Chapter 337: A Small Matter
It was really a spur-of-the-moment decision I made there.
Visiting Ria. The Phoenix in a coma. I mean, no date’s complete without the occasional reminder of the inevitable mortality of all life itself even to those thought immortal themselves. Always gets the mood going.
I expected Irene to object almost immediately, aghast that I would even suggest such a thing in the first place, on such an important outing no less! I deserve a slap in the face, and if she were to swing at me right now... you best bet I ain’t flinching away.
Yet alas, she stayed her arms tucked beneath my coat, and kept to an unsettling quiet for a stoplight or two.
“Turn right over here, then,” She suddenly uttered out at the next junction, her lips barely moving as she did. “We’ll reach there faster if you do...”
The nonchalance was what did it for me, the lack of reaction spurring my confused reaction ... we’re about to go visit someone she holds near and dear, and she has all the high spirits and enthusiasm of visiting a funeral home for it.
Now, I wasn’t expecting her to be smiling all pleased at the prospect, that’d just be weird... but a small frown, a little gloominess would have gone a long way in showing that she cared.
.....
Irene showed nothing.
Come to think of it, when was the last time Irene visited her at the park? Or has she ever visited once at all? I never asked, she never mentioned... was it only me?
Does she even care?
I didn’t say anything.
Eyes on the road, have to keep focus, keep at the speed limit... I’ll find out soon enough.
As it turns out, however, soon enough turned out to be a five-minute scour for a parking space because apparently parking at the curb of the road like everyone else does was simply, in her own words, “Unacceptable”.
Then after we got that sorted, she had the freaking nerve to grumble and bemoan the aching in her feet from all the extra walking we have to do as a result.
“Hey, don’t look at me, I’m not gonna carry you,” I said to her, catching sight of a peculiar twinkle in her eye. “Go barefoot for all I care.”
“Charming,” She said in the dullest, most unflattering tone possible. “Why not also ask me to go on all fours while you’re at it? Wear a collar? Sprout my tail out?”
“Like a dog, huh?” We reached the entrance, and I glanced at her smiling. “I mean you are plenty good at barking orders, so...”
For some strange unknown reason, she didn’t find that remark as amusing as I did. Haven’t a clue why that is, but oh well, didn’t really matter anyway... for the deeper we got into the park, the more her indignation began to fade.
It didn’t take too long before we came rustling against the sway of loose branches, and the snapping of twigs amidst tall grasses from straying off the beaten path.
I know I promised Ria she would be completely off-limits for my imagination for just tonight... and I still intend to make good on that promise here, I won’t be thinking anything. This was just a courtesy visit, is all.
With some company to boot.
The trees soared high and ominous, and the darkness pervaded completely. Past ditches, through bushes. I’ve done this routine through the woods plenty of times now to get accustomed to it already... but this time especially felt a whole lot more familiar than the others in a nostalgic sort of sense, and there was really no wonder why.
I found amusement tugging at my lips the more the feeling grew stronger, until I finally couldn’t help but express it verbally, “Any of this eliciting any strong distant memories, Irene?”
Her heels scrunched heavy on the dirt, and her voice was just as heavy in the air, “Not particularly, no.”
“No?” I glanced back at her. “Walking through the woods, scouring deep... looking for a phoenix that resides within, none of that rings a bell?”
Irene paused momentarily, perhaps surprised by what I knew, but managed to recoup herself almost immediately after.
“Remind me again, are you delving through her memories, or are you delving through mine?”
“It can’t be helped if you’re all Ria thinks about,” I said.
“So what did she show you?” She asked, her tone sharpening slightly. “And how much did she show you?”
“Well, that depends,” I ducked under a branch. “About what, exactly?”
“About me.”
“Oh, in that case, too little, I say,” was an answer I replied with and thought plenty enough sufficient, until her silent piercing gaze urged for more. “Bits and pieces. I saw you when you were a child, I saw you when you were growing up, I saw you when you were with your father.”
“My father...”
I nodded. “And I saw you when you were alone.”
“Alone...” She knew what I was referring to, the way her eyes slowly drifted away out of sight was what gave it all away. I had a feeling it was a moment she wasn’t too comfortable with me seeing... at least not without her knowing.
