Chapter 55: Chapter 3
20th of October (Tuesday) – Asamura Yuuta
Ever since the afternoon rolled around, I had been feeling restless. My first class of the afternoon was supposed to be modern Japanese, and yet my classmates reading from the textbook sounded like they were speaking a foreign language. Everything was entering one ear and leaving through the other. There was only one thing my simple-minded brain could focus on—The shopping date later with Ayase-san.
My mind was solely focused on working up plans to make the date a rousing success. I'm nowhere near confident enough to expect she'd have fun just by being with me, but I at least don't want to bore her into oblivion.
"What are you groaning about now, Asamura?"
I raised my head and was met with the sight of Maru turned towards me.
"Oi, Maru. We're in the middle of class."
I thought I was the one being reasonable, and yet Maru gave me an exhausted stare.
"What are you on about? Classes have already ended."
"Wha?"
I frantically looked around and saw that my classmates were packing up to move classrooms. Oh yeah, today's 6th period is a chemistry experiment in a separate classroom, isn't it?
"You're flustered again. I don't mind hearing you out. Though I won't promise I'll be able to help."
"Not going all the way with your promises is just like you, Maru."
"I won't promise to help with stuff I can't do."
This is exactly why I trust him. That aside, however…
"Is this a continuation from last time?" He asked.
"Not exactly…"
When I saw the dubious look on his face, I was reminded of what he had told me before.
"You mentioned that it's crucial to show the person you like how much you care for them, right?"
"I sure did, but what's important is the process. You can't trust the results by themselves."
It seemed that he had expected me to bring up that topic again. I can't tell him that he's wrong, sadly, but I want to. Then again, he's not entirely wrong, either. On a different note…
"What do you mean you can't trust the results by themselves?"
"This is coming from a guy with no interest in make-up, so take it with a grain of salt. Let's say you see a girl that styled herself up with makeup. Can you really judge for yourself that she's worked hard to impress you?"
"Err…"
"The only guys who can confidently say that are those who use makeup themselves. That's how I feel, at least."
"Mhm, that makes sense."
I thought back to Ayase-san. Because I had seen her in such a defenseless state, namely with just pajamas and bed hair, I now understood how much effort goes into her usual get-up.
"Results are just… well, results. Nothing more, nothing less. It's the same in baseball."
"Isn't it bad in sports especially?"
"It'll swing you from joy to sorrow. It's ten years too early for me to be confident in my results. If you can't even see how much effort your opponent puts into their training, you yourself aren't going to make any progress. I'm not going to let down my guard for even a moment."
I see, I guess? That's a pretty stoic outlook.
"That's why it's important to see the process behind the other person's efforts. Even if it's the woman you're dating." I tried to summarize his argument.
"Exactly. Again, the same goes for baseball. I have no intention of showing off my efforts under any normal circumstances, but the argument changes if it involves the person I'm interested in. Compare it to eating food from a restaurant and eating homemade food your girlfriend made. You'd be a lot happier about her cooking because she did it for you, even if it doesn't compare to the taste of restaurant food."
Good point, although Ayase-san's cooking is better than most of the food I could eat in restaurants.
"Working hard in itself also helps your appeal. Well, I personally wouldn't tell you to follow my advice, if I was you."
"…Aren't you basically contradicting yourself? Telling me to not follow your advice."
"Asamura, you are the exception to the formula."
I slightly tilted my head to emphasize my confusion. I failed to understand why I would be an exception.
"You actually don't know?"
"I'm lost."
"It's because you're so obvious and easy to see through. You'll be just fine."
For a split second, I was at an utter loss for words. I'm easy to read…?
"So just be you. Act normal and it'll get through."
"Uhh…?"
"No worries, my dear Asamura Yuuta. You're way too clumsy to do any of this. You're also too clumsy to actively hide any effort you put into something—or someone. Don't try to be candid, just go all out. Full force, no brakes."
Do you think I'll be relieved to hear such a statement? What the hell does 'normal' mean? Act normal? How do I usually act, anyway?
"Now I'm only more confused."
Maru, however, just laughed at my misery for so long that we were almost late for our next class.
Once classes ended, I made a temporary return home to change my clothes. I figured that if I went there in my uniform it would only make us stand out. All the same, I may not be an experienced casanova, but even I'm aware that a school uniform isn't proper attire for a date between a man and woman. But more importantly… clothes.
After hours of pondering, I couldn't come up with an outfit I was confident in wearing. Another problem I only caught onto a little while ago is that having your date partner living in the same apartment makes it exceptionally hard to check how you look in the bathroom mirror. She'd definitely hear me stomping around if I keep making trips from my room to the bathroom and back.
Maru said I should be proud and own it, but that's impossible for me. However, since I am nothing but an average highschool boy, I don't have a giant full-body mirror in my room, either. After agonizing back and forth, I decided to use humanity's most resourceful and portable tool of the modern age—my smartphone and its camera function to take selfies. I set it up at eye height and stood back far enough from the phone to show off my entire body.
