Chapter 32 A hole in the chest
Duan Xiaolou got her mind keenly, and there was a trace of bitterness in his voice, “What, do we have to keep our distance so clearly?”
He Danggui still clutched Duan Xiaolou’s sleeve and exhorted him, “As the old saying goes, it is better to offend a gentleman than a villain. Tai Shan is a complete villain. You kill her, or you never offend her. Otherwise, you will make her a hidden trouble for you in the future.” He Danggui had learned this lesson in her previous life. She was so vulnerable that she wanted to hang herself after Tai Shan blackmailed her for many times. (f)reewe(b)novel
31th year of Hongwu Period, Tai Shan knew that He Danggui had married into Lord Ning’s Mansion as a concubine, so she wrote a letter to meet He Danggui secretly. She held He Danggui’s old story of being a slave in the Taoist Temple as a leverage, threatening that if He Danggui refused to pay her, she would tell Lord Ning that He Danggui had stolen, misbehaved and hurt people in the Taoist Temple, and she could also gather many Taoist nuns to testify it.
At that time, He Danggui had only married Lord Ning for a year. She cautiously made a living under Princess Xie’s control and only saw her noble husband, Lord Ning Zhu Quan, once at the banquet of Lord Ning’s Mansion. When she was only 15 years old that year, she fell in love with Zhu Quan immediately for his mysterious and elegant appearance. The love burst in her heart at a young age and she hoped to be noticed by him, so she couldn’t let Tai Shan discredit her.
Therefore, she gave Tai Shan 100 liang from her dowry immediately and thought she could get rid of Tai Shan through this. But Tai Shan was too greedy to ask more from He Danggui continuously, which made her feel exhausted. She couldn’t eat or sleep anymore and became alarmed every day. Day by day, she even wanted to suicide because she was not willing to damage her image in her husband’s heart. She thought if she died, Tai Shan would stop the blackmail and she could also keep a spotless reputation... Thanks to a nice person’s help in the end, she finally fought back and thoroughly got rid of Tai Shan.
Duan Xiaolou still didn’t believe it and said with a cold sneer, “How so? You think highly of Tai Shan so much. I’m gonna let her have it. What could she do to me?”
He Danggui breathed cool wind carelessly and coughed constantly as she was about to speak.
Duan Xiaolou held her into the room in a hurry, laid her along on the bed and tucked her in. He felt regret and blamed himself for talking with her in the wind for so long when he was aware that He Danggui was weak! Besides, the cloth on He Danggui’s chest was worn out in the fire... Did she cough because of that? She should check if she was hurt.
At the same time, He Danggui was still thinking about Tai Shan, and she still coughed when she began to speak. Duan Xiaolou couldn’t find any water on the table and the bed. He was so anxious that he wanted to practice arts of lightness and fly to somewhere else to get water.
He Danggui also noticed Duan Xiaolou’s purpose, so she shook her hand to stop him. She uncovered the quilt and jumped out from bed, then walked to the corner with her skirt swayed. She bent down and poured a bowl of water from a red earthen jar and then sipped. Then, she took a breath and smiled, “Knight Duan, although your kongfu is brilliant, you don’t have to use it for such things. If you are using your art of lightness for dressing or drinking, what about us who could just use our two legs? Will we be able to live?”
Duan Xiaolou said without hesitation, “It is perfectly natural to find water for the woman I love. Even if I can’t practice the art of lightness, I will also run at full speed to find it.”
He Danggui looked down her eyes and still didn’t comment what Duan Xiaolou said. She just turned back to the last topic and continued to exhort him, “Childe Duan, please listen to my suggestion, one shares a high status like you doesn’t have to deal with the cheap ones like Tai Shan. I believe you understand that I’m not a coward. I also have my way to deal with something or somebody that are unfair to me. If you promise that you won’t interfere, I’ll appreciate you.”
“But... Why? Why are you so stubborn?” Duan Xiaolou sadly sighed. His right hand slightly raised but then put down, “Why did you refuse my bride-price without giving us a chance? You know you don’t have to deal with all of these by yourself. Why don’t you let me protect you?” freewebnove l.com
He Danggui shook her head firmly, “You deserve a girl who is worth of your protection rather than me. I don’t deserve your goodness.”
