Chapter 339: Clearing The Air, Part
As expected, nothing substantial came out of visiting Ria tonight. Really, it was the magical, mythical equivalent of a bedside hospital visit... only without the hospital, and without the bedside.
I can see why these visits were normally strictly a family-only ordeal, because when you got outsiders, strangers like me, loitering around nearby... it doesn’t make for much of a tender moment.
Irene simply stared away at her in silence, she didn’t move an inch closer, she didn’t even touch her.
If she had any words, anything at all she wanted to say, something she’s had simmering on the inside all this time, something’s she kept buried deep just yearning to be let out finally... then, I’ve never heard her breathe a single word of it.
Since we arrived here, and then afterward, when we finally left there, it stayed buried, it stayed simmering.
After gently propping Ria at the base and beneath the shade of the largest tree, we were back to strolling along the beaten path again.
All in all, we were probably in there for at most ten minutes, could barely be considered any time spent at all... and yet somehow it felt like the time that was the most exhaustively spent.
.....
It was going to be a long, even more exhaustive walk back to the parking lot, something I knew Irene was sincerely regretting right there, and then by the way she was shambling and lumbering forward. Not that her proud, prideful self would ever dare admit it.
As we walked by a random bench to it, her head immediately veered towards it as she found the perfect excuse.
“Let’s stop here for a moment,” She proclaimed at once, jutting a foot one awkward step at a time. She caught my eye, and before I could ask why, she was a reason shy of being sly. “It’s a waste of a trip if we leave now, might as well enjoy some stargazing while we’re still here, right?”
The moment she sat down and relieved her feet of all pressure, the pure unabated relief that rippled across her expression was like nothing I’ve ever seen before.
I let her have the moment, and so wordlessly, I followed along and placed myself just right beside her.
“Know where Orion’s at?”
So there we were, just a couple of lovebirds out on a night out on a bench, illuminated solely by the light of a lamppost on the verge of fizzling out, silently watching the rare occasional passersby pass us by.
Not the most romantic of escapades, to be quite frank.
Irene was busy stroking an ankle to pay mind to anything else, her fancy high heel hanging loosely by the tip of her foot as she did. I remembered staring, and I just couldn’t help myself to a little snark.
“The price to pay for beauty, huh?” I said.
“For tonight?” Irene slipped her foot into the high heel again, clacking it once firmly on the paved dirt. “No price is too high.”
“Fancy dinner, fancy dress, fancy shoes,” I gave her a quizzical look. “Did you forget you’re wooing a country boy here?”
“Oh gosh, you’re right. Should have worn a pair of rancher boots, strap on some suspenders, get a pluck of hay to nibble on, perhaps wear a straw hat too... I’ll have you all mine in an instant like that.”
“Oh, Woah, Irene,” I blew out a hot breath, sweating hard with desire. “Save the dirty talk for the bedroom.”
“Put on a southern accent, maybe.”
“Oh God, just take me now, why don’t you?”
To stop from melting into a gooey puddle of passion, I began to fan myself with both hands. Unsurprisingly, Irene stared the humorless stare at me, and rolled her eyes rightfully away elsewhere, crossing her arms, and sighing away her last inkling of hope.
I smiled at that. If she could react the way she did and speak the way she did, that means I was no longer facing the grouching, intimidating version of her at the moment, which was a good sign... her mood’s significantly improving.
That being said, Irene was far from being all sunshine and daisies. The air she gave off was distant still, in spite of being a single inch apart from one another, she felt so far away.
Something was troubling her. Something simmering, yearning to break free.
Any other time and I’d have no qualms coaxing it out of her in her own time, but for this time, there simply was no time for any of that.
I scooted myself closer, shortening that far distant inch between us. “What’s bothering you, Irene?”
When she didn’t say anything, I tried to guess.
“Is it about the memory thing still?” I asked, poking my head out trying to find her gaze. “Is it Ria?”
“I can handle Ria,” She said, doing all she could to keep looking away. “And I can definitely handle my memories being picked and prodded. Those things, I can handle them no problem.”
“Then what can’t you handle?” Again, she wasn’t saying, leaving me once more speculating aloud, and this time, I believe, I was getting dangerously close. “Ash?”
Too close... from the way she seemed to stiffen. “Me?”
“Underlying affections,” She muttered.
I titled my head. “What?”
“I can’t handle your underlying affection,” She said slowly, speaking as if she was forcefully wrenching it out of her lips. “And I can’t handle hers either,” but once she got them out, she had them all flooding out. “You noticed the way she looked at you the moment you showed up? Did you notice how you looked at her the moment you saw her? I definitely noticed... it was all I could see... standing there between you two.