"Yep, it's gotta be this."
In the end, I found an outfit that felt best to me. The problem was just that it turned out to be about the same I usually wore when going out. It's totally normal. A black jacket with a light grey knitted sweater and matching black denim jeans. It's not bad, or so I'd like to think, but I can't exactly be confident in my own tastes.
"…Other guys wear stuff like this too, right?"
I pondered on it for a moment to then send one of the pictures I had taken over to Shinjou via LINE. I added a message that I'd like his sister's refined opinion. Under any normal circumstances, there was no way I'd rely on such a method. However, weighing it against the risk of Ayase-san potentially thinking that I was lame, I'd take the possibility of being roasted by a random middle school girl in a heartbeat.
However, all this back and forth delayed my realization of the fact that Shinjou should be in the middle of this club activities right now, and I doubt his sister is any more available than he is. I won't be able to complain if I only get an answer after I'm already out with Ayase-san. I can't believe I didn't even think that far ahead… Or so I was blaming myself when I saw that my message had been read already. He was probably taking a break at this very moment. Not to mention that I got an immediate response.
'She answered me.'
When I read those words, a cold sweat started running down my back. Only now did I feel embarrassed from sending my selfie to someone who's practically a stranger, seeking their evaluation. All I could do however was type up a response with quivering fingers.
'What did she say?'
'It's normal.'
'Huh?'
'That's all she said. Normal.'
He sent me a screenshot of his chat with said sister. Doesn't this just mean she's not interested enough to give an actual response? Maybe my outfit is just so tasteless that it seems bland?
'Sorry, break's over.'
He left me that final message. I sent him an emote to convey my gratitude and sighed to myself. I'd completely messed up. Getting a response as vague as that only makes me more confused, so there was no benefit to that whatsoever. It was wrong of me to try and rely on others with the small amount of time I had been given.
"But aren't his little sister and him a bit too close?" I muttered to myself while checking the screenshot of their chat.
Being able to immediately hop into a conversation at any given moment truly shows how close they are as siblings. Then again, he's the only person I can measure myself against in that regard, so there's no guarantee that this kind of relationship is normal or not. I continued that train of thought and compared it to Ayase-san. If a boy I knew sent me a selfie of him, asking me for Ayase-san's opinion, would I relay it to her? I had a hunch that I probably wouldn't. I'd think up some sort of reason not to do it. I desperately didn't want to hear Ayase-san's opinion of another boy, no matter the subject.
In comparison, Shinjou and his sister have reached a bond where they trust each other, allowing him to just randomly send over pictures for her approval and evaluation. The fact that neither of them have any problem with that shows proper interaction between a pair of siblings. So keeping that in mind, maybe my feelings differ from that concept after all?
"Are you ready to head out?"
A voice called out to me from the other side of the door to my room, which interrupted my train of thought. It seemed like Ayase-san had already been prepared for a bit.
"Yeah, I'm all good here…I think?"
I'm still devoid of any confidence in my outfit, but standing around worrying about it won't do either of us any good. I had to run with it and pray it worked. Upon opening the door, I saw Ayase-san getting up from the living room sofa. She walked in front of me and I immediately swallowed my breath when I laid my eyes on her. All I could think was—That's Ayase-san for you.
She was wearing a knitted, wine-red top with a moss green jacket that emphasized the difference in color quite well. They're complementary colors and yet it's not too bright to look at. Once again I was impressed by her admirable sense of fashion and outfit coordination. I could see a small triangular pendant dangling on her chest as well. Her uniform aside, the majority of outfits I'd seen her in were a casual shorts kind of look, so this was quite different. She's wearing a skirt today, not to mention a long one that goes well below her knees, which gave her a calm and peaceful image.
Her usual armament was something close to the image of an average high school student, yet today it felt like she had loosened her defenses a tiny bit… like she was a bit more approachable. She's just as beautiful as ever, she's cute all the same… Then again, I'm no fashion critic, this is just my personal opinion.
"Then let's go."
"Ah… Right, wait a sec."
"Hm?"
Ayase-san was about to put on her boots, but she stopped in her tracks to turn towards me again.
"Did you forget something?"
"Not exactly. I was just wondering if walking to the train station together would be such a good idea."
"Because we're both wearing casual clothes? I think it should be fine. This is something normal siblings do, too. I don't particularly mind."
"That makes sense, then. Sorry for bringing up something weird like that."
"Don't worry about it. It's important, so I'm thankful you reminded me. Whenever we're troubled with a decision, let's adjust to each other the same as ever." Ayase-san said, and it made me feel relieved from the bottom of my heart.
…This is it. This is what I really like about her. And with that last check out of the way, Ayase-san and I left the flat behind us.
