682 Succumbed
"No…no, no, no!" Jin breathed hard. "All excuses. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve your understanding and forgiveness so don't act like that!"
"I am not saying that I am not hurt Jin!" Her eyes reddened, and she tightened her hold on him. "Yes, I feel the pain. Even imagining you with another woman is crushing my heart. But what I am saying is that I don't want to shrug off my irresponsibility. I made a grave mistake by fooling Jun with my feelings. Even this time… I knew that something was off about Jun and my relationship, but I-I just couldn't confront him about this. If not for the argument that happened between Jun and I on Christmas, maybe I would have still acted the same way as in the past!"
"So are you saying that it was fine for me to act that way!?" He demanded an answer, glaring at her.
"No! Taking out your hatred for me by sl-sleeping with another woman is a terrible thing to do! But somewhere, it was me who…pushed you this far. I had been a pathetic girlfriend to Jun who couldn't even be honest with her feelings and inadvertently, I brought hatred in his heart towards you. The mistakes lie with me too. That's why…even if it feels painful to think about you with Kang Xue, I cannot be fully mad at you. And even if it had been completely your fault, my stance would have been the same. I might avoid you for sometime but I cannot give up on you, Jin…"
Jin trembled, his heart feeling uneasy. He felt leaning in her forgiveness and easing the burden off his shoulders, but he couldn't. It was tempting to believe in Shui's words, but the chains shackling him were almost impossible to let go of.
"If you think that Kang Xue is your burden, then it's not a burden for you to bear all alone, Jin. I am equally responsible."
"No…you are wrong…" he lowered his head, his eyes red and tired from shedding tears. "You wanted to protect Bro. You took Sky's responsibility to revive it after his death. You did so much for him, and I…
Like a bastard, I kept hurting you Shui. I don't deserve…a future with you…"
"You didn't know that! It was all Zhan Yahui's crafty plans who fooled Cai Guiying into going against the Liu family. She slyly manipulated all of us. You, Jun, Guiying, the Liu family…her devious plans ruined us all. We all were her targets, so there is no use in pinpointing the blame at a specific person."
He shook off her hand and said breathlessly. "I don't want you defending me. I don't want anybody defending me! I was harsh. I was cruel and I…I am dirty-"
"For God's sake you are not dirty!" Shui clenched her jaw, her patience thinning out. "Which era are you living in? Fine, you slept with her and I understand your guilt. I understand my pain too, knowing what happened. But that was the past. It has no bearing on us now. Since when does having sex equate to the person becoming dirty!? I don't understand your logic!"
"Because I love you!" He exclaimed. "I loved you even when I slept with her! Yes, I was furious at you for hurting Bro, but somewhere…somewhere deep in my heart I knew that you were right in rejecting him instead of giving him a false, happy life. I…" his jaw tightened, recalling those shameful nights, "betrayed you despite loving you…I cannot forgive myself-"
His words were cut off as a fierce, passionate sensation settled on his lips. His eyes blankly stared at the culprit, trying to process the meaning behind the warmth making his heart race and his body tingle. It was when Shui bit on his lips that realization zapped him about the reality. He was being kissed, all his negative emotions drowning away by the sound left by the tantalizing force that made his heart drum the loudest.
It was his very first kiss with Shui which he never dared to imagine, neither in the past nor now. But at this moment with her hands wrapped around the back of his neck and their lips shut in a frenzy lock, all his shackles chaining him seemed to disappear as if they never existed. His mind protested to step away, but he found his hands making their way to hold her head back and return the kiss, bridging any crevices left between their lips.
It was for those few precious moments that he submerged his worries and strain as the feel of her soft lips against his melted his heart like butter. His trembling fingers ever so slightly tightened on her jaw, as if knowing deep somewhere that he might not be able to gather his courage again. He found every possible way to mark and press her lips and fill them with his presence that would disregard the past life and simply allow them to be in this moment.
Since the past life till now, Jin had irrefutably held himself back and his feelings towards Shui, but their touch, their erratic breaths, their proximity was crumbling the force that had forced them to be apart as if it was set in stone.
His tongue gently glided across her upper lip, his heart deeply thumping with satisfaction. The force of Shui's pull to kiss her harder stopped his breath in his throat, urging him to bite her lower lip, an action that was met with a muffled moan. He slid down to trace his fingers against her neck and shoulder line as he slightly invaded her mouth with his tongue, finding comfort in her warmth.
Shui welcomed him, her heart dancing ecstatically. Even though she knew she might be temporary with a fervor of agitated emotions making Jin act this way, she grasped this little chance she could get to break the walls built between them. She gasped and moaned, her stomach twisting with a fluttering of a thousand butterflies as their lips and tongues kept crashing against each other. Their face and cheeks heated up as a trail of moistness settled on their lips.
It was a long time before they parted, breathless and gasping for air. Their bodies shook, not just with the kiss but also the lasting realization it left in their hearts, especially for Jin, who was well aware that he shouldn't have succumbed himself in that vulnerable moment.
He quivered. "Thank you Shui. Thank you for wanting to forgive me, for wanting to share my burden. But I cannot forgive myself. You might, but I cannot. I don't want you to get tied down by the path that I have chosen for myself - whether it's the condition that I have to fulfill or the brunt of shame that I have to carry. I love you, Shui. I love you a lot," his lips lifted into a warm and tranquil smile, "that's why I set you free."
Read 𝓁atest chapters at fr(e)ewebnov𝒆l.com Only