Chapter 348: Love Throes
I didn’t exactly know what to expect once that front door started swinging. From the little and the barest I’ve heard from Adalia, I kinda unwittingly snared my line of thinking all the way off into the deep end of apprehension.
From experience, not a very good mindset to be having, so I drowned down that uneasiness and walked through the doorway, holding my head high, and pacing forward like everything was normal.
Because everything was normal.
It was quiet, and everything inside was organized and arranged to the quintessential image of serenity. Without the sun’s shine, everything had this comfy, intimate vibe to it... like coming back home after long months of being far away elsewhere.
I stepped into the living room, hearing nothing, seeing nothing... at first, then inhaling deeply, I announced my return with a hearty, cheery, “Hey, I’m back! Miss me?” Then from off in the distant kitchen came a sudden clatter of pots of pans turning into pseudo-cymbals crashing onto the floor.
“Master!”
Like a full moon in a clear night, a pair of gleaming emerald eyes stared at me wide and bright, peeking at me from the kitchen countertop, as well another pair of eyes sprouting up from the same countertop, only this one possessed a distinct piercing glare of yellow and gold.
.....
Sera and Ash in the kitchen. That’s a sight. I wonder what’s the story there?
But before I could get to ask, Ash whispered something to Sera, to which the Fey responded with a begrudging nod, then from the little snide side-eye glance she was showing me as she made for the staircase raised many more questions in the air.
“Afternoon, Sera,” I greeted her as amicably as I could. “Enjoyed the sleepover?”
The faint husky grumble I got back before she fully disappeared into the hallway upstairs didn’t sound too likely, but oh well, I’m used to grumbles. This is Sera, after all.
Meanwhile, Ash continued to stare straight at me like an Elf-deer amalgamation caught in headlights, and even from afar, I could still so easily see faint dark blemishes beneath her eyes.
Seems as if the night hasn’t been as kind to her as it was to me.
It took a moment or two before she finally snapped out of her stupor, and with a little too hasty haste, she scurried out of the kitchen, bursting into the hallway, and meeting me halfway across the living room floor.
She seemed utterly loss for a reaction, speechless too – so much so, it took her an even longer moment or two, before the thought finally occurred to her to give her usual bow, but when she did, she also ended up tossing a full head of snowy-white hair forward – draped all over her flustered face, obscuring it like the most opaque wedding veil you’ve ever seen.
“Welcome back, Master,” She said, her voice almost as stiff as her posture. “Welcome... welcome back... welcome back... indeed...”
Like a broken record on repeat, oh boy. I tried looking for that hint of that sadness Adalia mentioned somewhere in her unblinking expression... but I couldn’t see a thing with all the awkwardness permeating.
I finally responded to her, keeping that carefree smile curling my lips. “Didn’t think you’d see me again? You certainly sound like it.”
Ash made a strange sound, like I’ve suddenly snapped her away from a daze, before she began vigorously shaking her head to the contrary. “No, no, of course not, Master! I’ve not a trace of a doubt of your return, I knew full well that I’ll get to see you again. It’s just that...” with a calming breath, she regained her composure, her shoulders laxing, a faint smile forming. “It’s good to see you again.”
Again, nothing off in her smile, nor in the tender way she spoke her words. Maybe everything was normal, after all.
I nodded back at her. “It’s good to see you too.”
A little while later, we continued our conversation on the couch, where she proceeded to fill in the gaps of what had happened in my short absence. It was there she explained Sera continued her streak of curiosity and intrigue, and the reason she was in the kitchen was that she had recently taken a liking to the crispy tang of bacon.
When I walked in, I basically interrupted what was supposed to be a fascinating fun-filled lesson... which explains the dirty look I got from Sera. I can empathize... you keep me away from my bacon, I’d be pretty grouchy too.
Sorry Sera, that’s my bad.
And as she continued to speak of all things trivial, I couldn’t help myself from drifting away over and over again to late last evening, and the feel of her skin, the warmth of her lips... even now, the way her hands rested atop her thighs empty, I just wanted to fill in that emptiness.
“So, Master,” Ash spoke out unusually loud, clenching those empty hands into fists. “I’m presuming your pact with Lady Irene has most unequivocally come to pass, yes?”
That little waver in tone, there’s always that little waver, that little tell... telling me what sounded amiss.
“Yep, the pact’s been severed, and I’m free,” I replied, leaning deep into my seat. “Now I’m gonna live forever.”
Her ears gave a wiggle, and I heard the tension leaving her with a whispered breath. “That’s relieving to hear. ”
And yet it still feels a little off.
