Chapter 103: April 21st (Wednesday) – Asamura Yuuta
I felt a light in the back of my eyes and slowly opened my eyelids.
Beyond the gap in my curtains, the sun peeked through the narrow space between the buildings.
"…!"
This is bad.
Memories of last night came flooding back to me. I remember wrapping Ayase-san in a towelket as she clung to me and holding her until she calmed down. I remember feeling her warm body and quiet breathing. And, I remember being overcome by sleep myself.
In our flat. With my old man and Akiko-san here.
Kindergarten-aged siblings spending a night hugging each other in the same bed might be all well and good, but two high school-aged siblings? There's no way that's common in modern Japan unless they were stuck on some snow-covered mountain in a disaster, right? It might also happen if the siblings were extremely close, but... that's not the point; Ayase-san and I aren't blood-related in the first place.
Put simply, we're just a boy and a girl who happen to like each other. Wait a sec, wouldn't it be even worse if we were blood-related? The ethics of sibling love are pretty complicated.
...Where's Ayase-san?
There was no sign of her sleeping beside me. Had she woken up before me and left the room?
I hurriedly sat up, and the blanket around my shoulders slipped down.
A blanket? I looked down at the fabric gathered around my waist, trying to remember. The only thing I put over her was a towelket. The air conditioner had stopped, and the room's temperature had dropped considerably since dawn. Most likely, Ayase-san had put this blanket on me.
I held the soft fabric in my hand, but the warmth was already gone. That absence made me remember the heat I had felt beside me, and my cheeks grew hot. I can't believe I fell asleep like that. But the warmth of her slim body I'd held was so comforting. That's why I was scared to lose it. Just a slight movement felt like it would make it disappear, and I couldn't bring myself to move my body.
It was like a cat lover not wanting to wake a cat sleeping on their lap—well, maybe not.
I fell asleep without changing into my PJs. I looked down at my wrinkled clothes with a frown, then looked around the dimly lit room again.
As I thought, Ayase-san was nowhere to be seen.
I turned on the light, stood up, and checked the door. Unlocked. She probably woke up earlier and left the room. Ayase-san had locked the door from the inside when she came in, so I don't think she was seen by my old man or Akiko-san. Still, I'd been way too careless this time.
Checking the time, it was already past 7 in the morning, and if I went back to sleep, I'll be late for sure. I have no choice but to get up.
Imagining the awkwardness of facing my old man and Ayase-san (Akiko-san was probably still asleep) made my feet feel heavy, but I can't just stay in my room forever. I braced myself and left the room.
I washed my face in the bathroom. The cold water on my face helped wash away the haziness in my heart.
"Phew…"
I took a deep breath and headed to the dining room.
When I opened the door, Ayase-san was there. Our eyes met as she turned around—
And she looked away.
It was unnaturally quick. Then again, I could hardly hold Ayase-san's awkwardness against her, because I looked away at the same time.
She'd already changed into her school uniform and was wearing an apron over the top of it. She'd woken up without issue and made breakfast for us—making me feel guilty for sleeping so soundly and ashamed for not doing my share.
My heart was pounding too fast and I couldn't calm my nerves.
Without looking at her face, I spoke.
"Good morning…"
"Mm. Good morning."
Ayase-san's response was also pretty awkward.
I glanced at my old man sitting at the dining table. He's probably reading the newspaper on his tablet and didn't look up. Ah, that's a relief.
As I sat down at the table, I clapped my hands together in thanks for the food in front of me. Today, we had grilled salmon filets, roasted seaweed, and grated daikon radish—a very traditional Japanese breakfast.
With a light thud, a bowl of rice was plonked down in front of me. Steam rose from the shiny white grains. It looks delicious.
"Here you go," Ayase-san said as she removed her apron.
"Thanks."
Our eyes met for a moment, but we both quickly looked away. Well, this is awkward.
"Let's eat…"
"Hm, what's wrong?"
My old man was looking at me.
"Nothing."
