Volume 4, Chapter 1: Rightness
Translator : CJYH
Editor : chelly
“Live right.”
That’s what my father used to say.
I have heard these words over and over since I was a child growing up.
My father was really mild-mannered, and his life wasn’t anything too special.
He attended a local primary school and middle school. He devoted himself to studying and was able to enter an elite high school. He passed the entrance exam for a prestigious university and got in. After completing his life as a student, he became a civil servant.
As a child, I watched my father work as a civil servant and support my mother and me. At first, I simply thought that right meant people like him.
But as I got older, I started to understand less and less what being right was.
There were many times when I was blamed for a fight that was clearly caused by someone else’s selfishness. Other times, a kid who had done nothing was suddenly bullied in class. Those bullies were so unreasonable.
Whenever I didn’t understand something, I would ask my father What was that all about? Somehow, I had hoped that my father would have a clear answer.
But my father’s answer to the question was the same every time, which was very disappointing to me as a child.
“I can’t say anything about that.”
My father often said.
“From your point of view, it may look like the other party was in the wrong, but I’m sure they have their own reasons.”
My father’s answers were always like that, and as a young boy, I was very confused.
But I’ve always wondered if I should be on the side of those who do things that aren’t right, even though they may have a valid reason.
One time, I was so frustrated that I confronted my father about it.
“You told me to live right! So, you’re saying it’s right to keep saying, ‘I can’t say anything about that’?!”
I said this out loud during dinner, to which my father replied with a sigh.
“Nothing is ever right.”
I remember being stunned by that answer.
My father slowly continued.
“There’s something more important than making the right choice.”
I’ve never forgotten what my father said after that.
“It’s about… trying to be right. It’s important to keep thinking… about what’s right.”
*
As I looked at the man standing in front of me, who claimed to be Sayu’s brother, I felt a cold sweat beginning to trickle down my back.
From the way Sayu reacted, there was no doubt that this man was related to Sayu, whether he was her biological brother or not.
I don’t think it’s a joke that he came to pick her up. After all, he had tracked down the exact place where Sayu was staying and had come directly to confront her.
I was speechless. Once Issa took his gaze off me, he called out to Sayu.
“You knew it couldn’t stay like this forever. Why don’t you just stop acting on impulse and come back?”
At Issa’s words, Sayu fell silent for a few seconds, then shook her head with tears in her eyes.
“…No.”
She stared directly at Issa and continued.
“I’m not ready to go home… yet.”
“How long are you going to keep acting like a child?!”
Issa shouted to Sayu. She was taken aback.
“What’s the point of running away from home when you can’t even support yourself on your own?! You’ve also cut off all contact with me and drifted all the way here! What are you going to do if you get holed up with some asshole?!”
“Well, that’s… Yoshida-san’s a good guy.”
“Sayu, unlike children, adults can pretend to be ‘good’ as much as they want. You never know how many heinous things they might be thinking in their mind while putting on a good face…”
“Yoshida-san’s not like that!”
Sayu shouted, interrupting Issa. This time, Issa was the one surprised. My eyes widened as it was the first time that I saw Sayu get angry.
“Don’t use Yoshida-san to scold me.”
After saying it bluntly, Sayu was surprised at what she said and dropped her gaze down to the floor.
Issa stood with his mouth open. After a few seconds, he seemed to remember what he wanted to say and started to speak again.
“It was certainly not a good idea to speak ill of someone I didn’t know well. I humbly apologize.”
“Oh… no, it’s fine.”
I gave a vague reply as he suddenly bowed down his head.
Issa then quickly shifted his gaze from me to Sayu and continued to speak.
“Regardless of how you feel Sayu, you can’t keep on running away anymore.”
As if she had realized something from those words, Sayu looked up anxiously and stared at Issa.
Keeping eye contact with Sayu, Issa spoke slowly.
“…Mother is worried about you.”
As soon as she heard that, Sayu’s eyes grew cold. When I glanced at Issa, he looked nervous.
“…That’s a lie.”
Sayu said in a surprisingly cold voice.
“There’s no way Mother is worried about me.”
I felt a pain in my chest when I saw the look in Sayu’s eyes. It was like when she first arrived here.
Issa lowered his head as if carefully choosing the words to say.
“…At the very least, she’s looking for you. She thinks about you.”
“Why?”
Sayu’s reflexive response made me feel sadder.
Asking Why? at the fact that a parent is looking for their runaway child. That alone makes it clear that Sayu has never had the kind of parent-child relationship that most people normally think of.
“There’s no reason for Mother to look for me.”
“That’s…”
Issa was clearly stunned at Sayu’s response.
After a few seconds of silence, my nerves finally eased up a bit. I then realized that both Issa and I were still standing at the doorway.
“Excuse me for interrupting, but…”
When I said that, both Issa and Sayu looked over at me.
“…Why don’t you come in and talk?”
Issa gave my words some thought.
“…I’ll take you up on that offer.”
He answered.
*
I told Sayu to prepare some tea, then grabbed my phone and headed out to the balcony.
“Who are you calling?”
Issa, who was sitting uncomfortably near the table, asked me.
“The company I work for. If I don’t take a time off, we won’t be able to talk much.”
Issa looked apologetic.
“Y-yes, you’re right… I apologize for the inconvenience.”
Somehow, I feel that he’s not a bad person.
When I informed the company that I was going to take a time off, I was expecting them to give me a hard time. But all they said was It’s unusual for you to be sick! Get some rest and come back soon.
For the first time since I joined the company, I feigned illness to skip work. It felt weird.
If it was before I met Sayu, I would have never forgiven myself if I faked being sick to skip work. But now, I took it lightly and prioritized Sayu over my work.
I vaguely remembered my father’s words.
Live right.
I was raised by a father who always said such things, and I always wondered if my actions were right or not. Even now, I keep thinking about it.
Not so long ago, I would never have taken a leave from work under any circumstances. But now, there’s a part of me that feels that it’s the right thing to do for Sayu’s sake.
When I decided to let Sayu stay with me, I obviously knew it was wrong, but I tried to ignore that thought and hid her.
However, the longer I lived with Sayu, the less I knew what was the right thing to do.
I knew she was hurting because of her past, that’s why I didn’t think it was right to throw her out until she heals. But at the same time, I also didn’t think it was right for me to let her stay for a long time.
I was happy that Sayu had finally set a “deadline” for our cohabitation on her own, albeit vaguely, but I was equally conflicted.
I tried to think about how I could protect Sayu’s smile, but the answer became more and more obscure as if it was hiding in a thin mist.
I still don’t understand it, but the “time limit” has already arrived.
Now that the time is up, will I be able to help Sayu do what’s right for her?
That’s the only thing I needed to think about, I thought.