“Ria, Ria, Ria...” She muttered under her breath. “Sharing things that aren’t yours to share. What made you think that was an okay thing to do?”
“She wanted to help out, she said,” I explained, feeling the air suddenly grow significantly colder. “Y’know between... you and me... to get to know you better.”
“Well, I don’t like it,” She said at once, firmly, coldy. “I really don’t. My past isn’t your bedtime gossip story to share with each other, so tell her to stop it. There is nothing that happens in there that is worth sharing. Not a single one. Just focus on waking her up, don’t waste any time.”
“I’m not, Irene,” I reassured her. “We’re doing what we can.”
“From what you’re telling me, it doesn’t really seem like it.”
This wasn’t what I had in mind bringing her here. Her mood has just taken a complete nosedive in a dangerous direction and we’ve only just got here. Was this a mistake, after all?
“So, tell me,” Irene got closer, her icy-cold stare only mere inches from my own. “Do you think you know me better now?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“Then, yes,” I said, turning my eyes towards her. “I like to think that I do.”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t. If you did, then you would have known I never wanted you to do that. Is that why you brought us here? Because you wanted to know if what you saw in her memories still rings true now?”
“Irene – ”
“Are you testing me?”
“No, I – !”
She got even closer. “You wanted to know more?”
“You’re doing it again, Irene.”
It was here she would always retreat away. Her offense crumbling, her gaze softening. She’d apologize, then I’d say it was okay... and all would be well again... we’d carry on like always.
That’s how it went last time.
But this time...
“I know I am,” She said, refusing to back away. “But you’re not giving me a reason that I shouldn’t.”
What was happening here? Things were so fine and dandy literally just moments before. This went beyond a level above anger here... hell, I don’t even know if she was even truly mad at me. What was this?
I looked ahead again, exhaling a sigh. “Okay, I’m... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let Ria show me memories of you. You’re right, it’s... it’s private stuff, it wasn’t hers to share. If I wanted to know you better, then I should have just gotten to know you better, instead of relying on – ”
“That’s not what I’m crossed about here, you dummy,” She interjected, somehow sounding even more annoyed. “Did you not listen to a word I told you yesterday?”
“What?”
“You can’t keep doing this!” She hissed furiously, violently swatting a lock of her hair that had gone loose. “Reliving her memories? It’s gonna wind up killing you, I told you! Why, by the Divines, did you dedicate one of those precious sessions you have researching me?”
“I don’t get to choose the memory, Irene! I’m just along for the ride, Ria steers the boat.”
“Then restrain that stupid phoenix, and get her to cooperate! Wake her up as soon as you can, as efficiently as you can... don’t waste the hours on stupid, trivial things like me. ”
I blinked. “Did you just call yourself stupid?”
“Yes, I did,” She proclaimed fiercely. “Because in the grand scheme of things, I’m afraid my time with her doesn’t matter.”
In a flash, my mind raced back to what I saw just yesterday. The years Ria has watched her grow, the moments Ria has seen her smile, how she held her so close and so tight when her father died. How long, tedious, and bored Ria was waiting for her return, and how overpowering the feeling of happiness courses through her every time that she does.
I saw all that, remembered all that, and immediately shook my head.
“That’s not true,” I said.
“I’m afraid it is,” and before I could interrupt her, she went on to say, “I know what you saw, alright, I was there! But just keep note that the time I share with her, the memories that she’s shown you is but a drop of water in the vast ocean that is her lifespan. She’s met more people, cared for more people in the past, they... they’re the ones that really mattered.”
“How can you say that?” I asked, taken aback by her straight bluntness. “You matter to her, Irene. I’ve seen it, felt it... emotions don’t lie. She cares about you too, okay?”
But it didn’t matter what I said. Her beliefs were just simply too deep-rooted, and clearly, she’s thought about it a lot. Otherwise, why else would she sound so accepting?
“If I did matter to her, if she really does care about me as much as you say she does, if she knows what makes me happy, if she knows what makes me sad, then tell me,” She said, sounding so defeated. “If I really mattered... then why isn’t she awake?”
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