Chapter 168
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Lil angrily now swung her arms to loosen the ropes around her torso.
Dont you ever downplay why Im doing this. Dont even dare to guess. I know your sympathy and your pity for me. But even if it looks bad, just be sorry. Dont offer your solution for a better life.
What did you
Realising that her tongue kept slipping out of line, Lil bit her lip hard.
Im sorry. I said too much.
Do you have any idea how much I love you? How can you return those words? So you dont give a damn even if I get hurt?
No, Im not taking your efforts lightly. Thats why Im really sorry
Dont be hypocritical! If youre truly sorry, you wouldnt be able to say this. I dont even want to hear any of your empty apologies!
There was nothing left to say. In fact, Lil did feel sorry for Cesars sadness, but she wasnt sorry for her decision to leave him.
Im sure Cesar will meet a sense of fullness thats incomparable to what he has right now. It may be a presumptuous thought, but I clearly feel it. And I believe that Cesar is feeling it, too.
After all, Lil has always been confident that Cesar was a great man.
First, Im going to Panichi. But as I said, I cant continue being a Captain in the League, so Im going back.
What do you mean back? To where?
Sesbron.
Are you talking about Mireille?
Yes.
Was I worse than that Duke?!
Dont get me wrong. This is because I want to take off this shell and go back to being Liloa. I want to live as I was born. Ill go there, and no matter what happens at least Ill be able to live as myself.
Cesar kept quiet for a long while. He simply didnt seem to believe it. Meanwhile, Lil waited for him. She kept quiet even though she knew that Cesar was trying hard to suppress his sobs. Neither Lil nor Cesar was accustomed to tears, so Cesar held back his tears as clumsily as Lil did. His tears, that couldnt be wiped away, fell steadily like sands in an hourglass. After what seemed like an eternity, a drop fell, and after another eternity, a second drop followed. Just like that countless eternities poured down.
I was wrong
Ill follow you in whatever you want to do
I was wrong. Please
I only have you
Cesar took a deep breath.
You
But his breath crumbled
Out there
With his breath tightening, it became difficult for him to utter even a single word. Whenever Cesar caught his breath, the pillar swayed, and Lils body shook along with them. His pain echoed through her chest. He continued to mumble, but it was only intermittently audible. Even though he knew Lil wouldnt understand, Cesar impatiently repeated his words.
Dont leave me, dont
Im really, really sorry. I should have realised sooner. Im sorry for making you suffer all this time. Thank you for everything
Ah, no
Cesars hands suddenly groped Lils arms out of nowhere. Lil, who didnt know when Cesar had untied himself, caught his hand in a moment of surprise. Feeling that his sleeves were all wet with blood, he seemed to have freed himself in a hurry. When her palms became slippery from the blood that flowed from his wrists, she strengthened her grip on his hand again and again, fearing she would lose it.
I will try harder more If only I try it will work, wont it? You do whatever you want
No, its not going to work.
Liloa please It hurts so, so much
Lil placed her other hand on the back of his hand. When Cesar urgently exerted a bit of strength in it, the back of his hand, desperately bulging, had never felt as weak as it did today. His wrist, which had always been firm, was now trembling uncontrollably. Unable to stand it, Lil began shedding tears as she listened to the sound of his enduring sadness collapsing between his teeth. His grip, feeling hopeful, softened with relief It was only then that Lil twisted her wrist out between his loosened palms
***
The Bell Rocks watchtower floated through the fog. Not only the bottom of the small wooden barrel but also its surroundings were covered with the whitish mist, it even clouded the sun.
The watchman, who sat in the tower, fidgeted with the telescope tucked between his legs. He came here in an attempt to avoid the bloody confrontation on the deck. His position as watchman was especially convenient in a time like this. In addition, he was part of Marenzios men. And Marenzio didnt really care about his whereabouts, so no matter how many fights were happening right beneath him, nobody would be interested in finding him, giving him the freedom to merely hum a dull song. Sitting in the watchtower with only his head sticking out in the fog, he felt like he was a god ruling above the clouds. The sailor stretched a little and crossed his ankles on top of the railing.
