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If there was one thing being with Tom as his partner at the party had shown Lucy the previous night, it was the fact that despite being with Tom all this while and even working closely with him in the office and attending meetings with him, she was still mostly thinking of him as just Tom.
The ordinary guy she had met at the club, and the ordinary guy who had done everything he could to win her heart. The ordinary guy who had left his mansion to live in a little apartment next to hers, and the guy who had left his spacious office to serve as her driver.
Tom was more than that, and seeing him in his element last night in the midst of all those influential people, had told her Tom was a big shot.
A big shot who had become an ordinary guy for her sake just so he could win her heart. A big shot who would have preferred to remain hidden away from the spotlight but had exposed himself for her sake. All because he wanted to protect her.
Now she realized that she too felt possessive towards him, and wanted to protect him from everything that would make him unhappy.
Lucy had thought long and hard about Tom and the situation with Kimberly and Dawn before going to bed last night, and that had been the first thought on her mind when she woke up. What she wanted now was for Sonia to be her sounding board and to let her know if she was going crazy or if she was in her right mind.
"Go on, I'm listening," Sonia urged Lucy as they turned on the couch to face each other.
"This changes everything, you know? I mean, the possibility of Tom being a father now…"
"Lucy…"
Lucy shook her head when Sonia interrupted, "Hear me out first," Lucy said, and Sonia sighed and gave her a nod.
"At first when Tom told me about it, all I could think about was how this would affect me and our relationship. I even ran away from him, but then thanks to Harry I had to think about how it would affect Tom too. This will indeed change everything whether or not we want to admit it," Lucy said, and Sonia nodded without saying a word.
"I love Tom, Sony," Lucy said and Sonia smiled.
"I know you do."
"I've only come to realize just how much I love him in the last couple of days of his absence. And even now I'm still thinking about how wonderful he is. Tom is a great guy and he deserves all the happiness he can get…"
"Why does that sound like you're about to say you want to break up and let him go?" Sonia asked with a frown, and Lucy laughed softly.
"I never want to let him go, Sony. I don't want to lose him. Not for any reason if I can help it. I don't think Tom is someone I can afford to live without right now," Lucy assured Sonia, and she relaxed.
"That's good then. But you still haven't told me how you feel about this," Sonia said, and Lucy nodded.
"I know this is going to sound weird, but I actually feel sort of jealous of Kimberly," Lucy said, and Sonia'a eyes widened in disbelief.
"Jealous? Why? Why would you feel jealous of her? When Tom is yours and not hers," Sonia said matter of factly.
"She met Tom first. She was with him first. And from all indications she possibly has Tom's child," Lucy stated quietly.
"So, what? Men have baby mamas all the time, that doesn't mean they all marry their baby mamas. Tom is madly in love with you. You should have see how lonely he looked during breakfast. And he said it's because he misses you. I know Tom isn't going to want to be with her…"
"That's not what I'm saying. A part of me just wishes that I was the one who had his child not her or anyone else," Lucy said without meeting Sonia's gaze, and Sonia's jaw dropped in surprise. She hadn't been expecting that.
"What? But you don't even want kids," Sonia reminded her.
"I know. I know it sounds absurd, but that's just how I feel. I know it's silly and the deed has probably been done already, but I don't want anyone else having that sort of connection with Tom. When I first saw the kid's picture I was drawn to her. You know, it was like some sort of magnetic pull. I thought I was just being curious about her because she sort of reminds me of Tom. But then the more pictures I saw, the more I wanted to see. And then before going to bed last night I was looking at the kid's pictures and out of no where a thought occurred to me. It was like I was wishing she was mine," Lucy said, and tears gathered in Sonia's eyes.
"Oh, Lu," Sonia murmured softly, and Lucy shook her head.
"I know. I know I'm being weird. I feel weird too," Lucy said, and Sonia took her hands.
"I don't think it's weird. I think it's just so beautiful that you love Tom so much that you've naturally opened your heart to the kid even if you're not certain she is his yet," Sonia said, and Lucy sighed.
"Maybe. But I have a deep feeling that she is his. Kimberly sounds so convincing too. What do you know about her? Do you think she is someone I should worry about?" Lucy asked, and Sonia paused to think about it for a moment.