“I’d feel so much better if you guys weren’t so hush-hush about your feelings for each other. I’d prefer if you two just show it outright. Smile at each other, hold hands, talk... I can handle that easier. But the way you two just silently stare at each other like you have something to hide, a secret to keep. It’s like I’m – I’m intruding, imposing myself between you two, as if I’m in the way. And I know I’m in the way, arrogantly, selfishly... I just... didn’t want to be reminded of it, I suppose.”
Her hands, she’s fallen to that nervous habit of hers again... squeezing her fingers, stroking her palms. Steadfast and unwavering in the face of peril, and yet meek and timid when it came to things like this.
And when it did come to things like this, she’s also had this bad tendency of overthinking things too much. It sorta reminds me of someone else in particular...
“So you want me to be honest about my feelings with Ash?” I asked.
“I already know you love her,” She said, trying in vain to keep her tone indifferent, yet ultimately failing. “You obviously... did stuff already too.”
“We kissed for the first time before I left for our date,” I promptly replied, and she flinched – turning a single unblinking eye towards me. I asked her, “Does that feel any better?”
“Not...” Her head shook lightly. “Not really...”
“Then there’s something else you aren’t handling well,” I said, leaning out towards her even more now. “Should I... take another guess, or do you know what it is already?”
Her silence was a firm, loud ‘no’ made apparent, but the squirming of her hands, and the way her heels were digging narrow trenches across the dirt, all I was hearing was an even firmer, louder...
“Yes you do, Irene,” My voice was calm. I took a page out of her book and kept speaking with confidence. “Stop acting like you don’t. Come on, weren’t you the one who said you didn’t like things being kept hush-hush?”
“It’s... it’s a childish thing,” came the whisper from her trembling lips. “It’s really nothing.”
“It sounds like something to me,” I said.
“I -! Looks it’s... it’s a personal issue, it’s nothing you should be concerned about, it’s-it’s really...” Like the lamp above our heads, she fizzled out, and it took a while to sputter that composure of hers back to life, but after a series of long sighs, and tugging at her ponytail, she whirled around towards me again, staring face-to-face, her cheeks blazing with color. “Promise you won’t laugh at me?”
I raised my pinkie forward, smiling. “You want to do another pact for that promise?”
“It’s how you look at her!” She stammered out awkwardly and clumsily. “It’s because of that, alright? I’m jealous of that!”
If she expected me to understand her straightaway, then I’m sorry to disappoint. I took a moment to comprehend it, and when I didn’t, I frowned.
“I thought we already got over that a minute ago,” I said.
“No, no, it’s not that!” She said, clenching a tight trembling fist, exasperated. “It’s-It’s different from that.”
“Different how?”
“When you look at her, you freeze. Your head stops moving, and your eyes don’t blink, and then nothing else seems to matter to you. You’re stunned, you’re speechless, you’re captivated, and I – !”
“And you...?” I urged her on.
She lowered her hand, blinking in a grimace. “I can’t get you to look at me the same way you look at her no matter what I do – and it isn’t just tonight! It’s every other time. Call it an inferiority complex, call it jealousy, call it pettiness for all I care! But it just... infuriates me... argh, it’s aggravating!”
Irene was getting redder and redder by the second. It’s to the point where soon her stark red dress would be the least striking about her appearance.
“I want you to catch your breath the moment I walk into a room. I want to be able to trip you off your feet whenever you catch sight of me. To have you stare at me, to only stare at me, and not be able to look away no matter how hard you try! I want – I want you to want me.”
She leaned in close.
“I want you to desire me.”
Closer.
“I want you to long for me.”
Dangerously close.
“More so than any other.”
Her scent was creeping, seeping, filling my mind. So close, our noses could touch. So close, I could see myself reflecting back in her irises. So close, that my rationale could so easily slip. A brief lapse in judgment, in logic... it could so easily slip.
I was slipping.
I was catching my breath, I was squirming my feet, and most importantly, I was completely unable to look away from her. Irene got what she wanted... and all it took was closing the gap, getting just that inch closer.
Yet, for some reason, Irene drew away, and that moment – that brief lapse, that one second of only her and I, and no other – was gone.
“But not like this,” She said, sighing. “Artificially. Unwillingly. When you look at me, when you want me... kiss me... I want it to be real, genuine,” I heard her gulp, she was swallowing it down, that pride of hers – gone, leaving only her stare, real, genuine. “So do you... do you think you could make it real?”
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