Vol. 1 Chapter 8.2 - Blue blooded
Time passed and it was time to give birth to his third child. The midwife who had helped with the previous labors came. Unlike the first two, this baby was delivered in the cabin. The pain was so unbearable, it made him feel like he was going to die. The midwife immediately cut the umbilical cord and wrapped the baby in a soft cloth even before the baby could let out the first cry.
Aelock had gotten used to it by now in his third pregnancy, he just watched the baby with his tired body. The midwife handed the baby to his father who was waiting outside.
This was their third child and the second omega child. The baby was also Klopp’s first daughter. Klopp was ecstatic and smiled in joy. Aelock looked at the baby with his numb body and found himself smiling unconsciously looking at the scene. Klopp, who had left a soft kiss on the small, round, and red baby head, turned his head towards Aelock. Klopp smiled a little wider when he saw Aelock’s crinkled smile, which was now familiar to him that it felt almost welcoming.
“Good work.”
Aelock’s eyes blinked. The greeting was so unexpected that he wanted to react more enthusiastically, but his body wouldn’t listen. In the blink of an eye, Klopp’s eyes darted in Aelock’s direction before he turned back and took the baby away.
Aelock hadn’t expected to be able to see the baby anyway, but he still felt sad every time he watched Klopp’s back walking away. Omega son, Alpha son, and Omega daughter. Aelock already had three children, but he never knew their names.
Even if it’s a fallen family, it would be nice to give at least one of them the middle name of “Teiwind.” But that probably wouldn’t happen.
Aelock closed his eyes, fatigued.
Unlike before, the midwife at least showed some sincerity this time by changing the dirty sheets. With the help of the rather not-gentle midwife, Aelock had a wash and lay down in bed. Painkillers and water were placed next to his bedside. It wasn’t like this before, but now, he couldn’t endure the pain without taking the medicine.
The midwife roughly cleared the messy floor and left without saying any greeting. After that, Aelock was left alone, overwhelmed and trembling with anxiety. He was afraid that when he opened his eyes again, he would see the cold stone floor. His eyelids were dropping, but he couldn’t stop himself from opening his eyes again and again.
Grunting, Aelock soon lost his focus and passed out. After some time, when he realized that he was sleeping, he was startled and opened his eyes in surprise. He let out a deep relief when he saw the familiar cabin ceiling. For a moment, he felt he was about to cry, but it only reached his throat and subsided. Something hot burned and kept flowing down his throat.
Klopp’s visits abruptly stopped the day after he gave birth.
He must be busy raising the baby. He would also have a lot of work as a promising economic bureaucrat. There was no need for him to come here.
Aelock brainwashed himself to avoid feeling disappointed and immersed himself in various chores in the cabin.
He was now quite skilled at peeling potatoes. He also became better at sewing. He learned how to tend the flower garden in front of the cabin and how to clean the fireplace. It was better to be caught up in various tasks so that he didn’t have to think about anything else.
He cleaned the soot-covered fireplace and scraped off all the ashes, dumping them in the flower garden. He fetched water from the well and scrubbed the dusty cabin clean. This time, he was even skilled enough to wash the quilt separately. While mending his torn clothes, Aelock looked out the window. Sometimes, when it rained, listening to the beautiful sound of raindrops falling made the day go by quickly.
As he became more proficient at housework, he had more time to spare. He was too free. He thought it would be nice if he had books or instruments, but then he realized he had a lot of time on his hands, so he could try making them himself. At the thought of producing something, his gloomy mood suddenly became lifted.
“Let’s see. With what I have now, I can’t make a violin or an oboe. A piano is impossible. Hmmm. If I had a pen and paper, I could at least write something. Using blood as ink on bed sheets is too much. I guess, there’s only that one possible option. It’s difficult to do it alone, but not impossible.”
He went outside and picked several pebbles of similar size. He carefully marked the patterns on them with charcoal from the firepit, then drew a grid on the tabletop. He created a somewhat lacking, but still well-formed chessboard.
“It’s simple, isn’t it?”
Unconsciously, he spoke to the baby while stroking his belly with his hand. But his belly was now flat, all belly fat had already disappeared for some time. He put his hands on the table in disappointment. But that didn’t continue for long, Aelock was soon lost in the game of chess.
Playing shadow chess against his own self was quite a difficult game. He had to concentrate hard, and he could be immersed in it all day. It was purely a delight that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Aelock was quite skilled at chess. It was a little painful to use his head, which had been unused for a while, but it had been so long since he last enjoyed playing games, it made him hum songs. Occasionally, he would gesture the violin fingerings in the air while thinking about his next move.
“Aelock Tewind, you’re quite strong. You can’t get defeated easily. That’s as expected. However, don’t forget that I received lessons from a chess champion.”
Out of habit, he continued to talk to himself. There was no one listening so he didn’t feel embarrassed.
After giving birth to three children, his facial skin felt thicker, but it didn’t matter. He had no appearance or obligation to maintain anymore. So this would be fine.
Then he boldly lay face-down on the table. It was an act of rebellion he had never done before, as he always kept his back and shoulders straight with his head high. He laughed heartily even though the chess pieces were disrupted. He buried his face in his arms and laughed. When he looked up, he met Klopp’s eyes looking at him from across the room. He looked at Aelock, who was frozen, still with a bright expression, his haphazard chessboard and pebble pieces next to him. Klopp uttered something at him.
