Chapter 29: Chapter 4
25th of August (Tuesday)
After waking up, I remained in my bed, thinking to myself. Did I mess up yesterday?
"I probably did, huh?"
The voice I let out to my room's ceiling didn't reach anybody's ears, and came back down to me again. I turned my head to the side and checked the time of day. It was already noon, but I was still sleepy. Because of all that had happened yesterday, and myself pondering about it all night, I didn't get much sleep. Just how can I break Ayase-san's stiff and thick-skinned consciousness? After all, Ayase-san's mentality feels sharp and sturdy at the same time. Yet it was frail all the same.
After living with Ayase-san for the past two months, I've at least learned a lot about her. Even more so since we've been working together each day at our part-time job. If I had to guess, Ayase-san's thought process probably went something like this.
Being a child means you get things given to you for free. Basically, you're much more on the taking side than the giving side. When she was a child, she was as normal as any other child, asking her mother for ice cream, or that she would take her to the pool. She was always asking to take. Of course, that made perfect sense, and that's how things are meant to be. However, Ayase-san doesn't feel that way. That's what's so crucial about this.
Because of her family's circumstances, Ayase-san stopped her childish days early in her upper years of grade school. She couldn't allow herself to stay a child anymore. The world works on give & take relationships, but she chose to live more on the giving end of the spectrum. This was probably her own way of making up for her days as a child when she lived on the take side, under the wrong impression that she had troubled her mother by it.
She wanted to grow up as quickly as possible and ease her burden on her mother. Being given something for free probably reminds her of her dark past when she was a child. She would think that as soon as she was a bit selfish, she would only increase the burden on her mother. What irony. After all, Akiko-san herself told me the opposite is true.
'I wanted her to be able to stay a child for longer.'
I felt my chest grow heavy just thinking about this. Even though they both care about each other, they want the wrong things. The mother wants her daughter to stay a child for a bit longer, whereas the child wants to become an adult as quickly as possible. Making both parties happy is impossible. They contradict each other, after all. Not even adjusting worked. Ayase-san was still a child after all.
Maybe the current Ayase-san might have been able to come to terms with Akiko-san if they had talked it out and tried adjusting to each other. However, Ayase-san swallowed all of that and climbed the stairs to adulthood. She tried to carry her own burdens as early as possible, which resulted in this twisted thought process of self-reproach. That's why she can't obtain any composure, can't play around with an innocent heart. She can't forgive herself for the honest desire of simply going to the pool.
'I don't have the time to go to the pool. I really don't.'
Ayase-san's expression was as dry as ever when she said those words, but her voice sounded like she was putting on an act. But I'm the one at fault for not being able to say anything. If I were some kind of protagonist out of a story and chose a more dramatic sequence of events to attempt to persuade Ayase-san, maybe she would have changed her thought process about this…
No, that's not right. I shouldn't be running away from reality like this. If I want to save her, then I need to come up with an even sturdier plan. While I was thinking that, my alarm rang. It really was time for me to get up. So, after turning off the alarm, I slowly lifted myself out of bed.
I got up roughly between breakfast and lunch. I stood in the living room, wondering what to make. What should I eat? Or should I just wait until lunchtime rolls around? Normally, Ayase-san would be awake to make breakfast before my old man even left for his work, but she seemed to still be asleep. The proof of that was the dining table. Times like these happen. We can't always count on Ayase-san to make breakfast for us after all. Even back when we were in our end-of-term exam period, both my old man and Akiko-san didn't let Ayase-san make breakfast.
Anyway, as for my own stomach, I'm hungry. Maybe I should toast some bread. Right when I was considering what to do, the living room door opened.
"…Ah."
"Good morning, Ayase-san."
"…Morning."
She looked awfully sleepy. Her eyelids didn't even look like they were fully open. Even her usual dignified atmosphere she would keep up at home had vanished elsewhere. She was even wearing her clothes not nearly as neatly as usual. Both her attack and defense powers had gone down drastically.
"Did you not get much sleep?"
"I did get a bit… after 6am."
I don't think you could really call that 'sleeping.' It must have been light outside by that point already. That's all-nighter territory.