"Well, you know some times people are different from what they post on social media," Sonia started and Lucy gave her a nod.
"True. Still, you can tell a bit about them from years of observation if you've been an ardent follower as you claim," Lucy said and Sonia shrugged.
"Well, from the little I know about her from social media, she is cool. Carefree. She is the definition of miss independent and says she raises her daughter to be that way too. She never posts stuff about men. I remember she was going to get married some years ago. I believe I mentioned it to you then. He jilted her on their wedding day and the news was all over the place. It trended for weeks. She deleted everything on her page and took a long time off social media. By the time she came back months later, she had a babybump so everyone naturally assumed the baby belonged to her ex fiancé and no questions were asked. Since then she hasn't posted anything about having a man. Hold on. I saved a clip from one of her interviews some time ago where she was asked about it," Sonia said as she rose to pick up her hand bag from where she had been seated before and took her phone from it.
"I saved it because I liked her outfit and wanted to get something similar," Sonia explained as she scrolled through the videos on her phone.
"Here it is," Sonia said as she played it, and Lucy leaned forward to see the video.
"Although, I know you don't like to talk about, but could you indulge my audience and tell us what really happened four years ago? I mean, why was your wedding called off? There were lots of questions and speculations. Didn't the rumors bother you? Wouldn't you love to clear the air?" the interviewer asked, and Kimberly laughed softly.
"If you know I don't like to talk about it, what makes you think I'm going to indulge you or your audience?" Kimberly asked with a friendly smile.
"Perhaps I'm hoping you will be more willing to talk about it now that so much time has passed," the interviewer said with a hopeful smile.
"I'm even more determined not to look back into the past now that so much time has passed. What's past is behind, and should be forgotten. I believe if you spend too much time looking into the rearview mirror to see what's behind, you could miss what is coming ahead. I've moved on. The media should do so as well," Kimberly said, her smile in place, and from the look in her eyes Lucy could tell she wasn't faking the smile. Her smiled looked genuine.
As a matter of fact she had the face of someone who smiled and laughed a lot, and Lucy had noticed that in her instagram posts.
"Alright. So, any plans to settle down in the future?" The interviewer asked, and Kimberly smiled ruefully.
"I have none. I'm okay with my life as it is," Kimberly said simply before they moved to other subjects.
"She doesn't sound like a bad person, and maybe my fears are unnecessary. She even dismissed it when I asked if she wanted Tom to marry her," Lucy said, and Sonia raised a brow.
"You asked her that? Why? Hold on, You said you spoke with her? When? Who called?" Sonia asked when she realized she had been too carried away by the news of the possibility of Tom having a kid to focus on the other details.
"She chatted me up on Instagram," Lucy explained.
"She did? Can I see the conversation?" Sonia asked, and Lucy handed her the phone.
Sonia grimaced as she read through the chat, "Don't you think you were too cold and polite when she was trying to be friendly?" Sonia asked when she was done.
"She has had time to think and process everything before chatting me up. I wasn't prepared to chat with her. Besides, after Anita I can't be too careful," Lucy said defensively, and Sonia sighed.
"I understand. But she seems understanding though," Sonia said and Lucy nodded.
"Yeah. I think so too," Lucy agreed.
"I don't think you need to worry about her. Perhaps what you should do is keep an open mind towards her. If the kid turns out to be Tom's, you're going to need to get along with her," Sonia said, and Lucy nodded in agreement.
"I thought so too, so I was thinking that if the kid turns out to be his, maybe I could suggest to Tom that they both come down instead of having Tom go over to meet them," Lucy said, and Sonia looked at her for a moment.
"What do you really want, Lucy?" Sonia asked curiously.
"Tom would need to be a part of the kid's life…"
"I'm talking about you now, Lucy. Not Tom," Sonia cut in, and Lucy shrugged.
"I want to be with Tom and I want us both to be happy together. I'm a part of Tom's life. They will also be a part of his life. I will have to be involved with them. I know Tom enough to know that he might not be able to find the balance easily if I remove myself from the picture. So, I'm going to stand by him. If she's his daughter I will care about her and for her as I should as Tom's girlfriend," Lucy said, and Sonia smiled.
"You know, I really wish I could get a glimpse of all that's going on in your mind right now. You sound like a completely different person. Weren't you the same person who suggested to him that he adopts a child and leaves you out of it?" Sonia asked in amazement.