"You're unusually quiet. Looks like you're going to be late, everything okay?"
"I'm cutting it close, but I'll be fine."
"If you're in a hurry, you can leave the dishes and go. I can clean up since I have a late start at work today."
"No, it's fine, I can do it."
I broke apart the grilled salmon filet with my chopsticks, drizzled soy sauce on it, and put it on the rice. I scooped up the rice and salmon with chopsticks and brought it to my mouth in one go. The salmon was grilled just right, still moist, and the rice was fluffy and easy to chew. The juice from the fish, white rice, and soy sauce mixed together as I chewed, creating an indescribable deliciousness, but I didn't have enough time to savor it properly today. Chewing slowly is better for the stomach and overall health, but if I didn't finish in five minutes, I'd be late.
For now, I'll have to overlook my health a bit and hurry up and eat.
Ayase-san grabbed her bag and turned her back to us.
"Well, I'm off."
I watched her back as she disappeared into the entryway. My old man called out, "Take care!"
I hurriedly called out too.
"Take care!"
"Yuuta, it's bad manners if you don't finish chewing first."
"Ah, yeah."
I know that, but I also want to properly send her off when she leaves and greet her when she comes home.
I heard the faint sound of the front door closing as I continued eating.
"Hey, Yuuta," my old man said in a low voice.
I felt my heart jump.
"...Uh, yeah?"
"Don't stay up too late. It's a waste if you ruin your health."
"Oh, that's what it was."
"Huh?"
"Oh, no, don't worry. I wasn't up that late."
"Is that so? Well, that's fine then."
Sorry, Dad. It wasn't that I stayed up late; it was more like I went to bed early. And it wasn't because I was studying late; I fell asleep while holding Ayase-san—when I tried to put that into words it felt incredibly immoral.
But, I couldn't spill the beans about Ayase-san to my old man without her knowing. If I got to the point where I needed to tell him someday, I'd only do it after I talked to her about it first.
…Can I really do that?
When I think about telling my old man and Akiko-san about our relationship, I feel a sense of nervousness and guilt.
No, not guilt exactly, but─
A hesitation to come clean about it, I guess.
Oh no, it's time to go!
"Thanks for the food!"
I hurriedly cleared the dishes away and rushed out of the door.
I smelled a floral scent as I rode my bike to school. I didn't have time to think on what kind of scent it was, though.
It was a morning at the end of spring.
***
During class I found myself reflecting on the events of the morning.
I can't help feeling we'd been a whisker away from getting caught. What Ayase-san and I had done was something real siblings simply don't do, in normal circumstances at least. I'm genuinely relieved we weren't discovered, but by the same token, it feels like we missed another chance.
If we weren't siblings, it wouldn't be strange for us to act like a normal high school couple… still, it's not something we should just flaunt in people's faces.
Then there's the hesitation I feel about coming clean.
I lost myself in thought trying to figure out the root cause of that feeling.
As a result, I couldn't focus on the morning classes, and before I knew it, it was lunchtime.
"Yo, Asamura!"
I looked up when someone called my name.
"Yoshida?"
"Zoning out again, man? What's it this time? Whatever, let's grab lunch in the cafeteria."
The school cafeteria, huh? Usually, I just grabbed some bread from the school store, but I didn't have enough time to eat properly this morning so I was pretty starving.
"Alright, sounds good."
I grabbed my wallet out of my bag and stood up. I glanced over at Ayase-san. As usual, she was surrounded by girls, Class Rep included. They had pushed their desks together, forming an island.
Lately, it seems like they often eat together like that. I don't know what Ayase-san did for lunch in second year, but like me, she probably either ate alone or occasionally with Narasaka-san.
I guess Ayase-san's surroundings had changed a fair bit since we started our third year.
But… what about me?
As I trailed behind Yoshida, who set a brisk pace for some reason, I again tried to puzzle out the hesitance I felt towards my old man this morning. Yet, my thoughts were spinning in circles, and I struggled to grasp the feeling. At times like this, Maru would usually notice and casually lend me his ear so I could talk about my concerns... But this is my own problem and it's a mistake to think that someone else should care about it. I have to find a way to solve it myself—
"We're here."
