After dinner, Lucy decided to go home with Tom rather than join the rest of the family as she had done when coming.
Once they got into the car, the tension that had hung between them all day took over the car, and neither of them said a word to each other as Tom drove behind his family.
Lucy said nothing as she tried to compose her thoughts and put her words together so that she wouldn't make any more mistakes, while Tom simply kept mute because he just didn't want to speak.
"I'm sorry," Lucy said after some time.
"It's okay," Tom said simply without taking his attention away from the road.
"I know you're still mad at me. I overreacted. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. And I shouldn't have behaved that way at the company either," Lucy added, but once again Tom did not look at her.
"It's alright," he said dismissively as he kept his attention fixed on the road.
"I contacted two therapists," Lucy said, and this time Tom raised a brow.
"Why?"
"Why what?" Lucy asked in confusion.
"What for? Why did you contact a therapist? Last time I checked you said you didn't have a problem and you didn't need to see one," Tom reminded her.
Lucy rubbed her hands together, "I spoke with Sonia. She sort of agrees with the stuff you said. I may not exactly buy into the therapy thing, but I choose to trust you. If you believe I need it, then I will go for it," Lucy said, and Tom sighed.
"Good for you," he said without much interest.
This was what he had wanted her to say earlier this morning, so why was he not satisfied even after she had said it? Tom mused.
"Can you say something?" Lucy asked, and Tom sighed.
"I'm not sure what you want me to say," Tom said simply.
"Tell me how you feel. You can vent if you want to," Lucy encouraged.
"I need to feel something to vent, I don't feel anything. There is nothing to vent about," Tom said, and Lucy's brows pulled together.
"What do you mean?" Lucy asked in confusion and Tom shrugged.
"I feel emotionally exhausted and drained right now. Maybe by morning I might know what to say to you. But right now, I'm not in the mood to say anything," Tom said, and the crease between Lucy's brows deepened.
"Earlier you said you missed me," she reminded him.
"I can be upset and still miss you, can't I?"
"I know you're still upset by my reaction…."
"It's not just about your reaction, Lucy. I wish it was, but it's not," Tom said still without looking at her. Some how he couldn't look at her and stay mad at her.
As much as he was tempted to put this whole episode behind them and move on, he knew better than to do that. This awkward and uncomfortable moment was necessary if they were going to progress in their relationship.
"Then what else is wrong?" Lucy asked, and this time Tom pulled the car over by the roadside and turned to face her.
"A lot of things. For starters, I'm wondering how long things will continue between us like this. I'm trying to figure out if I'm as ready as I thought to walk down this path with you. I understand that you never wanted to be in a relationship and I'm the one who put everything on the line to chase you until you fell in love with me, but now I'm wondering if I'm ever going to stop chasing you. I'm wondering if I'm going to be okay with living this way. I don't want to grow to resent you or end up having any regrets," Tom said and Lucy pressed her lips together for a moment.
"Do you need space?" Lucy asked, and Tom sighed.
After all he had just said, this was what she could ask him? If he needed space? Tom mused in disbelief.
"Space?" He asked, wondering where she was driving to with that.
"Yeah. I read somewhere that when men are upset they need space. Do you need me to give you space so you can calm down? Do you feel suffocated?" Lucy asked, and Tom sighed inwardly.
"Is that all you got from what I just said? What if I say I do need space, what would you do then?" He asked, wanting to know exactly what she was thinking.
"I could go to my apartment and stay away for some time until you are back to normal…."
"Until I'm back to normal? What exactly do you define as normal for me, Lucy?" Tom interrupted in an annoyed tone.
He couldn't believe that he had felt conflicted about taking his father's advise to ask Lucy to return to her apartment because he didn't want to hurt her feelings, yet she had no problems with suggesting it herself. She was in a hurry to run back to her nest at the slightest inconvenience. It made him feel like she was only living with him for his sake and not because she really wanted to stay there.
"You not being so mad me. I don't want us to fight. I'm not comfortable with any of this," Lucy explained, and Tom nodded.
"As much as I hate fighting with you, I think we need to fight sometimes to get on the same page. I think this is one of those times we need to disagree to be able to reach an agreement," Tom said, and Lucy looked at him, not understanding what to make of what he was saying.
"What agreement?"
"Since you don't mind moving back to your apartment to give me space, I think we should do that. Maybe you need space as well…."
"Tom, I don't…."
"I think we need to spend some time apart from each other. You can move back into your apartment since you love your personal space so much," Tom said in a flat tone.
"I don't understand you. What do you want from me? What do you want me to do? You said you wanted me to get therapy and I agreed, so why are you saying all this? Don't you think you're taking things too far? I apologized for behaving the way I did earlier, so what else do you want me to do?" Lucy asked, feeling both scared, confused, and annoyed at the same time.
"I should be asking you that. What do you want from me? Because I'm beginning to think that no matter how much I give it would never be enough. I think you expect me to make all the sacrifices in this relationship while you give me whatever is convenient for you. You want me to take hundred steps towards you while you remain comfortably seated," Tom said feeling very annoyed, and when Lucy opened her mouth to argue he sighed wearily.
