Chapter 77: Chapter 10
December 24th (Thursday) – Ayase Saki
Once the end-of-term ceremony ended, I headed out to buy the ingredients Mom had asked me to get (which were vegetables and various seasonings) and headed right home. Tonight, we're having a combined birthday and Christmas party at home. Mom took the day off and said she'd be cooking for today, so I wanted to get home as quickly as possible to help her. Upon arriving, I opened the front door that I had completely gotten used to by this point. I said "I'm home" and took off my outdoor shoes.
"Welcome back. You're quicker than I thought." Mom was already standing in the kitchen.
Even though it was only slightly past noon.
"Let me help."
"Oh, my. I'm perfectly fine on my own, so why not get some rest?"
There's no way I can let her handle all the work—but I can't say that.
"I'm fine, I'm not tired. Also, here."
I placed the plastic bag of groceries on the dining table.
"Thanks."
"I'll get changed and then come to help you."
"Aren't you a bit stubborn today. I wonder who you take after…"
You, Mom. But I swallowed that comment and headed into my room. Once I was done changing, I immediately returned to the kitchen.
"What are you making today? Any particular ideas?"
"Since we're celebrating Christmas and both of your birthdays, I was thinking of making it a bit more luxurious than usual. Rice, miso soup, salad, and meat."
That… sounds pretty much the same as our regular dinner, no?
"But this is the meat we'll be working with!" She swung open the fridge door and showed me the situation inside.
Whoa, that piece of meat is huge! Not to mention that it was packed into several smaller packages.
"This… isn't regular chicken, is it?"
"It's turkey meat."
"How…? When…?"
It'd make sense if it was duck meat. They sell that in the local supermarkets. But although I see it more frequently now than I used to, a turkey of all things is still a rarity over here, like I'd have to enter the land of dreams to get a bite. How did she…?
"Is this already grilled?"
"Cooking this from raw would be a bit too much, even for me. I do know a recipe for it, but that would take up far too much time. You'd have to grill it and then let it freeze for three days, prepare everything the day before, stuff it, and put it together again… which is delicious, but I might as well save the time, right?"
"Y-Yeah, sounds rough."
"That it is. And that's why we ordered it roasted. Or rather, Taichi-san did. It just got here not too long ago. We just have to warm it up." She closed the fridge.
"That means we can leave the meat for last… What else?"
"Rice, salad, and miso soup."
"Huh? But that doesn't take that long…"
"Oh? Are you getting the wrong idea, by any chance?"
Huh?
"Oh, Ayase-san. Welcome back."
I turned around to see Asamura-kun coming out of his room.
"Ah, I'm home."
"And you're awake I see, Akiko-san. Are you already preparing dinner?"
"I was actually thinking of cleaning the kitchen first." She said to Asamura-kun, pointing at the kitchen.
Oh yeah, it's close to the end of the year, after all.
"I'll help," Asamura-kun said, and I followed immediately after.
"Me too."
"My, you didn't have to, but thanks." Mom said with a smile, but I knew that cleaning the kitchen was hard work.
You use a lot of oil when cooking, after all. And that tends to leave nasty stains.
"Though… it's surprisingly clean." I looked at the wall and commented.
"Well, my old man and I rarely use the kitchen, after all."
"I bought the cooking oil only after moving here, too. I don't think they used it here before," Mom chimed in with an explanation.
Just as she said, if you don't use any kind of oil while cooking, there's no way the kitchen would get too dirty… That explains why Asamura-kun was so shocked when he saw me cooking tempura. He wasn't used to frying stuff.
"I was also thinking of cleaning the ventilation fans too, but that's a lot easier."
"We've put them through a lot of work, after all."
"I didn't think you could make food like tempura and such at home…"
"Oh, Asamura-kun… Of course you can."
"Yeah, yeah…" Asamura-kun showed a sour smile.
He did say he wanted to attempt it himself at some point, but he'd have to watch and learn first, that's for sure. That being said… Huh, I guess cleaning this year won't be so hard. For the ventilation fans, we can just remove the filter, wash it in the kitchen sink or the bath, and clean it with some detergent… or maybe not even that. And we probably won't have to soak the tiles around the stove with detergent to get rid of the oil stains either. That all sounds fairly easy.
"I don't think it'll take too long."
"Then let's get it over quickly with the three of us, yeah?"
Mom sighed.
"Fine, but first we have to get the preparations for dinner out of the way," she said, and Asamura-kun and I nodded in response.
It took us roughly two hours, but the kitchen was soon squeaky clean again. We had a break with some snacks after that, and eventually returned to preparing dinner. I think Mom had been looking forward to cooking with me, because she pretty much chased Asamura-kun out of the kitchen. He reluctantly made his way back to his room. Another two hours passed in the blink of an eye. We made miso soup, and salad… It really didn't feel much like Christmas dinner. In fact, it was probably still on the light side, until Mom told me that Stepdad was buying a cake she ordered.
