793 I’m A Mess
As the time drew closer to closing hour, Amy became more and more anxious about going home.
If she was going to move to Lucy's place for the time being, she was going to have to go back home to pack some stuff, but she dreaded going back there alone.
Even though she had acted all cool that morning wanting to sneak out of Lucy's apartment to avoid Lucas, the truth was that she had been confident enough to go into her apartment only because Lucas was there.
Although, she had reported to the police already, she very much doubted that she would be able to shake Malone off so easily. What if he was waiting in her apartment? Amy mused.
As she sat there thinking about what to do, her phone rang.
Amy stared at her phone, her heart pounding as the familiar ringtone echoed through the office.
The caller ID displayed "Mom," but her mother rarely called during work hours. She hesitated, then answered with a cautious "Hello, mo…."
"I just received a call from the chef. Miley is dead," her mother said in a trembling voice.
Amy froze, transfixed by the announcement. A rush of disbelief and grief enveloped her, causing her to drop the phone.
She had known that Miley was very close to the end, but she had been hoping that she would at least get to hear Miley's voice one last time, or see her face, or hug her or argue over unnecessary stuff just one final time.
Dead? How could she be dead just like that? How could she leave just like that without another word? Not even goodbye.
A part of her had hoped that Miley would recover and then explain things to her parents so that all the misunderstandings would be resolved, but now she was no more.
"Amy? Are you there?" Her mom asked but Amy wasn't listening. She picked up her handbag and rose.
Colleagues turned with concerned glances,"Amy? Are you alright?" One of her female colleagues asked, but the world seemed to blur as she stumbled out of her cubicle, desperate for solitude.
The news had hit her like a tidal wave, sweeping away the stability of her emotions. She needed to be alone, to process the enormity of the loss in solitude.
Amy ran through the office corridors, not caring about the curious stares she attracted.
She wasn't sure where she was going but she knew she needed to be alone. She just had to be alone.
As the glass doors swung shut behind her, the world outside greeted her with a torrential downpour. It seemed as if the heavens themselves were mourning Miley's departure.
Amy hesitated only for a moment, glancing back at the safety of the office building. But grief urged her forward, pushing her into the relentless rain.
The raindrops mingled with her tears, providing an oddly comforting cover to her anguish.
Amy's sobs became indistinguishable from the rhythmic sound of the rain. Every step felt like a painful reminder of the void left by Miley's absence. She didn't know where she was going; she just needed the release that the rain offered, a cathartic cleansing of her soul.
Half-soaked and emotionally drained, Amy continued her tearful sprint through the city streets.
The rain had transformed into a tempest, drenching her completely. Her clothes clung to her skin, reflecting the weight of sorrow that clung to her heart.
As she rounded a corner, a car pulled over in front of her. The sudden interruption brought her back to the present, and she looked up through the curtain of rain to find Lucas, the person she least expected at that moment, behind the wheel.
Lucas had received a call from Dr Drew, informing him that Miley had passed away, so he had decided to stop by the office, since it was almost closing hour and it was raining, to pick Amy and to see if she had heard the news and how she was doing.
He had just driven into the company premise when he saw her run into the rain, so he had reversed the car to go after her.
Seeing her standing there in the rain soaked and shattered as she gazed at him, he took off his jacket and got out of the car to meet her.
Without a word, he pulled her into a warm, comforting embrace, offering the solace that words failed to convey, not minding that he was going to get soaked in the rain.
Amy's tears mixed with raindrops, and she clung to Lucas as grief overwhelmed her. He didn't utter platitudes or empty consolations; he simply held her, letting her mourn in the midst of the storm. The world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them in the downpour.
Eventually, Amy's sobs subsided, replaced by a quiet numbness, and Lucas guided her into the car and handed her his jacket which he had taken off earlier.
The interior of the car was a sanctuary from the relentless rain pouring outside. Lucas started the engine, driving through the wet streets as the city lights blurred into streaks of color.
In the cocoon of the car, Amy found a momentary respite from the agony of loss.
Lucas, understanding the inadequacy of words, remained a steady presence beside her.
And the rain, now reduced to a gentle drizzle, painted a melancholic tableau on the windowpane.
"I'm sorry," Amy said quietly after some time, but didn't look at him.
"What for?" Lucas asked, turning to spare her a glance.
"I made you get drenched…."
"It's either you are the rain, you caused the rain to fall, or I was too blind to see it was raining. Which is it?" Lucas asked and Amy sighed.
"Mile-- Miley is…."
"I know. I heard," Lucas said, and Amy nodded, unable to say anything as fresh tears gathered in her eyes again.
"How did you find out? How did you find me?" Amy asked, struggling for some semblance of control over her emotions since she didn't want to cry in Lucas' presence again. She had done that twice already.
"Her family doctor called to let me know. And I stopped by the company to pick you up but saw you leaving so I followed you," Lucas explained, and Amy nodded once again.
