Chapter 15: You can love for a lifetime, you can also hate for a lifetime
Loving for a lifetime or hating for a lifetime, I want you to remember me for a lifetime.
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“Xiao Shu, I’m putting you in charge for designing this almond blossom park project.” The Geo Landscape’s CEO hands over the biggest project of the year to Shu Yawang.
“I will do my best.” She nods her head sternly.
“Alright, if there’s nothing else, let’s end the meeting!” The CEO waves his hand and everyone stands up to leave the conference room. Yawang is among the crowd, clutching onto the conference memo pad. The intern, Lin Yu Chen, who is walking beside her, smiles.
“Shu Jie, let me assist you this time, I want to learn more from you.” Yawang walks straight ahead without looking at him. She didn’t give much thought when she tells him,
“Okay.” Lin Yu Chen is so happy that he bows down to her.
“Thank you Shu Jie!” Yawang sees his energetic smile and displays a gentle expression. However, as soon as she turns her head, the gentle expression disappears. Her eyes turn cold as she looks at the end of the hallway. Lin Yu Chen follows her gaze and sees the same man that they bumped into the night before. That man is smiling gently at Yawang, that person, if he remembered right, is Yawang’s ex-husband. Lin Yu Chen turns his head back to look at Yawang, seeing her brushing off some stray hair near her ear before walking towards the man.
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“Looking for me?” She asks coldly.
“Of course.” Shu Yawang looks back to Lin Yu Chen and he nods his head before going away, leaving just them two in the hallway. She narrows her eyebrows at him.
“Why are you looking for me?” Before she left, she asked a lawyer to help her with the divorce. Since the marriage was involuntary, the procedures were processed smoothly and they were officially divorced six months after she left. Shu Yawang heard that Qu Wei Ran applied for pardon of sentence for medical treatment and went to America for the treatment. Seeing how he is now, it seems like he is recovering well. Qu Wei Ran looks at her with a smile.
“I missed you, want to see you.” Yawang didn’t bother to blink an eye when she gives him a sarcastic look.
“You’ve seen me now, so you may leave.”
“Yawang-ah, why do you always treat me like this?” Qu Wei Ran’s handsome face carrying a trace of grief. He bends his waist slightly as he leans towards her.
“If you’re going to be like this, I’ll get angry.” Yawang didn’t step back as she stares at him with her cold eyes.
“You think I’ll be afraid after you said that? Qu Wei Ran, let me tell you, the me who have nothing now is not afraid of you. If you want to die, try to provoke me again.” She didn’t bother to look at him as she walks past him to leave. Qu Wei Ran turns his body fiercely and pulls her back.
“Shu Yawang, you turned more gutsy now.” She didn’t struggle from his grasp and narrows her eyebrows at him.
“Haven’t you had enough?! How long will you keep pestering me? I don’t have the happiness that you’re jealous of, I’m no longer anyone’s girlfriend. You already destroyed everything I have, what else do you want? Do you want me to die? If I die, will you let me go?” Yawang covers her face with her free hand and looks at him with a tired expression.
“Qu Wei Ran! What do you want from me?!” He grips onto her hand tightly, not saying a word.
“Tell me! What is it that you want from me?!” She asks him forcefully.
“Can you love me?” Qu Wei Ran’s eyes show a slight trace of panic. This man whose nearly thirty years old, flusters as he makes his confession.
“Yawang, can you love me?” Yawang turns shocked, then starts to laugh.
“Qu Wei Ran, you’re really funny.”
“That’s why I hate you, because in your eyes, I’m always funny.” He lets go of her hand and wipes away the hurtful expression his eyes displayed.
“I’m this type of person, I must get what I like, and destroy it if I can’t get it.”
“But Yawang, after I ruined you, I still missed you. Even thought you never said anything positive to me, or smiled at me, I still missed you.” He pauses momentarily before continuing.
“I don’t regret what I have done to you, loving for a lifetime or hating for a lifetime, I want you to remember me for a lifetime.” Shu Yawang didn’t say anything, she don’t know what to say. When talking to Qu Wei Ran, she’s always speechless, speechless in anger, in hatred, in annoyance. Even from his confession, she’s still speechless. He steps away from her,
“Don’t worry, I won’t look for you anymore.” He turns his heels and leave, Yawang watching his back until he disappears in the end of the hallway before she turns around and leave. If they haven’t met, wouldn’t it have been better?
