Her mother's reaction flabbergasted Li Caiyi. She expected some nagging or even scolding, but not crying. It caught her off guard.
"Mother?! Why are you crying?" Li Caiyi asked in a fluster.
Su Suyin wiped the tears on her cheeks quickly. "Ah, no. I don't mean to cry, but I was just…." She paused briefly before continuing, "I really am a failure as a mother."
Li Caiyi didn't know how to react to that. Her mother wasn't a bad person, but she had to admit that Su Suyin wasn't a perfect parent to her, at least in the past. Her mother tried to change her way now, but the wound she inflicted on Li Caiyi's heart was just too deep.
"Xiaoyi, Mother is so sorry for neglecting you all this time. I let Jie bear a heavy burden since he was young, and I also felt responsible for Xiaohua's weak constitution. Because of my guilt, I just subconsciously put your need behind the two of them. I'm a horrible mother to you. I'm so sorry."
Li Caiyi: "..."
Su Suyin tried her best not to choke on her sobs before continuing. "I know I don't deserve to say this, but can't you think it a bit more? Mother will try better for you, and I want to make up for everything I failed to give you."
Li Caiyi felt pity for her mother. Li Jirong's tyranny had utterly ruined her mother's self-esteem and muddled her head. It wasn't like she didn't understand why her mother would feel that way. Still, every time she closed her eyes, the image of when her mother slapped and wished for her to disappear was painful and heartbreaking to remember.
In the end, she just couldn't let go of her past completely. Perhaps she could forgive her mother, but she couldn't just forget everything that had already happened, despite knowing that the current Su Suyin had started to change for the better.
Nevertheless, it was still pleasing to hear the word of apology. It felt like she could finally make peace with her past and move on.
"Mother, I accept your apology. Don't blame yourself more than this. I made this decision because I want to live for myself this time. I won't cut my ties with you and will come to visit from time to time. Can you support this decision of mine?"
Su Suyin raised her head and gazed at her daughter with reddened eyes glistening with tears. Before she knew it, Li Caiyi had matured into a fine young lady. It pained her motherly heart to think what that timid girl had to go through such a rough phase and overcome by herself to reach this state.
Her heart filled with nothing but remorse and regret for her eldest daughter. If only she could turn back the time, she would have treated and protected her better.
"Xiaoyi, I'm sorry. There is nothing I can say except to apologize."
Li Caiyi slowly pulled her mother and embraced her while stroking her back gently. "Mother, I'm content with what I have now. Everything is going to be okay from now on."
Su Suyin's body shook uncontrollably. The way Li Caiyi held her was like holding something fragile with how careful she was being. She should be the one to console her daughter, but there she was, getting spoiled by Li Caiyi's magnanimity. As an adult and a mother, she felt so ashamed of herself.
Li Caiyi had never had a proper chance to embrace her mother before. If there was a time like that, it happened so long ago; she didn't remember how it felt. Now that she did it again, she realized how small her mother's body was.
All this time, she tried her best to stay beside her monster fathers with her thin figure and small shoulders. Her nose felt sour all of a sudden.
"Xiaoyi, if living by yourself can make you happy, Mother will support you. I will visit you often, and stock a lot of good food in your fridge every week, so don't struggle alone anymore. Please contact me more often too, so I won't get lonely."
Her mother's sadness infected Li Caiyi, and tears welled up in her eyes too. "Yes, I will. Thank you, Mother. For understanding me and supporting me."
The mother and daughter pair stayed that way for a while, releasing all the pent-up stress and sorrow they had held back for so long.
It was very bizarre how Li Caiyi finally felt she had returned home when she decided to leave.
***
While Li Caiyi and Su Suyin had a talk inside the room, Li Chunhua, who had been standing outside the closed door all this time, pressed her lips into a hard line.
"So Xiaoyi really had made up her mind," she whispered in a low voice, without being able to hide the disappointment in her voice.
When she saw how her mother and sister walked together into a room, she thought Li Caiyi would get scolded again, so she sneakily stood outside the door and eavesdropped on their conversation.
The revelation about Li Jirong's affair and Su Suyin's decision to divorce surprised her, but honestly, she kind of expected this would happen sooner or later. Their parents had never been talking in the same frequency since a long time ago, so the divorce part wasn't really that surprising. Although she did feel bad for her mother.
What was surprising about that was Li Caiyi, who spent effort and money investigating their father. There were also Li Junjie's unexpected involvement in this and her sister's decision to leave the house.
Too much new information loaded her head that she felt dizzy, but the thing that hit her core the most was how serious Li Caiyi was about the idea of living independently.
Li Chunhua had agreed to follow the treatment if their father supported the idea. Now she understood why Li Caiyi was so eager about it, despite not having permission yet. It was because she knew they wouldn't need their father's approval in the first place. Her sister had already calculated everything.
It depressed Li Chunhua, knowing that she was the only one who didn't know about this. If it weren't for her curiosity, she probably wouldn't hear a word about this until she witnessed it by herself.
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