"Ah, right."
I snapped back to reality.
Yoshida was putting his phone back in his pocket.
"Huh? Phone call?"
"Nah, just a message. Don't worry."
Saying that he opened the sliding door to the cafeteria.
The Suisei High cafeteria is built adjacent to a long building housing the sports clubs' locker rooms and the pool. Surprisingly spacious inside, there are more than ten tables that could seat about six people each. But, while it could accommodate the equivalent of two or three classrooms' worth of students, it isn't very popular among the general student body due to having limited menu options. I've heard from Maru that the cafeteria was a popular spot for the athletic clubs' members, who would gather there with the hungry eyes of starving tigers.
The interior resembled a self-service soba noodle shop. You choose the menu item you want from a ticket machine near the entrance, then line up at the counter with your ticket.
Many of the students in line were clearly athletes, judging by their large builds.
"Check it out, the portions are massive here."
"Yeah."
"The taste is kinda mid though, nothing special."
I smiled wryly at Yoshida's honest opinion.
"No worries, I'm kind of hungry right now anyway."
Yoshida chose katsudon[1], and I went with chikuwa[1] tempura udon. Yoshida wasn't lying, there was a lot of food per serving. Even the tempura pieces were piled high.
[1: Katsudon: A Japanese dish made with deep-fried pork cutlets, eggs, and onions served over a bowl of rice.
Chikuwa: A type of Japanese fish cake made from fish paste and wheat flour, used in various dishes like soups, stews, and stir-fries.]
I put the plate on my tray and looked around for an empty seat.
"Asamura, over here."
"Huh?"
For whatever reason, I walked towards the table without even glancing to the side. I took a seat across from Yoshida, tilting my head in confusion.
A girl sitting diagonally across from me bowed her head.
"Thank you for your help the other day."
—Hm?
I recognized her voice and looked up. I was certain she'd been addressing me, but I'm sure I don't remember knowing this girl... Ah, it's her.
"No, no, I didn't do anything. Yoshida did most of it."
"Yep, true."
"You're really going to talk up yourself like that?"
After that playful jab, I turned my attention towards the girl.
With a round face and her hair in loose twin tails, this girl's name was—
"Makihara-san, right?"
"Yay, you remembered me. Yes, I'm Makihara. Thank you for taking care on the school trip."
She's the girl who collapsed from anemia during our school trip. Yoshida and I took her to the hotel where we were staying, with Makihara-san riding on his back for much of it. She was slim with white skin that looked like porcelain. I heard she was a little on the frail side.
"So yeah, Yuka wanted to thank you again."
…Yuka?
"Ah, I see."
I somehow managed to guess who he was talking about.
So they planned to meet here from the start. Fiddling with his phone before we came in was probably to let her know we'd arrived.
"Asamura-kun, would you like some tea?"
"Huh?"
"I'll go get it for you. And for Yoshida-kun too."
Looking at Makihara-san's tray, there's a plastic cup about 80 percent full of tea with a color similar to hojicha[2].
[2: Hojicha is a roasted Japanese green tea with a smoky flavor and reddish-brown color. It has less caffeine, and can be drunk hot or cold.]
"Ah, I can get it myself. It's okay."
"Just getting the free tea from the cafeteria isn't much of a thank you, but let me do at least this much since I caused you trouble."
"Just take it man, it's her way of saying thanks."
"I feel bad for making her go through the hassle though…"
"It's okay, it's no big deal, really," Makihara-san said with a soft smile and went over to the drinks dispenser.
"She's pretty considerate, don't ya think?"
"Yeah, I think so too."
It's already been about two months since the school trip, so I suppose she's a serious person based on the fact she still wanted to thank me.
"But hey, Yoshida, what would you've done if I hadn't come to the cafeteria with you?"