“Do you even have a heart? When and what do you have to experience so that you get hurt and cry miserably?”
Aelock was very puzzled. And he didn’t understand. What do you have to experience to get hurt? Wasn’t that something Klopp himself knew best? He had been reduced to rags in every way imaginable, physically and mentally, even spiritually. He almost thought he had paid all the price of his previous sins.
When his family fell apart and he became pregnant as an omega, he had already lost his pride. Many times, he had felt so miserable and hurt that he couldn’t even believe his reality. He sold himself for a piece of bread and felt he was so miserable that he almost went crazy. There was also a time when he even thought of giving up everything as there was no hope. Seeing Klopp who was showing frustration, Aelock collected his smile and spoke up.
“I’ve been hurt too.”
“How? When you are just laughing with so much joy? My wife was crying in despair, he is slowly rotting away in the ground, but why are you having fun laughing and playing?”
Aelock was even more bewildered by his words. Did Klopp want him to just stare blankly into the air? He didn’t know what to say, so he just looked around the room and lightly clenched his hands.
“If you don’t want me to play chess, I won’t play it.”
“It’s not about playing chess! Do you even have a heart? Do you even have a beating heart inside your chest? How can you laugh like that even when you live such a miserable life after getting your children taken away? Were you just tricking me into sympathy when you jumped into the river?
Aelock froze up. In a flash, Klopp closed the distance between them and grabbed Aelock’s neck, growling. Aelock was at a loss for words.
“I wasn’t tricking you. I really wanted to die at that moment…”
No matter what he said, Klopp didn’t listen. Aelock could see himself stunned in Klopp’s eyes which were blazing with intense anger. Aelock unconsciously relaxed his face. At that moment, Klopp sneered with disgust.
“You always look down on people with that arrogant smile of yours. You’re such a noble aristocrat. You’re just like a blue-blooded demon who doesn’t shed any tears at any moment.”
He wasn’t smiling because he wanted to. It was just an unconscious act as a way to suppress his emotions which he couldn’t control. But Klopp didn’t see it that way.
As the successor to a prestigious count, Aelock was trained from a very young age to embody the nobility to his very bones. He always held his head high, never displayed excessive emotions, and always wore a faint smile.
Crying was also strictly forbidden. It was as natural as breathing, eating, and sleeping. It didn’t carry any significant meaning; it was simply tradition and manners. Because of that, the nobles were sometimes called emotionless, cold-blooded demons among the commoners. But Aelock hadn’t thought that Klopp, who was also a noble, would criticize him for it.
He and Rayfiel faithfully expressed their emotions to each other, unlike nobles. Instead of being sophisticated and indirect, no matter what others said, they confessed their honest love straightforwardly. Even when people were watching, the lovers often whispered to each other as commoners do. It made the two lovers look very adorable, and they made the nobles who had unrequited love jealous.
Even when Aelock swallowed his pride and used the alpha-alpha and omega-omega trend as an excuse to ask Klopp to sleep with him for just one night, Klopp didn’t respond like a noble would. Instead, Klopp was baffled and became serious.
– Save your decadent and corrupted behavior in your scents-mingled estate that makes one’s nose rotten. You’re just like a pig in heat.
After throwing that insult, he went to find Rayfiel. There were other nobles watching them, and Aelock’s dignity fell to the ground. But even then, Aelock just smiled faintly and left the room with a pale face.
Even now, he could do nothing but laugh. However, Klopp’s expression became increasingly hostile, and it seemed like he would lash out at him soon. Unable to make any resistance while being grabbed by the neck, Aelock asked in a weak voice, trembling slightly.
“Do you want me to cry?”
“What?”
“If I cry and show my tears, will you realize that I’m in pain too?”
When Aelock asked that, Klopp laughed out loud, showing his teeth. He sneered at Aelock, saying ‘How dare you speak of pain from your own mouth’, and eventually let out a cold chuckle and sarcasm.
“You can try it. When you didn’t even cry while giving birth.”
Just looking at Klopp made Aelock’s heart ache so much that he felt something rising in his throat. His eyes became hot, but no matter how long he waited, tears did not come. Instead, his face contorted, and he tried to make a sobbing sound, but in the end, no tears came out. He was in despair.
“You’re really toying with people until the end. You fucking demon.”
Leaving those harsh words, Klopp shrugged off Aelock’s neck and swept away the pebbles Aelock had collected. He turned away and left with a cold glare.
For the rest of the afternoon, Aelock didn’t pick up the scattered pebbles. He only tried to shed a tear. Strangely, no tears came out. Why don’t tears flow when my heart was in so much pain? Later, he poked his own eyes to force out his physiological tears before a few drops could finally fall. He didn’t know what was wrong with himself.
Why didn’t tears come out?
If someone felt sad or hurt, tears should have fallen naturally. Until now, he thought he was holding his tears back. Even when his eyes became hot, he thought he was forcibly swallowing them back down his throat. Now he realized he wasn’t holding his tears back, but he lost his ability to tear up altogether. Perhaps his tear ducts had broken down due to neglect. Even when he was in so much despair that he wanted to die, he didn’t shed any tears. Just as Klopp had said, for someone who didn’t cry even when he was in the excruciating pain of giving birth like his bones were being stretched alive, how would he be able to cry now? He tried his best, but he ultimately failed.
Was this a sign that he was becoming a blue-blooded demon? He couldn’t know for sure.
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