"Why not get a bit more sleep? We don't have work until the evening."
"I'm fine. …What time is it right now?" She said, turning her head to look at the clock on the wall.
Her eyes had looked drowsy, but they suddenly opened wide in shock.
"Eh…? It's this late…?" Saying this, she looked at the dining table.
Naturally, nothing was there.
"Oh no, did he even have anything to eat?"
"No worries, it looks like he had some bread."
A plate with toast crumbs on it was in the sink, although it didn't seem like he had time to put it in the dishwasher. He at least put away the butter or jam or whatever he had used back into the fridge. Well, before Ayase-san and Akiko-san came to live here, our breakfasts were usually like this. If we even ate anything, that is. So there's no reason for Ayase-san to feel guilty.
I tried to reassure Ayase-san, but she didn't seem to hear what I said. She bit her lip in frustration at her own mistake.
"This is the first time I've overslept like this."
"Maybe the exhaustion just built up? You can get some more rest, it's fine."
"That's… I'm really sorry! You haven't eaten anything yet, Asamura-kun. I'll make something right away."
Ayase-san was clearly out of the loop. Not to mention she had large bags beneath her eyes.
"Ayase-san." I called out to her with a strong voice.
"Y-Ye… s…?"
"I want you to hear me out without running away."
"Eh… um, what is it?"
"Listen. When you first moved in here, do you remember what you told me?"
She let out a surprised voice. I guess she still does remember.
"…It really helps that we can 'adjust' so easily…?"
I nodded. That's exactly it. That was the first time we had shown our cards to each other. We exchanged information and decided to adjust to each other's wishes and desires. That's why I continued speaking.
"Right now, I've judged that you're clearly sleep-deprived, Ayase-san. You can try and argue against it, make up counterarguments against me, but just look at yourself in the mirror. I don't want you to make food in that kind of state. I'm worried that you'll actually harm yourself. You can take a seat on a chair, but I'll make the food. That is my honest opinion."
"Urk… But I said I would be the one who makes the food."
"Principle is principle. You've gotta adjust to the situation and live with the ad hoc approach. Today, your mission isn't to make food, but to get some proper rest."
"B-But…"
"I normally wouldn't say this to you either, Ayase-san. You said so yourself, right? You've never overslept like this before, have you?"
"...No."
"So this is an irregular situation. You don't need to force yourself to do the same as always. Come on, just have a seat. Of course, you can also go back and get some more sleep." I said. I pulled out the chair Ayase-san always sat on.
The floor made a faint screeching sound in response.
"I'm just missing a bit of sleep, okay?"
"I know, but a sleep-deprived Ayase-san has the right to sit on this chair, so come on."
"…Okay." Ayase-san seemed to have resigned herself to her fate. She sat down on the chair.
This might be the first time I've seen Ayase-san act this weak. But more importantly…
"Do you want a slice of toast?"
She replied with a nod, so I took out one slice for her and one for me and stuffed them into the toaster. I also took out butter and jam from the fridge and placed them in front of Ayase-san. Along with the butter knife and spoon, of course. I also spotted some leftover ham and took it out of the fridge as well.
"Do you want me to fry the ham? I feel like you're always doing that."
"I like it that way, yeah."
"You also like it a bit crispy, right?"
"…I like it that way, yeah."
"I understand. It's really good that way."
Since we were in mutual agreement, I took out a frying pan, put some oil in it, and turned on the heat to gently sear the ham. A sizzling sound rang out, and it made me feel even more hungry. Why is it that the sizzling sound of a frying pan makes you feel that way? I put the golden-brown bread on a plate and brought it to the dining table. I did the same with the finished ham, which was slightly burnt on the corners, adding some black pepper on top of it. This is what Ayase-san always does. Huh? Does she do that before grilling it? I don't know. Just then something else came to mind, and I opened up the fridge. We still had some milk left.
"Do you want some hot milk?"
"Hot milk in this heat…?"
"The A/C's working, so it's pretty cool in this room, right? If you're going to take another nap, drinking something warm should help later." I said, and Ayase-san grew quiet in response.
"…I'll take some, then."
"Gotcha."