Usually, I would just buy something from the store, but I joined Yoshida today because I hadn't eaten a proper breakfast. It's just a coincidence.
"No worries, Yuka and I would've just eaten lunch alone together."
"Ah… am I a third wheel right now?"
"No, no."
"What're you guys talking about?"
Makihara-san had returned. With a light tap, she placed a cup of tea on both of our trays.
As we thanked her, Yoshida and I played it off as if we hadn't been talking about anything important.
Come to think of it, when did these get close enough to eat lunch together? With thoughts like that going through my head, we reminisced about the school trip as we ate. Well, forming a close bond through hardship is a beautiful thing, as they say.
I finished eating before them, so I excused myself and left them to it. I figured they might have a better conversation without me around. I dumped my dishes at the return counter and left the cafeteria.
Stepping out into the bright sunlight, I squinted my eyes. As April approaches its end, the sun is getting more intense. The blue sky was so bright it hurt my eyes, and I quickly sought refuge inside the school building. As I walked towards the classroom I couldn't help feeling a bit jealous seeing Yoshida and Makihara-san eating lunch together like that.
I'm aware that I like Ayase-san, and she'd told me she likes me too. After the school trip, we decided to stop forcing ourselves to hide our feelings and to be as normal as possible around each other.
But in reality, what's our relationship? Even after confessing our love and even kissing—not to mention falling asleep in each other's arms—we somehow can't even manage to eat lunch together. Why'd things turn out this way? And since we couldn't even have a proper conversation at school, we both feel lonely. So, when we get home, we couldn't resist touching each other whenever we're alone.
Is this really "acting normal?"
Ayase-san and some girls passed me as I entered the classroom, and I wondered where they were going. Our eyes met for a moment, but both of us quickly looked away.
We didn't talk at school at all for the rest of the day, and soon it was time to go home.
***
In the evening, I had work at the bookstore again.
Ayase-san and I have the same shift, but we still didn't say a word to each other. Naturally, we can't chat or touch each other during work anyway. In the cramped space behind the counter, our shoulders were almost touching. But when I was putting a cover on a book, checking the price of something, or taking payment from a customer, there wasn't any time to pay attention to each other's presence. Ayase-san is so close, yet so far away.
On my break I sat alone in the office, drinking tea made from the hot water dispenser and thinking back on my conversation with Yoshida at lunch.
I'd felt jealous watching Makihara-san and him happily chatting away. Wasn't that the same thing Ayase-san had said the other day?
"Eating lunch together, huh. That sounds nice."
Ayase-san had said that because she was jealous of Shinjo and I eating lunch together. I finally understood how she felt.
Still, I thought about what happened this morning and I'm glad our parents didn't catch us in bed together. Then there's the awkward feeling I have towards my old man. Why do I want to hide our relationship from Akiko-san and him? If I just came clean, Ayase-san and I could act like a normal high school couple. Granted, there was the possibility that my old man and Akiko-san would object to our relationship. There weren't any laws against us being together as we were just step-siblings, but they might be uncomfortable with it given we were a family.
Well… my old man at least doesn't seem like that kind of person. Even if I get shouted at or told I can't be with her, I don't want to lie about my feelings for her. I want to say it loud and clear when the time comes, like when I defended her in front of my grandfather. I want to be able to say, "I want to date Ayase-san." Not just now, but always.
Ah, I see. It came to me. I can't confidently say it yet—to Akiko-san or my old man. I can't ask them to accept our current relationship as it is, with me not even knowing what I wanted to do with my life.
I heard a knock on the door, and it opened. I looked up, and my eyes met Ayase-san's as she entered. My heart skipped a beat as I'd literally just been thinking about her.
"Ayase-san?"
"Ah, um…"
She slid into the room and gently pushed the door close behind her. Her actions were the same as last night, and my heart raced with a sudden sense of déjà vu.
"U-um, about yesterday... I'm sorry."
"No, I was careless too."
"Maybe I was just tired. I can't believe I fell asleep. Did you catch a cold?"