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In the weekend, Yawang wakes up early to wash herself up, getting out her makeup to create a natural and elegant look. Then, she opens her closet, finally being able to pick a set of clothes with white as its theme after contemplating for a long time. She looks at herself in the mirror, raising her arm and untying her hair that was in a bun, letting her hair flow down freely, her long hair and natural curls making her look more stylish. She looks at the mirror with a smile, looking at herself carefully. Compared to six years ago, she exudes a more mature woman aura, losing a dash of pure temperament. Yawang exhales a long string of breath, really, how can I be feeling nervous now?
She picks up her purse and walks out of her room, Yuan Zhu is currently eating breakfast in the living room when she sees her.
“Wah, what are you doing today dressing up so nicely?” Yawang opens the door and flashes a smile.
“I’m going to pick up Xia Mu.”
“Oh, Xia Mu is being released today?” She asks in a loud voice, but the reply she receives is the door shutting. Yawang calls a taxi cab to take her to the bus station, then buys a ticket to go to S City, then transfers to another bus to go to the S City’s prison center.
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The metal gate of the prison center is shut firmly, and by the time Yawang gets there, it’s around two in the afternoon. She lowers her head and checks her watch, breathing out a sigh of relief when she’s sure that she’s not late. There is a large open space outside of the center, with not one single object to block one’s view. As the wind blows onto her hair, she brushes her hair away that is blocking her vision.
After waiting for awhile, the main entrance door opens up, creating a piercing sound. She hurriedly places her hand down and walks a couple steps forward. She looks closely, seeing another door behind the main entrance door opening up, and a pair of long legs stepping forward, followed by its skinny and tall body frame. He walks two steps forward, standing below the sunlight, lifting his head up and squinting his eyes to see the clear, blue sky. Shu Yawang looks at him from afar, he’s wearing a navy blue jacket and a baseball cap, his beautiful and exquisite face loses the trace of youthful innocence. He seems to find her staring as he blinks his eyes and turns his head around, looking back at her. He still have that expressionless look, she looks at him as the corners of her lips lift up, giving him a light smile as she looks at him. When he sees her smile, his facial expression softens and the corners of his lips slowly lifts up. Beneath the sunlight, the two who are standing a distance apart, looks at each other, smiling at one another.
No one knows who steps forward first, but the distance between the two starts to diminish, the two stopping when they’re only one step away from each other. Shu Yawang lifts her head to look at him, Xia Mu have grown taller and more handsome, but his aura haven’t changed with his skinny, handsome face displaying the same expressionless look, his eyes still looking empty and cold, and his never-changing dark circles. Yawang looks at him closely, looks at him carefully, her lips carrying a smile, but her eyes reddening with tears, the tears flowing down her face. Xia Mu raises his hand to wipe the tears away, and she brings down his hand and holds onto it tightly. She looks down to his hand, it’s now firm and rough. She rubs his palm and suddenly cries out loud, his hands…his pair of beautiful hands that are like a piece of artwork…now it’s filled with scars and calluses, just like those construction workers. Just how much did he suffered? She rubs his hand with force, trying to smooth out the calluses on his hand.
Xia Mu sighs out loud and pulls his hand away to pull her into his embrace, hugging her tightly.
“Don’t cry, you know I’m scared to see you cry.” He tells her softly. Yawang raises her arms to hug him back, nodding her head in his embrace.
“I’m not crying, I won’t cry.” She speaks with a choked voice. She hugs Xia Mu for awhile as she cries, and when she finally calms down, she rubs her face in his embrace to dry her tears. Then, she lifts her head and gives him a big smile.
“Xia Mu, welcome back.” He gives a small smirk.
“Mmm.”
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On the way back, Xia Mu is in a deep sleep, leaning his head on Yawang’s shoulder. She holds onto his hand and looks at him with a sad face. He must not have slept well in prison. Look, his dark circles got worse. He must not have ate well in prison, look, there’s no meat on his face. She bites onto her lips, trying to hold back her tears. She wants to wake him up and holds him tight, telling him that all of his suffering is over. From now on, she will stay by his side, living the life that he wants, and do the things that he want to do. She will not have him suffer anymore, will not have him hurt again. At this time, her phone rings and she frantically search for it, afraid to wake Xia Mu up. She turns her head away as she answers the call.
“Hello?”
“Yawang, did you pick up Xia Mu yet?” Her father asks.
“Yes I did.”
“How is he?”
“Pretty well, pretty energetic.”
“That’s good, take care of him well.”
“Don’t worry Dad, I know.”
“Okay, then I’ll hang up now. Bring him back soon.” The two exchange a few more words before hanging up. She turns her head to look at Xia Mu, only to see him awake but his head is still resting on her shoulder, not moving an inch.
“Did I woke you up?”
