Chapter 198: Nighttime Activities
Erani and I sat in a tent out in the hills beyond town, near the Goblin forest. We’d found a nice, secluded spot to set up, simply lying inside to get away from the sun and keep ourselves hidden from anyone who happened to pass by.
It’d only taken about a minute for us to look through the shop’s wares, grab a few of the things we needed, and head out soon after. The clerk was shocked, but didn’t do much to stop us when he realized how little we were taking—and that he’d most likely be getting it all right back when we were inevitably arrested soon.
But with just a couple hours left before I’d need to activate Time Loop, law enforcement didn’t have much time at all before I’d simply undo the whole afternoon, like nothing had happened. Now, we were simply waiting out the clock. It’d be best to wait as long as possible, so we’d told Ainash to plan on getting here about fifteen minutes before we had to go. That way, she’d the maximum amount of time possible to work with the Goblins consequence-free, and Erani and I would get some extra time of our own, too—though we didn’t have as much to do with it now.
It was pretty much just a waiting game for us, now that we’d finished our business in town. We both lay on top of the same sleeping bag so we didn’t have to deal with the uncushioned ground as Erani read through that small book she’d gotten from one of the dinner patrons, and I went through a manual of my own which detailed some of the different monster species in the local area. I wasn’t seeing much I didn’t already know by now, but it was good to read it as a formalized text, rather than just having pieces of knowledge gotten through overhearing conversations and reading through job descriptions.
The whole time, I continued to practice Noxious Grasp, which in turn helped Erani practice Angelic Shield, which had gotten past the Spell Crystal barrier recently, so it could finally start Ranking up again, the Rank 10 Upgrade she’d chosen being the one we had talked about a while back, the one which made Angelic Shield block all damage from a hit before it broke and became unusable for some time, rather than only blocking the amount of damage she could afford with her available Mana.
That was how we passed the time for a while, lying next to each other in the somewhat too-small tent and reading our respective texts.
Eventually, I finished skimming through the short booklet and sat it down next to me on the tarp floor. Erani was still reading her own, leaving me without much to do—though, I still certainly enjoyed the time simply by merit of the fact that I was lying down next to this beautiful woman. It was times like these where I had to make a concerted effort not to stare.
Part of me wanted to reach my arm over and around her so I could pull her closer into an embrace, but—
“But what?” Index said. “Just do it.”
I blinked at its sudden interjection into my thoughts. What? No, I’m not going to—
“Why?”
I don’t want to interrupt her when she’s reading, and I don’t even know if she’s—look, why do you even care?
“My goal is for you to be happy. I can read your thoughts, you know—I know doing that will make you happy. So just…do it. Considering the fact that it risks literally nothing, compared to something like fighting and killing a monster, the relative amount of happiness it provides compared to the difficulty or potential for a negative outcome, it’s basically, like, the most perfect opportunity a person could be provided. You can do something tiny and easy, and get free happiness out of it. Of course I’m going to tell you to do it.”
I don’t think you can boil Human interpersonal relationships down like that. It’s more complicated. I don’t want to upset or annoy her, and you never know—
“I do.”
Index. You can’t read her mind. Maybe me, but not her.
“But I still know she’d be fine with it. It’s literally just you putting an arm around her, dude; it’s basically nothing. Man, you Humans get so insanely anxious about this sort of thing. Don’t you get in life-or-death fights every day? This should be so easy. Just do it. If she gets annoyed, that’s still a lot better than getting stabbed in the gut or something.”
Just…leave me alone, okay? Shut up. It feels weird to talk about.
I took a breath and resituated myself on the sleeping bag, now feeling like I was a thousand times more aware of every movement I made, and that Erani made, and overanalyzing every little thing. She shifted a little so her legs were less in contact with mine, did that mean she wanted to get away from me? Or maybe she was just tired of lying like that. Maybe Index was right, maybe she was sitting here waiting for me to make a move, and not doing anything was what was annoying her. But wouldn’t she avoid moving away from me if she wanted me to make a move, because doing that might accidentally scare me off? Or maybe she wasn’t thinking like that. Was I just completely insane for thinking this way?
