in.
On the other side of the glass wall, Cai Lingyun was seated with a dreary expression. It was obvious from the first glance that he had lost a lot of weight. He looked older than his age with lines on his forehead and bags under his eyes.
Her heart tightened with the weary state of his.
Taking slow and quiet steps, she sat on the opposite chair of the glass wall. Cai Lingyun very slowly raised his gaze and stared at her.
"You came. I thought you wouldn't."
"I thought so too…But here I am. I had to be here today."
She clutched the purse in her hand, not wanting to show any sign of weakness before him. She stared into his eyes and knew she did the right thing by coming here.
It was 'Guiying' at first, the alter ego within her, who came into being to protect her. Ever since then, 'Guiying' had been on the front line to face Cai Lingyun.
Then she found comfort in Ai's friendship. A strength to find herself and heal herself. A means to run away from her troubled home.
And then stepped into her life MrPerfect. Zixin. It was him whose words and encouragement let her strongly pursue writing. It was Zixin who threw Cai Lingyun into jail upon first coming to know about his abuse.
In every step of her life, Guiying had somebody to lean on to escape from her brother. She hid behind 'her', Ai and Zixin and protected herself all this time. She was pained and broken but could never stand up to him.
But today Guiying knew she had to. This time, she didn't wish to rely on anybody but herself. More than to anybody, she wanted to prove to herself that she had grown. She had come far. She wasn't the same little sister to cower at the sight of his raising hand to slap her.
She wanted to face Cai Lingyun as Cai Guiying. As her own person.
Cai Lingyun snickered. "You are trying to sound so strong. You are living such a good life too. And why not? After all, the mighty Chen Zixin is behind you, isn't he? Did you purposely go after such a rich and powerful guy to suppress me?"
Guiying trembled. She stared at him, stunned. "Is that what you always thought of me?"
"Then what is the truth, Guiying? Is it even possible that somebody from our class can meet somebody of his class? People like us can only see that glamor on TV and newspapers. We never reach that far to actually touch that glitter. But here you are anyway. I wonder how?"
The insinuation of her hugging a rich thigh shook her hard. She took a few moments to calm herself and said, "How would you know, Bro? Did you ever…look at me properly? Did you ever try to know what I was doing in my life? What was happening in my life?"
His eyes narrowed.
"I had so many things to tell you. My writing. My stories. My journey. How I met Zixin. How we are now where we are. How his family treats me so preciously. There are so, so many things you just don't know about me. You only…" she shivered, "looked at me to hit me. You only looked at me to find Ai. You only came to me for your own purposes. Then how are you supposed to know anything about me, Bro?"
He clenched his jaw. "Great. Now you have learned to talk back to me too."
"Talking back? This is not my rebellion, Bro," she wryly chuckled. "The time to rebel has long gone. It's too late to protest about anything. This is just me finally finding my voice to talk to you. Not 'her'. Not Ai. Not Zixin. This time, it's just me talking to my brother. It's just Guiying."
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