Chapter 45 Chapter 11.4 - Sylvie
"You need to get a grip on yourself."
'I am trying.'
"This level of fear will make you a liability, not just to yourself, but to your future party members. If you can't control your emotions in a combat situation, you'll be a burden, and that's dangerous."
'I know. I know it is dangerous. I know I will be a burden. But I am scared. I am scared that I can't do it.'
"You're acting pathetic,"
'What do you know? What do you know about me? Do you think it is easy?'
"If you continue like this, you're setting yourself up for failure. In a real combat scenario, there's no room for hesitation or panic. If you can't handle that, then you're in the wrong place."
'Why? Why are you speaking like that? How do you know me? What do you know about my circumstances?'
"If you're not willing to confront your weaknesses head-on, then perhaps you should reconsider being a part of the academy."
'Why? Why are you this cruel? What did I do to you?'
Those questions filled Sylvie's head as she ran back, leaving the training grounds.
She remembered the look Astron was giving her, the emotions that were inside.
'Why are you being this sincere while saying such harsh words? Why? Can't you see they are hurting me?'
She couldn't understand.
Just why? Why did he need to speak that harshly? Why did he need to remind her of those times? Why?
Just as she was finally about to forget about those times, forget about that memory that was haunting her all the time….
TINGLE
Her ears started tingling. It was a constant sound of ringing that constantly pressured his ears.
'Ah….Those memories are coming again…'
The memories she tried so hard to suppress were now revealing themselves once again.
TAK TAK TAK
She just ran. Ran and ran until she reached a place no one could be seen.
It was her place when she wanted to get away from the things that were bothering her and when she wanted to take a break from the heavy lessons of the academy.
THUD
"Huff…Huff….."
As she fell down and sat on the grass inside the forest, she started breathing heavily.
"Haaaaa…..Haaaaa….."
No matter how deep her breathing was, she felt like her lungs were being crashed….A knot was inside her chest….
She brought her knees to her chest and gripped them to the maximum.
"Hick!"
TAP
And a small tapping sound could be heard from the leaves, as the silent cry of the girl echoed inside the academy grounds….
******
In front of a situation where one sees their beloved in agony, not every person's response would be related to vengeance.
Not every person would be brimming with anger.
Everyone would have a different type of reaction to such a thing.
And Sylvie was one of those.
Even though Sylvie was a very good-natured kid that liked to help others, there was also another reason why she was feeling such a way and was living such a selfless life.
It was related to a memory of her childhood.
She lived in a borderline city that wasn't much developed. Her childhood was not that eventful as, just like any normal person; she played with the kids from her neighborhood.
Since she was a beautiful girl with a happy smile, most kids were happy to play with her, and she was also happy seeing others with smiles.
Her parents were doting on her; her brother always loved her, and her family was basically a happy family.
However, things had changed in one night.
One night in summer, she was playing with her friends. Since the weather was very hot, rather than playing in the morning, they preferred to play at night. They were enjoying themselves, laughing and chasing each other around in the dimly lit streets.
But then, the joyful atmosphere shattered when a sinister presence swept over the neighborhood. In a moment, everything changed. The air grew cold, and the sounds of laughter turned into cries of fear.
She still remembered the first words she had heard.
"Ah…Delicious...Human children are delicious…"
It was a monstrous voice that sent chills down her spine. It was not only her but other children as well.
A Demon had emerged from the shadows, its monstrous form casting terror into the hearts of all who saw it. Its eyes glowed with malevolence, and its twisted grin sent shivers down the spines of anyone who dared to look at it.
It was a creature that she had never seen before, but it was something that would never leave her alone in her dreams. She knew that.
Chaos ensued as people fled in panic, and Sylvie found herself frozen in place, her heart pounding in her chest. She watched in horror as the Demon's gaze fixated on her, its intent clear. The world around her seemed to blur as fear consumed her senses.
"Will you be my prey?"
She remembered the vicious-looking mouth that spilled salvia….The demon's teeth looked sharp…
It slowly approached the girl, that was frozen in fear. She wanted to move her body, but her mind went blank….
She wanted to call for help, but she couldn't….
"Ah…..Humans…."
That ruffly voice constantly entered her ears, making her shake in the feeling of fear as the demon approached.
"Stop."
But then, a figure appeared before her, standing tall between her and the monstrous creature. It was her brother, his eyes determined and his stance unwavering. He was armed with a simple sword, but his expression held a fierce determination that inspired Sylvie even in her terror.
"Grrr…..Don't get in my way!"
Sylvie always put her brother in high regard since he was an awakener. She wanted to be like him, fight like him.
With a cry, her brother charged at the Demon, engaging it in combat. The clash of metal against claws echoed through the night as they fought, and Sylvie could only watch in awe and fear, her emotions swirling into a chaotic whirlwind.
