Chapter 197
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Ah, Gualtiero. Right. Thats a bit of a headache.
A headache? Is that all you can say?! You you have no conscience!
I was meaning to talk to you about this as soon as you woke up Ack!
Ed, who continued to step back, eventually hit part of his back on the cembalo. When he stumbled for a moment, Lil took advantage of the opportunity and landed a few successful slaps. Even though the force coming from her attack was in normal circumstances insignificant, it was now enough for Ed to almost fall backwards onto the chair belonging to the instrument, making the chairs legs screech briefly in the process. In a last futile attempt to regain his balance, Eds hand swung in the air and pressed hard on the keyboard.
High-pitched notes sounded sharp as if large and small pieces of glass broke apart.
Startled, Lil stopped. Ed, who was about to block her attack with his other arm, paused too. The sounds reverberation only faded after their gazes became tightly intertwined. With the cembalo standing close to the window, Lil and Ed were now both illuminated by the bright light coming into the music room.
In the light floating with fine dust, this man appears so bright. His green eyes are exactly as I remember them. The man looking up at me in silence is like Ed. The Ed I knew was as bright as this, so theres no way Im mistaken, theres only Ed and no one else. Until he was thrown out of the Bell Rock, I had no idea what kind of gaze he had been looking at me. Previously, I couldnt figure it out. But now, this man in front of me is neither an illusion nor a delusion, no matter how much I try to deny it. He isnt an actor fresh from the stage. From the beginning until now, he hasnt changed
Lil decisively lowered her hand as though she were under a spell.
Its been over a day since the first time I woke up, so tell me now. Come on, now.
Ed, who was observing the resolute Lil, adjusted his chair and sat quietly in front of her. Lil casually leaned on the cembalo, but because the keyboard made a loud noise, she hastily jerked up. As she stood there and fidgeted in embarrassment, Ed took her hand. No, he didnt take her hand, he grabbed her wrist. Lils fingers went up in a half-closed shape and landed on Eds cheek and temple. Lils hand, controlled by Ed, passed his forehead and swept his head. Her fingertips broke through his soft hair over and over again. She watched the man moving her hand with his own and found it more upsetting than funny that he was sitting so carefree while basically stroking himself.
Theres still a lot left unsaid. I have a lot to ask and even more things to be angry about. So, dont act like a peaceful ending has arrived.
I have a lot left to say, too.
But then why are you like this?
Well
I mean. I cant do this I cant simply move on like this because Im still very angry
As if he couldnt already be more at ease, Ed relaxed even more. Lil bit her lip impatiently when he muttered something in an incomprehensible voice.
Hmmm
She couldnt stand it anymore and slapped him on the shoulder.
Hmm? Did the cat get your tongue? How can you take your time with a face like that? You know how worried I am. So tell me now!
Ed, who hadnt reacted once, continued to guide her fingers over his cheek. Then, he slowly let go of her wrist. Her hand now covered half of his face. Lil was about to lower her freed hand when
Only if you touch me
Lil frowned, not understanding what she was hearing. Still, Eds eyes were the same as he looked up at her. Lil tried to guess what he meant and glanced at the three bottles of alcohol rolling around the chairs legs.
I think youre out of your mind. I bet youll regret this once youre sober. So quit it, all right?
You dont seem to hate it now, but if you let me touch you
Ed didnt seem to understand her words either.
He must be drunk or something Is he really waiting for me to touch his cheek? Will he really tell me about my crew if I do this for him?
Lil rolled her eyes until she met Eds. The light from the window was gathering on his face, and a languid halo shone in his eyes. Lil swallowed her dry saliva and moved her hand clumsily.
She stroked Eds face for a while longer. In the meantime, she tried to put pressure on him by not closing or turning her gaze away. Her head was desperately calculating how long she would have to do this.
