“N-no.”
I hastily denied it, but it was too late again.
Meyer narrowed his eyes. His gaze took in every corner of my face as if he were analyzing the emotions that had come over me.
He asked suspiciously.
“Are you sure it’s not true?”
“Yes! Of course!”
I smiled brightly. Meyer’s eyes became more persistent.
Eyes are the windows of the heart, and I smiled more bent to hide my eyes that would be revealing my uneasy feelings.
It wasn’t long before Meyer sighed and moved.
“If it were you, you’d tell me exactly why you’re avoiding me…If you’re not, then I guess you’re considering me.”
No, that’s not it. I wasn’t considerate at all!
Meyer’s rampant paranoia had to be stopped. But how? Meyer was so busy working on his novel that he didn’t notice my bewilderment.
No, he didn’t even know that I was embarrassed because I was stabbed to the point.
Meyer dropped his head, pitiful and pitiable.
His deep-set eyes and well-defined nose cast a distinct shadow on his face, but it made him look terribly gloomy.
“Is it because I have mana after all? As Commander, I’m sure you’d resist touching me as a lover whether I had mana or not…”
I can’t just reveal that we’ve already been through the kissing stage…
If it was revealed, it was clear that what I had buried between him and me would come out like candy one after another.
I really can’t listen to that.
He was so adorable and cute even if he made mistakes, but he doesn’t know.
Meyer muttered as if he were the product of all sins.
“You might get goosebumps. I understand how you feel.”
What do you understand!
I hurriedly grabbed Meyer’s hand with both hands.
“Okay? Look. I don’t care if you touch my hand.”
Meyer’s face was stained with pain. He carefully pulled out his hand as if it were dirt on my hand.
The endless self-deprecation of Meyer’s situation, the vague feeling of how to get out of this situation, the frustration…
The mixture of these two things was boiling over, and my head was overloaded.
At that moment, somewhere in my mind, the line that had been holding my reason snapped.
Yeah, holding hands doesn’t prove it.
I jumped out of my seat impulsively.
Meyer, sitting on the sofa over the low table, was surprised and looked up at me.
“… Jun?”
“Okay. I’ll prove that I’m not offended or reluctant to touch you.”
Speaking as if I were spitting it out, I immediately reached out to the back of Meyer’s head. My fingers dug into his dark hair.
Meyer looked up at me with startled eyes but didn’t shake my hands off. It would have been close to not being able to shake them off exactly.
Because I put my lips on him first.
“…!”
Meyer’s eyes got bigger.
He groaned quietly without realizing it, and the small gap in his open lips was enough.
“Haa…”
No matter how big Meyer was, he was still lower than me as he rose from his seat.
Meyer’s head tilted upward, and the back of his neck moved roughly.
My hair cascaded down Meyer’s face. It felt as if his hair was turning gray.
His golden eyes blurred.
The arm that was trying to grab my forearm quickly clung to it. Just holding it in his hand was enough to cover half of my forearm.
As if his trepidation were a lie, he clung desperately to me like a lifesaving rope, or as if I were his only breathing hole.
It was as if we were at the time of the mana exchange…
I also became distant. The stability provided by the hard muscles that touched me intoxicated me as if I were lying in a cradle.
And so there were many breaths.
He was persistent and eager to feel this moment forever.
As for me, I had committed the act without a second thought in order to silence Meyer, but whatever his intentions, seemed to have no doubt that this act was as noble as sharing his soul.
But just as a hand that tries to catch moonlight never achieves its goal, our kissing came to an end.
Unlike the first time, when we had bumped into each other in a surprise attack, the process of falling was slow and full of unknowns.
Meyer leaned back on the back of the couch and looked up at me with a hazy look in his eyes as if he still hadn’t quite grasped the situation.
Only then did my senses slowly return, as if oxygen had circulated in my head.
And I belatedly realized that I hit hard even if I caused an accident.
‘So… I attacked Meyer, who was sober.’
That’s why leaks in the house leak even when you go out…! What’s the point of keeping it a secret that I kissed Meyer? That habit is still there!
My legs lost strength and I staggered as if I was about to sit down. I struggled to get my body under control.