Ugh, I thought to myself. You are so fucking stupid. You’re already basically dating! You’ve kissed, and everything! Why do you still feel like this around her? She likes you, and you know it, so you should be able to move past this adolescent bullshit.
But maybe the mature move, then, was to just do nothing and leave her alone. Wouldn’t it feel kind of weird to just randomly reach around and bring her closer, now? We’d already been lying down for a while, so it would just be awkward to force her to completely change her position like that.
I fought the urge to shake my head and sigh at how ridiculous I was being. During quiet moments like these, I felt like I somehow got so anxious for no reason. I wasn’t very used to doing anything romantic past the initial flirting phase, and I really felt like my inexperience had begun showing itself in my mind. It was just so easy to do romance stuff before, when our lives were so constantly on the line, since it felt like it didn’t matter. But now, it was like nothing else mattered. I just needed to occupy my thoughts with something else and get my mind off of it. Maybe I’d pick that booklet back up and re-read a couple of the more interesting sections.
Erani suddenly closed her own book. “That was pretty neat. I think I got a couple good facts out of it, at least.”
I blinked a couple times, and nodded. “Oh, good.”
“Here,” she muttered, looking back and forth at the ground on either side of us, “uhh, let me reach over you and just put this over there. Not much room on my side.”
“Sure.”
She got up on her shoulder, using her good arm to grab the book and put it down on my side of the tent. Since she didn’t have a second hand to prop herself up on, she was close to me as she reached over my body, her face almost touching mine. But she wasn’t looking at me, so she couldn’t see my face flushed red. And her chest brushed against my body as well, pressing up on mine, so I could feel her—
“Woah, dude,” Index said, “I’m looking at your emotional gauge right now, and your ‘arousal’ score just jumped to seventy percent. That’s insane! I’ve never even seen a single emotion pass fifty before.”
“Index,” I muttered through my teeth, “shut the fuck up.”
Erani leaned back and looked at me. “What?”
“N-nothing,” I said. “Just…Index is being annoying. Y’know, always in my ear, and stuff.”
“Oh,” she said, pursing her lips. “Okay, I guess.”
“Man,” Index continued, “you just need to have sex with her already.”
What?!
“You’re insanely horny! I can tell. This is the first time the two of you have just laid down next to each other, doing nothing. Every other time you’ve both been in the same bed, one of you fell asleep before you could even think about it, and you would’ve both been too tired anyway. Now, you’ve just gone on this whole date, you have time where nothing will interrupt you, and you, Arlan, are very clearly in the mood. Just do it!”
That’s—I blinked, trying to sort out my flustered thoughts. That feels like it’d be a bad idea. What if she doesn’t feel the same way I do?
“Oh, don’t give me that. I can see her when you’re not looking, I can see the way she stares at you.”
Wait, she stares at me? I mean, that’s beside the point. It’s still not the right time. We’re in a tent in the wilderness. And what about Ainash? When we try to transfer memories, she’ll see all of them.
“First, a tent is a lot better than what you’ve had for a while now, and what you might be forced to go back to any day, at a moment’s notice. Plus it has privacy, unlike some random room in an inn. Take what you can get. Second, you already know you can just not look at memories when you receive them. Ask her not to look, she’ll understand. Barely ever questions stuff like that when you ask her to. Stop making excuses.”
Index, just—I still don’t know why you care. Don’t try to control my life, it’s weird.
“I care because it’s a totally free way to boost your own mood, team morale, your bond with someone you place your life into the hands of on a daily basis, it sets a precedent that allows you to take advantage of sex’s mood-boosting effects at an easier notice in the future, it will make you happier in a longer-term sense because you’ll have taken your relationship with Erani to another stage, it’ll let you stop getting so distracted by this sort of thing in the future because it’ll already be done, boosting your general effectiveness on a day-to-day basis—”
Okay, okay. I get it.
“No, seriously, I don’t think you even realize how clearly frustrated you are here. I mean, over the past several weeks, you haven’t been able to attend to even basic sexual needs at all! And you’re constantly around this person you’re clearly attracted to, making the problem even worse. I can see what you’re thinking sometimes, man, and—”
Index. I get it. Please just drop this.