"No, I'm fine. Um, are you on break too, Ayase-san?"
I thought for sure it was something like that, but the moment I said it, Ayase-san's face lit up with realization.
"Oh, no. Asamura-kun... a-ah, I mean Asamura-san, the manager is calling for you. He wants you to come to the warehouse."
"Huh...?"
"Like I said, he's calling for you."
So she just came to pass on a message.
"W-well, I've told you now, so…"
Having said that, Ayase-san scampered out the door again. With no other choice, I abandoned my break and left the office. Being called to the warehouse probably meant helping with packing up returns or something like that. Only after leaving did I realize that, aside from greetings, my exchange with Ayase-san just now was our first conversation of the day at work. If you could call passing on a message a "conversation" that is.
"Asamura-san, huh…"
It's typical of Ayase-san to politely correct her way of addressing me in order to keep some distance between us. Even if it's just the two of us in the room, apparently.
"What's up, Asamura-kun?" The manager asked me the moment I opened the door to the warehouse.
"Huh...? Ah."
I pushed my thoughts about Ayase-san to the back of my mind for now. I need to focus on work.
"Um, did you need my help with something?"
"Yeah, well, I would've been fine with you doing it after your break."
"It's okay, I've rested enough."
"Sorry about this. I need you to carry these return boxes to the shipping shelf."
There were one, two… seven chock-a-block cardboard boxes at the manager's feet.
"Is this all of them?"
"Yeah, that's it."
So it wasn't packing, but carrying.
"Understood. I'll bring the handcart."
The delivery company that picks up the returns took the cardboard boxes we stacked on the shipping shelf.
In other words, if we don't have them on there by a certain time, they'll be considered non-returns. The delivery company usually comes late at night, but since the store is already closed by that time, we need to move the packages during business hours.
And most of the carrying work is done by young part-timers, like me. I don't think being young necessarily equates to being strong, but there's no point in complaining. Work is work.
"I think you'll probably need to make two trips. Think you can handle that?"
"Yes."
I brought the handcart, loaded the cardboard boxes onto it, and stacked them on the shelf. I made exactly two trips. By the time I was done, my break was over, and I went straight back to the register.
As before, Ayase-san was standing next to me, but our shift passed without us talking much. Even if we did, it was just work-related stuff like, "Please grab that" or "Can you put a cover on this for me?" Well, we are at work.
Still, it's frustrating not being able to touch each other, and we'd definitely seek it out when we got home.
—Is it really okay for us to continue like this?
That question floated up from the depths of my mind.
I did know one thing for certain—I don't want our parents to know about our relationship yet. Even though I'm confident in my feelings, I'm not confident in my future.
Seeing Ayase-san change so much since starting our third year made me realize I haven't changed at all. My thoughts about my future are still vague and uncertain.
At minimum, I want to have a solid plan for my future to share with my old man and Akiko-san when they find out about Ayase-san and I. Not having one is probably why I feel so guilty.
After work, Ayase-san and I walked home together.
It was late at night, but the April wind was warm, so we no longer needed to huddle against the cold.
The sweet scent of flowers carried by the wind signaled the shift from spring to summer. The clothes of passersby were becoming thinner and brighter in color. After Golden Week, more people would probably start wearing short sleeves.
The suffocating, gray season was supposed to be over.
And yet the silence stretched between Ayase-san and me, no words filling the space between us as we made our way home.
***
"I'm home" we both called out as we opened the door to our flat. Then came two relieved sighs.
Finally home.
I'm starving. I need to get some food in me as soon as possible.
"Ah, I'm on cooking duty tonight, right?"
It's Wednesday. My turn to cook dinner. Not spotting any shoes in the entryway, I figured my old man hadn't come home yet.
Dinner for three it is. I'd set my old man's aside. He usually let us know if he was eating out.
"Need any help?" Ayase-san turned and asked me as she stood in the hallway.
"If you help it defeats the purpose of taking turns. It's okay."
"Got it."
With just those two syllables Ayase-san retreated to her room.