The Bell Rock has remained stationary for a while now. When even the sun couldnt be observed due to the obstruction of the thick sea fog, looking for islands they could use as reference was impossible too, making their charts useless. Moreover, the captain and the navigator, the two most experienced sailors who memorised the sea route to the extent they could sail it with their eyes closed, were detained, so the rest of the crew were helpless until the fog cleared. That was exactly why the watchman felt that all the shouting down there was useless. No one could even guess the direction they should head. At this rate, it could be considered mercy and luck if they wouldnt starve to death.
The watchman was thinking of a way to pass the time leisurely and decided to go for a nap. The song he hummed was like a lullaby, and he sang it continuously as if it were endless. However, at some point, the lyrics of his song, which had been heading to an unspecified place in the fog, stopped.
The hand of a ghost wadded through the veil of thin air. The watchman clearly saw it and in an instant, a chill ran down the back of his neck. He quickly straightened his posture and pulled out his telescope.
Thinking it must have been the hand of the mist ghost, he recalled that the number of ships stranded in the belly of the fog, led by that hand, was countless. It was a familiar myth about a ghost who would remain hungry no matter how much it ate and therefore would constantly stretch out its hand to grab boats that snooped around in order to fill its stomach with another prey.
As sailors were people who feared ghosts more than death, the watchman hurriedly looked through his telescope. At glance, something was stirring the fog. It was far, far away, but the eyesight of an experienced lookout could catch even the slightest movement. He soon realised that it wasnt the hand of the ghost. Rather, it was an object that shouldnt be around here. The watchman suspected that he was looking at something in vain. But there was no doubt that
Is that a flag?
A flag. It was a flag he had never seen before and its fluttering made the pattern incomprehensible. The watchman knew it wasnt one of the Southern Leagues flags and the imperial merchant ships had no way of travelling here during the rainy season.
Time was running out for him to confirm his conflicting speculations. One would think that the watchmen on ships tend to compete as if they were racing to finish a meal, starting with a duel on who has the better eyesight, but those kinds of shows of pride only took place in pubs. In reality, overconfidence and arrogance alone were enough to endanger an entire ship. Therefore, the assumption that their opponents watchman couldnt spot the Bell Rock wasnt even worth considering. There was no time to contemplate this alone.
In an instant, the sailor looked down and started to shout.
Theres a ship!
The constant yelling on deck came to an end at once as silence swept away the sailors voices. Then, all their voices came together like dust forced to clump on a broom.
Its the Navy!..
Insane screams were heard followed by terrifying cries.
The Navy! Were all going to die!..
Aaghh! Why is the Navy here?! Why the hell again?!..
Shut up, you bloody buffoons! Stop making a fuss about it!..
Suddenly, the rigging tightened as if someone was climbing the mast line. The watchman had been studying their opponents flag without moving before he glanced at his uninvited guest who poked his head over the railing. It was Alain, coming up to see the situation for himself. When the anxious watchman handed over the telescope, Alain immediately snatched it.
The sailor informed Alain nervously.
They have a lot of ornaments on their lines, so I cant figure out which one their official flag is. Do you think its the Navy?
Alain was adept in his identification. Everyone, including the watchman himself, knew this. Alain had worked several years at an imperial merchant company, so he was familiar with anything related to the aristocracy. Thanks to that experience, his fellow sailors could now also easily distinguish the marks of an aristocratic ship they didnt know about before. But this time, their opponents ship was a little strange. The watchman, who agreed that Alains knowledge was as good as the captains, tilted his head uneasily.
But I normally recognise the shape of Legardon well.
The Imperial Navy Flag, the Mahin Royal flag, and the Legardon Flag were the three flags that symbolised the Southern Navy and they were also the three patterns that every watchman needed to know.
Alain muttered his next sentence like a groan.
Its not Legardon
Is that so?
The watchman was so relieved that he didnt look at Alains expression and for a moment, hope flashed across the brightened mans face. He also regained his composure, thinking that there was indeed no way he wouldnt have noticed Legardons sails.
However, Alain lowered the telescope with trembling hands. Fearful eyes confronted his comrade. Facing the contemplative boatswain, the watchman quickly hardened his smile. And as if to ridicule the mans premature optimism, a much more cruel declaration was soon heard
Its Mondovis naval flag
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