Chapter 499: Deep Thoughts
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching as of late, I notice. Seeing things in retrospect, hindsight, and outright just giving even the smallest things, the most trivial of details, a bigger picture, whether there even really was one or not.
And just then talking with Irene, seeing Ria again, I’m starting to run out frames for every freaking picture.
Thing was – I was never like this before... meticulously processing every action I make before and after, I’d just go right ahead and do it.
Yet alas, that was a long time ago now... where the only person I had to worry about was myself when I screwed up, which I always inevitably do.
Life was so much simpler when the consequences of my actions would come to only bite me in the ass. I can handle that... but say if it ends up biting others too, innocent others... yeah, it’s no wonder I’m in my head a lot recently.
It’s a lot of pressure, to be honest. One that can get pretty overwhelming sometimes. The kind that gets a guy chugging two straight days without sleep trying to alleviate that pressure. To push on despite fatigue, despite even bleeding... hell, he might even try to distract himself any way he can, a dip in the lake maybe – after all, he’s been making great strides as of late... he’ll just call it a well-deserved break.
Last night was... special. It wasn’t a distraction, I wouldn’t dare mislabeled that moment. I needed it, wanted it... and I wouldn’t take back a single second of it for the world.
.....
But I realize if I was ever going to pull this off, I’m going to have to stop wanting. Just for this instance, I have to put everything else aside, nothing else needs to matter except Harry.
His life mattered, he matters... more than he’ll ever dare to acknowledge. If not as a father, if not as a husband, then at the very least, as a person, I think he should matter.
So then, I guess that means that break time is officially over... it’s back to work.
I began to clear the mess first, stowing away the failure of a tent, before rolling the sleeping bags up and stuffing them back into the rucksack.
Began to unravel the bandages on my hand too while I was at it, and miraculously enough, it’s already faded to just a faint blemish overnight... didn’t even sting anymore.
Between this, and seeing how fast I manage to recover from complete magic deprivation from the Blight incident before, I’m now starting to wonder if some innate regenerative ability runs in the family or something... if so, then it’s no wonder I rarely ever come down with something, and here I always thought I just had a very good immune system.
By the time I was done with everything and had the bag slung over one shoulder, Ash had just finished with her bathing too... emerging out from the lake, her body soaking wet, and promptly settled herself on a small rock by the shore, using the sun and the wind in tandem as the world’s largest natural dryer.
Naturally, with such a breathtaking sight before my eyes, I couldn’t help but just briefly admire the lovely view.
She almost seemed to give off her own glow, really. The way her glistening white hair billowed and blew with the morning breeze. How happy and content her face looked, raising closed eyes to the clear blue skies, breathing out light breaths through peaceful smiling lips.
Makes me a little curious to know whatever thought she had in her head to have her smiling at that... not to sound complacent, but I think I might have an idea or two.
“Y’know, if your plan is to arouse me again, it’s working,” I called out to her. “Too bad I already packed the beds.”
Her eyes instantly fluttered open, and it was almost alarming how fast she was able to turn her head towards me, and the way she reacted from just seeing me standing there, it was as if nothing else could have made her any happier than that.
“Master...” She spoke, eyes shimmering, ears fluttering, delighted to see, delighted to hear, that invisible yet perceivable glow surrounding her reaching an almost blinding peak.
And for a brief moment, she looked ready to spring off the rock and lunge herself straight right into my arms, but then she took one quick glance at herself, and chose to remain firmly in place, turning a faint shade of red instead.
“A moment, please, if you would permit it,” She whispered with a meek smile, subtly obscuring her body with raised arms. “It would be utterly shameless of me should I approach you the way I am now.”
“Embarrassed?”
She nodded once, curling her arms a little more. “Very much.”
In my humble opinion, you could give me an eternity and I still wouldn’t be able to find a single thing about her to be embarrassed about. Still, I get it. Wouldn’t want to be stripped all bare all day either.
Besides, she’s cuter when she’s shy.
I turned myself around, allotting her all the time she needed to present herself with just a bit more modesty.
Barely a minute went and gone, before I heard small eager steps quickly approaching, and when I turned back again, I had to take a step back from how close she got to me.
“Good morning, Master,” She greeted, fully clothed, with an embellished bow in high spirits. “I had every intention to wake you myself soon, but I see now that it is no longer a necessity, unfortunately.”
I raised a brow at that. “Unfortunately, huh?”
“Indeed,” She affirmed, a feigned bitterness swirling in her emerald eyes. “Truly, it is a shame.”