While waiting for the next train at Shibuya train station, I was filled with a strong sense of discomfort. At first, I didn't even know what exactly I was so bothered by, but then I realized that our gazes kept meeting as we stood next to each other. It's Ayase-san's face… or rather, her expression. It seemed like she was trying to hold back her laughter.
Whenever she glanced at me, her mouth twitched… I think, at least. Is she laughing about my outfit? I don't think that's the type of person she is… I hope. Maybe she spotted a part of my outfit that made her giggle? If I asked about it, I might leave the conversation with a knife stabbed into my chest. So I can't. Maybe she's just trying to be considerate by not mentioning it.
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed realistic to me. I quickly shook my head to rid it of these wicked thoughts. Both correct and wrong answers would probably make things awkward, so I decided against bringing it up. But even so, it sure does feel weird… Okay, enough! I shouldn't be constantly glancing at her expression either. She'll just think I'm being rude.
I tore my attention from Ayase-san and tried my best to not look at her while we boarded the train.
After roughly twenty minutes, we finally reached Ikebukuro station. After walking down the stairs from the platform, we briefly traversed through the underground path and slipped through the ticket gate. We walked past the famous stone statue at the east entrance that was frequently used as a rendezvous point, up the stairs again, and left to the surface. As we walked down Sunshine Street, we were greeted by the sight of crepe stalls, cafes, shoe stores, antique fashion shops, apparel shops, a game center, a movie cinema, and many other establishments.
The city's entertainment district certainly didn't bring any shame to its name, which explained why it was filled with people, ranging from normal groups of friends to couples. You could see all sorts of people no matter where you looked.
"Woah…"
At the corner of the street, I could see a couple sharing a passionate kiss with their bodies glued together, which made me subconsciously blurt out a baffled voice. This of course earned me a light jab to my side by Ayase-san.
"It's rude to stare like that."
"Sorry. I just spoke before I thought."
"I understand how you feel… You're shocked when you see that out of the blue."
We both made wry smiles to each other and reprimanded ourselves. A human being's feelings are truly complicated and odd. It's each person's freedom what they do and where, and an outsider's perspective shouldn't influence their actions. That's the principle I'd like to live by. And despite that, once I'm met with the sight of a kiss being displayed right in front of me, I bite my own philosophy in the neck.
If I were asked 'If a couple kissed in front of you, how would you feel?' in a survey, I'd normally answer bluntly 'I wouldn't feel anything,' and yet in that one moment, my judgment was clouded because of the unexpected scene in front of me. Part of me probably upheld my philosophy, whereas the other part gave in to my instincts. The values as part of my philosophy that I had built up for years with experience and knowledge now had crumbled to pieces as my brain cells froze in place, allowing me to see beyond the facade I had been relying on.
"Is that something you'd like to do, Ayase-san?"
"Not really, no. And I'd be a bit taken aback if someone asked if I wanted to."
"Agreed. There's no need to adjust in that regard, I guess."
"It's fine. That was also an important question."
Kissing in front of others isn't something we want to do, nor is it something we see as desirable. As a matter of fact, if siblings did that in public it'd create an uproar, so it shouldn't be something even worth considering, but the devil is in the details, as they say. After I had regained my composure, Ayase-san and I kept on walking down the street, making our way into a smaller one. Soon after, a giant blue billboard greeted us from above. It was so flashy that it stood out even in the center of Sunshine Street, and there was a crowd of people at its entrance.
"Oh? Is this…"
"A store for anime merchandise. It's pretty famous, and it stocks a lot of different things."
I know this one. Another branch is located in Shibuya, and Maru had dragged me to it several times before. I was a bit taken aback because of everything that filled my mind, so it took me a moment to remember why we had even come here in the first place.
"Err, Ayase-san?"
"Hm?" She looked at me.
"We… are buying a present for Narasaka-san, correct?"
"Yep."
"…We're going to buy one from here?"
I feel like the things on sale here couldn't be further from the usual presents you'd get a high school girl in her prime.
"She's actually into this kinda stuff." Ayase-san pointed at an anime character on a poster hanging in front of the store.
I was baffled. Since I'm the guy who reads light novels in my spare time, I don't have any prejudice toward that particular hobby. I'm just not the type of person who'd run around buying merch for anything, but I guess I probably look the same when I'm rummaging through the new book sales… but my case doesn't matter right now. More focus should go toward the fact that such an outgoing and normie kinda girl would be interested in anime—and this isn't prejudice. It just didn't feel that way whenever we've talked up to this point, hence my surprise.
"She's got a group of younger brothers at home, remember?"
"Now that you mention it…"
"She says she watches anime with her brothers on some kind of streaming service she's subscribed to, which is why she's pretty knowledgeable about new anime and all that. And she can watch it while doing chores, which is also a plus for her."
"So she's influenced by her siblings, huh?"
"At first, yeah. Now she herself has gotten addicted to it, she told me."