Duan Xiaolou stared at her and finally spoke out the words hidden inwardly, “I know you didn’t mean it! Tell me the truth! Just tell me, what did I do wrong? Did you feel sick of me because I was so rude to propose to you? Or was it because you thought… that I’m too old?”
“O…old?” He Danggui was chocked by this word. With 28 years memory of her previous life and the experience of marrying and delivery, she thought Duan Xiaolou, who was now first awakened of love, was too young for her to take age so seriously.
At the beginning, her impression toward the imperial guards was bad. In her eyes, they were the coldest butchers in the world. So, she initially treated them as useful strangers and tools. Although she didn’t confront them face to face in her previous life, “Wuying Tower” led by Zhu Quan and “Changye Tower” led by the imperial guards were rivals for many years. During the years she worked in Wuying Tower, she had heard so much about the evil crimes that the imperial guards did. It was said that most citizens got scared even if they just heard the words of “imperial guards”. They even thought those from Jianghu were not even half terrifying as them. After all, the latter cared about morals, while the former were heartless killing machines owned by the Emperor.
However, unlike these merciless officials, Duan Xiaolou was more kind than she was. And his cares and helps made her no longer fool him as tools. Now that she had refused his proposal, she’d better take the chance and tell him her true feelings to make him give up?
Thinking of this, He Danggui put down the bowl in which the cold water had been drunk out, sat beside the stove and stared at the white plum blossom on her sleeve, “Childe Duan, you’ve been sincere to me, so I will spare the polite greetings. You know, there was a hole in my chest, and you will never fill in that hole. Seeing you always with a heart of fire, this heartless girl would become so jealous.”
In her previous life, the struggles in her grandparents’ family brought her desire to marry someone quickly. She fantasized that one day, a manly, handsome and attractive man would show up and take her away from that family, protecting her from getting hurt. But later she married Zhu Quan as a concubine. Namely, they were related, but the truth was that she was so distant from him. “Husband” was still a word existing in her imagination.
In Lord Ning’s Mansion, she was still struggling to live and sometimes even close to death. There were over 30 concubines and each came from a better family than hers. Every concubine, including Princess Xie, Senior Concubine Zhou, Senior Concubine Wan, and even Concubine Gu, Concubine Jiang and Concubine Du, they all dressed up nicely and hoped Zhu Quan could lay his eyes on them for even a moment. How strange it was. A moment before, those women were so close that they could go to hot springs and public bath together and exchange their personal belongings. A moment later, they began to envy each other and scheme evil plans.
At that time, she believed Zhu Quan was quite right for her. Therefore, although her life condition was worse than she was at her grandparents’, she still felt happy. Because she loved Zhu Quan then, she could pursue her happiness. Deep in heart, she thoroughly became one of his concubines. All she wanted was to have Zhu Quan’s attention even just for a moment, and “a moment” was really “a moment” because he was so busy.
He was the talented Lord Ning who reached his achievement at a young age and controlled all the picked troops. That was her husband who could wield his writing brush elegantly and brandish his sword with shininess as a banished immortal. Every single time he looked in her direction, she would feel happy for a few days with joy, even if what he looked exactly was only a tree behind her.
She remembered there was a saying in Records of the Grand Historian of China, Volume 85—Biography of Lv Buwei that “Love that depends on beauty won’t last”. So, she told herself not to learn from other concubines who only cared about their appearances. She needed to stretch her mind and enrich her experience to become useful for Zhu Quan. Therefore, she refined her medical skills and studied Jin Zhen Da Xue carefully. She also learned six classical arts (propriety, music, archery, riding, writing, arithmetic), martial arts, military strategies, the art of war and the officialdom language. When she finally learned these and was taken a surprising notice of Zhu Quan, she was entitled to more authority. Then she also studied to help him manage Wuying Tower, make intelligence transaction and assassination deals…
At last, she gradually became very helpful for Zhu Quan, Also, he conferred her as Concubine He, who was the only one on an equal footing with Princess Xie at Lord Ning’s Mansion.
