Chapter 206: Icebreakers
WHY?!
The more sensible side of me screamed in anguish.
HAVE YOU FINALLY LOST IT? WHY WOULD YOU SO DELIBERATELY BRING THE EPITOME OF INFURIATING UNTO OUR DOORSTEP?
YOU’VE CURSED US. CURSED US!
Who knew the sensible side of me could be so sensitive?
So why’d I do it? Why did I say yes, when every part of me screamed no? Did the allure of wealth finally corrupt my soul so pure?
No. Money’s got nothing to do with. Ok, maybe its got a little to do with it – but it’s hardly the reason why I ultimately decided to let this narcissistic narcissist into the building.
.....
I don’t got a good sensisble reason though to explain my decision, it’s a really petty decision, you’ll find I’ll be the first to admit.
Simply put, I’m dying from nothing. This recovery period has gotten me earnestly yearning for even the smallest inkling of stimulation.
I’ve never been one before to complain about doing nothing... in fact, being able to laze around all day would have been my life’s end goal.
But every since being drop into life onto the fast mythical lane, I don’t think I’ve known a single day since that hasn’t been chock-full of stimulating stimulations.
So now, without Ash around, gone with the constant yammering of Ria, and with only a withdrawn vampire for company, I’m like a drug addict going cold turkey, and suffering greatly from the withdrawals.
TLDR: I’m seriously bored out of my mind here.
Tyler Leaden, as annoying and stroke-inducing as he was to both sight and sound, wasn’t boring.
Let’s see what kind of shenanigans he can get himself into in the next 24 hours.
And who knows, if I end up entertaining him good enough, I’ll walk out of here 50k richer and getting Ash a phone of her own.
As for inadvertently exposing the fantasy creatures for the whole world to see?
Come on, does he seem the like the type of guy out all of guys to put two and two together like that?
Harvard darling he is not.
“Check it out, guys!” He ooohed and aahed, swishing and sloshing his phone in 360 degree turns. “First step into a stranger’s home, ya boi’s gonna do it.”
Don’t know what’s there to be hyped about, its just a hallway... but okay.
“Its opening up!” He kept going. “Think we’re reaching the living room. Sheesh, this place is huge!”
Ehhh, maybe some ground rules needed placing though.
I limped myself over towards him, managing to grab hold of his big sack before he can take another step further.
Phrasing...
Tyler spun around, a little ruffled that someone would touch his sack.
“Need something, man?” He asked.
“No stream zone here,” I calmly explained. “You wanna stay, you can’t stream.”
“No streaming?” He gave a confused chuckle. “Then how’d ya expect me to – ?”
“You’re free to vlog about, just no live feed here.”
Another chuckle. “No streaming, but recording’s fine? Pretty strange, man.”
I can only surmise what his viewers thought of that stipulation, I’m sure they are of the same opinion too.
This strange limping man with a bandanged hand had some strange rules about his land, doesn’t he?
But eventually, Tyler still complied.
“Alright guys...” He spoke to his viewers. “You heard the big man – his house, his rules. Don’t worry, I’ll keep ya updated with a video... keep an eye out, alright. Bye – see ya – peace!”
With a click at the power button, Tyler stuffed his phone into his pocket and placed his sack onto the floor.
“Alright big man,” He said, unzipping one of the many zippers. “Oh yeah got a name, big man?”
“Yeah, it’s – ”
“Can I just call you big man, big man?”
I waddled ahead of him into the living room, sighing as I did. “No problemo.”
First thing I saw when I walked back in was a pair of white misty eyes poking curiously out the top of the couch.
“New... person?” She asked, tilting her head sideways. Then before I got the chance to open my mouth, she sniffed the air. “Hu...man...?”
Curiouser, and curiouser, she batted her eyelids at me.
Guess I got some explaining to do.
“Adalia, we got a guest,” I proclaimed, sounding an air of sickly sweet politeness. “He’ll be here for just a day, so just put up with him just until then, okay?”
For a moment, nothing. Then the quiet rustling of crinkled paper had her gaze tilting slightly downwards.
Adalia gave a little frown. “The instructions... doesn’t... say...”
“Never mind the instructions,” I waved my hand. “New instructions, alright? Play nice. Think you can do that for me?”
She kept silent for a short while, then I saw her eyes drift to where my bandaged hand hung loose at my side.
“Will it... help you to get... better?”
I smiled. It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? Its really damn hard to believe that you’re your sister’s sister.
“Well,” I said, shrugging. “Guess, here’s hoping....”
And with that, Adalia sunk herself further behind the couch, till her eyes were the only things visible... speaking muffled, “Okay... I’ll be nice...”
“Now that’s a good vampire lady.”
“Something you say, big man?” exclaimed a brash voice from the hall, thundering loud energetic footsteps into the living room.
