Chapter 322 Chapter 322 – Guilt
Nick just looked at Wyntor with uncertainty.
"It sounds like it makes sense, but it doesn't feel right," he said.
"As I've said, Nick. Logic and emotions don't always go together," Wyntor said. "The fact is that many of our Extractors would be willing to fight for you with their lives on the line, and I don't think they would be doing that for every person superior to them."
"For example, I'm not sure if they would fight with their lives on the line for me."
Nick could see where Wyntor was coming from, but he just didn't feel it.
He only talked with the Extractors whenever it was related to business or when they were meeting each other in a hallway by coincidence.
Nick couldn't consider someone like that a friend.
"How can someone like that be a friend?" Nick asked. "They don't even know anything about me."
"Because you don't let anyone get close to you, Nick," Wyntor said.
Nick raised his eyebrows.
"Due to the power imbalance, they are scared of asking you personal questions. They most likely consider you their friend, but they are also intimidated by your status as their superior."
"I'm sure that many of them would jump at the opportunity to get to know you better."
Wyntor sighed.
"It's so easy when you see it from the outside," he said as he looked to the side. "But when you are in the middle, you often can't see what outsiders see."
Nick was still a bit uncertain about all of this.
He had friends?
He thought he was alone.
"Nick," Wyntor said, making Nick look at him. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be the friend that I wanted to be."
"It's just that, for my entire life, all the adults around me told me to never unveil more of my life than necessary. Any piece of personal information I give others can be used by a potential enemy."
"If I tell someone that I consider you my friend, they might try to capture you to get to me."
"If I tell someone the identity of one of my teachers, they might try to get more information out of them."
Wyntor sighed again.
"It's difficult to change that habit," he said.
Nick looked at Wyntor with concern and sympathy.
With all of this context, Wyntor's personality made a lot more sense.
He actually wanted to be Nick's friend, but the distance that Nick always felt between them was something that Wyntor couldn't easily get rid of since he didn't know how to make friends.
Sadly, this revelation just didn't have the impact that it should have had.
'Is this his real self, or is it just another way to manipulate me?' Nick thought.
Wyntor was so good at manipulating people that Nick wasn't confident in his ability to tell the difference between his real self and his fake self.
It was possible that Nick was viewing Wyntor's real self right now, but it was also possible that this was just one of Wyntor's masks that he put on to keep Nick working for him.
Did Wyntor consider Nick his friend or not?
Nick couldn't tell.
Sadly, there was something else that made this entire situation almost feel meaningless.
It was great that Nick had a potential friend, but what did that change?
His goal had still been invalidated, and Nick had still been the reason for the deaths of over a thousand innocent people.
His entire reason for wanting to save the Dregs was to get rid of his guilt and redeem himself, but in the end, his guilt only grew heavier.
What was the point of having a friend when Nick had turned into an irredeemable monster?
He was responsible for more deaths than most Specters.
So, what made him better than just another Specter?
His intention of helping people?
Sadly, intentions did not affect reality.
Actions did.
And Nick's actions spoke for themselves.
Wyntor saw Nick's expression and sighed.
"Nick, what's going on?" he asked.
Nick just looked at Wyntor in pain.
'What's the point of telling him if I can't even be certain that he gives a shit?'
'This might as well just be a random obstacle for him that endangers his profits.'
"I want to know," Wyntor said.
"Please."
"The only thing I could do to prove my friendship to you in the past was to solve your problems and to give you the things you need."
"But now, maybe I can help you by giving you advice."
"It doesn't matter whether or not you believe that I am genuinely your friend. In both cases, I can still help you with advice."
Naturally, Wyntor had noticed what Nick had been thinking about earlier.
He had known Nick for years, and reading Nick wasn't very difficult for him.
Wyntor knew that something was troubling Nick, but he couldn't help him as long as he didn't know what Nick was actually worried about.
Nick took a deep breath.
"You know," Nick started as he looked to the side without any care, "for years, my goal has been to improve the lives of the people in the Dregs."
"Because of me, Horua died. I was the one that's responsible for his death."
"Sorry to interrupt," Wyntor interjected. "But who was Horua again?"
Nick's eyes shot open as he looked at Wyntor with shock.
Horua occupied Nick's thoughts almost daily.
Meanwhile, Wyntor didn't even remember who that was.
'I shouldn't be surprised,' Nick thought. 'He barely came into contact with him.'
"The young boy that I sent to the Dreamer."
When Wyntor heard that, his eyes shot open.
The room turned silent.
Wyntor's expression became concerned.
"You care that much about him?" he asked.
Annoyance appeared in Nick's eyes, but he didn't voice it.
"His death is the reason why I've been working so hard," Nick said.
"I killed an innocent kid when that kid saw me as his only companion."
"My responsibility was to protect him."
"Instead," Nick said with a low voice as he looked at the wall, "I killed him."
"I killed an innocent child, Wyntor."
"How am I supposed to continue living without trying to somehow redeem myself?"
Wyntor looked at Nick with an uncomfortable expression.
Below the table, he clenched his fists.
Silence.
Wyntor looked at the ceiling.
Then, he took a deep breath.
"You didn't kill him," Wyntor said.
Visit freewe𝑏nov(e)l.𝗰𝐨𝐦 for the 𝑏est n𝘰vel reading experience