Thus, Ayase-san came up with the idea of buying anime goods to make Narasaka-san happy, which made perfect sense to me. We somehow managed to slip past the crowd in front of the shop and entered inside.
"It's huge. I don't even know where to start looking."
"Just walking around and looking at whatever strikes your fancy should get us somewhere. I don't know where they display which products either, nor do I know what Narasaka-san is into."
"It's fine, you can leave that last part to me."
In our quest for the perfect birthday present, Ayase-san and I slowly trotted through the store from one corner to another. While we did so, I learned how modern anime goods are handled when it came to each sex. The area for goods targeted at women isn't like the full-blown 'ABSOLUTE ANIME GOODS' type of place you'd normally see. Instead, they offer particular goods for favorite characters, mostly in the form of student badges, keychains, or notebooks. Since they only had the designs engraved in the corner, they looked like completely normal accessories at a glance.
"This is pretty normal…"
"Yep, it's stylish."
"That's how it looks to you?"
"Over here is—" Ayase-san said and pointed at a bookshelf next to us.
It contained plush toys and keychains from characters even I knew from anime I watched when I was still a child.
"…These might be a bit harder to use."
"I see, I see."
In other words, the commercialization of anime goods has been increasing? Now that I think about it, Maru mentioned something similar to me once before. The growth of the otaku goods market is brought about by the generalization of otaku culture, which leads to a greater diversification of goods. That being said, since I never had the perception that being an otaku and looking stylish were ideas that could co-exist, I was slightly surprised at this discovery.
I looked around in shock, witnessing that the majority of customers in the shop were all dressed up perfectly normal to even stylish. I could even see an equal number of male and female people… No, there are more women than men at this moment. Oh yeah, a while back, Ayase-san mentioned that she was jealous of the shape of my eyebrows despite not doing anything about it. Many of the men around me looked the same in that regard, not just the women. And if their genes didn't do them a favor, they most likely tried to tidy them up.
I see. That's why Ayase-san nonchalantly assumed that I tend to my eyebrows. Maru mentioned that more and more otakus have been taking greater care of their outer appearance as of late, so it must be part of that.
"Since we're dealing with someone as socially open as Maaya, I'm pretty sure she won't particularly care either way."
"Makes sense…"
No matter what we get for her, anything feels fine since it's Narasaka-san, after all. Although I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. In the end, we still have to choose something for her. As a bit of a reward, I'd at least like to see her smile. I periodically listened to Ayase-san's opinion on things, and we eventually ended up with a mug from an anime she's recently gotten into (whose target demographic is primarily children, which explains why I hadn't heard of it before). In this case, it had the emblem of the anime engraved on the cup.
With a large family like Narasaka-san's, she should be fine with some more tableware at her disposal, and since it's from an anime her brothers might watch, she can always let them use it in case she didn't want to.
"Phew. Thanks for helping me out, Ayase-san. You gave me some great pointers."
"Really? I'm glad I could help."
With the plastic bag containing the wrapped present in hand, we declared our business here finished and left the shop behind us. The time of day had already started to turn to evening, as the sky was turning dark despite it only being past 5 pm.
"Now that I think about it, you didn't buy anything, right, Ayase-san? Do you already have something?"
"I changed my plan of action, actually. I'll go buy something tomorrow."
Or so she said, but she never told me what exactly she was planning on buying in the end.
We made our way home, gently shaken left to right inside the moving train. Thinking back on it, today really didn't feel like a date at all. Walking around the store while exchanging opinions and cracking a few jokes was fun for sure, but we didn't even hold hands. When evaluating the location we went to, it wasn't particularly a date spot for boys and girls to go together. Rather, it was a place people like Maru would visit frequently. Now that I think about it, there were both game centers and apparel shops at our disposal, but Ayase-san showed no interest in either of these, which is why we didn't bother making a pit stop… Even though they were all prime date spots.
And right after I finished buying my present for Narasaka-san, we just both decided we'd head home for the day. It was supposed to be a date between just the two of us, but I feel like something is lacking. Now that I think about it, we could have stopped by a fast food place to take a quick break. Well, there's dinner waiting at home anyway, so I guess there was no need.
I also realized that, although Ayase-san had been smiling today from start to finish, something felt awkward about her. Of course, I had no way of knowing what exactly that was. I was simply plagued by this vague discomfort I couldn't directly put into words. If I just knew what it was, I could adjust to it with her. But instead, I'm over here brooding over it…
Just like the traincar we were seated in, my inner feelings were shaken left and right. After spending minutes upon minutes counting the sporadic street lights flashing by as we passed them, I decided to jump over my own shadow and ask her. We exchanged a few idle works and then I brought it up.
"Is there something weird about my outfit?"
"Huh? No, not at all. Why do you ask?" Ayase-san seemed bewildered by my question, which made me feel relieved—or so I'd like to say, but I'm not nearly confident enough in myself to do so.