A cake after dinner?! I'm already scared of stepping on the scale tomorrow. Maybe having a lighter dinner is better, after all. Using the cabbage and cucumbers I bought, Mom started working on something. She put the vegetables we cut into a Ziploc bag and swung it around. Is she going for something lightly pickled? But it's Christmas today, right? Then again, we're also celebrating Asamura-kun's and mine birthdays. In that sense, it's not too weird to keep it traditional. But… pickled stuff for a birthday party is still unorthodox.
"What's that weird face for, Saki?"
"Well, I'm your daughter, after all."
"Then you'll surely meet someone as great as Taichi-san."
"Yeah, yeah."
After my father left us, I wasn't quite sure about Mom getting married again. Maybe I was just cautious. It's hard to imagine, but I have very few memories of Mom talking about men when she was home. She probably ignored love altogether while raising me. Plus, thanks to her work, she most likely ran across a lot of unsightly men, so I wouldn't have been surprised if she developed a mistrust towards men in general. After she brought up the subject of remarriage, we talked about my father once at home. Reminiscing over that, Mom said:
'It's hard for two strangers to get along with each other.'
She had taken a break around that time. It was rare to see her drink at home, but she gently tilted the glass mid-air and the ice inside made clanking sounds while bumping against it.
'Him and I couldn't get along. But if not for him, then somebody else wouldn't have saved me.'
'I… guess so?'
'That's just how life works. There's no one who looks perfect in everyone's eyes. It's just as the young kids of today say. "You stan who you can," right?'
That was the first time I'd heard that.
'So, this… Asamura-san? Are you sure about being with him?'
'For now, yes.'
'"For now…?" Now I'm worried.'
'I'm not confident enough to lie to you and say that we'll be together for the rest of our lives. I thought we'd be fine before, but things didn't work out. But… I think it'll at least last until you get married or I get a son-in-law.'
And what if I have no intention to do either?
'But… then why did you feel like getting married again?'
'Because he went through the same pain that I did, maybe?'
'Ah… Right, he's also divorced.'
'That's right. At the very least, I doubt the same thing will happen again. Well, it might just be wishful thinking on my end, but you can't change your life while not straying from your path once or twice.'
I found myself thinking Is that how that works? Like it wasn't even my problem. What does it even mean to get married? I never really gave it much thought, so I have no way of seeing it the same way as Mom does. But I've found my own choice in life. I want to be able to earn enough money to support myself without the help of a husband. I want the strength to stand on my own two feet.
'Yes, yes. And if possible, I want you to call Taichi-san "Stepdad," if possible.'
That comment caught me by surprise. The words she told me didn't even reach my brain immediately. "Stepdad"—If I had to guess, it's probably Mom's desire for me to openly accept Asamura-san, as he'll probably feel a lot of pressure suddenly having a daughter-in-law at what you'd call a difficult age.
'If not, things will get confusing.'
—I was wrong.
'Confusing?'
'I mean, Yuuta-kun's family name is also Asamura. It'd be confusing who you're talking to otherwise, right?'
'Yuuta… Who is that?'
'Oh? Did I not tell you? He's Taichi-san's son. Asamura Yuuta-kun.'
'So he… has a child?'
'He's 16, just like you. And since his birthday is one week before yours, he'll be your older brother. Yuuta-oniichan sounds good, and Yuuta-nii has a nice ring to it as well. Then again, you're basically twins since your birthdays are so close.'
No, we are not. I've never heard of non-blood-related twins.
'This is the first I've heard of this.'
'Well now you have. And I think you'll get to meet him next week. So you have two choices. Either call Taichi-san "stepdad," or call Yuuta-kun "Onii-chan." I'm fine with either one, so it's your choice.'
I don't remember much about what happened after that. I feel like the day ended after a bit more banter and idle talk. Either way, I was really thrown off at this sudden revelation. Not to mention that I'd be meeting him so soon. I really wish she'd told me sooner. Mom said that "At least you learned before the actual day, right?" but I couldn't back a comment.
'There's no way anybody would just keep quiet about that until the day of the meeting!'
It's been more than half a year since then. Even if I asked Mom once more if she thinks she'll be fine, she'll probably respond with the same "For now." Mom knows that love doesn't last forever, and she's prepared for that. Even so, I feel like stepdad and Mom really resemble each other. It's hard to really pin it down, but I can see that Mom has been a bit more open and relaxed since she met him. Since she's willing to take proper breaks and not work herself to death, I'm very thankful for that. Everything is much better than her ruining her health.
Mom and father were not a good match for each other. In their ten years and more of being a couple, they never managed to adjust to each other even once. Instead, father could only see Mom the way he painted her in his mind.
While talking about this and that, Mom and I proceeded with our preparations for the dinner. Time passed to the point stepdad should come home soon, and Asamura-kun appeared from his room again. He was probably taking a nap or reading a book like he always did. Asamura-kun's a bookworm, after all. Mom called out to him.
"Yuuta-kun, could you turn on the TV?"
"Why the TV?"