We'd hardly spoken all day. Ah well, at least we can eat together. Now, what should I make?
After tossing my stuff into my room, I booted up the Notes app on my phone. Currently, my cooking repertoire is limited, so I have a rotation going. That's why I kept a list of dishes I can make, with notes on how many times I've made each of them.
It was past 9 pm, so I don't want to spend too much time on this… I'm getting tired of stir-fried vegetables, though.
"Let's see what's in the fridge."
First things first, I need to see what ingredients we have on hand.
When I opened the fridge, I found a pot covered in plastic wrap. What's this? I took it out to take a peek. It turned out to be leftover nikujaga[3], with about a quarter of the pot's contents left. Akiko-san probably made it for lunch and put the leftovers in the fridge. Alright, If I just heat this up…
[3: Nikujaga is a Japanese stew with beef, potatoes, onions, and sweet soy sauce broth, served over rice.]
"Is this even enough?"
We had vegetables in the fridge, but no meat.
When in doubt, Google it:『Nikujaga+leftovers』
Croquettes, stew, gratin, curry... there were quite a few options.
Curry, huh? That might be good. I couldn't add more meat, but I could think of it as vegetable curry. That way, I can just add store-bought curry roux, and it should be enough. I'll add a few more potatoes, carrots, and onions, too.
I added water directly to the pot of nikujaga leftovers, then added the curry roux. While it was heating up on the stove, I chopped the vegetables. The extra vegetables wouldn't cook properly as they were, so I zapped them in the microwave for about five minutes before adding them to the pot. All that's left is to let it simmer.
While the curry bubbled away, I took the chance to quickly browse through other "leftover" recipes. It seems I'll be relying on them in the future. I wanted to know what could be whipped up using them.
Curry made from leftover oden[4], curry made from leftover chikuzenni[4], curry made from leftover zoni[4], curry made from leftover cream stew…
[Oden: A Japanese hotpot with boiled eggs, fish cakes, daikon, konjac, and tofu in a light soy sauce and dashi broth.
Chikuzenni: A traditional Japanese stew with chicken, vegetables, and mushrooms cooked in seasoned broth.
Zoni: A Japanese soup with vegetables, mochi (rice cakes), and chicken or fish, traditionally eaten during the New Year's holiday.]
Wow, curry really is really versatile. When in doubt, make curry. Everything usually works out.
I tasted the curry and adjusted the seasoning. It was slightly spicier than usual, but I feel like I need that right now. I also added extra spice to mask the nikujaga's original taste. It might've been because the original broth was mixed in, but the curry still had a slight Japanese-style dashi flavor. Well, not to worry.
After setting the table, I called out, "It's ready!"
Ayase-san sniffed the air as she came into the dining room.
"Smells good. You made curry?"
"Akiko-san left some nikujaga for us, so I used it."
"Leftover curry, huh? It has a homey feel to it, don't you think?"
"Well, you could call it lazy, I guess."
"Why? I wouldn't say that. If that's being lazy, then all the dishes I make are me being lazy too."
Ayase spoke a bit faster than usual, and I was taken by surprise.
"You think so? I think the dishes you make are always really good."
"Oh, really? Didn't I forget to marinate the meat one time and ended up having to apologize?"
Oh…
"Ah, I remember now. That's the time when I didn't know what marinating was."
If I recall correctly, that happened right after Ayase-san and her Mom moved in at the beginning of June last year.
"So that's what you remember, huh?"
Ayase-san's wry smile finally cracked the icy tension that'd built up between us and the awkwardness eased up a bit.
We both sat down, put our hands together, and said, "Let's eat."
"Mmm, this is delicious."
Hearing that from a skilled cook like her made me happy.
"It might be a tad spicy."
"Yeah... it's definitely spicier than usual, but it's still delicious. I can't even taste the nikujaga flavor you tried to mask."
"Haha, busted."