“Hmm,” I took the obvious bait. “Well, it’s still not too late. Could just close my eyes right now, and you can go and do what you intend to do... whatever the heck that may be.”
“I’m afraid even still, Master, circumstances would prohibit me from acting on my intentions regardless.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well...” She blushed, her hands absentmindedly flattening the wrinkles in her skirt. “In order to do so, I would have to strip myself of my clothes again, you see, so...”
Ah, I see.
“Alright,” I nodded, trying my darndest to suppress my urges that really wanted out again. “Nothing wrong with leaving it to the imagination as well.”
“Maybe next time,” She proclaimed, that impish smile on her face only growing more bashful. “Surely, next time...”
I noticed then, as soon as she approached me even, that there was a visible strain laced with her demeanor.
A little sway, a little wobble tilting her body slightly forward before she’d immediately pull herself back only to rinse and repeat the entire process just as quick. Her feet too, anchored firmly onto the ground like she was trying to stop a momentum that wasn’t there, and the way she just stared at me, I think... yeah, there’s no doubt about it... someone’s holding themselves back again.
Guess she didn’t want to impose as much as she’s had already. After last night especially, what would ol’ little Master think if greedy, gluttonous she wanted some more? How unbecoming, indeed.
Well, if she wanted to know, I’m more than happy to tell her – hell, how about I just show her instead?
She never saw it coming, despite the intensity of her gaze, never once leaving mine, somehow, she never saw me coming. I slowly pressed my lips against hers, and her body reacted before she did, and pushed back even harder. At once, that strain I saw quickly eased away, and in an embrace, all I could feel from her was a softness, a tenderness and by the time she caught up to the moment, she silently accepted it.
We broke apart, but she didn’t pull away, her arms continued with their embrace, and I let her stay... hearing her soft breaths. Such a blissful, peaceful sound.
“Regarding last night, Master,” She said, her voice smothered by her emotions. “I... wish to express myself, alas I... I find myself incapable of describing, words fail to measure, to summarize, just how elated I feel to share such a moment with you, and only you.”
I just listened, staring down deep into her eyes, the glistening, shimmering green that only just kept getting brighter.
“And to be able to feel this way, it is truly a privilege, a blessing, that I thank the Divines sincerely, that it was you that ultimately provided me this chance, this opportunity... to love someone, to love you as I’ve had, and beyond... so much, I... Master... every second... I love you more and more... I can’t stop myself from doing so... in truth, I don’t want to stop...”
“No one’s telling you to,” I said, feeling my fingers sail to the smoothness of her still damp hair. “The privilege is all mine, Ash, really...”
“I only wish there was a way to express in words, this feeling, my thanks... I still can’t, I can’t think... there is so much I want to say, so much I want for you to know.”
“Don’t speak then, you don’t have to say them,” I simply told her, leading her to a solution so obvious, it was staring right at her in the face. My eyes, leaning in close again, I stared right at her. “I’ll know....”
And sure enough, I felt them alright. Everything unsaid, every emotion unexpressed, in her warmth, in her touch, and in turn, I went ahead and let her know mine too. That it was okay to feel this way, that it was alright to feel more. Because after all, who said that she was the only one that felt that way?
This time, it was her that pulled away, her eyes partly closed, still basking in the limelight of emotions, and with a smile, with a sigh, she spoke. “But I understand, too well aware, that it is unwise to express myself now... isn’t that right, Master?”
I stared back, sighing right back. “Unfortunately.”
“The task ahead of you is not one I should impose myself upon. You needn’t be distracted. So for the time being, I shall step aside, be out of sight, and yet always by your side should you ever need of me.”
Hearing her was like a lightened burden off my shoulder, yet nevertheless, a burden was still a burden. “Let’s hope I get this right.”
“You will,” She softly assured. “I know you will. If nothing else, my Master is frighteningly adamant of defeat. I would know, as a temporary princess of a makeshift kingdom beside one other I have seen that unbreakable resolve for myself, after all.”
I smiled. “This is a far cry from fighting for your honor with random cosplayers, y’know?”
“Nevertheless, Master,” She said. “Be it a swordfight, a vampire’s frenzy, a downpour of blood, or something as trivial as claiming the heart of a maiden who never knew a love this profound, your determination would still shine just as bright, yes?”
Well, I don’t know about that, but... yeah, I guess she was right.
“So long as you’re there, Master,” Ash continued, “I know no longer to raise any more doubts. With you, I know to hope. So succeed, Master,” She said, resting her head once more against my chest. “Because I have hope in you.”
I held her there, kept her there, “Will do,” I said, because I felt the same backward.
With her by my side, I could hope too.
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