Tyler emerged, the big green sack back on his back and with a small camera tightly strapped onto his left hand, both his eyes seemingly glued permanently onto the display.
He snapped the lenses towards me. “Could have sworn you were talking to someone... someone... you... oh...”
Against all odds, Tyler actually manage to pry his gaze away from the digital and into the physical.
So, curious thing indeed, wasn’t it? Whatever could it be that spurred his words to falter and his bespectacled eyes to wander?
The catalyst?
Well, following the direction of his awestruck stare brought me back to the face peeking out from the couch.
Of course...
“This is Adalia,” I said, gesturing a thumb at her. “Adalia say hi, this is Tyler, the guest.”
“Hello...” She whispered so faint that even a dog would have trouble hearing her. “Nice to... meet you...”
Tyler didn’t say anything back. In fact, he looked as if he’ll never be able to say anything ever again the way his lips stayed frozen wide open.
I know that face, those eyes. You’ve ever seen those cartoons before where when a real beaut walks by – every guy in the immediate vicinity suddenly had their tongues carpet-rolling onto the ground and their breaths panting harder than a polar bear in a desert?
This was that but real life. Tyler had become one of those background guys. Drooling all over the sight of Adalia Tom And Jerry style.
Had a feeling this might happen. He did seem like the type, after all.
“H-Hey!” Tyler finally found his voice, but apparently someone must have fiddled with it, cause it sounded like he just breathed in a cylinder of helium. “I’m... I’m Tyler.”
I already said that...
“Uh, ah um...” He spun towards me. “Give it to me straight, big guy. She is... who is she?”
“Well...” I leaned my hands at the top of the couch. This was entertaining already. “Why not take a guess?”
“Your sister?”
I shook my head.
“A cousin?”
Well... I mean Mom took care of them, So half right, maybe but not really?
Fuck it, wrong again, Tyler.
“Oh wait, no way!” He removed his sunglasses, revealing a pair of wide dark eyes. “Is she your girlfriend?!”
Adalia and I exchanged glances.
.....
“Bingo,” I said.
“What?!” His jaw hung open once again. “Theres no way! I mean – no offense to both of you – but for real?! She’s a babe!”
Yeah, you’re right twice now, there was no way. Call me presumptuous, but I don’t think Adalia would appreciate it much if she was being crept on by this dude ever waking moment.
So for the sake of simplicity, and to lessen the headaches, for the next 24 hours, I got myself a girlfriend.
“Oh, she doesn’t talk much does she?” remarked Tyler, upon seeing Adalia sink herself further.
“Camera shy,” I explained. “So if you could...”
“Ahh – sorry, sorry, my bad, Adalia!” He said, lowering his camera while simultaneously grinning like a fool. “I’ll be sure not to do anything you won’t like! In fact, know what, girl? I make mean coffee! Want some coffee? Bet you’ll like that!”
Did I just get my caretaker a caretaker of her own? I think I just did.
Adalia soared up again, and the view of her upper-half nearly sent Tyler to an early appointment with his maker.
“Chocolate...” Adalia muttered. “I... like... chocolate...”
“H-hot... g-goth... gf...” Tyler stammered, his eyes glowing green with envy. “Big man, you seriously are...”
“Kitchen’s over there, Tyler,” I said, pointing off into the distance. “Can you do chocolate? I mean it’s cool if you can’t -”
“I can! I can! I’ll do it!” He said, nodding like a bobblehead. “It’s just – wow, okay! Hey dude, mind if a film while I’m at it? Only if Adalia doesn’t mind of course.”
“She won’t mind,” I said, sending him off with a wave. “Film away.”
Then with the legs like a road runner, and the face like a coyote, he zoomed off into the kitchen, gushing himself wildly over the camera... but I felt I heard my fair share already, so I didn’t care to listen.
Got other things to tend to.
“Sorry if he’s too much, Adalia,” I said, slanting my head over towards her. “Think he’s took a liking to you.”
“Creepy...”
I snorted. “Yeah...” I sighed. “But I’ll make sure he stays clear away from you, so – ”
“What’s... a girlfriend?”
Blinked my eyes, adjusted my sights, but nope, her misty eyes still look back at me in question.
“You don’t know what’s a girlfriend?”
“I... don’t know... what’s a... girlfriend?”
Why are you repeating me. Okay, I’m surprised, thought you Matriarchs have adjusted to the terminology of the modern world good enough.
Apparently not.
“Girlfriend is like a friend,” I explained, doing my best to keep it short and concise. “Except closer. Like, you know, something like a lover, someone you care deeply about.”
“I’m your... lover?”
Why did you have to say it like that....
“It’s just pretend, you see? I only say that so that he’ll get off your back.”
“Oh...” She nodded her head slowly. “I see...”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Yeah... sorry if you don’t like it.”
“No...” She said softly, slumping herself back onto the couch. “I don’t... mind it...”
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