117 Still Here – Part If you like music while you read, try “Always Remember Us This Way” by Caleb and Kelsey. It’s a very sweet song for El and Aaryn in the middle of a difficult time.
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~ ELRETH ~
Elreth was aware of being awake before she opened her eyes. The day before had been the most restful and relaxing she’d had since their honeymoon, and she wasn’t quite ready for it to have ended. But they’d fallen into the furs the night before, passionate and heated, and fallen asleep in each other’s arms.
Now she lay there listening to the rustling of the furs as Aaryn tried to move slowly so he wouldn’t wake her, because he was the most thoughtful male in Creation.
“It’s okay, I’m awake,” she murmured without opening her eyes.
“Shhhhh, go back to sleep.”
Elreth rolled towards him, stretching and smiling. “No.”
“Stubborn minx.”
.....
“This might be our last day to rest together for months... years, Aaryn. Or have you not been around a female with a newborn before? My mother said having me and Gar only a year apart was more stressful than fighting the wolves.”
Aaryn snorted.
Elreth finally opened her eyes to find her mate leaning over her, smiling, his silver hair mussed and eyes bright behind it. He’d never more resembled the wolf that lived within him. Elreth’s belly fluttered and she reached a hand up to stroke the firm planes of his chest.
“Good morning, gorgeous.”
Aaryn raised an eyebrow. “You’ve slept an extra hour and woken... frisky? I thought we’d sated those appetites last night.”
“My appetite for you is never sated,” she said in a low growl.
“Well, thank you, Reth. It’s nice to see you again,” Aaryn chuckled, then froze as Elreth’s playful smile faltered.
It had always been a joke within her family-her father’s overt, very Anima view of sex and desire, always expressed shamelessly towards his mate, Elreth’s mother. It was a trait Elreth had loathed when she was younger-taking after her human mother who had clearly been just as passionate for her father, but kept her thoughts and actions mostly behind closed doors.
Gar, having followed his father’s footsteps, had never ceased to tease Elreth for her “human modesty,” even going so far as to trick their father into walking in on Elreth and Aaryn when they were first acknowledging the bond.
Aaryn had always walked the line with Elreth-teasing her sometimes when she was too prudish, but never poking her to make her bite the way Gar would. He’d said this thoughtlessly, she knew. It had just come out because it was funny and true and...
And she couldn’t enjoy it with him.
Ever since the war, and the loss of her parents... she’d avoided the subject as much as possible. Even Gar had rarely broached it, and never with the same goading.
Elreth had been a raw nerve in the wake of the losses, both to her family and to the tribes.
Her parents were ghosts that hovered over their shoulders at all times-sometimes in wonderful ways. But at others...
She stared at him now, frozen, and cursing the telling twitch on her chin that heralded tears she wanted to shed, but resisted.
“Oh, El,” Aaryn breathed, pulling her into his chest, then rolling her onto her back so he could lean over her and stroke her hair back. “You have to talk about them. You have to let yourself remember them and enjoy it.”
Elreth kept blinking. A choking ache was twisting in her chest, pushing up out of her throat. She wanted to weep like a child-but she couldn’t! She couldn’t let herself, because if she opened those floodgates she’d never close them again. She’d just be washed away in the tidal-wave of grief and fear.
Because she still woke some nights from dreams that they’d died, and Aaryn was gone, and she was here alone. Utterly alone.
A mental image of herself in her dream popped into Elreth’s head-a memory of a recurring dream she had in which she was racing around an empty Tree City, calling for Aaryn and unable to find him, or anyone she loved...
Her face crumpled and she yanked her hands up to cover it.
She’d just been starting to feel a little better, a little lighter. Then she’d figured out she was pregnant-and then the Chimera arrived.
“El, please, don’t cry,” Aaryn murmured, wiping away the tears that slid out from under her hands.
“They should be here for this!” she cried. “They shouldn’t miss this! I’m having a baby, Aaryn-can you imagine how excited they’d be? The jokes dad would tell?” She sucked in a breath, but it didn’t seem to hold enough oxygen. “The way Mom would get all sweet and thoughtful-and possessive. How she’d go fierce on me if I did too much or... I can’t...” She tried to take a deep breath, but her body... “It’s not... I can’t breathe-” Elreth shoved Aaryn off and rolled over to sit up out of the furs, sucking at the air.
Hands braced on her knees, she ignored the tears streaming down her cheeks, and just focused on breathing.
Aaryn pulled himself up next to her, curling over her back and combing her fiery red hair back from her face with gentle fingers. “Breathe, El. Just breathe.”
“I can’t.”
“You can. Just let yourself. Relax your shoulders. Close your eyes. Focus on counting...”
They’d been through this before. Elreth felt ridiculous and childish and... and so grateful for her mate who was so patient with her.
It took minutes before she could breathe without her lungs catching, or the air feeling empty. But finally they just sat there together, Aaryn’s arm behind her back, his warmth pressed against her.
When she’d taken several full breaths, he dropped a soft kiss to her shoulder. “That’s better. You’re safe. I’m here.”
Elreth nodded and wiped her cheeks. “Sorry. I’m... it’s just gotten harder to keep it all inside. I just... I’m so emotional and-”
“You’re having a baby, El,” Aaryn said, and she felt the curl of his lips against her skin. “That’s... that’s the best news I’ve ever heard. And you’re right, your parents would have been so excited-almost as excited as me.”
Then Elreth sobbed. Because it was only true.
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