We continued to chat casually like that. We tiptoed around the elephant in the room—what happened last night—as the conversation gradually shifted to what'd been on both of our minds recently. Our futures, or more specifically, finding a job.
When I told Ayase-san about the long talk I had with my old man, she mentioned she had a similar one with Akiko-san.
"We're kind of doing the same thing, aren't we?"
"Yeah. Well, I guess that's just what it means to be a student preparing for entrance exams."
While it isn't our first time taking exams, university entrance exams felt way more connected to our futures than regular high school ones. It should go without saying, but there were plenty of people who ended up in professions without going to university as well.
"Honestly, I don't know what job would suit me."
"I said the same thing to Mom. It's hard to know what you're suited for."
"I guess that's just how it is."
Ayase-san nodded and continued, "Unlike my Mom, I never thought I'd be that great at customer service. I don't really enjoy dealing with people, you know. But you seem to have a knack for it, Asamura-kun."
"Really? I don't see it."
"Really. I can tell by the way you talk to customers at work. You're practically a wizard when it comes to helping people find books they want."
"Well... that's just because I read a lot of books."
"Maybe that's what Mom meant by, 'Something you've picked up by just doing everyday things'."
Hmm, that's a good point. I'd never thought of it that way.
"So back in my junior high days…"
"Hmm?"
Having suddenly changed the subject, Ayase-san looked at me with her head tilted to the side. Her gesture was so adorable that, for a moment, I was reminded how much I love her.
"So back then I thought of myself as a bit of a bookworm. I was absolutely certain I read more books than anyone else."
"How many books did you read?"
"One a day, or near abouts."
"That's amazing."
"Yeah, well, everyone praised me like you just did. I guess I was kind of full of myself. Then I had a chance to talk to my Japanese Language teacher at that time. They were the kind of humble person who even used honorifics when talking to students."
So, I got carried away and asked them how many books they read.
"And then?"
"They casually told me they read three books every day. They weren't even boasting about it or anything."
"That many... in one day?"
"Yeah. They said it without even a hint of pride. That's when I thought, 'This is what a true bookworm is like'."
From then on, I never thought of myself as a bookworm again.
"Um, you know... that teacher was amazing and all, but I think you're pretty amazing too, Asamura-kun."
"Maybe that's the case, but… That's why I can't see myself doing it as a career. Especially for someone like me who wants to be the best at things."
"Like being the world's number one bookworm or something?"
"That's fine too, or maybe the best bookstore clerk in Japan. But you could see how people would think I wasn't good enough, right?"
"Wait a sec, if people have to be the best at something before they do it as a job, wouldn't that make you the only bookstore clerk in the entire world?"
I couldn't hold back a smile, as I was thinking the exact same thing.
"Well, that's not what work is supposed to be about, right? Plus, I'm the type of person who can't even decide what my favorite book is."
"So, does that mean you're not into having favorites?"
"More like, I have a favorite for everything. Like, for time-travel sci-fi, this book is my favorite and for horror, it's this one… something along those lines."
Ayase-san nodded along to my explanation.
"Yeah, it's more about being unique rather than being the best, right?"
"Something like that, yeah. At first, I tried to read four books a day, trying to compete against myself. But reading that way wasn't fun at all. When I stopped to think about why I was reading in the first place, I realized forcing myself to read wasn't the answer."
"So, what about now?"
"Now, it's not about how many books I've read, but how I read them. I just want to read in a way that's true to myself, you know?"
"Reading in a way that's true to yourself, huh… that's a very 'Asamura-kun' way of thinking."
"Thanks. Well, honestly, I don't even remember that way of thinking ever being useful, so I guess it's just me being completely self-indulgent."
She smiled as if to say, "That's not true" and I felt my heart grow lighter. Come to think of it, I haven't even told Maru about this stuff.
"Anyway, what about you, Ayase-san? Don't you have 'something you've picked up by just doing everyday things'?"
Ayase-san hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth.
She told me she'd read an article about a person who became a designer after finishing Tsukinomiya Women's University's graduate program.
"A designer, huh?"