"Well, that is different. This is reality and I have to be realistic now. It won't make sense if Tom has to share his time between the company, me, and his daughter. It will be overwhelming for him," Lucy said reasonably.
"I understand what you mean. And I agree with you. I'm just surprised," Sonia said, and Lucy sighed.
"Do you think I'm thinking too far ahead and maybe I should just calm down?" Lucy asked, and Sonia grinned.
"That wouldn't be you. Thinking far ahead is what you do best. And as long as you're thinking far ahead in the right direction, I don't think it's a bad thing this time," Sonia said reasonably.
"It's a good thing that instead of dwelling on the problem this time and trying to withdraw, you're actually thinking of ways to overcome it. Therapy is good for you…"
"Don't credit it to therapy," Lucy cut in with a roll of her eyes, "I've barely started my sessions yet, so you can't say it's because of therapy."
"So what or who should I credit it to? Tom?" Sonia asked, and Lucy shrugged.
"My love for him I suppose," Lucy said and giggled, "Well, looking at the bright side now, I'm not the only one with baggage in our relationship. Tom has his own baggage too," Lucy said with a grin and Sonia chuckled.
"You're taking this so well, Lucy. Too well, even," Sonia observed and Lucy shrugged.
"By now you should know I never stay in between. I'm always all the way in or not in at all. It's either I pull away and break out with him, which as I told you already is not something I want to do. Or I stand with him and make it work. And the best way to do that is to think about how to make it work, and that's what I'm doing," Lucy said, and Sonia nodded.
"True. All the way in could also be getting married to Tom," Sonia pointed out cautiously.
"About that. I was going to ask you a question. Do you remember the first time I said I wasn't going to get married?" Lucy asked curiously since that was another reason she had wanted to talk to Sonia.
"Sure. I think we were in middle school then. One of our favorite teachers quit her job after she got married, and around that time one of the ladies I babysat for back then committed suicide because her husband absconded with all the money she had and even left her in debts, remember?" Sonia asked, and Lucy narrowed her eyes.
"Yeah, I remember you weeping profusely as you told me about her death, and I remember thinking she was cruel for not thinking about her kids and taking her life just like that. And after that Mrs Perkins lost her husband and was beside herself with grief," Lucy said with a frown as she recalled everything that had led her to her decision.
Sonia bobbed her head, "Yeah. You used to love Mrs Perkins a lot because she always had the best muffins," Sonia said, and Lucy sighed.
"Why did you ask though?" Sonia asked when she noticed the thoughtful expression on Lucy's face.
"Evelyn asked why I didn't want to get married…"
"Evelyn? You told her that?" Sonia asked in surprise, and Lucy explained what had led to the conversation and what they had discussed.
"Evelyn can be so sweet," Sonia said with a small smile.
"Yeah. She is when she isn't being nosy," Lucy said with a small smile.
"You always said you didn't want to lose control of your life to a man like our teacher who quit simply because she got married. You didn't want any man to be the center of your world like Mr Perkins was to Mrs Perkins, and you didn't want to end up with a jerk who would betray you and run away with all you've worked for. Simply put you said you being alone would have saved them from all that grief," Sonia said, and Lucy smiled ruefully as she recalled the conversation.
"You weren't fazed at all. You insisted that you would get married and be happy. You said what happened to Mr Perkins was natural, and that what happened to the lady you used to babysit for, and our teacher was a result of their choices," Lucy said, and Sonia nodded.
"And I still think so," Sonia said and Lucy sighed.
She could see how she could have decided not to get married as a teenager because of those experiences she had witnessed, and she could understand how her own trauma had impacted her decision.
But what she could also see was the fact that Sonia had also been right. It was all about choices.
"I wonder how you were so mature," Lucy said, and Sonia gave her a smug smile.
"Some of us were born that way," Sonia said proudly.
Lucy was sure of one thing at the moment, and it was the fact that she was already faced with all of those things she had been trying to to avoid by not getting married, whether or not she was married to Tom now.
As an adult she could now see that the problem wasn't marriage. The thing she should have avoided and been scared of from the start was falling in love and not marriage.
Updat𝒆d fr𝒐m freew𝒆bnov𝒆l.c(o)m