Chapter 208: Curb Your Simplicity
A tall glass of properly made chocolate milk coming right up. Adalia’s eyes were as wide and bright as white saucers when she saw me on the approach – a little reluctant still, twice already she reached out only pull her hands back at the last second.
That just won’t do. Ain’t gonna give this up so easy.
“Alright, if you don’t take it, it’s all for me,” I warned her, already raising the rims to my lips before her very eyes.”I’ll be going once, twice, and – !”
“W-wait... wait...!”
I lowered the glass, looking back to find wanting hands fully outstretched and waiting.
“I’ll... take it...”
Now that’s more like it. That wasn’t so hard now, was it?,
.....
And so little miss Matriarch was finally able to quench her thirst, thus ending our brief tale of a vampire and her search for chocolate milk on a relatively sweet and chocolatey note.
Can’t say the same, however, for the misadventures of Tyler and the almighty quest to relieve oneself – mostly because, he had finally return from his little venture... and judging by the smile on his face, and the sound of flushing off in the distance... guess he’s got a happy ending of his own.
Hurray.
“Searching for a toilet in a big ass house,” He dove ass-first onto the sofa, clasping his camera shut. “It’s a good five minutes of content right there. Now that’s an idea, big man, a very good idea.”
I took my place again right across from Adalia, excessive walking brought the aching back again.
“You’re welcome,” I said through winces. “Good enough entertainment, I surmise?”
“Mmm, meh-meh, man,” He said with a cheeky grin, then sudden his gaze shifted to the right and that already wide grin grew even wider. “Hehe, never mind that though, seems ya girl over there likey what she tasty.”
I’ve heard three year olds treat the English language with much more care and dignity than whatever the hell that was. I followed his eyes, and once again, Adalia was all he could see, and in her hands... a half-empty cup already.
Hasn’t even been a minute... wow.
“Y’know if you want, big man,” He said, stretching himself out, laying his hands at the back of his head. “I can teach ya the technique I used – my chocolate milk bring all the ladies to the yard.”
Honestly, I can’t even muster up the energy to correct him on the fact that – A: Adalia’s holding a completely different cup. And B: I don’t care.
“Oh shit, yeah – by the way,” Tyler shifted himself upright, his eyes squinting confused. “Who the hell’s room is that at the end of the hall upstairs?”
End of the... oh.
“Thought I got the bathroom, just another bedroom – pretty weird things in there, y’know? On the walls are just paper after paper saying shit like, ‘Master likes this’ ‘Master does that’ – Adalia, you sleep there?”
The vampire shook her head, keeping those fangs and answer behind closed lips.
“What’d you do in there?” I asked.
He raised his hands like a suspect declaring innocent. “Nothing – shit, man. I know boundaries. Just had a look-see. And boy, whoever this ‘Master’ is sure got it lucky. Entire room is just one giant essay on how to take care of this one guy.”
Tyler stopped talking, which was good... I was kinda occupied opening every filing cabinet in my head trying to remember if I saw any of this for myself, but then again... if I had to struggle this much to remember, then that means that there was just nothing to remember.
I’ve only been in her room twice. First time was when we first got here, the second time was to show her the truth about Asteria... and I for one didn’t see anything. Did she hide it all away before I got there?
Didn’t know she was keeping notes on me. That’s kinda... creepily flattering... in a odd feel-good sort of way. I kinda wanna see them for myself now, but alas, I am no breaker of privacy.
So for a long while, I just sat there basking in a weird state of afterglow, meanwhile eager Tyler decided right then was a better time than any to probe Adalia with some light coversation.
Why the getup? Why your nails look so funny? Why so pale? You cosplay, much? You model? Got an instagram? Got an account somewhere? Can I follow you? Mind taking a selfie with me?
I drew the line at ‘Can I have your number?’, shutting him down swiftly with a narrow-eyed glare, he got the message pretty quick after that... brushing and laughing it off as ‘just a joke man, chill’.