"Compared to you, I'm pretty inattentive when it comes to my outfit and hairstyle, right? I'm pretty insecure when it comes to my own fashion sense, see." I blurted out my genuine feelings.
"I think it's good. It fits you best."
"Mhm, thanks. But—" I expected her to say that, so I continued. "Your outfit is coordinated so well that it'd make people comment on how stylish it is, right?"
"I guess?"
"So, after carefully considering the matter, the clothes you're wearing are the ones you think are the best for the given circumstance, no?"
"Most likely."
"I also think you look great in that, you know."
The second I said that, Ayase-san's expression shattered, and I thought I heard a faint 'Wha…' coming from her.
"…Thanks."
When she thanked me, it felt like her smile froze up in an awfully awkward way, but my head was full with way too many other things, so I couldn't trace her change in expression back to its origin.
"But, you know, I don't even know what kind of outfits would look good on me. I don't have the knowledge to judge that. And since I have about zero confidence in my own style, I can't follow at all when somebody says it's 'very much like me'."
"Erm… So in other words, you'd like to try and dress up in a way that'd make you look stylish in the eyes of the world? You don't seem the type of person who'd particularly care about that."
"I feel like it'd be an important lesson to go through at least once. Whether I eventually come to like it or not, I'd like to know the formal dress code for these kinds of occasions."
"Ahh…I see, I see. That sounds like something you'd be concerned about."
I think it's just my insecurity playing a huge role in all of it.
"Basically, you lack the knowledge for a… regular date outfit, or clothes in general, and although you'd like to learn more about it, you lack the confidence in your own judgment?"
That's Ayase-san for you. She catches on quickly.
"Exactly."
"Hmmm…" She cast her head downward and started thinking.
After passing one train station during our ride, she suddenly raised her head once more.
"We could take a quick detour on the way home."
"Wait, right now?"
"If you're fine with my tastes and what it means to look stylish, then I don't mind helping you pick out something."
I didn't even think of that. If it's Ayase-san's personal choice, then I can definitely put my faith in that, and I can even find out her personal tastes in clothing and outfits, so this scenario would kill two birds with one stone.
"Then please do."
"Don't get your hopes up too much. I'll just go with my own preferences."
That's exactly what I'm hoping for.
"So where do you have in mind?"
"Daikanyama is pretty close by, so that'd be my first choice."
"True… But I'm really sorry about this. If I'd just brought this up sooner, we could have gone to a place in Ikebukuro." I spoke with an apologetic tone, but Ayase-san responded with a pleasant smile.
"It's fine. Don't worry about it. Both of us miss the right time to speak up all the time."
"Ahaha, that is true. Thanks."
And with that decided, we hopped onto another train at the Shibuya train station and made our way to Daikanyama. Trusting Ayase-san's sense of direction, we walked down the street to the store in question. The lights of the stores around us had yet to turn off, and the dazzling light from the windows illuminated the asphalt ahead of us. After a brief walk from the train station, we entered a men's fashion shop.
Immediately upon entering, I was reminded that this couldn't be compared to nonchalantly visiting a supermarket or convenience store. I looked for a shopping basket or shopping cart but found absolutely none. I was still looking around in confusion when a female employee smoothly approached me.
"Can I help you, Sir?"
"Ah, um."
"We'd like to look around a bit first." Ayase-san appeared from behind me, offering me a helping hand.
The employee faintly smiled, looked at both Ayase-san and I with a quick glance, and lowered her head.
"Very well. Don't hesitate to call me in the event you need help with something." She left these words behind and walked away without creating any noise.
"That scared me…"
"Maybe she thought you were here alone?"
For some reason, Ayase-san's tone sounded faintly aggravated. Is that because my outfit didn't match hers at all, which made us look like separate customers? I was starting to feel nervous and quite frankly almost felt stranded in a foreign world. I knew I was the only person putting this much pressure on myself, but there was nothing that could be done about it. In contrast to how flustered I was, Ayase-san couldn't have been any more confident. She walked ahead of me with an attitude that'd make you think she owned the place.
"Do you come here often?"
"Huh? No way."
"Oh…"
"They mainly sell men's clothes here, remember?"
Well, I guess that makes sense.
"I mean, wearing an outfit coordinated with men's clothing is more than doable, but Asamura-kun… do you really think that would look good on me?"
Her question intrigued me, so I gave it some thought. Last night, before heading off to sleep, I took some time to check through the fashion magazine I bought the other day. But despite that, I still felt like I was lacking reference material, so I looked up "men's clothing" and "matching", but I only got photos of female models as a result. When I looked at some of the sites in the search results, I found that it was some kind of genre that focused on men's fashion targeted at women.
