Chapter 96 Chapter 96 – I'm Sorry
There was nothing for Nick to do in Horua's room.
Marie had taken care of everything.
So, Nick just sat down beside Horua and started to talk.
"When will you wake up?" Nick asked, not looking at Horua.
Naturally, Horua didn't answer.
"You've been like that for over three months by now, and you show no sign of improvement."
No answer.
"You're going to turn twelve soon."
"Three months gone, just like that."
Nick sighed.
"But what am I supposed to do?"
"I didn't want it to end up this way."
"I wanted to give you a future."
"But, of course, I was an absolute idiot and forced you into something when you weren't ready yet."
"I can't believe that I actually asked a child to work with the Dreamer."
"If anyone else had done something like that, I would believe them to be cruel and stupid."
Nick sighed again.
"And yet, it was me."
"I was the one that did that."
Nick turned to look at Horua.
"And now, you're like this."
"Because of me."
Nick took a shaky breath.
"I honestly don't know what to do."
"What can I do to make this right?"
"I looked after you for three months, and I will continue looking after you until your condition turns for the better."
"But isn't there something else I can do?"
"Is there anything I can do on top of that?"
"Anything?"
"Should I bring you something?"
"Should I buy you something?"
Nick remained silent for a while.
"I don't know what to do, Horua," he said.
Silence.
Nick just sat beside Horua for several minutes, lost in thought.
Horua just kept staring forward with dead eyes.
"It feels like regret and guilt are eating me up from the inside, Horua," Nick said with a shaky voice.
"Whenever there is a quiet moment, the droning in my chest gets louder and louder until I get overwhelmed."
"I just want to make this right."
"I just want to help you."
"I know I fucked up, Horua, but I'm going to do everything in my power to help you!" Nick said with conviction as he turned to look at Horua.
"I'm going to make this right!"
"No matter what it costs!"
"No matter what it takes!"
Yet, Horua didn't look at Nick.
He just kept staring forward.
Seconds and minutes passed.
There was nothing for Nick to do since Horua didn't need anything right now.
Nick didn't have anything to do for his work as well.
To top it all off, the lack of sleep was making it harder for Nick to think clearly.
Time seemed to pass quickly for one second, then very slowly the next.
It was like time was coming in waves, and Nick's perception of it was warping.
Nick didn't know how long he sat beside Horua, but it wasn't long enough for Horua to need something again.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, Horua," Nick whispered.
Tears formed in Nick's eyes as his breathing quickened.
"I'm so sorry."
"I fucked up, Horua."
"I'm sorry."
"I didn't want any of this to happen."
"I just wanted to help you."
"I'm so sorry."
By now, Nick's tears were rolling down his face.
He didn't dare to look at the current Horua.
Nick only looked at the ground.
"I'm sorry."
"Please, wake up."
"I'm sorry."
Crying.
For a long time, Nick cried, repeating that he was sorry over and over.
He just kept looking at the ground.
Slowly, Nick put his face in his hands, and his sobbing became more intense.
After a while, Nick wasn't even sure anymore what he was crying about.
There were so many reasons to cry.
The people he killed.
Pator.
Horua.
The things he had done in the past.
With his tired mind, all of these things just swirled together into a mass of guilt and suffering.
Everything was shit.
Nick had done the most horrible things.
He was responsible for Horua's current condition.
He killed another kid just yesterday.
He killed over ten people within the last week.
Nick was practical due to his life in the Dregs, but he wasn't a coldhearted monster.
He didn't want to do all of these horrible things.
And yet, for one reason or another, these things had still happened.
Everything was horrible.
Yesterday was horrible.
Today was horrible.
Tomorrow would be horrible.
Why was he doing all of this?
Money?
Fame?
What was the point of any of this when he felt his insides consuming him in moments when he should feel calm and content?!
Eventually, Nick was pulled out of his thoughts by Horua needing to get cleaned again.
In contrast to how Nick felt when he entered the room, he now didn't feel like helping Horua.
It was like the task was so difficult, challenging, and lengthy.
Nevertheless, Horua was his responsibility, and Nick cleaned Horua and changed his clothing.
When Nick was done, he just absentmindedly looked at Horua.
After crying for so long, how did Nick feel?
Like shit.
People said that crying helped in dealing with emotions, but Nick felt none of that right now.
He just felt hollow and horrible.
All the things he had to do felt like a daunting task that required a mountain of effort.
After looking at Horua silently for a while, Nick left to buy some food for the two of them.
When he was done feeding Horua, Nick put him to bed, even though it was still too early for Horua's bedtime.
'It's fine when he goes to bed a couple hours early one day,' Nick thought.
After putting Horua to sleep, Nick went to his own room and fell into his bed.
He didn't even change his clothing or drink anything.
He just didn't care anymore.
Nothing mattered anymore.
He just wanted his consciousness to vanish into the blissful oblivion of sleep.
Nick didn't move in his bed.
And just a couple of minutes later, Nick fell asleep.
Finally, Nick didn't have to face the world anymore.
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