Chapter 525: Thinking Out Loud
Dread and panic were flushing back inside me just as soon as I thought I finally managed to trickle the last of it out of my system.
Now its return, resurging with a vengeance – having to watch her, hear her, as every ounce of her strength and energy was literally being sapped from her skin, and dreading the anticipation of her every breath suddenly being her last.
Sitting here and racking my brain for ideas was only blanking my mind even more – but nevertheless, I have to think, grasp at every loose straw that flutters by – I have to try.
“You know, I’m starting to feel a little woozy now...” Mom said, absentmindedly voicing her thoughts out loud. “A little funny...”
She looked up at me, realized the grim implications of her previous remark, and just calmly shook her head after.
“I’ve felt funny before. Many, many times in fact,” She said with a seemingly forced tone of comfort. “A life like mine... well, you’ll get yourself into all sorts of funny situations. Your father can certainly vouch for me on that.”
I was hardly listening to her anymore. In my head, I was just hearing myself echo over and over again to think, think! Just think of something, anything, please...
.....
“And this especially...” She mused on, maintaining her ailing smile as best she could. “Deliberately giving myself this splitting headache here in order to save a random man I’ve never even met before, a random man that you’ve only known for a little more than a few hours and that you also deliberately risk yourself for as well... ahh, altruism is pretty amusing at times, don’t you think so? Putting us in all sorts of funny situations.”
There she was still talking, still chuckling, and here I was, listening to her every wheeze after... still trying.
“I don’t know if he’s ever mentioned it to you yet, but you know in his youth... your father was also quite the – ”
“Dad.” I blinked into focus. “Dad can help,” and without a second between words, I snapped my head over to the darkness surrounding us, latching to the little faint outline of gray and white ever-peering from the shadows. “Adalia, can you fetch my father again? Tell him we need him, that she needs him to – ”
“Oh, I don’t need him to do anything actually,” Mom spoke over me, her words firmer than mine. As a result, Adalia remained quietly rooted in the shade. “Not like he could anyway.
We caught each other’s eyes, and she met my alarm and confusion with a little sigh.
“You forget – magic isn’t one big general thing. It has branches, nuances, and we all have our different expertise, different specialties, some more than others... and sadly, his isn’t this,” She calmly explained. “You bring him back to see me like this, he might just change his mind. He’ll stop this, and neither you or I will have the strength to convince him otherwise. Are you sure you want that? I don’t mind if you do. You can still change your mind.”
Seeing her trembling expression, the veins surfacing on her skin highlighted in gold... I almost said yes.
“But you won’t, right? As much as you want to spare your dear mother from the agonizing pain you’ve indirectly afflicted upon her, absolve yourself from the guilt you’re definitely feeling at the moment – no you won’t,” She said, matter-of-factly voicing out my thoughts too unnervingly well. “Try again, dear.”
Racing against time has never been my specialty. Every instance we’d get pit against one another, I’d always only win by a hair’s breadth, and I knew that that gap was only going to keep getting smaller and smaller every time we’d lap each other, and this time... it was definitely looking to be quite a close one even for my standards.
“While we’re at it, since they’re cut from the same cloth, let’s also forget about roping in your sister too. Oh, Samantha... you know, come to think of it, how would you think she’d think of this if she knew, hm?” Mom kept on thinking out loud, her wandering thoughts seemingly serving no other purpose but to sprinkle some levity into the tense silence. “I like to think that she’d be just as panicky and terrified as you. But after everything that’s happened, I don’t know now, maybe... maybe she’d think that this is all well deserved after all. Or perhaps there’s a middle ground. Maybe she’d feel both, maybe... mmm, ah well, I guess I’ll never know now, will I?”
Again, I didn’t answer her, I didn’t know how to. All I could do was stare at her, as she stared right back at me... calmly, lovingly... not a hint of discomfort peering beneath the mellow darkness of her eyes.
“On the bright side, though,” She said, her trembling gaze falling slump sideways. “If nothing else, I got to share this moment with my darling son, and at least now I definitely know... that you still do care, after all.”
“Stop talking like that,’ I finally responded, a surge of annoyance spurring my lips open. “You and I both know you’re not going to let yourself die here.”
Mom threw out an impish look. “Ahh, you got me. Guess I can’t wring out any more sympathy points from you.” But quickly her playful air faded, and what remained only was her blunt honesty. “That being said, when it comes to whether I live or die here... I’m afraid that choice is no longer in my hands.”
“You mean...?”
“Yes,” Mom weakly affirmed, her lips no longer with the strength to maintain the illusion of strength. “It seems Grieven is a greedy, greedy feeder... I can feel him, slowly, and slowly, he’s becoming a part of me now... and already I can tell, he’s definitely not the type to share.”
My desperation, hearing her, had soared to the highest peak, and instantly I reached my hands out, taking hold of the part of her arms that still resembled human.
‘Stop!’ I wanted to say. ‘I changed my mind,’ the words so nearly sprang out of me.
But then I noticed something, realizing something, holding her, hearing her – sifting through all her little talks – the answer had been right there all along.
The words at the tip of my tongue rapidly reformed and reshuffled, and the same panic that had me reaching towards her, had transformed into a resolve that kept my arms still clinging around hers.
“Share it,” I said, looking down at Harry. “Share the soul with me.”
“Share the... huh...” Mom paused for a moment to blink, to think. “Hmm, that is a clever idea.”
I couldn’t agree with that more. I mean, if the parasite was a fracture of a soul, then theoretically, wouldn’t it be possible to fracture that fracture again? Split it off, share a lightened burden between two individuals, instead of delegating a heavier one onto a sole one.
“It is possible, right?” I said, unable to hide the eagerness in my voice. “If I lighten the load, the risk of him consuming you will be drastically lowered.”
“That is true,” She replied, yet for some reason not sharing the hope twinkling in my eyes. “And it’s also true that if we do as you said, the same high risks I’m facing will now apply to you as well.”
Right... guess there’s that too.
Mom narrowed her lips. “I don’t think I need to explain why I’m not too keen about that.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, looking at her, whirling to Adalia, repeating it firmer and louder. “It’s a fragment of a fragment now. I – I’ve been through a lot already. If nothing else, I know I’m pretty damn resilient.”
Adalia kept quiet, her concerns and grievances given voice by Mom instead, who shared the same sentiment,
“I don’t doubt that you are. But just take a look at yourself – you’re just as pale as I am, just as weak as I look. You feel it, but you don’t notice it... because you’re far too busy worrying about others again. You say you’re fine, but you don’t even know that you are... so how am I supposed to know that you will be?”
She raised a fair point, and she was right – I was blindly rushing in, thinking nothing of the consequences, the repercussions. Unlike her, I was never one to meticulously weigh the pros and cons. But, right now, all of that didn’t matter to me now.
Not when there’s actually a fighting chance.
Damn the cons.
“You don’t,” I simply told her, releasing her arms, and slowly leaning back. “I guess you’re just gonna have to decide if you trust me enough for this.” I continued on, slightly raising a brow at her expression quickly growing more and more amused. “And you do trust me, don’t you?”
At that, I managed to draw a final chuckle from her... and even surprisingly returned her, her smile.
“Wow,” She whispered, giggled, her smile growing wider. “How the tables have turned on me now.”
“Let me help you,” I urged her for the final time. “Let me try.”
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