"Thanks. Where are we going?" Amy asked as she looked out of the window unable to look at him.
"Your apartment. I figured you would want to be alone," he said and she nodded.
"Thanks," she said, and neither of them said anything else.
Lucas wasn't sure what he was doing or why he had decided to come pick Amy and comfort her, but when he heard the news of Miley's death, all he could think about was that night at Miley's hotel apartment after Amy arrived and how she had cried her eyes out.
Maybe he was letting himself get this involved because somehow he understood everything and had been there from the beginning when Amy joined Miley after finding out about her condition.
He was after all the first person Miley shared her crazy plans with and he had been the one who told Amy about everything.
He had seen their friendship and the love they shared, and that had inspired him to live and get over his heartbreak faster. So, maybe a part of him felt like he owed this much to them.
"I can't believe it. I can't wrap my head around the fact that Miley is no more. It just doesn't make sense that she isn't existing in this world anymore. I know I should have been better prepared to receive the news after all this while, still, it is so shocking. I just can't accept it," Amy said with quavering lips and her voice broke as she broke into a sob again, and she raised both hands to cover her face as she cried.
As much as Lucas wanted to comfort her, he didn't know what to say. He didn't have the right words. He had never been confronted by the lose of a very dear one before.
He had lost patients and he had felt the lose of every single one of his patients, but that was different from Amy's loss and he knew it the same way he knew that there was nothing that he could say to cheer her up.
"I know there is no bright side to this, but maybe it would help if you think of it this way, Miley won't be in pain anymore," Lucas said after some time since that was something he usually told the family of his deceased patients. It was better than saying nothing.
"It's my fault. She would have lived longer had I convinced her to receive treatment," Amy cried.
"Remember what you told me when I asked you to convince her otherwise?" Lucas asked, and Amy looked at him, unable to believe that he was about to also place the blame on her and say 'I told you so'.
"I said I will do whatever I can to make whatever she wants to do happen. I know what you want to say. I know it's all my fault…."
"You obviously don't know what I want to say. So, shut up and listen. You said, Miley wasn't the type to be convinced otherwise after making up her mind. You said Miley was the type to go ahead to do whatever she wants to do and leave you to decide whether or not you want to be a part of it (chapter 378). You didn't want to miss out on spending some of her last moments with her, hence you went along with all her plans even though I'm sure you would have wanted her to receive treatment. I am also very certain that if for a moment you thought you could change her mind, you would have tried to do so. So, you shouldn't blame yourself for anything," Lucas said softly as he parked the car in front of her apartment.
Amy bit her lower lip to keep herself from crying more as she brushed away the tears on her face. She knew that her makeup was ruined already and her face was probably a mess but looking good in front of Lucas was the last thing on her mind at the moment.
"Thanks. That means a lot," Amy said as she risked a glance at Lucas.
"Tyler and I have moved to the hotel. You can be alone at Lucy's place. I'm sure you will feel safer there. So, why don't you go in, get out of those wet clothes so you don't catch a cold, and then pack up what you need and I will drop you off at Lucy's?" Lucas suggested and Amy nodded.
"Will you come in?" She asked, maybe I can brew some coffee for you to warm you up while I pack up, so you don't catch a cold," she offered.
"Alright. Let's go in," Lucas said as he turned off the engine and unfastened his seatbelt, and they both got out of the car.
Once they got inside the house, Lucas looked around once again, since he could tell that Amy had invited him in partly because she was scared that Malone might be inside the house.
"It's clear," he said to Amy after he was sure that no one was lurking in any corner of the house.
"Thanks. You can make yourself comfortable while I get you the coffee," Amy said as she handed him the jacket he had given her earlier.
As Amy walked into the kitchen and took out the pack of coffee, she broke into a sob when she remembered that her and Miley had shopped for it together some days before their trip to Heden and that was Miley's favorite brand.
Lucas who was seated in the living room, looked in the direction of the kitchen when he heard her cry, and he contemplated between leaving her to cry or going to offer her some comfort.
After a moment, he decided to check on her and when he walked into the kitchen, he saw her holding a coffee pack to herself as she cried, and he took a deep breath.
"You know what? Let's forget about coffee," Lucas said as he walked over to where she stood and pulled the coffee pack from her grip.
"I'm sorry," Amy cried as Lucas gathered her into his arms.
"What are you sorry for this time?" He asked quietly.
"I'm a mess," she said and Lucas nodded as he patted her back gently.
"You have every right to be. You lost someone important to you. Anyone would be a mess in such a situation. So, don't apologize for it," he assured her.
"I don't know what to do now," she murmured tearfully, thinking nothing of the fact that she was still standing there in Lucas' embrace.
"You should get out of those wet clothes and pack your stuff. I'm sure there are lots of memories of Miley here, so I'm determined now more than ever to take you out of here for the time being. At least until you pull yourself together," Lucas said and kissed the top of her head, causing them both to freeze.
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