“No.” In fact, he was not sleeping at all, he just likes to lean on her like that. He remembered that when he was little, he always lean by her side, but as years passed by, he haven’t done such action again. This feeling of closeness, he really missed it, and he really likes it. Yawang sees that Xia Mu don’t have the intention to get up, so she didn’t move either, letting him continue to lean on her. She turns her head to look at the window, the scenery passing by backwards. Many things have happened within the past six years; two years ago, Xia Mu’s grandfather was diagnosed with liver cancer and got sent to America for treatment. Originally, he should be back by the time Xia Mu was released, but he just had surgery not too long ago and it’s not recommended to take the airplane so soon. Besides, Xia Mu rejects anyone else who wants to pick him up instead of her. In Xia Mu’s heart, besides his grandfather, she is his only loved one.
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The train slowly stops as it reaches S City, and as the two exit out of the train, they see a black limousine parked right in front of them. The door from the driver seat’s side opens, revealing Lieutenant Cheng. He walks up to them excitedly and pats his hand onto Xia Mu’s shoulder.
“Xia Mu.”
“Uncle Cheng.” They both greet him.
“Ah ah.” His eyes start to redden and he turns his face away as he opens the limousine door.
“Didn’t forget Uncle Cheng, knowing you’re going home so telling me to pick you up.”
“That’s nonsense Uncle Cheng, how can we ever forget you?” Yawang laughs. Xia Mu puts their luggages in the trunk first, then sits inside the limousine while holding onto Yawang’s hand.
“Sorry for troubling you, Uncle.”
“What kind of trouble? I’m your family’s driver.” He continues to speak as he starts the engine.
“Since your grandfather is not here, I haven’t drove for such a long time.”
“You’re exaggerating, Uncle.” Yawang laughs.
“How is Grandpa’s health?” Xia Mu asks him. Everytime he called him, he always said he’s well, he’ll return to China soon, but he’s waiting until now, and his grandfather is still not back yet. In fact, he wants Xia Mu to come over.
“He’s well, they said the surgery was successful, but he just need to rest for a few months.” Xia Mu turns more relaxed to Uncle Cheng’s reply.
“That’s good.” The car ride is at least ten minutes long, and by the time they reached to the military compound, it’s already two in the morning. Uncle Cheng stops the car and turns his body to wake the two people up, who are leaning on each other as they fell asleep.
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Shu Yawang opens her eyes and looks out the window, even though it’s very dark, it feels familiar to her. The row of dragon juniper trees outside of the entrance looked like it didn’t grew at all; the Chinese parasol tree have lost all its leaves from the winter wind, and the trimmed wintersweet trees are filled with milky white buds preparing to blossom. All of these seems so familiar to her, as if she just left yesterday. She closes her eyes and is able to retrieve all the memories she had in the military compound when she was young.
“Yawang?” Xia Mu asks as he pulls her arm. She opens her eyes and gives a light smile.
“We’re home.”
“Mmm.” He nods his head and looks back at her. “We’re home.”
“Hurry and go in.” Uncle Cheng rushes them in, and before the three reaches the doorsteps, the door opens. Auntie Mei, who have been the Xia family’s maid for so long, brings out a brazier to place in front of the door for Xia Mu to step over, then she hands him a bowl of pig feet noodles to eat. Afterwards, she carries the empty bowl and looks at Xia Mu with a comforting look.
“Now it’s good, all the bad luck will be gone. Young master must go and take a hot shower now and burn the clothes you’re wearing so from now on, you will have good luck.”
“You need burn the clothes too?” Uncle Cheng asks in a suspicious tone. Auntie Mei nods her head firmly.
“We can’t have the bad luck lingering outside the door, we must burn the clothes.”
“What Auntie Mei said is right, we should burn the clothes.” Shu Yawang agrees. Xia Mu have no opinion, if they want to burn them, then burn them, he owns many clothes anyway. Auntie Mei rushes Xia Mu to take a shower. He looks back at Yawang, looking like he wants to tell her something, but holds back. After Xia Mu comes out from the shower and sees the empty living room, the disappointment he feels in his heart is slightly unbearable.
He lowers his gaze and walks up the stairs to the third floor, his bedroom door slightly ajar with a strip of light escaping from the space. His eyes brighten and he strides forward, gently opening the door, seeing Yawang lying down on his bed. Maybe it’s because she’s been transferring between buses for three days, she’s exhausted and fell into a deep sleep. Xia Mu’s expression turns gentle as he walks over with light steps, slowly crouching by her side. The light from the desk lamp is still on, the light shining onto Yawang’s beautiful profile, her black hair fanning out onto the pillow. Xia Mu looks at her like that, like how he did before. He wouldn’t dare to touch her, he would just crouch by her side and look at her quietly, he’s satisfied with that.
