Soon after Rachel's kiss, I finally go back down to Earth. And I will not lie. It made a tremendous impact on my psychological status at the time. Seconds ago, I was still being pulled down by a ton of guilt for making a mess of Kurokawa. As if it was made from the densest metal known to man, I lost control of my body entirely, no way of pulling myself up because of that unimaginable weight.
And right now, even though my guts still hurt deeply because of my conscience, at least I can lift my head a little and look these girls in the eyes. With a quick glance, anyone can see that Laura and Rachel try to make me feel at ease by giving me the most gentle smiles of theirs. Yet, I have no doubt that they were worried about me.
Probably still, too.
I do not know how she thought of doing something like that out in the open like this, but she did it.
It worked. My brain got reset, thanks to Rachel.
For that reason, I must say Blondie is indeed a godsend. Without her, things probably would take a long time before I could return to normal. No one would understand the burden of bringing sadness to someone else unless they experience it themselves. That immense amount of guilt is unbearable and suffocating, able to destroy one's mind to mush.
Even if Kurokawa did not blame me, the fault stays. The fact that I am responsible for all of Kurokawa's pain makes my chest ache so much... But at least it has been subsidized by a lot already.
Honestly, I have no idea how low I would be if left unattended. Just moments ago, I nearly had a heart attack for not seeing the two girls, and now this. It is concrete proof of the insecurity I harbor.
No matter how hard I try to ignore such a thing, it still delves and lingers deep inside the chest, clutching the vessels and arteries to me feel the utmost pain whenever possible. Without consideration of its owner, it tries to tear down the walls created to protect me using its hideous claws and fangs.
Boy, oh boy, can it bite.
Of course, by saying that, I am not trying to belittle Laura in any way since she went out of her way to cheer me up. The situation called for the total collapse of my thinking entirely, which Rachel managed to do. If I were... normal, perhaps our class rep would have been able to cheer me up with conventional methods. Unfortunately, by any standards, in my world or even yours, I am not normal.
For that reason, I will never ever tell anyone these thoughts. Nothing good will come out of it. Absolutely! Instead, their rivalry will only escalate to another degree if I do so.
"See! He is much better now." Rachel stands near me with both hands on her hips and her chin up high. It is almost a smug face she is putting on. No, it IS a smug face. "Darling is better now, all thanks to the only Rachel!"
"..." Laura does not make a single sound, but the darkness in her eyes explains what her mind is going through in all its glory. I do not have to understand our serious class rep to know she is contemplating something seriously harmful, maybe with a tint of blood.
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