When I still kept that scowl on him, that’s when he got all earnest, his smile slowly disappearing, “For real, man. I was just playing. Like I said... I seriously respect boundaries, dude. Will never go after someone’s girl. I got cheated on once, didn’t feel too good. I will never do a brother like that, alright? That, I cross my heart on.”
The way the fervor in his voice gradually fizzled made it clear enough he was being sincere here. Painful memory too, if his eyes weren’t lying. I thought about easing up on him there, that was until the front door suddenly swung open... then my sympathy sorta fizzled out too.
Just from the shadow casting on the floorboards alone, the slender shape, was already a telltale outline.
I called out to her, “You took longer than I thought.”
“Traffic bad,” came the weary reply, along with the click of the door handle. “Why are you down here? Shouldn’t you be rest – ”
“NO WAY!” Tyler suddenly spring-boarded from his seat, eyes bulging from his sockets. “IT’S THAT...?”
From the hallway too, the sound of footsteps came to an abrupt halt. “That voice... wait...”
Few seconds later, Amanda emerged, and just by the sight of her, I too was going wide-eyed in surprise, cause foror a second, I thought a total stranger just waltz into my home – again. Because, well... I didn’t expect her coming here looking the way she did.
Very, um, risque, to say the least. Short shorts and short shirt, her waistline exposed, and her long legs up for show. Her blonde hair too – I’ve never seen her style it, it always flowed free and loose, but a ponytail works too, maybe a bit too well, actually.
She seriously could give a drunken shameless Irene a run for her money the way she looked now. I was honest-to-God loss for words right then, and in contrast to that, Tyler was a preacher with a speakerphone.
“Amanda Collins, what the shit?!” He yelped, speeding his fast towards her fast enough to nearly leave scorch marks in his wake. “What are you doing here?!”
Seems like somebody knows someone here.
“Tyler Leaden...” Amanda, upon seeing the speedster hipster suddenly right up in her face, gave the most painful grimace I’ve ever seen on a person. “What are you doing here?”
And that someone seems to know somebody too. This is an interesting turn of events...
“You two know each other?” I asked.
“Know each other?” Tyler almost snapped his neck turning it towards me. “Dude, this is THE Amanda Collins! The second hottest internet star out there today! Wadda – ? You live under a rock or something?”
“Is she now?” I raised a brow. “Okay, if she’s second, who’s first?”
At that, Tyler flailed his arms in a flamboyant fashion. “Boy, you’re looking right at him.”
Oh wow, total shocker. How could I’ve been so blind?
“Ah – wha – ?!” Amanda sputtered at me, finding her words only after a deep gulp of air. “Why didn’t you tell me he was your guest?!”
I shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”
“How was I to – ?! Argh...” She flung her arms, giving up. “I take it back. A new girl would have been far better than this, seriously...”
“You know, I knew you were a big deal,” I said to her. “But not that big of a deal... just how well-known are you actually?”
“I stream!” She explained, sounding so displeased. “Habitually. When I’m bored. I draw, talk – whatever... it’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?!” Tyler said, raising his brows high enough to almost be with one with his hairline. “Girl, you’re the only one that’s passing me in views every time you decide to go live!”
Every second, every word, just keeds adding on to the amusement platter. I’m enjoying this, and I think Adalia was too, the way she kept shifting her head back and forth between the two of them.
“And you two met how?” I asked, standing myself up to see better.
“Convention...” Amanda muttered, scrunching her face up as if the memory pained her. “He wanted a picture with me and him in it...”
“Ah yeah!” Tyler exclaimed, turning back to her. “Speaking of the convention! I asked for your number that time, ya remember that time?”
Amanda looked like she wanted nothing more than to not remember that time.
“Yes,” She begrudgingly replied. “I do.”
“Think you must have given me the wrong number or something, or I must have mistyped cause I got some other random dude’s number instead.”
“Oh?” Amanda kept a straight face. “Did I now? How silly of me. My bad.”