However, after all, she was abandoned by Zhu Quan when she lost her value in use.
Her throat was broken by burning charcoal, and she had soaked in the Water Dungeon for 2 months. During that period, she recalled there was also a saying in Records of the Grand Historian of China, Volume 41—Biography of King Goujian of Yue that “After the birds are all flied away, the slingshot is hidden; after the cunning hare is killed, the hound is boiled”. She laughed at herself, obviously she should have understood to take history as experience and as a mirror… She had made such a mess of her life. She deserved it. Yeah, it was impossible for her to acquire a happy end, and she was willing to take it. But getting her innocent mother and daughter into trouble was her most painful remorse. To make a final judgment, her life was just a joke.
Therefore, in this life, since the moment she came around, she had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t let herself down and never made the same mistake as her previous life.
She wanted to play chess, instead of being the pieces on the chess board played by others in this life. She wouldn’t consider marriage until she became mighty enough that she could stand shoulder to shoulder with her future husband. She wouldn’t either look humbly up at her future husband or wait for being one of his pets. She despised that feeling so much. She must feel equal with him and be his only wife. If he could love her a lifetime, then their marriage would be everlasting; but if he loved someone else, she would go away decisively. After then they would forget each other while they were on their own ways. If he were really careless of her, she would give up her feeling definitely.
In her previous life, Duan Xiaolou was totally a “prefect husband” in her mind. He was not only extremely handsome and charming but also showed consideration for her with deep love.
When He Danggui saw her stepfather, He Fu, slap her mother during the previous childhood, she hated all the men who beat women—but even when Duan Xiaolou exercised a pubic function, he never hurt any Taoist nuns. He also blamed Gao Jue as a “heartless bastard” for beating the Taoist nuns. That’s exactly how she thought about this behavior.
During the previous childhood, He Danggui desired so much that someone could protect her. She wanted to get away from Luo’s Family, live a new life and become a person of dignity—but Lu Jiangbei, who was the matchmaker, had told her that if she married Duan Xiaolou, she would become the wife in charge of the family. When she was cold and tired, Duan Xiaolou would let her rely on him. As long as she married into Duan’s Family, she would have a good life and Duan Xiaolou would become her shelter. What a fascinating picture. Many women must pursue it throughout their lives.
Listening to Lu Jiangbei’s description, He Danggui almost could see a golden door of Duan’s Mansion opening, smiling and waving at her. Duan Xiaolou was as perfect as the Immortals’ compensation for her previous life.
He was the legitimate son of the Earl Mansion and the General of imperial guards; while she was the menial daughter of the concubine who lived a bumpy life and revived in a new guise. They existed originally in different worlds, but they met neither early or late, and accidently in a Taoist Temple in the deep mountain. He was the young talent in dragon robes and jade belt; while she was a little and na?ve girl in cloth clothes, cloth shoes and wooden hairpin. They wouldn’t have any intersection. He also wouldn’t stop for her, but he suddenly stopped and said to her that she was his “loved one”.
Although she was only 10 years old, too young to show him either her beauty as a mature woman or her best prime of youth and brightest side, he still said he was willing to marry her and wait for her to grow up.
It was fate that arranged her to meet Duan Xiaolou, wasn’t it? It sent Duan Xiaolou to her, wondering if she had lost her heart and abandoned her love. It wanted to see whether she could resist temptation and stand up by herself; to see whether she learned the painful lessons from previous life and no longer pinned her life on a man.
Only with such thoughts in her mind could she turn away from Duan Xiaolou’s loving eyes.
“Childe Duan. All in all, I can only tell you that I’m not as good as you think I am. You are just blind to like me, and when your eyes are cured, you will be glad that today’s marriage is not agreed.” He Danggui traced the white plum of her cuff with her fingertips, round and round. She was a devil who had climbed up from the hell, and she was here to send her enemies to the bottom of hell. But a devil wouldn’t love anybody and wouldn’t need to be loved.
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