I poured some milk in a cup, warmed it in the microwave, and set it down in front of her. I made some barley tea for myself and put it in front of myself. I put my hands together.
"Then, let's eat. Some vegetables added to the menu might be better, though."
"It's more than enough… Thanks for the food." Ayase-san muttered. She put some butter on her bread, and ham on top, biting into it.
I did the same thing. For a while, the two of us just continued to eat, not saying a word. However, that one slice of bread was eaten fairly quickly, so Ayase-san next focused on her cup of hot milk. I looked at my own empty cup and considered getting another one. While I was thinking that, a sigh escaped Ayase-san's lips. She put down the cup, which made a quiet clink.
"I've been thinking…" She said, and took another sip from her hot milk, almost like it was a special item she required in order to muster up her courage to speak.
"…I don't mind going to the pool." I had been reaching to pour myself another glass of barley tea, but my hand stopped halfway.
Slightly surprised, I turned towards Ayase-san again.
"You suddenly felt like going?"
Right now. Before going to bed, I was really against the idea of going, but… No, that's not right. I was wavering."
"Until 6am?"
"Until 6am."
"But now you feel like going?"
Ayase-san nodded.
"When I woke up this morning… I thought that maybe it wouldn't hurt. But I couldn't really say it."
While I listened to Ayase-san, I felt all strength vanish from my body. I was close to turning into a jellyfish on my chair. I didn't need any dramatic developments after all. In the end, Ayase-san just slept on it for one night and changed her mind. That's all it took.
I guess… this is just much more realistic after all. It made sense to me at least. What you need in reality isn't some guy who'd move mountains, but simply a small event like that. I read in a book before that the smallest trigger can change a person's fundamental thought process.
"But there's one problem."
Huh?
"And it's a very crucial problem that also involves you, Asamura-kun."
"You can't swim? I don't think I'm good enough to teach you."
"No, I can swim, okay?"
"Figures~"
I half-expected that not to be the reason. In reality, the real problem was indeed much more grave than I anticipated, and most certainly involved me.
"Since I didn't plan to go to the pool that day, I have a shift then. I think you do as well, Asamura-kun."
"What's the day for the pool trip?"
"The day after tomorrow, the 27th."
"Woah… seriously?"
"Yup, dead serious."
We have tomorrow, the 26th, off, and our next shift is on the 27th. That's a bit troublesome. Just when I got Ayase-san to agree, we can't even go to the pool in the first place. After I pondered about it for a bit, I put forth to Ayase-san several ways of dealing with this problem.
"Since you really want to go, let's do something about it."
"Can we?"
"Well, this happens a lot, so we should be fine."
"So it happens a lot…"
"Yeah, we'll just ask for a change in shifts. Simple, right?" I said in a way that was supposed to make me sound confident.
Although it was a simple idea, it could prove very difficult to execute in reality, and I was fully aware of that.
The time of day had progressed to the point where the boiling and sizzling heat started to cool down a bit. More accurately, it was your average 4pm afternoon in Shibuya. A burnt smell drifted upwards from the asphalt, and Ayase-san and I walked next to each other as we made our way to work. We decided to head to work early so that we could ask the manager for a change of shifts.
I mentioned this before, but when it came to us travelling together, we had to adjust to each other either with the bike or by foot. Naturally, neither Ayase-san nor I enjoyed showing such consideration, but now we had a proper reason to. Though I never expected that we'd go to work together because of such a reason.
"It's gotten more cloudy, huh? Thank goodness." Ayase-san looked up at the sky as she muttered to herself.
Just as she had said, half of the sky was covered with clouds. Then again, there was still blue sky visible, so it hasn't gotten darker or anything, but at least it cooled down a bit. It was a tad bit more comfortable outside thanks to that. After Ayase-san looked up at the sky while covering half her face with her hand, she adjusted the bag she had over her shoulder. It was a fairly big bag, but it contained the uniform she was taking home with her every day after all.
Today, Ayase-san gave a different impression compared to usual. She was wearing a brightly-colored top that had both sleeves and collar attached, not showing much skin at all. Where you'd wear a necktie, she had something like a small ribbon. In Ayase-san's terms, it didn't have much attack damage, but a lot of defense at least. Mind your manners when attempting negotiation. Maybe what I said is the reason she's wearing these clothes.