Till now I only touched his cheek, but seeing no reaction, it doesnt appear that I only need to do that
Her hand moved upwards and gently touched his temples and forehead. Nonetheless, Ed didnt appear satisfied. Lils obligatory movement came to a halt when she brushed against Eds brow. It was because of the rough scars she suddenly felt under her fingertips. Lil raised her eyes and took a closer look. Eds scar, extending all the way to his scalp, tore the area around his forehead in several stripes.
Theyre all different in size and length
There was no way Lil didnt know what left them behind and she finally realised what he wanted her to touch*.
That night. When the waves were calm under a bright moonlit sky. When I collapsed and looked down at the sea* Now that Im seeing this, I have no choice but to return to that very night It doesnt matter who Ed is, what he is, or what others call him. Looking back, it all feels so meaningless, all the reasons why I felt like I shouldnt be sorry for that incident and why I should stand by my decision All that matters is how Ed is doing. How much pain he was in, and how much it hurt, thats all that I care about now. If only I can soothe the pain that mustve been unbearable for him
Lil muttered words she would never have been able to say if it hadnt been for this moment.
Im sorry
As her hand covered his forehead like a blanket, Lil repeated it over and over again. Her thumb caressed the rough skin tirelessly.
I shouldnt have left you like that
Lil squeezed her voice out with difficulty due to the lump in her throat. When she said what she wanted to say, Ed finally turned his gaze towards her after averting it for some time. He blinked quickly as if trying to calm his heated eyes.
I shouldve checked up on you at least once
His eyelashes appeared damp and his face remained still like he was holding back.
Thats why, Im truly sorry
Ed jumped up and wrapped Lil in an embrace. As Lil couldnt bear to push him away, she held still. Ed exhaled heavily, burying his face deep in the nape of her neck. Lil was at a loss for what to do with the man whose shoulders were bobbing up and down, and she eventually decided to brush his back in comfort.
Ed enjoyed the sensation of his body being held by Lil and holding Lil himself. Lil, on the other hand, didnt really know what to think of the situation.
It has only been a few minutes since I uttered contemptuous vitriol about hating him, and it has only been mere hours when I thought of Ed as the horrifying man from the rumours. But in the end, it has come to this
Perhaps Lil knew instinctively that she wouldnt be able to reject him. And that was what made her afraid to face Ed. She had the vague premonition that seeing him would cause her to turn away from the direction she had fixed herself on.
Lil let out a deep sigh and released the tension that had been stiffening her body. At some point, Ed remained still and stopped moving. But not long after he suddenly raised his head and pushed her shoulder.
Just so you know, Im not sleeping.
I thought he had been shedding tears, but he looks better than I expected.
Eds eyes werent swollen nor were there any traces of tears left. Besides the beginning of a straw nest on top of his head, his further clean face glared at Lil.
I cant believe I had to wait this long.
Ha, Well How how was I supposed to know what you were getting at?..
Lil lamented to herself how she possibly couldve known something that she only noticed a few minutes ago.
I never expected for Ed to come out so vulnerable.
Lil wasnt used to men digging into her arms and claiming to be hurt.
All the men I know are either strong, believe theyre strong, or at least pretend to be strong.
Regarding this subject, she had been raised the old-fashioned way. Men didnt show any weakness, only women did. So she had never had someone from the opposite sex asking her so openly for a hug.
I did it because I felt like it.
Ed laughed brightly. Lil instantly became dubious and questioned while frowning at him.
You didnt just pretend to cry, did you?
Well
Her mouth dropped open at how Ed said that so shamelessly.
Reference:
Eds scars, extending all the way to his scalp, tore the area around his forehead in several small stripes. = Chapter 136, maybe your first thought went out to the time Lil slipped and hit Ed on the forehead with her teeth, but this scar is actually made by Courant during the torture scene. Courant hit Ed on the head with a round paperweight, knocking Ed out.
That night. When the waves were calm under a bright moonlit sky. When I collapsed and looked down at the sea = Chapter 134, Lil is talking about the night when Ed got tortured and thrown overboard. After everybody left, Lil collapsed and looked at the sea.
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