"You can't let one experience …" Sayuri began.
"No," Kyle said, cutting her off, "You don't get it, Sayuri."
He took a deep breath, looking at his hands as he said, "I loved her with my entire being. Heart, body, and soul. I did the best that I could to make her happy and loved. I didn't just trust her whole-heartedly. I was convinced that we were meant to be and that nothing could ever break us apart."
"I convinced myself, so long as I told her what I was doing, and that I loved her, it would be enough."
He looked at her, his eyes devoid of any feeling, "Have you ever been in love, Sayuri?"
Sayuri nodded.
"How would you feel if the person you loved, broke your trust in the worst way possible, yet they are not at fault?"
"It would be easier to put the blame on Sari, and push all of the fault onto her. But I can't," Kyle said.
He looked back at the stars and said, "This love business is highly overrated."
Kyle sat up, looking at the now completed decorations below, "I am not saying that love does not exist. Ali, Xing Han, and Sam have all been lucky enough to have found it. I hope Kay - and you, do, too. However, it's not for me."
Sayuri was wrong to say that he was letting this one experience make him avoid all matters of the heart from now.
He had gone through too much in his past life, and this experience was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. Granted, that straw was pretty heavy because he had never loved anyone as deeply as he did for Sari.
Not even his spouse.
He had been thinking of nothing else but this ever since the break-up and he really was just tired of it all.
He realised that he had been caught up in the dream that he could make it work with Sari just because he loved her so much. But the reality was, he couldn't help alleviate her fears or reassure her.
He had been insecure as well in his past life as well so he knew what it felt like. However, his mistake was that he thought so long as he treated her like how he would have liked to be treated, it would have been fine.
He may have lessened the calls, but that was only after he had told her.
He told her that he was extremely busy, and the time difference made it hard to stay in touch. He had things that he had to settle in the morning while she was only free at that particular time. During the times he could call her, it was inbetween meetings and thus, he had to be short.
He had told her his reasons for the lack of calls and the short calls but ...
In the end, there was only one conclusion: he would never be good enough because he could not give her the attention she required.
He had thought, at least, with his beloved, she would understand him and believe in him even when he was so busy.
Kyle sighed.
He has his family. The Elite Five. His kids. Kay's future kids.
What more could he ask for?
He was not going to be greedy anymore.
He didn't need the love of a beloved.
Sayuri was silent, hearing the firm resolution of Kyle's words. More importantly, the cold and unfeeling expression on his face.
She gulped and had to fight back tears.
Although it looked like Kyle didn't feel a thing, Sayuri knew the sort of pain he had gone through - and is still going through - for him to be like this.
To close his heart off so utterly and completely.
He didn't believe he deserved love anymore and that hurt Sayuri deeply.
Why? Just why did she have to fall in love with this unavailable and unattainable man?
When did it start?
She didn't know it herself, but it was most likely the first stirrings began when he had come over so long ago, and made that congee for her when he thought she was sick.
His presence in her life became something that grew without her realising until that fateful day.
When she had found out Kyle had found 'the one' and heard how deeply in love with her he was, she felt so much pain that the realisation hit her.
She loved him.
She loved him with all her heart and being, so she could understand what Kyle was saying.
Falling in love with Kyle was the stupidest thing she had ever done but it was not something she could help.
She wished she could take away his pain, or at least, share it with him so that he could heal. Even if he could never see her as a beloved, at least, he wasn't rejecting her as a friend.
She was satisfied with that.
He turned to face her and looked surprised. Reaching out, he wiped the tears that were on her eyelashes which had yet to fall.
"Why are you crying?" he asked softly, "Don't be sad. I'm fine. But, thank you."
The gesture just made Sayuri's heart clench but she knew he was just being kind. Luckily, her ninja training helped her from giving herself away.
Kyle got up and stretched, "Come on, there's still a couple of hours before breakfast. Sleep till then."
Sayuri got up and followed Kyle down.
Seeing that straight back in front of her, she made a vow to herself to keep her feelings buried deep, deep down.
For now.
Kyle just had his heart broken badly and he would need time to heal. She will help him heal, and when the time was right, she would confess.
No matter the outcome, she wouldn't be stupid and keep quiet about her feelings. If he rejects her, at least she tried.
She would regret it forever otherwise.
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