Chapter 491 CH 477: YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
Mere minutes earlier, Fedora was silently seated on the floor, with her back against her bed and head gently cradled between her knees.
Her eyes had not been closed as they lay there listlessly, like a corpse. She had not been able to get even a wink of sleep ever since she had woken up from her coma induced state. Her mind would constantly be filled with all the horror she committed.
She could still see it vividly, the look of horror and betrayal in the eyes of her parents and siblings when she stabbed them in the back out of the blue.
She could still hear it like it was happening in front of her, the sound of bones breaking and the flesh being torn apart as she cut through Aleksandra's arm in a brutal display of her host's will.
More than anything else, she could still feel it… The feeling of breaking Adam's body apart with her own hands and being forced to be a witness to all the horrors that were being enacted with her own body.
The sight of his headless body blasting like a fruit that had overly ripened to the point of destruction was something that she thought she would never be able to forget in her whole life.
Now that things had ended, and she was left with the horrors that were being done without her will.
Fedora did not wish to leave her room.
She could not leave her room. She did not wish to face the reality of her situation.
She remembered the way the maids looked at her when she had attacked them in her possessed state.
Their eyes were clearly filled with fear and trepidation.
What if the same eyes were directed at her once again? What if they did not listen to reason and came to hate her?
Just thinking of such an event transpiring paralyzed her to her core, made her unable to move, and suffocated her from deep within. It scared her so much that even her thoughts became jumbled.
'Perhaps I should leave this place? Go somewhere where I don't have to feel like suffocating 24/7… Yeah, let's do that…'
Perhaps everyone would be happier if she went back home, to Russia, or just left the state and went somewhere to live by herself.
And at that very moment,
Knock~ Knock~ Knock~
"Fedora. It's me. Open the door, please."
Natasha's voice reached out to her, causing Fedora to instinctively shrink even further and start shivering all over.
Perhaps out of everyone that was affected that night. one of the two people she was the most sorry for was none other than Natasha.
She was also the one she feared the most right now. Just imagining Natasha rejecting her…
Fedora blocked her ears and curled up even more, making herself as small as she could. She did not want to speak to anyone. She did not want to answer anyone. She just wanted to be left alone, away from all the worries of the world.
Another knocking followed and she was about to ignore the sound once again but—
"Fedora. I will count from 10 to 0. If by then you do not open the door, I will blast it open. Okay?"
"Huh?"
Natasha and Aleksandra were not only the ones surprised at that moment. Even Fedora could not follow his words for a second as they were too absurd for her understanding. What was Adam doing here in the first place?
Then came the question… what could she even say to Him? How could she even begin to apologize?
At that moment, when her mind was paralyzed by a torrent of thoughts, something she could never foresee unfolded.
"10…0, Open Sesame!"
Bang~!
Fedora lifted her head and opened her mouth wide as the door was sent flying, blasting through her room. Thankfully, since she was only supposed to live here temporarily there were not many decorations in the room. But still…
"You didn't count down…"
Watching Adam enter with Natasha and Aleksandra behind him, she could only mumble those words in a feeble voice.
"Never said I would."
Fedora was speechless.
.
.
.
Coming back to the present time, it had already been a few minutes since Adam had entered Fedora's room.
But rather than speaking, all he did was take a seat next to her and observe the surroundings in total silence.
He had already pushed Natasha and Aleksandra away, leaving the two of them alone.
As for the door, thankfully there was a replacement for it, which Adam had installed in seconds, so her room was now closed and they were the only ones in the room.
The silence was heavy. So heavy in fact that Fedora was not able to take it for long and broke it herself.
"Why aren't you saying something?"
"Huh? I was under the impression that you wanted to stay silent. Finished brooding, yet?"
He grinned quietly and ruffled her hair with his hands, causing Fedora to squint ever so slightly before pushing his hand away.
"I am not a child!"
"Heh… If you say so, squirt."
She huffed a little before looking down at the ground, melancholy overtaking her senses once more.
"Adam."
"Yeah…"
"Why are you not asking about it?"
"Heh. Whether or not you remember everything? That is pretty obvious, with your behavior and all."
Silence fell in the room once again and permeated the duo. Fedora did not know what to say in this situation but she did not want this uncomfortable and suffocating silence to stretch further.
"Will you kill me?"
"Why? To keep my secret?"
She clamped shut. Indeed, this was also another aspect of the problem. She was awake all this time during the entirety of the fight. This also meant that she had heard everything that had transpired between the parasite who had inhabited her body and Adam.
The secret she knew was very dangerous for Adam. The right thing to do would be to silence her once and for all. Even she knew that clearly.
"Heheh. I may have lost some of my moral hangups along the way, but, unfortunate as that may be, I am not ruthless enough to kill someone I see as a sister just to hide my secrets."
"Unfortunate?"
"Yes. Life would be so much easier if I simply did not care about anything or anyone. If I could shut off all my feelings and ignore everything, wouldn't everything be smooth sailing? Don't you think the same?"
Fedora felt like her heart was being pried open by this man.
"I am sure you think it's all your fault."
"Are you going to say it's not?"
She couldn't help but scoff.
"Yes. It's not. It's My fault."
"... Huh?"
"Everything that happened to you or your sister is because of me. Because my family decided to use you guys to help me train.
"Natasha receiving the blood of Fenrir or you being born as a vessel. Everything is because of me. Even the fact that Natasha awakened in advance is because of me."
"You!"
Fedora stood up, screaming at the top of her lungs,
"Why do you think this way? You did nothing wrong. You saved all of us. You died, again and again, sacrificed so much. All that to save us. All that to protect Natasha! You did absolutely nothing wrong. The ones who did wrong are the ones who used us."
She spoke vehemently, with a voice filled to the brim with rage. Adam had given too much and sacrificed so much for anyone to even dare to accuse him.
Once she finished, her small chest heaving, she looked at Adam. But all she could see was a small smile on his face.
"You are right. I did nothing wrong. I was not the one who gave the blood to Natasha. I was not the one who possessed you. I hurt none of you guys. Everything is because of Lycaon and the rest. Isn't it?"
"Y-Yes?"
Fedora was starting to get confused but then she realized.
"If you can understand that… Why are you still blaming yourself?"
"Ah…"
Adam observed Fedora. He was not foreign to the situation of possession.
After all, for some reason, there was always someone he knew who ended up being possessed by some superior entities.
First, there was Sae, then the son of Hae-Won, and now Fedora.
One could say that he was used to it by now.
"Innocent people and victims should not be blamed. Only the criminal deserves blame and needs to be punished."
He stood up as well and placed a hand atop Fedora before pulling her against his chest.
"It must have been scary, right? You must have been filled with apprehension, right? But let me tell you this once again."
His voice was soothing. Like a gentle lullaby, it made her feel slightly sleepy,
"You did nothing wrong. Fedora. In this story, you are as much a victim as anyone else and should be treated like one. Not the cause."
Tears streamed from her eyes quietly as a dam seemed to be released.
She thought she did not have the right to cry as she was the perpetrator.
But now… It was alright, right?
She could cry, right?
"Cry as much as you want. I promise I will remember nothing."
— And so Fedora cried. She cried until her voice was hoarse, she cried until her eyes were dry.
Releasing all the pent-up feelings that had been gathering.
Finally, she cried until she fell asleep in Adam's lap. As relief filled her, so did fatigue.
Looking at the sweetly snoring Fedora, Adam wiped the tears at the corner of her quietly and kissed her on the forehead.
"Have a beautiful dream Fedora"
One speech would never be sufficient to assuage her fear and calm her mind.
But this was a start to get out of the cycle of self-pity and blame.
He knew that all too well.
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