Chapter 410: Chapter 378: Second Update, Requesting Monthly Pass_3
However, this time, a few classmates came to pick her up. She didn’t pay attention to that figure, yet others noticed him. When everyone discussed, they increasingly felt it was possible and tried calling out a name—surprisingly, they stopped him. When it was finally confirmed to be him, she grew very excited, to the point of wanting to put on her sunglasses again to hide her emotions. Yet, whether it was because he had forgotten everyone or because he was accompanied by two beautiful girls, he refused to admit who he was.
In the end, he seemed to be forced into admitting it, forced into joining us for the gathering. He was even forced to send someone back to the hotel, pulled into the guest room, and until now, forced to listen to a story with his ears wide open."
After a series of parallel sentences, Qiao Huanxuan suddenly stood up, laughed heartily, and said, "My story is finished, haha, applause!" She then got up and went to the restroom.
Li Yan didn’t realize when his cigarette was finished, but he was staring blankly at the restroom door that had already closed. Qiao Huanxuan had finally told her story, trying to make a long story short, and she explained why she insisted on getting Li Yan to escort her, why she wanted him to come to the guest room, and why she had to tell him her story. Only by expressing the psychological issues she had been suppressing for twelve years to the person she had always been seeking did her tone become calm, yet her heart was difficult to restrain. She immediately got up, went to the restroom, laughed, and said something about clapping, merely as a way to mask the tears she couldn’t hold back.
Perhaps at this moment, she was crying her heart out in the restroom?
Going to the restroom was a way for her to conceal and stabilize her emotions, and wasn’t it also a chance for Li Yan to process it all? She just said she was at least waiting for him to answer why.
But is an explanation of why really enough?
Not to mention that Li Yan couldn’t tell her why; if he did, it would just be a lie. Just from her earlier story, he had understood a bit. Perhaps Qiao Huanxuan herself knew it, or perhaps not consciously. She had gotten used to loving Li Yan!
Indeed, used to it. During middle and high school, it might have just been a young girl’s fondness or a friendship-like affection. But his departure and the incident with the music box made her feel guilty, that she was the reason for Li Yan’s tragedy. These feelings had always been hidden in her heart, related to the environment of the time when those classmates from middle school all thought she had hurt Li Yan, causing him to run away from home. Therefore, even without Li Yan, those classmates around her reminded her of this every day.
When she avoided interacting with boys and focused on her studies, she slowly got used to it. In those two years plus in high school, she had already gotten used to missing and waiting for someone. In college, if she truly did reveal them, perhaps it wouldn’t have been an issue. But how could she possibly have found Li Yan, who was as elusive as a fly without a head at the time? This only deepened her habit, and her attitude of keeping boys at a distance was perhaps due to the excuse of already having a high school boyfriend.
The profound influence, the habit in her heart, the lies to people, the frantic search... altogether created an illusion for her—that once, there was a sincere love right in front of her, but she didn’t cherish it. Only when it was lost did she regret it... She thought as long as she found that person, she would be liberated, and everything would be perfect.
To put it simply, due to many years and various reasons, she had already fabricated a "Li Yan" in her heart, whom she loved and waited for.
That Li Yan was not the Li Yan of today because she saw the grown-up Li Yan only today, a synthesis of the middle school era Li Yan and the Li Yan she had fantasized about and expected. Perhaps this fabricated Li Yan had undergone incessant revision and change during college, while studying abroad, and even now.
Therefore, this isn’t a problem that can be solved with just an explanation from Li Yan. This has already impacted her life, and now that she has truly seen him, it may not solve her problems well. If not resolved well, it will certainly affect the rest of her life.
How to solve it?
I don’t know... Li Yan pondered.
In any case, twelve years of persistence, twelve years of searching and waiting, it’s a heavy emotion. He couldn’t feel nothing about these matters as he spoke of them, but he also didn’t have a good solution.
He had already told her that it wasn’t quite a secret crush on her back then, and the gift could be considered an explanation. Yet, he could devise a reason or simply not tell, either of which could sidestep her question. But what she wanted wasn’t just an answer, and even she didn’t know what...
Perhaps, today’s encounter should not have happened. Without it, whether twelve years or twenty, whether she was filled with love or resentment, there would always be hope. Possibly, due to her family, she might find a boyfriend, get married, and gradually let it go, and if reunited later, there would only be wistful sentiment. But today’s meeting shattered dreams into reality, piercing the fantasy bubble, facing a result leaves one at a loss!
No matter how it is resolved, she will enter a period of confusion, directionlessness, even questioning the truth of life and the meaning of existence.
There was once a movie about a policeman who spent his life chasing a master thief, both fiercely battling. In the end, when the thief was caught, he told the policeman that he maintained such energy and vitality because he had a purpose—to catch him, which was his lifelong goal. Now that he had caught him, there was no longer any life goal. What would he do? The policeman was bewildered, thinking of retirement, idleness, aimlessness... like a walking corpse...
(Twelve years are twelve years, twelve springs... So literary. Haha, actually, I thought of the title "Twelve Springs" when thinking of a title, suddenly reminded of a book called "Eighteen Springs." That book, seen from the last century to now, has not been finished yet; got frustrated halfway and peeked at the end, finding the ending imperfect, so stopped. Ps: Although 18+ spring might cause misunderstandings, young friends, don’t think it’s an H book; it also has a more sonorous name, "Half a Lifelong Fate." Another PS: Dear leaders, please give me a Monthly Pass. Today it’s single digits again; Old Lai is almost dying of depression, 555...) (To be continued, to know what happens next, please log in to www.qidian.com, more Chapters, support the author, support genuine reading!)