I peeked a second glance at her expression again. “You don’t sound too relieved.”
“Hmm?” Ash turned to me, the dark rings under her eyes more visible than ever before. She raised her arms up, exasperated. “No, I am! I truly am! Please do not be mistaken, Master! I’m overjoyed by the news, elated! I would have wished for nothing more! I’m simply just – ”
“Tired?” I interjected, nudging at her face. “It seems to me someone didn’t get enough of their beauty sleep.”
She dropped her heavy gaze. “Admittedly, I do feel a little lethargic, yes. Perhaps that is why I came off as less enthused than I intended. But I assure you, Master, I’m happy this happened. Truly, I am.”
“I know, Ash,” I said, still eyeing the way she kept her fists clenched. “But you know, it’s also perfectly fine if a little part of you disagrees just a tiny bit with that happiness.”
There wasn’t any response to that, even when I gave her a moment or two, so instead, I went on. “Adalia mentioned to me that you looked a little upset about something when I came back,” and when again I got no reply, I scooted myself a little closer beside her. “Care to share why?”
Ash shook her head. Instantly, firmly, it was a little surprising. “It is beneath your concern, Master. To trouble you with such frivolous silly matters would be simply unbecoming of me.”
Now, where have I heard this same manner of hesitance before? It’s at the tip of my tongue here, I can almost taste it again. The chilly air of the night, the feel of the hard wooden bench... Ash was pulling an Irene.
The stiffness, the nervousness, it was like a shot-for-shot play-by-play... It seems sometimes even the selfless can be a little selfish, especially when it comes to matters of underlying affection.
“Jealousy isn’t exactly unbecoming of anybody, Ash,” I said to her, and flinching, she raised her gaze once more, a little shocked, a little bewildered, but mostly a little embarrassed. “In fact I’d say it suits you adorably especially.”
I guess the Elf-Knight wasn’t accustomed to compliments like those just yet, if the bright red glow of cheeks meant anything. With her face still flushed, she muttered softly, her tone thick with shame. “To feel such envy, to feel even an inkling of bitterness – Master, it is not my place to harbor such illicit thoughts. I want only purely to be happy for you. To not... to not be discontent with whomever you grew to care for, or become fond of. It is not – as a Servant it is not – ! It is simply unbecoming.”
She hung her head, shook it, humiliated. “Yet alas, I find that, try as I might, I simply cannot help myself. After last night, simply thinking of the prospect of Master and Lady Irene together, it pesters me unbearably so... to the point it’s robbed me of rest. The thought alone, I confess, infuriates me. I know I’ve assured you I’ve no qualms at all of your love for her, and I still don’t, and I never will, I assure you! But forgive me, for it seems even I am rendered a powerless slave to my own selfishness.”
When she finally finished, it was as if her soul had been forcefully drained from her body. The failure flurrying in her somber gaze, the utter shame so brazen in the slumping of her head.
She really, sincerely, believed she had failed me in some way. That somehow wanting me all to herself was a sin most blasphemous among all... and if that really may so, then may God have mercy on my soul.
‘Cause by that logic, apparently that implies that I might just be the greatest sinner of them all.
Because I wanted her more.
“I think you’re looking at this the wrong way, don’t you think so?” I said, then when gazed at me clueless, I continued on. “Why am I supposed to forgive you for, Ash? For loving me? So far, the only thing I feel you did wrong, was thinking that you’re wrong for feeling the way you do.”
“But I told myself explicitly, that as a Servant, that I would never harbor any ill – ”
“Forget what you told yourself,” I interjected. “You think your feelings are going to listen to you?”
Ash couldn’t answer that. Seeing her speechless, I admit, it got me a little chuckle out of me.
“Love isn’t always beautiful, y’know? Love’s petty, stubborn, greedy... if you’re gonna love me, Ash. I’m sorry to say, but you’re just gonna have to make do with being a little selfish.”
“Selfish...” She muttered. “Do you feel the same as well?”
“More,” I smiled at her. “Even more.”
“I see...”
“But hey, for love, for us,” I grabbed hold of her hand empty hand finally, gripped it tight. “Worth it, don’t you think?”
I didn’t expect my little speech to flip her mindset upside-down immediately. Still a little apprehensive, a little unsure, the way she stared silently – but that’s okay, we’ll take our time.
Slow and steady, she’ll get used to love.
Slowly, steadily, she gripped my hand back.
“If selfishness is the price...”
I interjected again. “Not the only price.”
“Nevertheless,” She mustered a nod. “Then I suppose, for you, for us, it is.”
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