In the midst of the battle, her brother managed to strike the Demon, but in return, he was met with a brutal blow that sent him crashing to the ground. Sylvie's heart plummeted as she saw her brother's body lying there, wounded and vulnerable.
'It is scary….Fighting is scary….'
'But, I want to help brother…..'
'It is because of me….Because of me….Because of me….Because of me….Because of me…..'
'I want to help him….It is because of me….It is scary….I want to help him….It is scary….It is because of me….'
She could see her brother defeated the monster, but the wound on her chest looked heinous.
He was wriggling in pain while he was shedding blood.
She blamed herself, thinking that it was because of her. But at the same time, she was scared.
Scared of fighting.
The demon's teeth never left her away….
Its haunting voice was always there…
But she wanted to help him….She wanted to be any help to those that sacrificed themselves for the sake of people like her….
She wanted to help because she was feeling guilty….
In the end, her brother managed to drive the Demon away, but the memory of that night remained etched in Sylvie's mind. The image of her brother's wounded form haunted her, a reminder of the pain she had felt in the face of his suffering.
And now, as Astron's stern words reached her ears, a different kind of pain welled up within her. It wasn't just fear; it was the agony of feeling inadequate, of reliving the helplessness she had felt that night.
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she remembered her brother's sacrifice and her own inability to protect him.
She remembered that when Astron said he was going to attack her, she remembered what her brother looked like.
'I wish I was strong like you, brother….'
She pulled her legs closer as her tears kept falling down.
Even though she knew she could become a liability, she still wanted to believe that she was doing good…
However, then why was she that much triggered by Astron's words? Why was she get this upset and leave the training grounds?
'Why did I escape there?'
She asked that question herself, wondering why. Was it because she saw herself in him? Was it because she felt a sense of comradeship with him? Since both of them were assaulted by a demon.
She didn't know. But one thing was certain since she had been watching him for all this time; now, his words had more strength on her than other people.
'Was it because he was really sincere?'
It had already become a reflex for Sylvie to read others' emotions, so when she had heard Astron's harsh words, she subconsciously checked his emotions.
There she saw that he was really serious and had no ulterior motives for those words. And that made her sad and angry at the same time.
Since that meant he really meant all those words.
'It hurts…'
And she felt betrayed.
The sense of 'comradeship' she had felt when she was watching him now disappeared, and in its place was now a feeling of emptiness.
"Sylvie."
His words echoed inside her head once again.
"Why are you here? Why don't you leave me alone?" She mumbled. She didn't want to hear him, and neither did she want to remember those memories she was about to forget.
"You know, by behaving like this, you can never go anywhere."
However, his words didn't leave her head at all.
"I don't want to listen. I don't want to fight. Go away." She mumbled, trying to get rid of his voice inside her head.
But alas, that was not possible.
"You are escaping from your past."
"NO! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME!" She shouted, getting irritated more thanks to his voice.
Amidst her frustration and sadness, tears began to stream down Sylvie's cheeks. She clenched her fists, her knuckles turning white as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. She found herself standing in a secluded corner of the academy grounds, away from prying eyes, as she poured her feelings into the void.
"You don't know anything about me!" she cried out, her voice shaking with a mixture of anger and sorrow. "You don't know what I've been through or how hard I've tried to be strong. How dare you judge me?"
Her words were directed at Astron's voice, the voice that seemed to be haunting her even as he was nowhere in sight. She felt an intense need to defend herself, to make him understand the pain she had endured and the struggles she faced.
"I'm not a failure!" Sylvie's voice cracked as she shouted, her tears blurring her vision. "I've faced demons, I've watched people get hurt, and I've done everything I can to help. Just because I'm not as strong as you doesn't mean I'm pathetic!"
She wiped at her tears angrily, frustrated by her own vulnerability and the overwhelming flood of emotions that threatened to drown her. Her chest felt tight, her heart aching as memories of her brother's sacrifice and the countless times she had witnessed pain replayed in her mind.
"You don't understand how it feels to see someone you care about hurt and not be able to do anything about it," she whispered, her voice breaking. "You don't know how it feels to be terrified and powerless. So don't you ever dare call me weak?"
Sylvie's shoulders shook with the weight of her emotions, her tears falling freely as she let herself feel the pain she had been suppressing for so long. Now, in this moment of vulnerability, she allowed herself to acknowledge her own pain, her own fears, and her own struggles.
"I know I am weak….Sob…."
In the midst of her cries, she finally acknowledged.
"I know I am scared….But I am trying my best okay….Sob…."
And she took the first step for the path of change….
SWOOSH
And hearing her words, a shadow behind her tree moved, revealing a figure of a young man who was walking back to the academy.
"With this, I paid my debt back. It is now up to you how to change yourself."
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