They weren't clothes a man would wear, but rather outfits that had male "vibes," so many of the outfits looked a lot more relaxing and chill rather than stylish outfits with high heels and such. I do remember seeing suits and jackets in there, too. There should be something similar here that can answer Ayase-san's question…
A lightly-colored denim jacket that emphasizes her shoulders… Yeah, something like that one over there. I spotted a mannequin wearing a black jacket with a thick men's belt and imagined it on Ayase-san. It felt like I had bought currency for a mobile game to dress up my in-game character. I'm still completely lost in terms of fashion sense, but thanks to the mannequin being dressed up properly presumably thanks to the store's employees, I could easily picture it with the actual Ayase-san standing in front of me. Using my imagination, I dressed up Ayase-san the way I imagined. Her black jacket was hanging from her shoulder, she was stretching out her back as she posed like a model on a catwalk.
"I think you'd look handsome."
Immediately after I said that, I heard a sound like a cat getting stepped on, and I quickly glanced in that direction. At that exact moment, I saw Ayase-san turning her head away.
"I-I don't wear stuff like that."
"Huh? Ah, yeah, of course. I'm sure you won't. But if you asked me if you looked good in it or not… then I'm sure you'd look stunning. Particularly in something like that—" I pointed at the mannequin wearing the black jacket while continuing. "I bet you could easily pull off something like that… Wait, what's wrong?"
Ayase-san frantically waved her hands in front of me.
"Enough. Enough, okay? We came here to pick out an outfit for you, Asamura-kun. Not to talk about my own outfits!"
"Right, right. So do you have any recommendations right off the bat?" I remembered our initial reason we came here.
"Geez, you're just… Um, let me think."
Ayase-san grabbed a random piece of clothing and its hanger, raised it in front of me, and compared it against my current attire. She then made me turn her back towards her, and she checked the shoulder width as well as the length.
"Hmmm. Asamura-kun, this way."
"Mmm, hm? You're already done there?"
"I'm done checking."
"R-Right…"
That was one piece of clothing, right? After that initial event, Ayase-san dragged me around the store, stopping at certain intervals to grab a piece of clothing or two, checking it against my body. This was repeated over and over. Maybe she's trying to check what kind of outfit looks good on me. She'd grab the clothes with the hanger, hold them against my chest, then pull them away again in an endless cycle. Each time her fist bumped into my chest, I was assaulted by a tickling sensation.
"Hey, don't move."
"Ah, my bad."
"Hmm? Not this. This isn't it. Ah, stand still just like that."
"Y-Yes."
Following the orders of Ayase-san, I seemed to have turned into a mannequin myself. The other customers walking past us were all grinning for some reason. Ayase-san was so focused on picking out clothes that she didn't even realize, though. I was starting to feel like this was a lot more like a date.
Shopping in Ikebukuro was great, the place we visited was fine, the atmosphere we had going was good, and yet it differed greatly from the classic image of a date I had in mind. Yet this current scenario that had reached a point where we were close enough to sometimes bump into each other… this very moment felt much more like something you could categorize as a date.
…But is that really true? Shinjou's relationship with his sister came back to mind once more. They also would go out shopping together, with his sister picking out clothes for him, I'm sure. The point is, that's the exact same thing Ayase-san and I are doing right now. It's something that even normal siblings would do. We decided that this course of action would be best for now, and yet it felt like a small bone had gotten stuck in my throat, leaving me restless.
Am I satisfied with just staying as siblings who get along with each other, or am I secretly wishing for something that goes beyond what we currently have? More than anything, what do I want to do with Ayase-san? How far would I like to go with her?
…And why exactly am I constantly thinking about her like this? If people knew what I was thinking at this exact moment, they would probably think I'm a creep. Realizing that I had been caught in my own labyrinth of thoughts, the blood throughout my body started boiling, rushing to my head. I was starting to sweat despite it being fairly cold outside, so I'm sure the heater in this place is running way too hot.
"Okay, got it," Ayase-san spoke up, grabbing two pieces of clothing. "I'd go with this."
"Um… What am I looking at?"
"The jacket you're wearing right now is perfectly fine, but this tailored one seems like a good match, too."
Met with this unfamiliar vocabulary, I subconsciously found myself taking a step backward.
"Tailor… what now?"
"You don't know? It's a type of tailored jacket."
"Ahh, tailored at a tailor."
"So you do know?"
"I read about it in a book before."
I read a novel that took place in England during the 1870s, basically during the Victorian age. It was the story of a girl who worked as a dressmaker. That was why I had heard that word before. The tailored jacket Ayase-san was holding was a light grey color, and its collar seemed rather thin. If you compared it to a normal jacket you'd wear over a suit, it emphasized the shoulders a lot more, while also providing a pleasant atmosphere thanks to its light colors.
"I kept it plain so it's easier to match."
"Isn't staying plain bad?"
"When you've got one with a pattern or peculiar design, you've got to match it with the rest, and… Oh, I guess I've already reached the point where an explanation is needed."
"My sincerest apologies."
"And this is what you'll be wearing underneath that. I wouldn't recommend wearing this during the deepest parts of winter, but it should be just fine for November." She said, handing me a simple white t-shirt she had been carrying over her arm.