Apparently, she wanted to have a movie running in the background to create a bit of white noise. We couldn't see the TV screen from our position, but we heard the voice of an energetic boy. And since it was playing Christmas songs, it was probably a Christmas movie. Asamura-kun sat down on the living room sofa and watched the movie.
I could see his profile from here. And that sight reminded me of when we first met. I was so nervous I just created my own image of Asamura Yuuta, which he brushed aside instantly. Our parents probably watched our exchange in concern, but his words gave me a feeling of relief and peace. He made me realize that he wouldn't force any expectations on me. And that's why I said what I did back then.
'I won't have any great expectations from you, so I want you to do the same for me.'
Since that day, Asamura-kun has always been in my view…
We finished preparing everything for dinner, and Mom said I could take a break. I took off my apron and started thinking. When I went back to my room, I spotted the vocabulary cards I had scattered on my desk. It's winter break starting today, so there's no particular reason I have to practice class material, and studying for entrance exams right now isn't really worth it since we'll have dinner soon, anyway. The best I could do is work through my vocabulary cards some more.
I connected my earbuds to my smartphone and started playing some lofi hip-hop. A faint tune with rain sounds in the background tickled my ears. I grabbed my vocabulary cards and left my room, heading out to the living room. The TV was still playing the Christmas movie, but I was listening to my own music, so I couldn't hear any of the lines or sounds. That being said, I could wait here for Stepdad to come home. I sat down next to Asamura-kun and started flipping through my cards.
Bounce—To deflect something. Okay, got it.
Concern—To get involved with someone or something.
Ah, this is also in the context of showing concern for someone. Isn't worry something similar? I stopped flipping through the cards and started thinking. I looked this up before in the dictionary. The difference between it and worry is that concern isn't used when some sort of troublesome incident happens. It has more of a connotation of doing something to prevent the thing that is making you worry. It's important to help and not just worry, after all. Though I don't know how important that difference will be to remember.
Consider—…Consider? Um, thinking about doing something?
I worked my way through my vocabulary cards while enjoying a pleasant rhythm entering my ears. And this continued for a bit longer, with Asamura-kun next to me just enjoying the movie.
I don't quite know what woke me up that night. However, it was probably that I noticed something amidst the darkness. A faint ray of light entered my room that was otherwise pitch black. The door was open.
"I thought I closed it…" I mumbled to myself and stood up.
I turned on the light next to my bed and spotted a small box standing next to the open door.
"Santa…?"
I remembered back to the time I actually fell for the whole 'Santa' thing back in grade school. Though when I said "Thanks, Mom" to her the next morning, Santa stopped coming. I put on my cardigan and reached for the present. It wasn't anything huge. It fit pretty snugly into the palm of my hand. I removed the ribbon and undid the wrapping paper to see a white box. On top of the box was a letter that started with the words "To Saki."
It was from my mother, writing about the gratitude she had for me as her daughter, and how she was worried that she may have put too much pressure on me. Why is it always so embarrassing to read a genuine letter from your family? …But I still read the letter a bit more, and then opened the small box. Inside was a bracelet from an expensive manufacturer. I returned to the letter.
Knowing you, there's a good chance you might try to become independent right after graduating from high school—
I nearly jumped in shock when I read that. I never clearly voiced that desire, and yet she had already seen through me.
And since that is probably what is going to happen, since you're my daughter, you'd never waste any money. You're stubborn, after all.
"Because I'm your daughter, yeah…" I looked at the bracelet in my hand.
That's why I'm giving you this bracelet as a present. Next year, it'll be nothing but entrance exams filling your mind, so I want to give it to you now while you still have some freedom. If push comes to shove, you can even sell it. It'll allow you to buy food for at least a month. Use that time to ask for help from someone, okay?
She even knew I had trouble relying on others.
"But… I just got this as a present. Who in their right mind would tell the other person to sell their present if push comes to shove?"
Actually, there's one person right here, huh? Mom continued the letter by apologizing for making it something expensive like this, but she wanted me to let her do this for me, and then she ended the letter like that. I couldn't hold back a sigh. She knew that writing a letter to go along with it like this would make it hard for me to return it. I put it around my wrist for a bit and then placed it back on my bed, and the faint light from my lamp illuminated it with a bright silver color. I poked my finger at it.
"I'm not afraid of working my butt off. I'll repay you ten-fold for this someday." I declared, though with a meek voice.
If anything, it felt more like I was praying. I carefully put the bracelet back into the box and put it away. I won't ever think of selling this. I'm going to put this on whenever I see the people who are important to me. I made it so the bracelet was visible from outside the box and stored it next to my bed, then snuggled under my blanket.
"Thanks, Mom." I mumbled and looked inside the box one last time before I closed my eyes.
Even amidst the darkness, the faint silver shine was still visible. The size of it could fit atop an angel's head like a halo, right? Though halos are supposed to be gold. Well, it's a small difference. The faces of all the people I care about flashed up behind my eyelids and then vanished.
Merry Christmas. I hope they all continue to be happy.
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