Well, she did give off the impression that she was reliable and hardworking. However, she still kept her ear piercings in, almost like they were a honeybee's stinger, warning anyone who dared to attack, which was also very much like Ayase-san. Also, I feel like her clothes would be getting really hot right about now.
"Aren't you hot dressed like that? You won't get a heatstroke, right?"
"It just got more cloudy, so I'm fine."
"Did you get some sleep?"
"Sure did. Two whole hours."
I feel like that's still not nearly enough, but pressing that matter any further would posit no benefit at all, and it would make it seem like I was treating Ayase-san like a child. I don't want her to go back to being a child by any means. As I was thinking that, our conversation ended, and there was nothing more to really talk about, so the two of us walked next to each other without saying a word.
With the ambient noise of the cars stuck in traffic, and the trucks driving around through town playing advertisements at a volume loud enough to bother the neighborhood, I once again realized that this indeed was Shibuya. Almost like Ayase-san had waited for a change of atmosphere, she suddenly spoke up.
"Sorry about yesterday."
"About the whole pool thing?"
"That too, but one more thing. When you came in to work with Yomiuri-senpai, I might have said something rude."
"Ahh…"
That conversation felt a bit off, yeah. She mentioned that, as a family, she could be reassured if I was that close with Yomiuri-senpai, and although the person in question laughed it off as a joke, I did indeed feel like this wasn't exactly Ayase-san's usual style. When a man and woman walk around outside together, they usually are regarded as a couple. This kind of stereotype might appear in your head, but isn't really something to direct at others, which was probably her train of thought.
"It's against our promise to hide any of these feelings, right? It's fine, I can disclose that, surely." Ayase-san almost sounded like she was telling herself, and continued with an uneasy tone. "If anything, I'd like you to be honest if you were dating."
"I see. Why is that?"
"I don't know… Let me leave it at that."
I thought it sounded weird. Like she knew, but couldn't answer. First she pries into my relationship with Yomiuri-senpai, and now she's not even looking me in the eyes. Both of these felt so profound in meaning that I found my heart beating harder as if I were expecting something.
—Expecting something? Get a grip already, Asamura Yuuta.
I forced my heart that was about to leap ahead to calm down and carefully waited for what Ayase-san would say next.
"After working together with her, I realized just how good of a person she is."
"Yeah, you're right."
"She's kind, considerate, and a beauty to boot. She's clever and knows pretty much everything, and you won't even get tired from talking with her because of her unique humor."
"Though she's a bit of a slacker. And you can't forget her dirty jokes."
"That's not a defect, you'd call it charm, okay? …Well, maybe I'm just not too familiar with her yet. You've been working with her much longer than I have after all. Why am I holding a presentation about Yomiuri-san?" Ayase-san made a wry smile.
I wanted to ask the same thing. Just what is she trying to say?
"I just thought that she wouldn't be too bad as an 'Older sister', you know. I really shouldn't have said something that would restrict your freedom, so I'm sorry." Ayase-san went to explain her odd reaction from yesterday.
It's almost like she had prepared a note beforehand with the contents of what she wanted to talk about, and was just reading it word by word from memory inside her brain. Hey, are those your true feelings? Doubt filled my mind, but I ignored it. She said that she would properly explain what unsure and hazy feelings she had, and had revealed her hand. If I were to doubt any part of that and assume that there was a lie mixed in there, it would destroy the entire premise of our relationship. So really my only viable response is to nod.
"Okay, that's fine. There's no need to apologize anymore."
"Got it."
That's enough. We'll forget about this incident and let grass grow over it. This is our relationship, one that's the most comfortable for both Ayase-san and I. However, for some reason I can't explain, it felt like something was stuck inside my throat, leaving a bitter aftertaste and feeling of discomfort I couldn't explain.
As we approached the train station, the number of people around us grew. Even though it wasn't even time for the salarymen to check out from work, there were men wearing neckties and suits, and the clacking sound of high heels everywhere. There were even some students mixed in the mass. I realized something when I stopped my bike in the parking lot. I audibly clicked my tongue, and Ayase-san looked at me in shock.