That one, like the jacket, looked plain and simple with no designs or drawings or anything on it. The chest pocket was so small and uninteresting that I had to look twice to even spot it. Along with the jacket, the shirt also had sloping shoulders as part of its design. It was very simple, but since it cost at least twice as much as the regular t-shirts I own, the quality and design must be on an entirely different level. I just wouldn't know, I guess…
"As for your jeans, you can just go with the ones you're currently wearing. Not to mention that you'll go overbudget if you bought a new pair of those."
"Thanks."
"Good. Do you want to try them on? Then you can decide if you like them or not."
"Got it."
I accepted the clothes from Ayase-san and gave her the plastic bag with Narasaka-san's present. After that, I made my way to a changing room and checked out my new look in the mirror. I'm still lacking the vocabulary to describe it properly, but it did feel like I looked pretty good with these new clothes. It felt like a chill yet stylish fall outfit. Since it doesn't emphasize my broad shoulders, it created a much more peaceful impression, one that I didn't have before. The jacket's fabric felt great and seemed like it'd be solid against any breeze. Now I should be prepared for the current season.
However, despite everything previously mentioned, I still failed to see any significant difference compared to what I usually wear. Is this… good enough? I can't tell. When it comes to any field you're not extremely proficient in, it's practically impossible to tell the small differences apart. Instead, it's decreasing my resolve. It's like a parent in the older generation telling their child not to use their phone, because they lump mobile games, music, LINE, and learning apps all into the same category. They just don't know any better. I might have improved upon my previous look, but I don't see enough of a difference to be able to confidently say yes or no.
"How does it look?" I stepped out of the changing room and showed her my current appearance.
"Yep, I think it looks good."
"Umm… Is this enough? Like, maybe I should dye my hair while I'm at it?" I spoke with a worried tone.
Since Shinjou's sister called my previous look "normal", I couldn't help but think that this small bit of tampering probably wouldn't change much. Maybe a more drastic change was necessary. However, Ayase-san surprised me by speaking like a kindergarten teacher would when reprimanding a small child.
"Hey, whose impression do you need to be satisfied?"
"Huh?"
"If you want to show off to random strangers on the street, then my own fashion sense should make you worried. I totally get that. Is that the kind of stylish look you want to achieve, though?"
"No, not at all…"
"That's a relief," Ayase-san said with a smile. "Then maybe you could just believe in me? I chose them for you, and I think you look great in them."
"I see… Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, that was rude to ask."
"No, you're completely in the right. Everyone would be worried about how they look in the eyes of a stranger."
She most likely agreed with me from the bottom of her heart, and when I saw her gentle expression, something finally clicked in my head. I was trapped in an endless circle of my own thoughts and my own standards. My own personal desire to become a man who can proudly stand next to Ayase-san isn't anything close to caring about someone else's feelings. Trying not to fall into an abyss of self-loathing, I built up a mental barricade to protect my mind, only relying on a third party's judgment instead of my own.
I don't even know how Shinjou's sister looks or acts, and yet I had every intent to gratefully accept her opinion, most likely because my true desire had always been to get an opinion from someone close enough to get an opinion from, but also far enough from me to not be dejected at their response. Yomiuri-senpai has already told me something like this before, hasn't she?
'That aside, there's no need for him to dress up excessively. Just knowing that he's trying to make me happy by giving me an easier time would be enough to give me a sense of being treated right.'
The impression, in that case, isn't from some third party I barely care about, it's from my own partner. Maru and Shinjou also brought that up. What's important is the intention of trying to look stylish. The actual result is secondary. The people around me kept pointing me in the right direction, yet I went off-road for so long that now I feel embarrassed. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks as long as Ayase-san likes the way I dress. That's the best kind of fashion that exists.
I paid for the clothes and the two of us left the store behind us. On the way back to the train station, Ayase-san suddenly spoke up.
"Asamura-kun, can we make a quick stop at the convenience store on the way home?"
"I don't mind."
"The supermarket might be cheaper, and has a larger assortment, but it'd be too much of a detour. I just have to buy some mustard since we ran out a while ago."
"Why mustard?"
"I was thinking of making oden1tonight."
"Ahhh… Well, it's been awfully chilly these past few days, so that makes sense."
"I've been in a hot pot kind of mood since yesterday. We do have the ingredients, but it'll be more of a vegetarian hot pot than anything."
"Which makes it healthier, so I'm down. But if there's anything else we need to buy, just let me know. I'll carry the stuff."
"Thanks... Um, did I say something weird just now?" Ayase-san blinked at me in confusion.
Probably because I had snickered a second before.
"No no, not at all. Sorry." I apologized and explained myself. "Up to this point, fashion and matching of outfits and all that shtick felt like an entirely different dimension. Like I had been transported to a different world."
"It wasn't that bad, right?"