In the meantime, Meyer’s eyes, which had begun to calm down to a certain extent, were slowly dyed with questions.
It was a matter of course. What kind of person would suddenly kiss someone who wanted to hold their hand, and kiss them very deeply?
No matter how much of a preliminary relationship it was, it was sexual harassment.
But for the moment, the situation was irreversible.
I had to get it under control somehow.
Shall I apologize? Or should I instead stand tall?
I chose the latter. I spoke plainly, hoping that the confused Meyer would not be able to read my feelings to the best of my ability.
“Commander, I like your black hair. I’ve never thought about mana while looking at the Commander’s hair…”
I tried to pretend to be determined, but my mouth dried up at Meyer’s gaze, which seemed to pierce me while blinking slowly.
I’d rather Meyer be sly, or brazen… It would have been less frustrating if that had been the case.
He looked at me as if every word I said was a revelation of salvation.
It was really burdensome, so I hurriedly ended my sentence.
“So, don’t think about nonsense… I’ll just go early and rest today.”
Sensitive bodies detected all the small signs of each other.
In that state, it was not a very good idea for him and me to remain alone in this enclosed space for a long time.
I was in a hurry to leave the room.
It was only after I left Meyer’s office and closed the door that I made a mess of my hair like I was venting out with frustration and regret.
‘I’ve finally gone crazy…’
Rather, I think I was more rational at the time when I believed Fabian as the hero and sent blind trust.
In short, I had no rationale at all now.
Now that Meyer was in a moment of confusion, I was able to get out easily, but it’s difficult when he comes to his senses…
If I tell everyone to go to the dungeon right now, no matter how nice they are, they’ll still rebel, right?
I sighed heavily.
However, no matter how much I regretted it, it wouldn’t change the situation.
I don’t have the energy to launch the special unit. I really need to go back to my room and rest.
I quickly got to my feet. No, I tried to move.
Immediately behind me, the door to the office opened, revealing Meyer.
Filling the door to the brim, he stared down at me with a look that could have been figurative.
As expected, Meyer must have been uncomfortable, too…
I looked up at him with an awkward smile.
“Um, Commander… When I kissed you earlier…”
Even before my excuse was over, his hand strongly pulled me into the office.
While I was about to come to my senses, in the dizzying moment, Meyer kissed me this time.
“…!”
Overwhelmed by Meyer’s devouring momentum, I even forgot to resist.
Bang, without knowing it, he closed the door. Only our gasping breaths remained in his quiet office.
If earlier he had just been uncomfortable, like being swept up in a tidal wave, now he was relentless as if trying to remember something, and one by one he dug in.
The posture was reversed. I was the one who was much different in height from him. My neck arched back as if it would snap.
I struggled in Meyer’s arms. I knew it meant nothing to Meyer, who had me trapped tightly.
But the feeling of strength in my toes and stiffness in my body was so foreign to me that I could not stay still.
After a long time, Meyer let me go. Only then was I able to breathe.
I wanted to ask him, “What the hell are you doing?” but I didn’t feel like asking since I had already attacked him first.
Why is he already good at kissing?
I didn’t know why but it was unfair. I was breathing roughly, and tears flickered in my eyes.
“As expected.”
Meyer mumbled, touching his lips.
“I’m used to it.”
My heart fluttered at the moment. It was not time to feel resentful about Meyer’s kissing skills.
When I was embarrassed, I stuttered and asked again without realizing it.
“W-what?”
“This feeling… Isn’t this the first time we’ve kissed?”
“…”
I couldn’t say anything.
Meyer looked more than a little confused when I kissed him.
Scary jerk. Does he remember the kiss he gave me when he was dreaming and not in his right mind?
I remember the last time he said something about the color of my eyes…
Meyer asked again with a stunned look on his face while cold sweat broke out.
“When the hell?”
Even if he asks me when…
What I really needed to keep my mouth shut about was not that it made my heart flutter when I came in contact with Meyer, or the reason I kissed him.
It was about the events of that time when I had opened his mana circuits, which I had buried in the other side of my memory…
My defeat was that I realized it now.
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