"What's wrong?"
"Say, Ayase-san."
"What?"
"If we're going home together as well, why did I even bring my bike with me?"
Couldn't I have just left it at home if we went to work and would come home from work together?
"Eh?" Ayase-san looked at me like I just said something weird. "Because you had a reason to do so, right?"
"No, not at all. It was just out of habit."
"W-Well, that happens from time to time… Pfft."
"Habits are terrifying things, huh?"
"I'll leave it at that."
Her eyes were smiling. She made fun of my failure. Well… recently, she's always been a bit tense, so I'd much prefer her to smile at my expense than not to at all. Either way, I parked my bike in the parking lot, walked back to where Ayase-san was waiting for me, and entered the employee area. There, we ran into a senior of ours and asked where the store manager was. When we opened the door to the office, the store manager was sitting at the window side of the room, at a number of desks forming an island.
"Oh… Asamura-kun and Asamura-san… Ah, no, Ayase-san, was it? Hello, you two."
I can't blame him for saying the wrong name. On our family register and on paper, Ayase-san's real name was now Asamura Saki. Our parents didn't go through a common-law marriage, but simply put their names together on the family register, which is why our entire family is Asamura now. However, at school or at work, where convenience demands it, Ayase-san goes by her old name. It's also not like our family is anything special. With recent marriages, the names register, family names, and even used email accounts of the adults stay the same for convenience's sake, or so I've heard.
For Ayase-san, this work was a place with new relationships to form, so she considered calling herself 'Asamura Saki,' but she apparently didn't want to receive any kind of special treatment because she's my little sister, or something like that. In the end, she started working with her name remaining 'Ayase.' Since I always call her 'Ayase-san,' none of the other employees had found out.
"Hello store manager. I was hoping to bother you for a second…"
"Hm?"
Realizing that we hadn't ended the conversation with just a greeting, the store manager raised his head. Although he was barely in his late thirties, he managed to rise up to become a store manager, which showed his skill hidden behind his kindness.
"What's up?"
"I'm sorry to suddenly bring this up… The two of us, Ayase-san and I, have the day off tomorrow the 26th, and have a shift the day after tomorrow on the 27th, but we were wondering if we could switch those shifts."
"Switch the shifts…? That sure is abrupt. Did something happen?"
"Umm."
If we came up with any half-baked lie, it would only risk everything, and I really didn't want to lose this job. What's important is that we weren't lying, but that we also didn't explain anything that wasn't absolutely necessary. That's why I said the following.
"A friend suddenly invited us somewhere."
The store manager knows that Ayase-san and I attend the same school. That's why we told him that a common friend of ours invited us. Narasaka-san might be closer to Ayase-san, but she also treats me somewhat like a friend, or that's the feeling I get at least from our interactions. Ayase-san continued.
"Yesterday, she came back from a trip."
That's also not a lie. Narasaka-san just returned from a trip yesterday. That also explained the reason why she didn't try to contact me until now. It makes sense. She wouldn't contact some random guy like me when she's out enjoying her vacation. But she did tell Ayase-san about it. However, the fact that it was 'suddenly' wasn't entirely true. Ayase-san had known about this for a while, but I didn't. That's why I mentioned that, whereas Ayase-san commented on the whole trip thing.
Even without lying, you can hide the truth in some way. Though it doesn't feel very comfortable to use this kind of negotiation method. This is where things are important, so we need to put our all into it.
"I know that we're being selfish here, but is there any chance we can switch shifts?" I bowed deeply, and Ayase-san followed suit.
"Hmm, give me a moment." The store manager said, typing away on his computer.
He must be looking at the shift schedule right now.
"Both of you two, huh…?"
As he was doing so, I glanced over at Ayase-san's expression, filled with worry. Now then, how will things go from here on out? If he rejects our request, then we have to come up with something else. Of course, we can't just disagree or skip work, but I also don't want to force any negotiations and ruin the good relationship we have.
"The 27th is a Thursday, right?" The store manager said. He picked up the phone and called someone.