"I'm serious. That's how it felt to me. And yet we're now suddenly talking about today's dinner. It made me feel like I came back to the reality I know best."
"Dwelling in the aftertaste?"
"Not really. I've had enough of that different world for today. Right now, I just wanna go home and eat some steaming hot oden. To be honest, I'm a bit tired."
"No wonder. But I hope you get lots of chances to wear your new outfit."
"You bet. As often as possible, considering you're the one who picked it out for me."
To my demise, I only realized what I had said after the fact. That statement made it sound like I was hoping that we would go on lots more dates from now on, didn't it? I was panicking internally, but Ayase-san flashed me her usual awkward smile with a brief 'You're right,' so I was most likely just worried for nothing. And with that embarrassing statement as the finale, my first date with Ayase-san ended.
At roughly 7 pm, we finished our shopping trip at the nearest convenience store and made our way back to our house. We slipped through the illuminated entrance and pressed the button to call the elevator.
"By the way, how did I do today?"
Ayase-san muttered these words so quietly that at first I failed to realize this question was directed at me.
"For what?"
"Was I easier to talk to, easier to have around, or did you notice anything else that was different about me?"
I stopped in my tracks and turned towards her. Thanks to the LED lights from the ceiling, I could easily make out her entire appearance. Just to make sure, I once again observed her from head to toe. She's still wearing the same outfit from before: A knitted top with a moss green jacket. Since it's gotten a lot more chilly the past few hours, she had kept her jacket buttoned up. In other words, she probably isn't talking about the accessory she had on her chest.
Her hairstyle's the same as always, too. She didn't change it at all, nor did she tie it up with a hair tie. I couldn't make out any extensions either, so she shouldn't be asking about her hair. But she's making it sound like there's something different about her today… Where? Her nails? Perfume? I had that marked down when we first left the apartment. Her pale pink nails looked great on her, but that seemed to have no connection to her hint of 'Easier to talk to,' so I could rule those out.
As for her perfume… No, hold on. There's no way I could just scooch closer to her and get a good whiff. Her fragrance may have been more of a soothing type today, but considering Ayase-san's personality, it seemed a bit too far-fetched to bet on that. Also, I don't remember Ayase-san being the type of person who'd ask me a "Find the difference" kind of question. What's going on?
Something that's different… Ah. Could it possibly be the thing that was bothering me all day?
"Your expression, maybe?"
"Exactly."
"You were holding back your laughter, right?" I asked.
"I tried to be more amiable." She said at the same time.
We both spoke at the same time, yet said two entirely different things. Our gazes shot towards each other. What did she just say?
"I was worried the entire time, thinking that something about my outfit was off. Your expression seemed like you were trying to hold yourself back from laughing." I explained.
Trying to cover up my emotions and thoughts would only tip the scales of the situation in the wrong direction. The alarm sirens in my head were ringing like a fire had broken out. A shiver crept up my back, urging me to immediately discuss this before a terrible misunderstanding could befall us. My previous exchanges with Ayase-san were the basis of experience for that.
"That's not… I told you, right? You're fine the way you are."
"Sorry, but I just didn't have enough confidence in myself."
"So that's what it seemed like to you…" Ayase-san slumped her shoulders in defeat, filling me with inexplicable guilt. "I was trying to seem more approachable… to be more fun to have around…"
"Oh, that… Sorry."
"I guess this sort of stuff is too hard for me… And now we've both said something that isn't much like us, huh?" Ayase-san said and returned her expression to the one I was used to.
The elevator arrived at our floor. The lights turned on and the doors opened. Ayase-san stepped into it first, with me following after her since I was carrying everything we had bought in both hands. She pressed the button for our floor, and I spoke up as the doors slid closed.
"But I think you're fine the way you usually act. It's who you are, after all."
"Wha…?"
The way she holds her expression and her attitude are all things she's worked hard for, so it'd be a waste to try to change that. With no response forthcoming from Ayase-san, the elevator slowly moved upwards.
That night, while I was working on some math problems I had previously struggled with, I received a LINE message from Shinjou. Content-wise, it seemed to be a continuation of the exchange we had this afternoon.
'I talked to her again during dinner, and she actually thought pretty highly of the outfit you were wearing. She said that most of my friends try to dress up to the point that it only bites them in the ass, and she liked that you didn't do any of that.'
It appeared as if the word 'normal' in her vocabulary didn't mean 'cringe' or 'lame,' and that it instead held more of a positive meaning. Part of me wished that she'd made that clear from the very beginning, as it could have saved me from a lot of pain and agony, but I kept my complaints to myself and sent him a brief 'Thanks.' I think this result is something I've obtained thanks to being lost and taking detours. Sometimes that's better than taking the direct path.
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1 Japanese winter dish consisting of several ingredients such as boiled eggs, daikon radish, konnyaku, and processed fish cakes stewed in a light, soy-flavored dashi broth.
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