Chapter 74 - Mr./Ms. Cat
Noelle, Neia and Arteria quietly left the room, leaving me alone with a cold silence.
Ah, finally, some peace.
I might have gone a bit too harsh while scolding Noelle, but I was left with no choice; her incessant interventions in my life were getting a bit annoying.
Like, I get it, you want to repay me for saving your life, but I don't want it so please, go fuck yourself.
Well, whatever. Let's move on to more productive things now.
Time to waste my time in one of the worst ways possible; cleaning up after myself.
Good grief, I really need an assistant.
Perhaps I should ask Lecia. I mean, she did try to kill me earlier, so the least she can do is act as my maid. I could even ask her to wear a maid uniform.
Huh, that got kinkier than I was expecting it to.
But it's still a proposal worth thinking over. For now, let's clean up the room and ponder over it while lying like a corpse on my bed.
?????
Wheew.
I took a final look at my room and yup, it was spotless.
"Nice."
A job done well, if I do say so myself. Too well, actually.
The techniques I learned in my previous lives sure have come handy. Perhaps I should ditch this guild and become the butler of noble estate or something.
I'd work hard and rise through the ranks to ultimately become the head butler. They'll give me a nice pay, delicious food and a decent place to stay at.
And most of all, there would be no one to interfere in my lifestyle because they cared for me or some shit.
Unless, of course, the head of the estate assigned me to his young daughter.
The young lady will then take our relationship a bit too seriously and decide that my way of life is detrimental to my health and must be corrected.
And so would start her mission to correct my ways.
Yikes, that's gonna be a no from, dawg.
I'll have to rethink my butler life.
While I was thinking that, I grabbed a towel and went to the bathroom to, you know, take a bath.
I turned the cold-water knob to its extreme because hot showers are for pussies.
Real men and women take a cold shower (unless it's freezing cold outside, of course).
10 minutes later, I got out of the bath, wiped myself, and donned another pair of trousers and shirt.
Yup, comfy beyond hell.
Hmm, a coffee and this evening would achieve perfection.
Thankfully, I had already arranged for a packet of medium ground coffee along with some filters. As for the water, it can be produced and heated domestically.
Get your food items from domestic vendors, sheeple. It not only helps the local economy while raising the living standard of the local farmers, the food you get is also fresher.
So I got a cup, placed the filter over it, poured two spoonfuls of coffee and poured hot water (which I had obviously produced through magic) in a circular motion.
"Mmm."
The aroma was nice. I have no idea about how the coffee would taste because this is the first time I'm trying this brand, but it does smell decent.
I took my cup of coffee and sat beside the window, gazing at the setting sun.
Yupp, finally some peace. I like this.
"Mrrrrrrowwwwwwwww!" But before I could take a sip of my god's nectar, a bestial shriek grabbed my attention.
Hmm, this scream sounds familiar.
I looked down from the window, and sure enough, the cry had come from the narrow alley below.
"My oh my." And surprise, surprise the cat and its tormentors were the same as the ones I had encountered on the day I had sniped Lecia's father.
These guys never learn their lesson, do they?
Well, you know what people say; if a single flashbang doesn't make someone stop harassing a motherfucking cat, just give them two more.
And so, I took out two flashbangs from my drawer, pulled their pins and dropped them on the wankers below after two seconds.
Today, I'm going to teach these guys about pop flashes.
I simultaneously manipulated the wind using magic (obviously) to retrieve the cat.
As the cat started to float and go up, so did the eyes of its assaulters.
The moment they looked up, the flashbangs which were going down exploded right in front of their eyes.
"AAARRRRGHHHH! My eyes!"
"Fucking shit aaaah! Who the fuck!?"
And so on.
I seriously hope that this time, they get permanent optical nerve damage and become blind.
And if they don't, and I find them harassing a cute animal ever again, I'm going to personally gouge out their eyes and make them eat them.
Also, call me Samur Cat Rescuer Eckart from now on.
"Well, hello there. We meet again." I extended my hand to pat the cat sitting on the ledge of my window, but it flinched and stepped back.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
A cat rejected me? The animal ranked in my top 100 cutest animals declined my touch?
Oh my god, it's over. My life is over.
I'm never going to recover from this. This has mentally scarred me for life.
Perhaps I should jump out of this window. Yeah, that sounds like the best option for me.
"Hmm?" However, the cat, instead of looking at me, was staring at my hairs. "Ah, fuck."
Right, I forgot to recast the hair colour changing magic spell; they were still black.
Bruh.
"A cat is discriminating against me? What the fuck?"
Huh, maybe black hair ARE the symbol of ruin. Fuck.
Haaah, I guess I'll have to find a new cat while keeping my hair white.
Or maybe I can go bald.
While thinking that, I took a sip of my coffee, "Pfft!" And spat it out.
"Jesus fucking Christ, making a coffee this bad should be a war crime or something!" I poured the coffee in the street below.
"AAaaah! Hot, hot, hot!"
"…"
Well, sorry for that, Mr. Animal Abuser.
"Meow." The cat purred and settled on the ledge.
It didn't seem like it had any intention of leaving for now. It also seemed to be in the mood to take a nap.
Well, I'm sleepy as well, so let's accompany this cat on its journey to the dreamland.
*Knock* *Knock*
And of course, someone is already here to ruin our adventure.
"Come in."
Well, at least they had the decency to knock before entering, so it should be safe to assume that this person is non-Noelle.
The door opened and a non-Noelle Noelle stepped in.
"…"
Wow.
"Azell is calling for you."
"What for?"
"You're going on an expedition."
Come again?
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