It must have been another staff member who was a candidate to trade their shift with us. After exchanging a few words, he hung up. That happened two times.
"It should be fine. Both people working tomorrow are veterans who have no problem having their shifts changed, so switching with you should work."
"Really!?"
"Yeah." The store manager continued with a grin. "So because of that, I expect you to work a whole lot tomorrow."
It was a perfect example of a candy and whip. Well, there's no way a high school student could win against an adult. Maybe he saw right through our excuse immediately. However, that doesn't matter as long as we get to go to the pool that day. That's plenty enough of a success for us. For now, we thanked the store manager.
"Yes, we'll do our best!"
"Y-Yes, we will!"
We both lowered our heads deeply and stepped out of the office. After we closed the door, Ayase-san let out a sigh.
"Thank goodness."
"Glad it all worked out, right?"
"I think I might have been the most nervous I've been in my entire life there."
"I seriously doubt that."
We changed into our uniforms and began our shift. Today, our job was to put the newly-delivered books on the bookshelves. With a trolley in hand, we walked around the forest of bookshelves.
"Ayase-san, next is… Over there. It's a technical book."
"Understood, Asamura-san." She said, taking several books out of the cardboard box on the trolley and walking ahead to the next shelf, as pushing the trolley over there would just be a waste of time.
She put the books into the empty spaces of the bookshelf and I pulled the trolley after her a moment afterwards. After that, I helped her.
"Saving time like this is great."
"You're even more amazing, Asamura-san. Knowing the locations of the shelves really helps our overall efficiency a lot."
"I don't remember where everything is or anything."
Today's new arrivals were more of the genres I was interested in, which was why I knew at a first glance which shelf they belonged to. It was just a lucky case today, nothing more. In the end, the cardboard box ended up empty a solid 15 minutes before we anticipated.
"Alright, then let's take a break."
"Yeah."
We returned the trolley to the back storage and then headed to the break room together. We poured some cold tea into two plastic cups and sat down.
"Say, Asamura-kun." Ayase-san suddenly spoke up.
Since it was just the two of us in the break room, she switched back to calling me how she would at home. After she gulped down the contents of her cup, she stood up to get another fill. She let out a sigh, and continued.
"It's not that you don't have any friends, but rather that you don't try to make any, right?"
"I'm not actively avoiding it or anything."
"But are you conscious of that fact? You're not, are you?"
"Yeah, I don't really care all that much."
"I see."
"Well, you're not wrong. It's not that I'm desperate for friends."
It's not that I don't want any, I just don't go around actively searching.
"To be perfectly honest, I never thought that we could change shifts so easily… No, that's not it. I was just scared of negotiating for it. Since I didn't want to, I subconsciously made myself think that it was impossible."
"I'm just used to it. I've switched my shift several times before."
"Doesn't that just show you have much more experience in communication than I do?"
I had never thought about it that way.
"…I guess you could say that."
"When we entered the bookstore today, you went to ask a senior where the store manager was, and even when we were negotiating with him, you were always resolute and confident, saying exactly what you wanted and needed to… So I thought you don't seem like someone who struggles with communication."
"You're just overestimating me."
I'm not that skilled or anything. I've just been working here long enough that I can talk with everybody easily enough.
"When it's a place that expects earnestness from you, it's just much easier. That's the reason you think that it's some kind of insane communication skill."
"I can't do that."
"You can. Once you get used to this kind of work, you can. Also, you're already doing plenty of it. From how I see it, being able to indulge in friendships where no concrete and shared rules exist is far more difficult. I… I'm not good at that at all. So to me, you're much more skilled at communication than I am."
"…That's not…"
It is true. She might not have said it out loud, but the reason she found her place easily in the family is because she decided on the rules with me from the very beginning. Now that she finally feels motivated to go to the pool, I definitely can't tell her this, but I'm the one who's far more anxious now. After all, we're going to the pool. Together. Honestly speaking, I can probably hold a proper conversation with Ayase-san, and maybe Narasaka-san, but I don't have the confidence that I can have fun with our other classmates around. Even though the day I would be doing so was approaching rapidly.
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