Chapter 319 Chapter 319 – Apathy
For the next few minutes, Nick didn't even try to move.
His eyes had already burned away.
The only trace left of his eyes were a couple of black spots at the bottom of his eye sockets.
Nick had finally become a Veteran, but it just didn't feel important.
Power was never Nick's goal.
It was only a means to achieve his goal.
Sadly, with his goal invalidated, attaining the means to achieve said invalid goal became meaningless.
What was the point of becoming stronger when Nick felt just as shit as before?
Nick was stronger than 99% of all the people living in Crimson City.
However, he was also unhappier than 99% of all the people living in Crimson City.
The only ones feeling more miserable than him were people who were about to say the Sentence.
'I just don't know what to do,' Nick thought.
From time to time, the image of the red mist engulfing the Dregs reappeared in Nick's mind.
This was his doing.
This was what he had done.
With Nick's eyes unable to generate images, his mind was now the only thing generating them.
The visualization of Nick's past had never been this clear before.
Horua.
Pator.
The people of the Dregs.
Nick's hands felt bloody.
He couldn't tell whether this was an illusion or reality created by his clenching fists.
'Why am I still alive?'
'Why am I still doing this?'
'Why am I still trying?'
Nick felt his insides shake as the black hole in his chest seemed to grow.
He wanted to say the Sentence, but he didn't even try.
He knew that he wouldn't be able to actually go through with it.
'I can't even kill myself.'
Silence.
At that moment, the platform below Nick began to move, and he heard the door opening.
"Welcome back," Nick heard from in front of him. "Let me just take these things off."
The next moment, Nick felt the harness and all the restraints being pulled off his body.
"There we go," Hera said with a cheerful voice.
Out of habit, Nick's hand went to his toolbelt and retrieved the green bottle with Recovery Liquid.
Nick wasn't even actively thinking about healing his eyes as his hands put two drops of Recovery Liquid into his eye sockets.
'Why am I even doing this?' Nick thought as his hand put the Recovery Liquid away with practiced ease.
"So, how did it go?" Hera asked.
"I'm a Veteran," Nick said without turning to her.
Recovery Liquid took a couple of minutes to regrow limbs and organs, which was why Nick still couldn't see Hera.
"Congratulations!" Hera said with a slightly excited voice. "You're probably the youngest Veteran we have ever had in the city!"
Hera seemed to be genuinely surprised and excited, but Nick just didn't feel it.
"Thanks," he said absentmindedly.
Hera looked at Nick with raised eyebrows.
She had expected that Nick would be a bit more excited.
Usually, she would think that Nick was just trying to act cool and talk like this wasn't a big deal, but she could tell that Nick genuinely seemed disinterested.
Hera had been an Extractor for decades, and she was very good at recognizing subtle signs of a person's true thoughts and emotions.
It wasn't difficult for her to see that something major was troubling Nick.
However, the reason why she didn't ask was the same reason why Nick didn't comment about it.
They barely knew each other, and they only had a business relationship.
It was not Hera's place to ask, even though she was interested.
It was not Nick's place to burden Hera with his problems, even though he wanted to.
In the end, Hera just made a couple of casual comments, and Nick gave curt and disinterested answers.
Eventually, Nick's eyes recovered, and the two of them walked out of the Containment Unit.
"Is there anything else you need?" Hera asked with a friendly smile.
"No, thank you," Nick said, trying to sound polite but only sounding distracted.
"Alright," Hera answered. "Then, excuse me, but I have to return to work. It was nice talking to you. When you visit next time, maybe we can finish that tour. How about it?"
Nick just nodded. "Sure. Thanks. Bye."
Nick's disjointed manner of speech made Hera smile uncomfortably.
The next moment, Nick just turned around and started to slowly walk towards Solace's entrance.
A moment later, two guards joined Nick and followed behind him.
Even though Nick was considered a friend to Solace, they still wouldn't allow him to walk around their headquarters alone.
Hera looked at Nick for a bit, sighed, and turned around to leave.
Nick walked out of Solace's entrance a minute later, and the guards wished him a good day before entering the building again.
Meanwhile, Nick just stopped outside the building and looked at the middle layer of the Inner City.
Nick's hair swayed back and forth.
He was thinking.
But he didn't know what he was thinking about.
It was like his mind was trying to figure something out that he couldn't describe or imagine.
His mind was working, but he didn't know what it was working on.
For over five minutes, Nick just mindlessly looked at the city.
Without thinking about it, Nick's legs walked forward and carried him to the edge.
He only stopped when the front halves of his feet were already past the edge.
He wasn't afraid.
He wasn't going to commit suicide.
But if he just so happened to fall, it wouldn't be so bad.
Nick just stood at the edge without moving.
His eyes looked down at the lower layer about a kilometer below him.
He thought the image of the lower layer from this position looked enchanting.
'That's quite far,' was Nick's first conscious thought in five minutes.
'I'm over a hundred times stronger than normal people, and I only weigh a bit more.'
Nick just silently looked at the distant ground.
'I should be able to survive.'
And then, Nick swayed forward.
He started to fall.
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