“I can’t allow you to just sit here, making a clearly suboptimal decision. You agree with me, too! Your arousal percentage has only gone up since I’ve brought this topic to light, meaning you’re clearly imagining it too. This is free happiness, sitting right next to you. Just ask her.”
How do I even ask someone something like that?
“You’re already in a relationship! It’s easy.”
No, it’s not! I’ve never been in a committed relationship before. Casual flings are the only thing I have experience in. That’s easy, you just go with the flow and drink a bunch, then once you’re in a room alone, you start taking off your clothes. No talking required. But now, if I fuck up, suddenly I’m not just losing out on a single night of sex, I’m fucking up my relationship with a person that is very important to me.
“Uh, hey, Arlan?” Erani asked. I tensed up, startled by her voice, and looked over, she was lying on her side, looking right at me.
“Y-yeah?” I responded.
“Are you okay? Your face looks…really red.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m…I’m okay,” I said, bringing up my hands to rub my cheeks. “Um, sorry. Just…talking with Index. It’s being inappropriate.”
“Inappropriate? What do you mean? …Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I just…it’s nothing. You don’t need to worry about it. Index likes to talk about inane stuff sometimes, I guess, and asking it to stop doesn’t always work.”
“Oh, okay. Well, I guess just tell me if you need anything.”
“Sure, sure.”
“See?” Index said. “Right there. She told you to tell her if you need anything. Now you say, ‘Yeah baby, I do need something. I need to rip off your clothes and stuff you with my—’”
“Index,” I said aloud. “Please, for the love of the gods.”
Erani looked at me strangely, but I barely even noticed her stare, ironically too preoccupied with Index’s talking about her.
“What?” it continued. “You don’t like it when I get graphic? Ooh, just from that half of a sentence, your arousal spiked by another four percent. Maybe if I get that high enough, you’ll give in and just do the optimal thing.”
Please do not.
“I know what you’re thinking about,” it said. “Just imagine, you reach over and pull her close, and you can feel her hot breath on your neck. She doesn’t say anything, but you can tell she knows what you want. Your other hand goes to her shirt, and you lift it just barely up, feeling her soft stomach as your fingers trail upward beneath the dirty fabric. Her breathing quickens, and she just barely whispers your name, her chest rising and falling underneath your hand. She grabs the back of your head, fingers tightly gripping your hair, and moves her thigh on top of your legs and face closer to yours, moving up to your face until your lips are moments from touching. ‘Please,’ she whispers, and then you rip her shirt off, revealing—”
Erani lay next to Arlan, who was staring straight up at the top of the tent, eyes wide and unfocused, like he was completely concentrated on not thinking about something. In the hot air, it was bordering on being too warm to lay in here right next to each other, but she didn’t mind one bit, since it was him.
That said, she was beginning to feel uncomfortable at this point, though it had nothing to do with the heat. Arlan had said some weird stuff about Index, and now he was like this, occasionally muttering “Just stop already,” under his breath.
Honestly, she was worried that it was using some sort of torture method on him to get him to do what it wanted. Her mind went to horrible places, the thing messing with his mind, showing him visions or memories that would break his spirit. Or maybe it could control how he felt in some way, and it was injecting his brain with terror and pain and other cruel emotions. How could she just lie here and watch this happen? But what could she even do to stop this?
“Hey, Arlan?” Erani said softly. He didn’t even respond. Could he not hear her? Was he even conscious, at this point?
She slowly reached out, placing a hand on his chest and scooting closer, so her body was pressed up against his side. Maybe, if Index really was doing something horrible, she could at least hold him, and that would offer some comfort.
Not that she was opposed to being wrapped around his body like this, anyway. He’d taken off that Dark Plate when they got into the tent—the first time he’d taken it off in a while, now—and she was glad to see him again. The way it covered him up like that, it was just criminal. Now, with her fingers rubbing up and down his chest, head fit in the cranny between his shoulder and his neck, she was glad to have him back. And maybe he’d be glad to have her with him, too.