"I've never studied design, let alone drawn a single picture. I don't think I do what that woman does, to be honest. But, I do like thinking about clothing combinations and what kind of clothes suit each person."
"I remember you helping me pick out clothes that one time."
"I borrowed a shoujo manga from Maaya once."
Huh? The topic changed out of nowhere.
"You don't normally read manga, do you?"
"She forced me to read it because she recommended it. The manga's protagonist is a celebrity, but for whatever reason, she never wears the same outfit twice."
"Sounds expensive."
"You'd think so, right? But it also mentioned her not having much money, and as I kept reading, I realized something—she was just wearing the same clothes in different ways."
Considering I'm hopeless when it comes to fashion, I asked Ayase-san what she meant.
"Maaya told me to look closer at the outfit changes. When I thought about it, each outfit does show up at some point. But the top and bottom combos are different, or they might change just the socks or another small detail, or even switch up accessories and hairstyles. Sometimes they add new outfits, and you can tell, like, 'Ah, that's new'."
"That's amazing."
"Yep, I thought it was pretty amazing too."
Ayase-san sounded like a mischievous kid bragging about a prank.
"You probably haven't noticed, Asamura-kun, but I've been doing the exact same thing since I moved in. I've never worn the same outfit combination twice."
She was right, I hadn't noticed.
"I see. That's why I think you'd be good at giving fashion advice."
"Mm, I don't know if I can do it, but I just thought it would be nice."
Still, she'd taken a small step forward.
I wonder if there's something I'm naturally good at that I haven't figured out yet. Will I find it during my four years in university?
No, can I even manage to pass the university entrance exams in the first place?
The more I think about it, the more anxious I become about my future.
Even the spiciness of the curry couldn't lift my spirits.
***
I felt an overwhelming thirst gripping my throat.
Maybe because I'd spent too long in the bath thinking about the future?
It was late. My old man had already come home, eaten dinner, and gone to bed. The dishes were washed, so I could just go to bed and read or sleep if I wanted, but I needed to rehydrate.
I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge.
I poured the barley tea we always kept stocked into a glass. It wasn't quite hot enough yet to start gulping down cold barley tea, though. I was sipping it slowly when Ayase-san walked through the hallway door.
She passed by me and opened the refrigerator to take out the barley tea. She must've been thirsty too, I guess.
She tried to drink standing up but thought better of it and sat down next to me.
The sight of Ayase-san wearing only loungewear with a cardigan over it is unusual, as she normally tried not to show any vulnerability. But there was a chance she just didn't know I was in the kitchen.
Still, I'm happy the distance between us has shrunk to the point where she didn't panic and run away the moment she noticed me.
"You are working hard this late into the night, huh"
It was already past midnight.
"Yeah…"
I peered into her face to see why she sounded so gloomy.
"What's wrong? You seem a bit down."
"My studying isn't going well."
Her downcast expression made me a bit worried.
"Well... I'm not one to talk. I'm a third-year student, yet my concentration is way worse than before."
"You too?"
"Pretty much."
"I see."
After that quick exchange, we both fell silent. As we stared at each other, I realized that we hadn't really talked much or touched each other today.
We both slowly reached our arms out towards each other, but our hands stopped midway, hovering in the air.
"We should really get a good night's sleep, right?"
"Yeah… you're right."
The hands that'd been seeking each other's warmth slowly pulled back.
"Goodnight, Asamura-kun."
"Yeah, goodnight, Ayase-san."
With that, we both returned to our respective rooms.
It's barely been a day since we were last careless, yet we'd almost slipped up again—this time with our parent's bedroom just one door away. It's like we're asking to be caught. But, as things stand, I don't have a good enough future plan to show Akiko-san and my old man.
Despite that, the current me can't help but chase after Ayase-san's reflections at each and every turn—
With my thoughts spinning around, I got into bed.
I'd intended to read a bit before hitting the hay, but not a single line of the book made its way into my mind, so I reluctantly gave up and closed my eyes.
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