Chapter 100 - ESTRANGED MOTHER
From the deepest desires
often come the deadliest
hatred.
***
"I'm here, my son. I left you in the past but please forgive me. Whatever I did, I regret it now. But please accept me again as your mother. I will do everything for you."
Claire wiped the tears off her cheeks with her gloved fingers. Slowly, she clutched the skirt of her beaded ball gown and lowered her knees to the soft, carpeted floor.
Large, sapphire eyes peered behind exquisite eyelashes, it continued to fight my gaze for minutes. I don't feel anything at all as I watch her on her knees. Not even pity.
It felt like I lost all my abilities to feel any emotion. I no longer feel the pain, only numbness.
I closed my eyes tightly until stars burst in my eyes. If she only came back earlier I might have forgiven her but it was extremely too late. I have no room left for forgiveness after she treated me like a piece of excess baggage—unwanted, useless, and unloved. That's the worst emotion an innocent child could suffer.
"Too late Ms. Ravenwood. You already missed fifteen long years of my life. I don't need a mother. I repeat in case you don't understand a thing. I don't need a mother."
Having said the words, I turned my back at her the way she turned her back to me years ago. Her wretched sobs intensified, it filled the corners of the room.
I stopped when I was almost near the door and without looking back, I spoke. "I don't want to see you again, Claire. Never again. Forget that you once had a son."
I turned the knob and hurriedly walked away from the library. I need to leave as far as possible from this place."
Lucas Nicholas was pacing back and forth in front of the foyer. When he saw me, he stopped and raised his head. After he saw the grim expression on his face, he knew instantly that things didn't go well.
He kept his mouth shut as we made our way outside the house. Lucas immediately went to his car parked nearby and climbed inside.?His car moved and stopped in front of me. I opened the door and sat beside him in the driver's seat.
"How are you related to Ms. Ravenwood Lucas?" I asked the question in a surprisingly calm manner.
The car moved to the iron gates. When the car was moving safely outside, Lucas finally replied. " Lady Ravenwood was my mother's younger sister." He replied nonchalantly as if he's simply telling about the weather outside and not such a startling revelation.
"Goddammit, Lucas! You've been lying all along."
"Not that I know it, Ace. I found out about Lady Ravenwood's existence just weeks ago so don't blame me. I wasn't even aware I have an aunt before she introduced herself."
"I don't believe you, Lucas."
"I know you won't. But could you believe it? We're cousins. I find that difficult to believe." He said.
"So do I," I murmured, leaning to the soft cushion behind me.
Now that we are far away from Claymore Mansion I feel I am a lot better compared a while ago. Even the anger attempting to erupt inside me didn't burst with full force. Even my breathing is beginning to calm down now.
"I'm sorry to have you dragged to this Ace," Lucas said sincerely. His eyes remained glued to the highway while he drove.
"Just be thankful you are my cousin, Lucas. If not, I already punched you hard on the face."
I turned my gaze towards the window. Staring blindly at the view passing by. But my burgeoning thoughts were not on it. It's traveling miles and miles away.
"I don't know what happened between you and Ms. Ravenwood but can't you forgive her Ace?"
"No," I replied icily. My fists clenching at my side. How could I forgive when every time I think of her all I could feel is pain. "When Claire left me, my stepmother Samantha nearly killed me. I fought for long fifteen years to keep myself alive, Lucas. Even Vince tried to kill me several times before that I already lost count of how many times he became a threat to my life. Until now, I still can't believe I managed to escape the clutches of my family with my body parts still intact."
"You could have crushed your entire family before. You almost had everything. You have the power and money to do so."
"I know, and that's my biggest mistake which I regret not doing when I still have the chance. If only I'd been merciless before, I crushed them already like a cigarette butt."
Lucas Nicholas said nothing more, aware that there's nothing he could say which will change my mind into forgiving someone who treated me as if I don't exist after all these years
My childhood wound runs too deep. It's hard to forget the memories when the wound was etched deep into my whole being. I don't know if I'm capable of forgiving my mother anymore. Perhaps I will be forever thankful if she never showed up again.
Lucas didn't drive straight to Madam Stella's estate. Instead, he drove the car in the direction of the townhouse he was staying.
Once the car reached his place, Lucas Nicholas invited me inside for a?glass of champagne. I'm badly in need of something warm to calm my nerves. I agreed to the offer.
"Think of it, Ace. Once you accept Lady Ravenwood as your mother, you will be one step away to becoming the Earl of Claymore." He said when were settled on the barstool of his mini bar and poured the contents of Dom Pérignom into my wine glass.
"I don't give a damn about titles, Lucas." I snapped, took a quick swallow of the champagne. "It's something which would never give me the happiness I badly wanted. I'm contented with my life now. I don't have everything thing but I have someone I will ever need. It's enough for me." I added, referring to Phoenix and Faith Vienne.
"Think about it again, Ace. Once you have your wealth and power you could take your revenge on the people who ruined you."
"I'm not going to waste my time destroying them. I'll watch karma do the dirty work."
Lucas sighed. Defeated. "I respect your decision. But I hope you would change your mind."
"I won't. And that's final."
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