“Hey,” he said, his voice almost sounding strained, “do you mind moving away, some?”
“Oh,” Erani said. Her face turned a bright red.
Good gods, she thought to herself, what were you thinking? Why didn’t you consider that maybe you were the one making him uncomfortable?
She quickly moved back, now not in contact with him at all. He even seemed to relax a little once she was away from him. The sight made Erani’s cheeks turn an even brighter shade, and she felt the urge to hide her face with her hands. Though, with Arlan’s eyes still looking straight up into the air, she wasn’t sure who she’d even be hiding from.
“S-sorry,” Erani said. “I didn’t, um…I didn’t mean to be annoying. I just…I wasn’t thinking, I guess, and I…I’ll be more careful about that. In the future. Um, I’ll just avoid being too…touchy.”
Arlan blinked, his eyes suddenly seeming to come into focus, like he only just then started paying attention to his surroundings. He looked over at her. “Wait, what?”
Erani quickly looked away. Ugh, how did she just keep making this worse? “Um, I-I don’t know! Nothing.”
“No, no,” Arlan sat up, looking at her with a concerned expression, “I don’t…you weren’t being annoying. I didn’t mean that. Uh, what did I say back there? I don’t even know.”
“Oh.” Erani could feel her heartbeat just barely beginning to slow. “Um, maybe…I misunderstood. You just asked me to get off of you, and I thought—”
“Oh, shit!” Arlan looked much more concerned, suddenly. “I didn’t mean that! I wasn’t thinking, and I just said what came to my mind when I noticed, and—well, not that I really even wanted you to…”
He groaned and lay back down, flopping onto his back. Erani could just barely hear him mutter, “Index, you are such a fucker.”
“What…” Erani frowned, slowly lying back down on her side. “I know you didn’t want to talk about it before, but do you mind letting me know what’s going on between you and Index? Maybe…I don’t know. Maybe I could help out?”
He sighed. “It doesn’t—well, it does concern you, I guess. That’s kind of the problem. I don’t think you’ll really appreciate the topic, and it’d probably just be weird to bring it up.”
“That’s okay, I promise I won’t mind,” Erani said. Really, she’d do anything to reassure him into talking about it now. The moment he said it was about her, her curiosity became so strong she’d stop at nothing to hear what this was.
Arlan sighed. “Yeah, okay. Ugh, I don’t even know how to say this. So basically…What? Index, you know I can’t say it like that. Yes, I know it’s about you, but that doesn’t mean you get to put words in my mouth. Really? So what, I’m just some messenger in this conversation between you and her? …Okay, fine.”
“What was that?”
“Index wants to say what it was talking to me about. It says, quote, ‘I was just making the simple point that both you and Arlan would be much happier if you had sex already.’”
Erani’s face filled right back up with the red that’d only just begun to fade away. “W-what?”
He rubbed his face with his hands. “It says, ‘You’re already dating, just do it already. Now’s a perfect time. I can tell you’re super attracted to him, that’s been out there for a while. You have nothing to hide, so why not just do the thing you’ve been wanting to do forever? Plus, Arlan’s like—’ Okay, Index, you know I’m not saying that. What? No, it’s not ‘unfair’ that you don’t get to…Ugh, fine. Erani, I just want to make it clear, these are Index’s words, not mine. ‘...Plus, Arlan is, like, super horny, all the time. And it’s specifically for you. So just fuck him already.’”
“I, I…” Erani was at a complete loss for words. “That’s what it was talking to you about? Why? How did that even come up?”
“It’s committed to my happiness, remember? And it seems to think I’d be a lot happier if we had sex. Right now. Wouldn’t shut up for the past fifteen minutes about it.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, I probably should’ve just kept that to myself. It’s not your problem. We can drop it if you want, you don’t have to say anything at all, we can just go back to doing whatever, and I’ll try to ignore Index.”
Erani looked down at his face, suddenly completely unable to take her eyes off of it. The little contours around his nose, giving it its angular shape, the way his eyes seemed to never rest, even when closed, shifting around beneath his eyelids like he was always thinking about something, the way his shaggy hair constantly drifted down to the tops of his eyes, so he had to bring his hand up and push it out of his face…
“U-um,” Erani stuttered, “I don’t…”
Arlan opened his eyes, looking up at her. Were they always that bright? Even she could tell that, no matter how casually he was pretending to act, he was hanging onto her every word.
