Chapter 245 Find Strength
When Adam heard that the artifact that helped the orcs control countless Rank 1 magical beasts, he involuntarily thought back to the ivory skull that Kurdan had passed on to that lanky orc.
At the time, after he had dealt with Kurdan, he was put into a serious dilemma. He had two choices - go after the lanky orc or save his friends. In the end, he chose the latter.
Now, when he learned that this decision at the time had led to the orcs gaining the upper hand in the upcoming war, his mind went blank.
His body trembled and he muttered incredulously, "N-No... it can't be! No, no, no..."
Seeing that something was wrong with his friend, Edward patted his shoulder and asked with concern, "Adam, are you okay? What happened to you?"
"N-nothing happened..." Adam was beginning to profusely sweat. He looked around and suddenly he couldn't help but feel claustrophobic. "I'm g-gonna go get some fresh air."
"Wait, where are you going?" Lisa asked in alarm. This was completely unlike Adam. She continued, "We still have to go to the administrative building to receive our mission."
Adam waved his hand and replied without turning around, "I'll leave it to you. I gotta go."
With that said, he bumped shoulders with the other students in the crowd as he gradually made his way out of the auditorium.
The fifth-year students who saw this couldn't help but sneer, thinking to themselves that the youth had gotten cold feet because he had to fight in the upcoming war.
The Headmistress also witnessed Adam's sudden departure but didn't think much of it. She continued speaking, "Since the time of the practical tests is already here, your performance during the war will count toward your final scores..."
...
Adam's heart started to pound madly as he slowly walked out of the campus. Anxiety gripped his heart as he wandered around aimlessly.
"No, no, no, it can't be..."
"All this... is my fault?"
"So many people are going to die... and it--"
Suddenly, he bumped into a middle-aged guard patrolling the streets and fell to the ground. The guard was livid that someone had run into him in broad daylight.
He was about to scold the person, but when he saw the youth wearing Clover Academy's olive cloak, he was terrified. He hurriedly bent over and apologized, "Forgive me, Lord Magus--"
However, before he could even finish speaking, he realized that the youth had run off into the distance in a panic. Seeing this, the guard was puzzled. "What... in the world?"
Adam scurried off into the distance, knocking over people on the way and apologizing to them repeatedly.
He had never felt this way. This weakness, this fear, it reminded him of the time when he was still a mere mortal back in his hometown, constantly cowering in the face of aristocrats and mercenaries.
The youth made his way into an empty cobblestoned alley, his breathing extremely ragged. He lifelessly leaned against the wall, clutching at his chest.
"What's happening to me?"
"What... this... I don't feel so well!"
His chest heaved up and down as he involuntarily thought back to the time in the secret plane when he had decided to let the lanky orc escape with the ivory skull.
"No! No! No!" The youth clutched at his hair and screamed. "It can't be! Impossible!"
Suddenly, a gray light flashed and Valerian appeared in front of him. Inside the youth's spirit sea, the young dragon could feel the deep turmoil that he was going through.
'Brother, what's wrong? What's happening to you?!' Valerian asked in distress, his eyes flashing with concern. He too had never seen Adam behave this way.
When Adam saw Valerian in front of him, his breathing returned to normal, albeit slightly. He glanced at his familiar and muttered softly, "Val… I think I've made a terrible mistake."
'What is it? You can tell me!'
"No, it's…" Adam bit his lip. He wanted to speak but no words came out of his mouth. In the end, he turned around and started to once again aimlessly walk through the streets of the South Ward.
Valerian could only helplessly follow after him.
After walking for a long time, unbeknownst to him, he had arrived at the entrance of Herbs & More. In his subconscious mind, this was the place he considered the safest, after all.
Adam's eyes lit up and he climbed the stairs to the entrance. He raised his hand to push through the door. He wanted to talk to Berger about it, but suddenly his hand paused.
Complicated emotions flashed through his eyes as he slowly lowered his hand.
What will the old man think of me?
Will he be disappointed?
Will he be angry?
In the end, his legs seemed to have lost all energy as he dropped down the stairs leading to the shop's entrance. He sat there listlessly, his back desolate. Although Valerian was sitting right beside him, he felt lonely.
Slowly, Adam's eyes turned red and pearls of tears started to fall to the ground. Overcome by immense guilt, he continued to blame himself.
It's all my fault!
So many people are going to die…
Suddenly, a firm hand clasped his shoulder and a familiar voice entered his ear.
"What is it, boy?"
Adam turned his head and saw that Beger at some point had already arrived and was sitting beside him. He was the same as ever, looking at him with a bored expression, and smoking from his pipe.
The moment he saw Berger, Adam completely broke down. "Old man…"
Berger realized that things must have been very serious for the youth to turn out this way. So he gently comforted him and told him to explain what was going on.
After crying out his fill, Adam recounted everything that had happened in the secret plane. Then, he told him about his speculations about the ivory skull.
Berger was silent for a while after listening to him. In the end, he heaved a long sigh. As he filled his pipe bowl with fresh tobacco leaves, he began, "The soul becomes tinted with the color of its thoughts."
Adam was puzzled. He couldn't understand what the old man was saying but he remained silent, choosing to patiently listen and not interrupt.
The old gnome lit the tobacco and took a deep puff before continuing, "Our life is what our thoughts make of it. You think that your actions have led to the current events and that a lot of people will die as a result.
"But you have never once thought that your actions saved the lives of your friends whom you deeply cherish."
The gnome's eyes flashed with profound wisdom as he glanced at the youth and gently smiled.
"You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength."
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