“Yeah, Pretty freakin awkward phone call that day,” He smiled, briefly chuckling. “He was a chill guy though, he’s pretty cool.”
Speaking of awkward, get a load of this moment of silence right here. I almost wanted to look away, but I manage to held out. Amanda, on the other hand, had worn an expression that craved for the sweet release of death.
Tyler cleared his throat. “So anyway... you know, if you’re still single... I figure we could, you know...”
It’s as if her life was flashing before her eyes the way they widen in utter horror.
“No, I’m not single!” She spat out faster than he could utter another syllable. “Ah, uh... I’m taken actually, I have a boyfriend now!”
“Wha – for real?” Tyler looked as if he got slapped in the face. “Since when, man?”
“Recently. Very recently!”
Paper-thin lies doesn’t really leave much room for compromise. That’s what happens when you say something in the spur of the moment. How you gonna dig yourself out of this one, Amanda?
“Who is it?” He asked.
Yeah, Amanda, who is it? Lots of men to choose from, you got half the population ripe for the picking. Could it be Howard, maybe? Could it be a fan from one of you streams? Or maybe it could even be...
Um.
Why are you staring at me?
Amanda, what’s that twinkle in your eyes? Amanda, I don’t like that.
Amanda... don’t walk here, you stay back there...
Amanda, no.
Amanda stop!
.....
I said stop! Oh for fuck – !
“This guy over here!” Amanda cheered, flashing me an overtly endearing smile, as she wrapped herself so tightly onto my arm. “My dearest boyfriend that I love so much, yes!”
Breathe, dude... just breath. Don’t stroke yourself out. Remember your FDIs. Focus, Determination, Intent. Focus, Determination, Intent. Focus, Determination –
Ooo – you’re clinging on even tighter now... why are you clinging on even tighter?
“Isn’t that right?” Amanda said through gritted teeth, looking at me with desperation in her hazel eyes. “Darling?”
Someday I’ll look back at this day and laugh. Someday, I’ll see this memory, and smile so fondly. But alas, today was not that day.
“Ah... Yeah... ” I felt my lips quiver. “Babe...”
Fuck it, might as well go all out now. “Thanks for checking up on me, you’re such a doll!”
Amanda laughed the laughter of the deranged. “Aww no problem, sweetie! Anything for my honeybun!”
Something I did for the sake of simplicity just backfired on my face in ways that’ll make fucking Murphy look at me and go, “Shit man, didn’t think things can go that wrong.”
Well, it did go that wrong.
Tyler can’t seem to decide where to place his eyes. He stared at me, Amanda, then back to Adalia – and each time, his expression kept reaching to an even higher plane of confusion.
“But – uh – huh?” He was a jumble of words now. Poor man can’t even speak no more. “Woah, wha – ? I though you – Adalia? Isn’t Adalia your girlfriend?”
Now it was Amanda turn to get flashbanged out of nowhere. The look on her face said it all.
“Adali – ?”
Good thing I found my words first.
“What?” I said, cutting Amanda off and staring at Tyler with a frown. “You’ve never seen man with two girlfriends before?”
“But you never said...”
I chuckled, shaking my head at him. “Well, you never asked.”
Let me summarize how everybody was now.
Clueless Amanda, still having no clue, kept playing along anyway... doubling down at the whole two girlfriend bombshell by just nodding her head like she had known along.
Tyler... poor Tyler... seemed to have stretched his mental capacity to its limits. He broke down like a some robot that had short-circuited, fumes and all, standing there in place, completely at loss for a reaction.
As for me, I’m not done reacting to everything, it’s clear my life will stay the bizarre circus show it has always been, it’s time I accepted it.
Meanwhile Adalia quietly looked on just sipping on her chocolate milk. I’m glad one of us is still enjoying this...
Well, least you can’t say I don’t know how to put on a show. Just an hour after the first, suddenly now I got myself two girlfriends to love and care for each for the next twenty-two hours.
Yay.
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