Sophia felt very conflicted right now.
The more she learned about Ali's religion, the more she felt torn.
It did not help that she was beginning to see that Ali was becoming more … how does she say it? Less religious? No, that's not it. However, she noted that the things he was not supposed to do, he was doing more now.
It was all because of her.
He would hold her more often. Kiss her hands more often. Soon, it 'graduated' to kissing her cheek. She suspected that it might even become kissing her lips.
She remembered the first kiss they had shared and her face blushed. Despite that being their first kiss, it had been intense. And he had been racked with guilt afterwards.
Yet now, it seemed like he was justifying whatever he was doing?
Accepting the sin because he couldn't let her go?
That wasn't right.
She didn't like that.
She didn't want to be the reason why he would lose his way. Would he lose his way? Would this just be the impetus that makes him question his Faith?
Sophia shuddered.
She couldn't have that. She couldn't live with that guilt if that was so.
But that did not mean she was willing to accept his Faith just because she wanted to 'save' him.
He never asked her directly what were her thoughts, or how she felt - most likely because he did not want to pressure her. Yet, at the same time, she suspected that he was afraid of what she might say.
Did she believe?
She was beginning to.
She was beginning to see things in a different perspective and the concept of a 'Higher Being' became much more plausible. It was as if the moment she accepted the possibility, the door was open.
Everything seemed different.
Every action, every result.
When she stopped questioning things like 'If there is a God, then why is there famine?' and looked at it from a different perspective … she felt enlightened.
Why do humans like to put blame? Or expect some sort of miracle? Or …
Sophia shook her head.
It was difficult, truth be told.
Too many things going on in her mind.
One thing for sure, though.
The existence of God is one thing that she has begun to accept … but this did not necessarily mean she accepted Ali's faith.
Not that she was rejecting it, but how sure was she that it was the one for her?
There were so many religions out there, not to mention beliefs as well. There are 'major' religions such as Islam and Christianity. But that was not all.
There are also Bahá'í, Buddhism, Confucianism, Druze, Gnosticism, Hinduism, Jainism, Judaism, Rastafarianism, Shinto, Sikhism, Zoroastrianism, and not to mention the various religions from Country Af, and the Indigenous religions of Country AS.*
Heck, there was even the following now of Scientology - though she didn't really feel that was a 'religion'.
The bottom line was …
How was she to tell Ali that she wasn't sure about embracing his Faith?
He had, after all, been telling her that he would never force her and was willing to answer any questions about his Faith.
But would he be able to accept the fact that he had opened her heart to God, but not to his Faith?
Sophia's thoughts were disrupted upon the arrival of Ali. He came over, gave her a kiss on the cheek and sat down next to her.
"Hey, what's up?" Ali asked, looking at her lovingly.
Sophia gulped, and looked away, feeling guilty.
"Sophia? Love?" Ali asked worriedly, turning to face her.
"I'm sorry," Sophia said, smiling at him.
She looked at him, putting her hand on his cheek.
He was so handsome, with his chiseled dark looks. His face matured more since the year before and Sophia knew that he was one of those types that would age well. In fact, the older he got, the more striking-looking he became.
And this same handsome man loved her with all of his heart.
Her heart clenched in pain.
"You're sorry? For what?" Ali asked, his heart dropping upon seeing her sad face.
Why?
What was happening?
Things were going so well so why did he have this sense of foreboding?
He didn't want to overthink this.
Perhaps she was apologizing for not looking at him earlier? For averting her gaze?
Then again, why did she do that?
He gripped her hands harder, feeling like there was this huge lump in his throat suddenly.
Sophia closed her eyes and her head hung low. She had to do this. She had to. It had been going on for quite some time already and it's not fair to drag it for so long.
But it was so hard.
Opening her eyes, tears formed and Ali shook his head.
"No, don't say it," Ali said pulling her close and hugging her tightly, "Please, don't say it."
Sophia started crying then, softly and Ali felt his shoulders getting wet. His mind was denying what was in front of his eyes and he took her face in his hands, wiping her tears.
"Please, Sophia my love," Ali pleaded, "Don't leave me."
Sophia blinked, and her tears kept falling, "Ali, I .."
Ali did the unthinkable then.
In desperation, and in his immense fear of hearing those words he never wanted to hear, he kissed her. Kissed her to stop her from talking. To stop her from saying those words.
Sophia closed her eyes, the tears falling and mingling with their joined lips. She returned his kiss, thinking, 'one last time'. Ali, upon getting a response, did not stop but instead, the kiss became more intense.
Their breaths became one, their tongues mingling desperately and soon, his hands started roaming. It was only when Sophia felt his hands go under her shirt did she pull away abruptly, grabbing that hand.
Ali froze, realising what he had just done.
He looked at her in horror, with intense guilt hitting him.
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