Suddenly, the silver necklace around Yawang’s neck attracts his attention. He lifts his right hand and pulls out the necklace, revealing a beautiful silver kissing fish. His left hand reaches over his neck, he also have that silver kissing fish. He personally helped her wore this pair of silver kissing fishes necklace on this same bed when he was seventeen years old. He told her to always wear it, that was also when he confessed to her. In a blink of an eye, so many years have passed by. At the time, did he kissed her? He can’t remember clearly what happened that night, he only remembered that pounding sensation. He’s been enchanted, she always have the ability to make him be in a daze. He slowly lean towards her, his heart beating fast whenever he’s close to her, making him unable to breathe.
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Then at this time, Shu Yawang’s eyelashes flutter, slowly opening her eyes, looking at him. They’re really close to each other, able to feel each other’s breath. When she blinks her eyes, Xia Mu quickly move away, pursing his lips.
“You’re still wearing it?” He asks awkwardly. She looks down to her necklace around her neck and nods her head.
“Yeah.” Xia Mu tilts his head to the side.
“Why?” She sits up on the bed and fixes her hair, looking at him with uncertainty.
“Didn’t you tell me to keep wearing it?”
“Oh.” He glances down in disappointment, it’s just her sticking to her promise, nothing special.
“How about you?”
“Huh?”
“This one.” She shakes the fish around her neck and smiles. “You’re still wearing yours?”
“Of course.” He takes out an old-looking red string from underneath his collar, revealing the silver fish that is stringed in. He have it by his side for six years, whenever he can’t sleep at night, he will cover it with his hand and presses it above his chest, from that, he feels calm. Shu Yawang leans over, extending her arm and reaching for the red string, placing the silver fish onto her palm and looking at it.
“Little fish, little fish, did you miss me?” She shakes her own little fish around her neck and continues,
“I really missed you.” Xia Mu looks at her with a slight smirk, his eyes full of smiles. Yawang continues to play with the two fishes.
“Ah, we haven’t seen each other for a long time, let’s kiss.” He sees Yawang moving towards him and he looks at her, slightly shocked, unable to breathe. When he thinks that she’s about to kiss him, she pulls the two fishes together and have them them kiss each other. He looks away in slight disappointment and Yawang laughs at him. She leans over and closes her eyes as she plants a small kiss on his forehead. She moves back and looks at him with a gentle smile.
“Xia Mu, let’s be together.”
“What did you say?”
“Let’s be together. What? You don’t want to?”
“No…” He shakes his head violently. “It’s just, why did you suddenly make this decision?”
“Suddenly?” She laughs. “It’s not suddenly, I made this decision six years ago when I gave you the little fish.”
“If you still love me, we’ll be together. So, Xia Mu, do you still love me?” Xia Mu can’t hold himself back anymore, he hugs her back tightly, bringing her into his embrace and burying his face in her hair, his lips resting near her ear.
“I love you, I love you, Yawang, I always loved you.” He whispers softly into her ear. Yawang who is in his embrace, buries her face within his embrace and closes her eyes.
“Mmm, I’ve been waiting, waiting for you to come out to say you love me.” Xia Mu bends over and kisses Yawang’s soft lips. She’s a little nervous, her eyelashes batting constantly as she feels her lips and face turning hot. Xia Mu’s eyes are full of smiles, then he closes them as he presses his lips onto hers harder. Yawang can feel her heart beating fast, closing her eyes and returning back the kiss. His kiss is light and gentle, not too deep, like a gentle rub onto her lips, resting onto hers instead of occupying her’s.
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After a while, he finally part his lips away from hers. She looks down, feeling slightly embarrassed to look at him, the corners of her eyes carrying a trace of shyness. Xia Mu lifts his hand to stroke her burning face, his breathing turning heavy. Half of his body is pressing against hers, and both of her hands are resting on his chest. Her hands are able to feel his strong heartbeat, and she is able to hear her own racing heartbeat. He gives a slight smirk and leans over, closing his eyes as he plants a kiss onto her forehead. Then, he moves away and lies down next to her, stretching his arm out to pull her in his embrace and burying his face in the crook of her neck.
“Good night, Yawang.”
Shu Yawang waits until Xia Mu to breathe in a normal pace first before exhaling out a long sigh of relief. She is slightly afraid that he will hug her even though she prepared herself for it, but..she’s still afraid. She turns her head and looks at Xia Mu. She always think that Xia Mu is an angel, he’s always so clean and pure, with no impurity to be seen. When she stays by his side, she feels very warm, very reassuring, very calm. She likes this feeling, a lot. This is good, Xia Mu will treat her well and she will love Xia Mu. So this is good, being able to spend their lives in a calm and reassuring manner, this is also considered to be happiness!