"You know what? Let's not argue anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of the back and forth. Just do whatever you want, Lucy. It's what you've always done anyway. Do whatever makes you happy, even if it means not receiving psychotherapy. I will tolerate it all until I can't and maybe then we can break up," Tom said, and without waiting for her to respond he started the car.
Tears stung Lucy's eyes as she looked at him, shocked that he had actually talked about a break up.
Although she still wanted to talk to him so they could resolve things, she kept mute. He was obviously not in the mood for a conversation and forcing it would only result in more misunderstanding.
Neither of them said a word until they got to the house, and by the time they did, the others had arrived ahead of them and gone into their various bedrooms.
"Lucy!" Jamal called excitedly the moment they walked into the house, and the frown on Lucy's brows straightened into a wide smile as he hurried over to embrace her.
"It's past your bedtime, Jam. Why are you still up?" She asked, surprised to see him awake.
"He said he missed you, and insisted on seeing you before going to bed since you might leave for the office before he wakes up," Candace explained as she joined them.
"Oh, dear! I've missed you too," Lucy said as she kissed Jamal's forehead.
Jamal looked up at Tom who had also stopped, "Are you fine?" Jamal asked with a curious frown, and Tom forced a smile.
"Sure."
"You look tired," Candace observed, and Tom gave her a nod.
"I'm exhausted," Tom admitted, and Jamal walked away from Lucy to meet Tom.
"You need a cold drink and a foot rub. Aunt Andy always says there is nothing like a cold drink and a good foot rub after a busy day," Jamal said, and Tom chuckled involuntarily while Lucy and Candace smiled.
"Are you going to give me a foot rub then?" Tom asked, and Jamal shrugged.
"I could if you want, but your foot would be too large. My hands are not big enough," Jamal said, spreading them so Tom could see how small his hands are.
"But Lucy can do that, right Lucy?" Jamal asked, and Lucy smiled awkwardly as she looked at Tom, and Candace did not miss the tension between the two who were often lovey dovey.
Seeing how exhausted Tom was, Candace would ordinarily have asked Jamal to let them be, but she decided not to. Jamal's presence might be just what they need to talk to each other.
"Right," Lucy said, and Jamal nodded in approval.
"Lucy will help you. And I will get you something cold to drink while you freshen up," Jamal offered, and Tom smiled.
"Thanks Buddy, but you don't have to worry…."
"Let's go and get the drink," Candace said, ignoring Tom's protest as she took hold of Jamal's hand and pulled him away leaving Tom and Lucy.
Without saying a word they both headed up the stairs to their bedroom, and once they walked in Lucy went to sit on the couch and watched as Tom stripped off his clothes.
No matter how had she tried she couldn't seem to figure out what to do or what to say. This was the first time Tom was staying mad at her for so long and it made her anxious uncomfortable. She wasn't used to this awkward atmosphere between them.
"Are you not coming to shower?" Tom asked when he started heading for the bathroom and noticed that Lucy was still seated where she was staring at him.
"I will," Lucy said in a small voice as she rose and began to take off her clothes while Tom walked into the bathroom.
He knew she was uncomfortable, and so was he. He wasn't this sort of person. Maybe that was his major problem; loving her so much to the point that he didn't want to see her the least bit unhappy. Seeing her look so confused and sad made him feel terrible.
After undressing, Lucy joined Tom in the shower, and as she reached for her shower gel, Tom grabbed it and after pressing some on his palm, he applied it on her body without saying a word.
"Tom," Lucy called, her voice coming out in a whisper.
Tom said nothing as he gently spread the soap lather on her back and Lucy stood stiffly as she let him massage her nape not knowing what to say to him or what to do.
Tom paused when he felt her body tremble against his hand, and he sighed inwardly when he looked into her face and noticed she was crying.
"Please don't do that," Tom murmured.
"I don't know what to do to show you that I'm trying. Please, stop being mad, Tom. I don't want to break up. I don't want to lose you. I'm really trying my best and if you say it's not good enough I will try harder," Lucy cried and Tom sighed.
"Please stop. I can't deal with this right now," Tom pleaded, feeling weak against her tears.
"Then what should I do? Tell me whatever it is. I don't want us to go to bed this way," Lucy cried as Tom brushed her tears away.
Tom turned towards the door when he heard a knock on the bedroom door. He knew it was most likely Jamal coming to deliver the glass of cold drink as he had promised.
Tom walked away from Lucy and moved to the edge of the bathroom door, "We will join you in five minutes," Tom called out to him before turning to Lucy.
"As much as I love you, I respect your choices and decisions, and I expect you to respect mine as well. I can't throw away all I want just to let you have all you want. You will have to meet me in the middle. I don't know how you're going to do that, but that's left for you to figure out if our relationship is important to you. I won't fight you over this anymore. Let's clean up. Jamal is waiting," Tom said as he turned on the shower on all sides.
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