“I wouldn’t—” Erani continued, “—maybe eventually, not now, but eventually, be opposed to it. I-I mean, if you’d…um, be okay. With that.”
Arlan nodded hesitantly. “Uh, yeah. Okay. Eventually. Index, does that work with—no? No. Okay.”
Erani chuckled lightly. “It’s not satisfied?”
“Not even remotely. It said that was pitiful of us,” Arlan said with a laugh. Then he seemed to get more serious again. “Um, though, if you wanted…I mean, maybe it doesn’t have the totally wrong idea. About, y’know, the timing.”
Erani tensed up at the thought of doing…that…right now. “…I don’t know.”
“Right, right,” Arlan said, cheeks going red. “Sorry. Shouldn’t’ve said anything.”
“No, I mean…” Erani sighed. “I kind of agree. That sounds…nice. It sounds great. I’d love to. But…you’re about to use Time Loop, right?”
He frowned. “Hm? I mean, I guess, but I doubt it’d take an hour and a half. We’d have plenty of time.”
“No! Er, no, not like that. I mean, when you use it, and we go back to before this ever happened…I don’t know, doesn’t that feel weird?”
“What do you mean? You’ll get to keep your memories. And Ainash won’t see as long as we tell her not to look into the memories we give her, if that’s what you’re worried about. Index was the one to point that out to me.”
“No, it’s not like that.” Erani sighed once again. She wasn’t sure how to even say something like this. “I mean, even if we remember…doesn’t it feel wrong? To go back and undo our, er, first time together? It sort of cheapens the moment in a way, I feel like.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “I guess I don’t see what you mean. Maybe I’m just too used to Time Loop, but it’s not like anything actually gets reset. Like, if we keep our memories of it, it effectively still happened, right? Didn’t you say something like that earlier?”
“Well, maybe, but I still think there’s something to be said about being able to…I don’t know…exist in the timeline where we did that together. Whether or not it functionally changes anything, I want to do this in a world where everything’s real, and our actions have lasting consequences. It’s not about memories; it’s about building something with you that can’t be erased. On a metaphorical level, I guess.”
He smiled in that way that he always did when he was about to say something stupid. “So, you’re saying that we can’t have sex because of a metaphor?”
Erani laughed and rolled her eyes. “Arlan. I’m serious.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get you. Not like I’ll fight you on it, at least. If you want to wait, we can wait. Have a nice, non-time-related date someday, and do something special then. I guess…I don’t know, it feels kind of cool, to think about having sex in a timeline that’ll end up getting reset. We have this unique opportunity to keep this moment to ourselves. In a world that nobody else will even remember—that nobody else even exists in, effectively. We can use it to say ‘This moment is ours, and nobody else’s.’ Like, we’re sort of the rulers of the universe, right now. At least, in a way.”
Erani smiled. “That sounds egotistical.”
“Yeah, well, whatever. Maybe we’ve earned some ego, after everything we’ve been through.”
“Maybe.”
Erani leaned in closer, lying her head on Arlan’s chest, and he wrapped his arm around her, bringing her in tightly as if he was trying to make up for lost time.
Arlan sighed. “We can wait. For now, let’s just lay here, maybe take a nap or something. Doesn’t matter what we do. I’m just happy to spend the time with you.”
Erani felt something welling up in her chest as she drew her hand across the marks on Arlan’s ribs. Muscles, bones, scars…she wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing, really. But the more she dragged her fingers along those bumps and lines, the more that feeling in her heart strengthened. Eventually, she just said, “Yes, I agree. I’m happy, too.”
And they lay there, the pure moment shared between them enough to sustain their smiles for a lifetime.
In the end, though, their bodies pressed up against each other like that, with Erani fondling Arlan’s chest and him rubbing his hand along her back and shoulders, they ended up getting way too horny to ignore it, and they had sex anyway.
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