*Present*
It felt like forever to Zhan Yahui as she witnessed the events of past life. Her fruitless revenge had brought immense pain but even amidst that darkness, the Liu family found strength to survive and find happiness.
It was a timeline where she had lost. But if that timeline had already passed, then what was the life that she was living now?
As if her question was heard, she saw the sequence of events unfold before her that led to the rebirth of Jun, Ai and Jin.
If seeing a huge golden clock in the middle of confrontation had shook her then learning the truth of their rebirth had completely blown her mind away.
Re…born…?
She watched time flowing back for Jun and Ai to ten years ago where they had a chance to rewind their decisions and strive to live a new life without any suffering.
They were reborn. They changed themselves. They discarded their weak self and moved forward to forge a new path for them.
Ah…
Everything then made sense to Zhan Yahui very slowly and gradually.
Why did her plans fail at times? Why did she feel as if her intentions were already being read when Jun and Ai weren't supposed to know anything about her?
They had used the knowledge of their past life to change their fate for the better. The happy ending that they couldn't get in their past life was a gift that was granted to them by a sacrifice made.
But what did it change for her?
Whether it was the past or this life, she had lost both times. She faced her death in the past and she was staring at it now too.
She would die just like the past. Hou Lin would die just like the past too.
But for what? For whom?
Ouyang Haitao?
"I am sorry, Yahui…"
A mournful voice echoed in the air and as Zhan Yahui looked ahead, her eyes slowly widened. She wasn't sure if she was dreaming, but she felt she could see the apparition of her dead mother.
She raised her arm trying to reach out to her but it just passed through her as if she was waving at empty air. She was there and yet not at the same time.
Zhan Kai-Ming stood before her, watching her daughter with heartache. "I only wanted to protect you, Yahui. But I didn't know that my one decision…would plunge your heart into such darkness that would eventually lead you to your own death…Please…forgive me Yahui. I…" her tears fell as she weakly trembled, "I should have told you the truth about Haitao. I should have freed you of your love for him. I should have given you a good life. I…shouldn't have left you alone."
She simply stared at her in silence with a lost gaze. She wished to run to her side and hug her like she did when she was a child. She would always jump in her embrace whenever she felt hurt and feel her gentle pats on her head.
"But where am I supposed to go now, Mom?" She asked in a voice that was neither filled with joy nor sadness. "You left me long ago. So who am I supposed to hug? You were the only one that I relied on. But you left me too. The only thing alive inside me was revenge. But now that turned out to be meaningless too. A meaningless hatred over which Lin is going to be punished. Over which he died before and he will die once again. Tell me, Mom…why did my life have to turn out to be this way?"
Zhan Yahui continued with a defeated voice, "You left me without giving any answers. You kept stroking my love for Da-..." The glint in her eyes flickered, "...Ouyang Haitao. Why did I have to give up my life for that monster? Why did I have to waste my emotions over something that never…mattered to him? Why did you leave me alone to deal with all this shit by myself? I needlessly…hurt so many people, Mom. I am unforgivable but so equally are you…"
Zhan Kai-Ming trembled, watching her daughter's lifeless gaze.
"I am…sorry…Yahui…" she desperately whispered.
"It's too late, Mom…" Zhan Yahui blankly said, "Neither your apology matters now nor mine," a sorrowful chuckle escaped her lips, "Lin and I died once. We are going to die yet again. Can you imagine me dying because of the same man twice? A man who never considered us family…For the sake of that man, I burned other happy families with despair. I hurt…so many people because I loved and cared about you two. But both of you left me. I am sorry for what Shi Shuren did to you, Mom. But did you…never felt sorry for leaving an eleven year old girl behind you with nobody to care for her?"
At the end, Zhan Yahui smiled with an indecipherable emotion in her gaze. "It was hard, Mom. Living without you, living with carrying an unending hatred in my heart instead of living a normal and happy life…It was a harsh life. But nothing matters anymore, Mom. I know my end is near. Just like the past. Once again. I love you, Mom. But I cannot forgive you…just how I cannot forgive myself."
Zhan Kai-Ming's apparition slowly disappeared along with the cloudy haze that the golden clock brought her into. It might feel forever that she looked into the memories of the past but for the outside world, it felt as if only a few seconds had passed.
That's why when Zhan Yahui found herself back in the present and outside Hou Lin's home, Jun had already pointed a gun at her, taking advantage of a few seconds of her daze and grabbing the gun from a guard. To him, she had her gun still pointed at Nian, ready to shoot him at any moment.
But to Jun's shock as he was about to incapacitate her by shooting a bullet in her leg, she herself chose to turn towards him with a smile.
Jun was puzzled to see a mysterious smile on her lips but even more so with her words.
"I lost, Liu Jun. I lost yet again," she said with a sense of calmness in her tone.
Hou Lin felt a sharp shudder across his neck, feeling something strongly off about her. "Yahui…what is the matter?"
Zhan Yahui gazed into his eyes that made her remember their old days together. "I just have only one wish and that is for you to keep living, Lin. You are a good man and you deserve to live a good life. Marry a good woman and become a good father. That's why Liu Jun…" she then looked at Jun, "Even if I have been the biggest villain in your life, I only have one request for you and that is to spare Lin's life."
Jun stared at her hard.
What is she…
"You bitch, don't be crazy!" 'Guiying' exclaimed with her heart beating in trepidation.
"Y-Yahui what are you-" Hou Lin stammered.
Instead Zhan Yahui only said, "My remorse won't matter to you all. But my death will. That's why…" she aimed the nozzle at her temple and smiled one last time, pressing the trigger, "Liu Jun. Zhou Ai. I envy you two so much. You are so lucky to be born to the parents you did. I wish..." Her voice slightly trembled at the end, "I could have gotten a family like yours...Even if it would mean nothing to you after all that I have done, I will still say it. I am truly...sorry. Goodbye."
*BANG*
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