Shock and silence washed over the city.
The feeling of disbelief spread from one person to the next in a connected wave of synesthesia.
"If you're listening to this, I'm dead.
However, if you think I won't quill your sorry ass, I'll call in a favor to a necromancer.
Trust me, kiddos. I'm not playing around."
Bewildered laughter burst through the city like a flood gate.
"I'm not one for sentimentalities. Even though most of you will bicker over petty semantics."
Tears streamed down her soldiers' eyes.
"I'm only recording this message because I'm stupid enough to fight a Colossus at age 70 during my damn vacation."
Roars of laughter poured into the streets.
Her words lived the puffy eyes of grown men in waves.
"I'm only doing it because I ordered my idiot apprentice to do it, and he was stupid enough to say yes."
Bewildered laughs escaped the mouths of people everywhere.
If I asked him a month ago, he'd sigh, tell me how stupid it was to volunteer to die, and I'd have to beat him into acceptance."
Tilo, Marie, Charlotte, Riley, and everyone else who knew Helix before his train burst into laughter.
"Now I've beat obedience into him to the point of stupidity.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry."
Helix chuckled bitterly.
Many people were shaking their heads, unsure of what to think of the situation.
"No, I'm just a moron. He was obedient to the point of lunacy in the first two weeks.
I knew that when I watched a Wyvern explode at the beginning of his training."
Perplexed laughs rang out through the auction house.
Hearing Helix's crazy story and hearing it from Tyrene's mouth were very different.
"If you're hearing this, he's playing this for you.
So look at that impractical pretty boy coat he has on.
I know he's wearing it.
That's made of a pelt of a Warpshire Hellhound he fought while picking flowers for his girlfriend."
Tyrene scoffed, triggering the eyes of everyone in the auction house.
He was wearing that coat.
Many people knew what it was made of.
"But I'm not a good influence because I picked those damn flowers with him!
Damn kids and their rhetoric. Talking about spirit beasts and training them to protect loved ones… blah blah blah."
Charlotte started laughing, and her eyes lit up.
Marie and Riley hugged her.
The otakus and weebs suddenly realized what it takes to impress War Goddess.
"What I'm trying to say is this.
We fought that beast together along with my other apprentices.
I'm dead; he's not.
That's my own damn fault, and if anyone has a problem with it, I'll use your severed finger to seal my envelopes!
If that thing kills me, I'm a bad teacher for sending him out to fight it."
The Alzerians felt a cold shiver run down their spines.
"I'm getting that out of the way.
That idiot's probably in Alzeria, investigating a monster sighting a few weeks after battling a damn fifth-order Colossus and watching me die.
If you're hearing this, he's risking his life again like a moron.
The last thing he needs is idiot students of mind hounding him in my honor.
I know that will happen, so I'm telling you, so you don't disgrace me!"
Many people who were resentful instantly shivered at her words.
"Okay. Now that that's out of the way….
Hmmm. Now that I'm writing a will, I don't know what to say.
There are so many people I want to complain about right now.
But…."
Everyone closed their eyes and listened to her every word.
"Now that I'm thinking about the end, I can't find a single damn thing to complain about!
Hah. Perhaps I'm one of those tsundere or whatever the hell those idiots call me."
The otakus and webs roared with laughter.
They were dry heaving on the ground.
"I guess it's a word for someone that acts tough but cares.
I've heard it so many times I think I'm starting to believe it.
Heh. I think my apprentices are probably right.
Now that I'm thinking about my soldiers, students, and friends….
Heh. There's nothing but a big pathetic smile on my face."
Grown men everywhere started crying.
Tears streamed down their eyes, and the people next to them were patting them on the back.
"I'm always complaining about vacations and not retiring, but…."
Helix chuckled.
"Who's stopping me? I'm the most powerful person in this damn country!"
Battle cries rang out in the city.
"Thing is, I think it's just an excuse to see all my idiot students.
I'm old as hell. I'm pretty sure all my friends are students who got too old to call students."
General Masov burst into laughter.
Countless others had the same experience.
"It's a funny thing, being a general.
You live your life leading people into battle.
You watch countless people you love die.
You risk your life while you're at it.
Yet the people I know are always so damn… happy!
Stop it, you idiots!
I'm writing this will, and I don't have anything meaningful to say!"
Helix burst into laughter, and tears streamed down his cheeks.
He motioned to Marie, Charlotte, and Riley, and the three ran over to him.
The four embraced one another with tears streaming from their faces.
"Haaaaaah. Come to think of it…. I'm not sure if anything I've ever said was philosophical or insightful.
Whenever anyone's lacking disciple, I just tell them to swing a sword some more.
That's probably why no one surpassed me, and let me rest!"
Helix was laughing and crying at the same time.
Everyone that saw the four didn't feel jealousy in the slightest.
They just felt warm.
"Okay… hmmm. I want to say something that shows people that I care, but… I don't know how to.
I can't beat my love into them anymore, and that's awkward."
Helix laughed, and his partners followed.
"So instead, how about I start naming off my students.
If I do, people will get the idea of how much I noticed you.
That's all I can do.
I'm an old woman who has had hundreds of students.
So if I miss someone, cut an old woman some slack.
If you don't, I'll haunt your grave to prove I remember you!"
Tear-filled laughs filled the streets.
"Let's start with Macron. You're not threatening, so stop using my damn language, you fool!"
Helix burst into laughter.
Macron was alone, but he still looked in four directions to check if people saw his embarrassed expression.
That included the wall he was sitting on.
"Heh. If I put a fact about my students, I'll be doing this all night.
So let's just start listing.
Gregory Masov, Milne Myers, Listen Segaul…."
Tyrene's voice spoke names for two hours.
Helix released the otakus and weebs and bowed before the nobles.
They gave him a standing ovation for three minutes before leaving the auction house.
As Helix, Marie, Charlotte, and Riley walked back to their room, they could still hear Tyrene listing names.
At the very end, they heard her last words.
"My three beautiful apprentices, Riley Singer, Marie Skybolt, Charlotte Kline.
Finally, my first idiot apprentice Helix Hellsgate Margrave, who's pretentious enough to introduce himself with his middle name.
Those four have inspired me and made me hope that we'll win the battle against the Mad Queen one day.
To all of my students, I'll miss you all."
—
Power stones and grammatical errors = more content. :)
Updat𝒆d fr𝒐m freew𝒆bnov𝒆l.c(o)m