Su Suyin shuddered when her gaze met with Li Caiyi's. Today, there was something about her daughter that she couldn't wrap her head around. Su Suyin replied sadly.
"It's my fault that she has such a weak body. Poor girl. She is a sweet and bright girl, but because she was born from a woman like me…." A flash of regret appeared on Su Suyin's face as she averted her eyes from Li Caiyi, who resembled Li Chunhua so much.
Li Caiyi would always feel heartache for her mother whenever she looked like that, but the current her only stared at Su Suyin calmly.
'After this, perhaps mother will hate me for good,' Li Caiyi thought to herself before she finally spoke.
"Mother, is pitiful the only thing you can say whenever you mention Xiaohua?"
Su Suyin flinched when she heard that. She gazed at Li Caiyi, and her eyes widened. There was deep darkness and certain numbness hidden beneath those young eyes, like a person who had gone through the vicissitudes of life. She couldn't discern her daughter's current emotional state, but looking at her slightly weary and weak expression felt like a hit on Su Suyin's conscience.
"Mother, Xiaohua is not a failure, and neither am I." Li Caiyi's voice trembled ever so slightly when she said that. It was a sentence that she had always wanted to say to Su Suyin. "You didn't give birth to failures. You gave birth to daughters. Us."
Su Suyin's breath hitched as her heart squeezed painfully. Not only because of Li Caiyi's words but also because of her expression. She looked like she was gouging her heart out and offered it to Su Suyin as she said that. A very painful and hopeless look that shouldn't exist on a young girl's face.
"It's not up to Father to decide which children are going to be successful or not. I'll prove to him that even if I don't walk the same path as him, I can still make my own path and be happy." Li Caiyi dug her nails into her palm to prevent a sob from coming out of her throat.
"I won't ask you to believe me, because as you said, the current me have nothing praiseworthy. But please at least remember this, I won't let Father's words get to me anymore. I'm Li Caiyi, and even if I'm a nobody, I'm not a failure, either."
Su Suyin was at a loss for words. She could only stare dumbly at her daughter, who she always thought as dull and slow-witted, glowed brightly under the light of afternoon sky. For a second, she couldn't recognize her.
'Are you really Li Caiyi, my daughter?' She thought.
"And please stop treating Xiaohua like she's going to collapse any minute. She is stronger than you thought, and she doesn't need me or anyone to decide what's best for her. Mother, we are growing up. I refused to become her nanny for life, and I bet Xiaohua is also sick of people reminding her that her body is weak!"
Su Suyin couldn't find her voice under Li Caiyi's fiery and earnest gaze. It was like she was talking with a whole different person.
Li Caiyi saw her mother's shocked expression and couldn't decide if that was good or bad news. "And my friends were kind people. They are the only ones who notice my effort and hard work when everyone keeps telling me how much of a failure I am. So please don't say bad things about them."
Li Caiyi felt like she had finished saying what needed to be said, so she hastily walked out of the room, leaving Su Suyin, who remained motionless even after minutes passed by. Her mouth gaped open in shock.
***
Outside the room, Li Chunhua, who was eavesdropping for a while, almost rolled on the floor when she heard Li Caiyi was walking towards her, or rather, the door. She hurriedly moved her body behind the nearest wall and watched her sister barge out of the room with a grim face.
Thankfully, Li Caiyi didn't notice her at all and ran straight towards their bedroom. Li Chunhua heaved a sigh of relief.
She planned to intervene if the matter got worse, but she would have never expected Li Caiyi, out of all people, to talk back to Su Suyin. Li Chunhua knew how much Li Caiyi loved and yearned for their mother's love, so listening to her speaking like that earlier made Li Chunhua's heart ache for her.
She leaned her back against the wall as her thoughts wandered.
Their family was different from ordinary families. Li Chunhua realized this ever since she was a child.
An ambitious and domineering father.
A weak and loving mother. freew(e)bnove(l)
A brilliant and apathetic older brother.
A gloomy and obedient older sister.
They were family, biologically speaking, but sometimes it didn't feel like that.
It was like each family member had their own specific and designated role since the beginning. Everyone accepted this strange atmosphere and the problem hidden beneath the surface as something normal and lived on as if nothing was wrong. If nobody acknowledged it, then the problem wasn't there.
Like that, everyone averted their eyes from reality and focused on their own roles, playing a loving family drama that was so boring it got the viewer's eyes teary.
And Li Chunhua's role in this family was a bright but sickly youngest sister.
She should always stay behind to be protected, and no matter how painful it was when she was having her episodes, she should always smile brightly as the sun, bringing a sense of warmth and cheerfulness to everyone. As for studying, she needed to make sure that her grades were always excellent without overshadowing her brother. Li Chunhua had to act spoiled to her mother and flattered her father all the time, even when she knew that Li Caiyi would suffer from mistreatment.
Li Chunhua had always thought that being loved and pampered like a little princess under everyone's pitiful gaze was a natural result of her role. Like a cause-effect phenomenon. That was why she never understood why Li Caiyi would occasionally look like she couldn't breathe. She would look sad and down once, then put on a gentle smile in front of her again.
No one said it out loud, but everyone tacitly understood what they should and should not do. So why Li Caiyi was the only one different?
Was that a part of her role, too?
Li Caiyi would sometimes act out of her script by playing with other friends sometimes or secretly writing a story about a fairy-tale princess while smiling fondly. However, no matter how far she went, she would always return to her side, playing her role as she should be. Li Chunhua thought her sister had resigned to her fate just like everyone else in the family was.
That was why Li Chunhua was astonished to hear such words come out of her. It made her question herself.
'Do I feel sick when people keep reminding me how sick I am? But that's the truth and my role.' Li Chunhua thought deeply.
Li Chunhua gazed at their bedroom doors with an inexplicable gaze. She didn't know what Li Caiyi was trying to do, nor the reason she would do that, but she could feel that the scale that had always been in a balanced state began to tip to one side.
If the balance crumbled completely, what would be left of their family?
"Your role is to stay by my side. You can't leave me." Li Chunhua muttered in a low voice.
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