Chapter 407: The New Deal, Part
So apparently, even when wet, soaking, and at a very high risk of catching a cold, and not to mention, sneezing... the fabled Arbiter of the Dead does not have a change of clothes.
Amanda found her a spare towel, fittingly enough, also colored purple, to which she found it a bizarre purpose, serving as an extra layer over her cloak and veil, so now she was looking like this fluffy, cotton-y violet mummy which was also sentient with two narrow yellow slits where her eyes glowed through.
Not exactly relevant, but now if she wanted to look at a person, she had to physically swivel her entire body around in order to do so... again, not exactly useful info, just thought it looked kinda funny.
The kindly hostess, Amanda, also generously offered her a seat on the couch, yet instead, she opted to remain standing, so there we all three were – Amanda on one end of her couch, I and in the other, with this purple pillar of fabric looming so forebodingly before us with every white flash, and violent rumble in the sky.
Took this long, had our time to settle down, to acclimatize, now there wasn’t any plausible reason to beat around the bush any longer – time to find out what this was all about.
Guided by candlelight, I looked up to the sharp glimmer of her gaze. “What do you want, Sera?”
Thundered followed her slow shift towards me, at once, I saw a peculiar, familiar look in her eyes, and knew already what was about to come... it was time once more for the Speaker in me to speak for her, I suppose.
.....
“Go ahead,” I permitted her, bracing myself with a steadying breath.
The pain was instant, gradual, a trickle stronger with every passing sound. Starting in my chest, ending everywhere else. I felt my body tense, and it wouldn’t untense, then it began to sting, stab, forcing a grunt out of me through clenched teeth.
“Wait, wait, stop!” Amanda’s blonde hair rapidly swung to and fro, flailing her head back and forth from mine to Sera’s. “What are you – ?!”
Somehow I managed to raise an arm out at her, one that immediately fell limp on the couch the instant I tried – yet still that was enough for her to get the message, to simply stay silent and let things play out how it should, despite the panic and worry brimming more and more in her eyes.
Then, after a moment that lasted shortly yet eternally simultaneous, that feeling again... forcing my lips to part, my voice speaking out as dull and empty as can be, “You did not visit me tonight.”
The first words she had me say, and already my head was popping up with questions left and right for it – visit her? Since when did I say I’d visit her? Was she assuming? She’s assuming, isn’t she?
“But it is fine. We are here now. ” I continued to say. “We can talk now. You will listen. I will speak.”
“What, what... what is this?” Amanda quietly, fervently whispered. She looked ready to bolt, but also looked at any moment about to faint, she was somewhere wedged between both, growing paler and paler. “Is she using you? She’s using you. Possessing you? Oh God, this is so messed up.”
Suddenly, the sensation on my lips began to spread to my neck, slowly twisting it left, forcing my gaze towards Amanda’s wide-open trembling eyes.
“No. I did not possess him.” I told Amanda blankly, causing her to give a faint quivering whimper back in response. “He merely speaks for me. His body, his soul, it remains his. I am... borrowing. It is easier to like this. You are scared. It is okay. You worry. It is fine. I will not hurt him. Do not be worried. Do not be scared. Okay?”
After addressing Amanda’s grievances, which admittedly did little to ease them, Sera forced my neck back, my eyes into hers.
“Now our deal. I did not wake your friend, I did not do my end, but you said it does not matter. So if it does not matter, I want your end now. But you might say no. I am worried you will say no. Will you say no? I don’t know. Do you trust me? I still don’t know. Because I did not do my end. I did not earn your trust. You might say no. But you said it does not matter. So, maybe no.”
It was obvious she wasn’t used to conversation. Speaking so much, yet saying so little. Repeating herself, pausing, going, her words blending in a mess, unable to differentiate where one sentence ends and another begins.
She needed to be set back on track, otherwise, we’ll be here on a loop forever and ever, and her temporary ownership of my voice might end up becoming permanent.
Mustering all effort, I broke my words through, past the pain, past the pressure, “Just tell me what you want.”
And with that, the neverending cycle was broken. She spoke again, a single sentence, nothing more. “I want to be free.”
What?
“What?” Amanda said, speaking my questions in my stead. “What do you mean by free?”
“Free. Freedom. To do as I want. To act when I want.” Sera shifted her entire self over to me once more, her bright golden eyes all that I could see with mine. I spoke again, saying to myself, “Freedom from you.”
In the corner of my eyes, Amanda was subtly shaking her head, brows arched and furrowed. “I don’t think... I don’t think we get it still. By the look of things, aren’t you free already? You seem to be able to do as you want, he gave you free rein, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” I promptly responded. “But that does not mean I am free. He summoned me. I am his magic. You said it yourself. You know it yourself. I am not my own person. I am a summon. His magic. I am bound to him. I am under his rule. You say I am free. I am not. That is not freedom.”
Half of me was paying heed to her words. That other half was busy mitigating the pain. Critical thinking was off the table. I know there were implications to what she’s proposing, setting her free, granting her freedom, whatever the hell that may be. I just couldn’t think of them now... besides, how do I even go about doing as she asked?
“So you want him to, what – unbind you to him?” Amanda asked. “Why, what’s wrong with your current situation now? It’s not like he’s doing anything to you.”
“He has not. Yes.” Sera agreed. My own droning voice drowning my thoughts out. “But he has also not. Yet. He could. If he wanted. He could. If I do something and he does not like it. He could. He will. I will be stopped. He will stop me. I am bound to him. I must oblige. My choices are my own. But my will is not.”
“Free will... okay, alright, so that’s what this whole thing is about,” Amanda was starting to get it, and so was I, and at the same time, we both thought the same thing. “But, um, say he does do as you say, right? What if... what if what you say comes true? What if you do indeed something that we all disagree with? You’re pretty powerful... how exactly are we supposed to stop you?”
For a long, long, while... my lips stayed shut. The pain stayed, the stinging still stung, Sera remained in control, she just wasn’t saying anything. Not yet, at least...
So Amanda went on.
“I’m sorry, really, sincerely... but, Sera you aren’t exactly... your history isn’t exactly – what I’m trying to say is... you know what you’ve done, right? You know what you can do. We know it too. Out of all the six servants, you are the one that can easily cause the most devastation. All it takes is one flick, right? An army of the dead? Poison in the air? Even Blightfall now, apparently. Look, look out the window. It’s raining like mad out there now. He frees you... look, I’m not saying you would, but you could... so easily you could... you know what I’m trying to say to you, right?”
Sera heard her, I did too – worries and concerns so profoundly sound, I couldn’t help but agree, to think the same. Sera was our last-minute S.O.S to stop the Blight, she’s the only one who could... yet unbound, she could bring it back, and there was nothing we could do to prevent that.
I knew she wouldn’t do that. It’s highly unlikely she’ll do anything bad like that, she has no reason to. Ash was here, if it’s for Ash, she wouldn’t dare do anything transgressive.
But, in the back of my head, that little quiet whimper echoing, in fear, worry – she could – maybe not now, maybe not even later, but someday, sometime, maybe something happens, maybe something changes, and she just decides otherwise... if she snaps, what then?
Eventually, once again, I felt my lips move again of her own volition.
“That is why I wanted your trust first,” I said. “You cannot stop me. But you can trust me. If you don’t trust me, you don’t free me. If you do trust me, you will free me. Terestra trusted me.”
It was that final line, those last few words I uttered that had a profound effect on me. They shouldn’t, that Terestra’s fictional, it shouldn’t matter, but it does anyway. I looked at her again, and she looked at me, asking with her gaze, the slight tilt of her head, and with her words, my voice...
“Do you?”
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