Chapter 3:LETTING GO
With my best efforts, I managed to keep my tears at bay and held my chin up high as I stared at the mesmerizing color of his ocean blue eyes.
Since this must be the last time we will be able to see each other as husband and wife I might as well maintain a brave face instead of showing him how defeated I become.
"I can't go on like this Phoenix." He whispered in a voice just enough for me to hear.
This is painful. Hearing my husband gave up on us is just painful.? I fought for him for five long years only to hear him say these words to me. So my hardships in keeping us together were all wasted in vain?
"I'm begging you to give me some time, Ace.? I promise to provide you a son in time."? I said as I resorted to pleading with him instead.? If I lower my pride a little bit maybe we could settle this and file for divorce would not be necessary.
"Your plea will no longer work, Phoenix." He stood from his seat making my eyes grow wide in surprise.
After hearing the harsh words coming out of my husband's mouth I suddenly lose my calm,? I was suddenly overcome with rage.
My eyes filled with so much hatred pierced him. I vacated my chair with the grace of a queen as if I wasn't about to declare war.
"If it's what you want,? I will give you the freedom you ask for Ace." If words could kill he should have died by the dagger-sharp words I shot him.
I slipped our wedding ring out of my finger and harshly tossed it on the top of the table.
My chest heaved from the intensity of my emotion. As I look at him I feel nothing but hate. I spoke no more and made a beeline straight out of the restaurant. I bothered not to pay him a glance. Once outside,? I hailed a cab and clamber inside.
He easily ended what I've been fighting for five long long years. He was so cruel to end it on our fifth wedding anniversary.
I did not cry when I was finally alone inside the dimly lit cab. I didn't even cry after I saw the familiar tall and muscular figure of a man emerge from the upscale restaurant and run to the parking area in pursuit of me. I just can't cry even though it hurts badly.
I didn't even cry as the cab sped and he followed still but failed as the cab maneuvered into the dimly lit highway. I turned away from the heartbreaking scene.
"To Saint Paul's Hospital please," I mumbled to the driver and said nothing more.
I leaned on the backseat and shut my eyes firmly. Even if I want to cry,? the tears won't pour out of my eyes. I don't know why but maybe because the mental,? physical,? emotional,? and psychological pain finally took its toll on me, making me numb from the excruciating pain.
I fluttered my eyes open. My gaze landed outside the window of the moving cab. I just stared into space seeing nothing in particular. The pitch-black darkness of the deserted highway reminded me of how alone I've become.
Not that I was the one to blame. I admit I have shortcomings too but if my husband did love me,? he will never entertain my flaws nor my shortcomings. Instead, he will fill it up the way I fill his failures with encouragement. My one-sided love for him lasted for five long years.
The cab screeched against the cemented pavement and pulled into a stop in front of Saint Paul's hospital. I immediately clamber out of the car and slam the door shut. If it weren't for the constant honking of the driver I wouldn't remember I paid him nothing.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled against the open window of the driver's seat and quickly handed him the payment in an awkward manner. " Please keep the change," I added,? red with embarrassment.
I turned away from the car and heard it sped away. The white exterior design of the gigantic hospital greeted my vision when I looked up. I hated this place,? I really did. My stomach lurched as I slowly made my way into the familiar hallways of the place I spent most of my nights.
The color drained off my cheeks when I pulled into a halt on a particular door. The familiar surge of fear returned. I should get used to this emotional turmoil, I experience it daily anyway. I told myself for the umpteenth time.
I did not immediately enter. Instead, I stood there in front of the door,? shutting my eyes firmly. I did this daily—almost every night I visit her.? It's my way of summoning all the courage I could muster to enter the door.
The thud of my heart was so loud that I could hear it all the way to my ears. What if I will see the bed empty? What if she wasn't breathing anymore? What if I came too late now?
My fear deepened,? my eyes filled with unfathomable fear fluttered open and tears raced down my cheeks before I even knew it. I didn't cry when Ace left me,? but I can't promise not to cry when the woman who's been my only ally will leave me also.
I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my blouse. "Mom?" I called out after I flung the door open. There was no response.? I entered using my trembling legs while my fingers turned into ice.