Chapter 1276 We Are Busy
*Tap! Tap!*
Raelle's attention shifted when she heard someone tapping the surface of the table beside her. She looked over and said, "Hello, Professor!"
"Hello, Raelle!" said Song Xin'ai.
"How are you, Professor?" asked Raelle.
"I'm good! How about you?"
"What does it look like?"
"It's better if I don't answer that," said Song Xin'ai. "Do you mind if I sit with you here?"
Raelle gave her a look, "Are you sure? You want to leave all these people and sit with me?"
"Yes," answered Song Xin'ai.
"Okay then. Please, have a seat."
"Thank you," said Song Xin'ai as she sat down with her. She looked at the bunch of pink Azaleas in her hand and said, "You don't look like someone who likes flowers."
"Why would you assume that?"
"Because I don't think you are very fond of delicate things."
"I have no problem with flowers. They are delicate, they wither, they are demanding too. They need too much care to grow but still, I don't seem to dislike them."
"Why?"
"Aren't you clear about that? It's easy to see how short and fragile life is when you're looking at these flowers blooming and withering away within a short period of time."
Song Xin'ai pursed her lips and stayed silent for a while.
"Have you heard?" asked Raelle.
"What?"
"We are going to see Grandma tomorrow. And I'm talking about my paternal Grandma."
"There is no need for you to clear that up for me. You only have a paternal Grandma, no one can change that as I said before if you don't have a mother like me. There is no need for a maternal Grandmother to exist too."
"Would it have been different if you were this decisive in life back then?"
"What do you think?" asked Song Xin'ai.
"I don't know. I don't like thinking about the what-ifs of life. They make life a lot more difficult and complicated."
"True. So, we should all stick with the choices we made and regrets we have."
"What is your regret, Professor?"
"That growing up, I was never there to tell you that your existence wasn't a mistake for me or your father."
Raelle paused when she heard that and looked into her eyes.
Song Xin'ai gave her a gentle smile as she continued, "Whether it's Weimin, Wai, or you, all of you came to this world because of love. There was no mistake or accident. There was no other purpose of your existence too. Raelle, I'd like to assure you that Mom had a lot of expectations when she learned of your existence. I was really happy too. This happiness was short-lived but not because of you. None of that was your fault. It never will be. Only cowards who can't face their own mistakes blame their children for their regrets. I might be a coward but I haven't stooped low enough to blame you for anything. I know how it feels to take the blame when you haven't done anything wrong."
"What is your purpose in telling me all this?" asked Raelle.
"No purpose," said Song Xin'ai. "I just want you to know somethings aren't in our hands. Yes, I know you are clear about it all. But I'd still like to say it all to you all over again. I know what you're thinking right now. I know what's making you feel sad. I know you're feeling a void inside of you right now thinking about your child, but I'd like to remind you that you did nothing wrong. Yes, you didn't get to take care of your child or protect him but it's still not your fault."
"I thought no one would say it to my face today. But then again, if there is one person who would not shy away, it'd have to be you," said Raelle.
"Yes, I like to be the bad guy," smiled Song Xin'ai.
"Thank you for saying all that. I'm okay. I just keep thinking about what it'd be like if that little child was still with us. Just seeing those kids makes me wonder. I can't help it. I'd like not to think about it but I really can't help it. It's like my own thoughts are not under my control today."
"It's not always easy to be in control of your thoughts," said Song Xin'ai.
"Right? It's not easy. I never realized this before."
"It's hard for you to believe it because you're someone who always had things under control. Now that something is not in control, it'll take some time for you to come to terms with it."
"It's not the first time," said Raelle. "First I couldn't have control over my heart when I fell in love with Xian. Now, I can't control my mind. Am I slowly gonna lose all control over my whole existence?"
"I don't think we'll go that far," said Song Xin'ai. "Don't think so much. I'd suggest you to not spend so much time alone today. It'll give your mind a chance to pull you into the spiral. And it'll become even more difficult to come out of it."
"Is that why you came to give me company?"
"I just wanted to talk to you," replied Song Xin'ai. "It's not like we get a lot of chance to sit together to talk."
"True. We are both busy people."
"Yeah. We are busy." Song Xin'ai paused and then told her honestly, "And I would like to change that."
Raelle gave her an inquisitive look, "Are you retiring early?"
"How is it early? I'm so old already," replied Song Xin'ai. "I have enough gold on my name. I don't need it anymore."
"I don't think you've been doing it for the gold though."
Song Xin'ai gave her a look and smiled at her knowingly, "Yes, I love my work that's why I was busy all my life. But I think I have done enough."
"Have you?"
"I didn't get to spend time with my own kids. If possible, I'd like to see the growth of my grandchildren."
"By grandchildren, you mean Justin?"
"I'd like to add yours too in the list of my grandchildren."
"I'd see about that."
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