Chapter 10: Epilogue
Ayase Saki's Diary
7th of June (Sunday)
When I said that I was relieved, I really meant it.
I could tell just from meeting him then that he wasn't a bad person.
At the same time, he felt very considerate.
He's willing to put in new hot water in the bath after he's done with his.
I didn't expect him to be a student at Suisei though.
8th of June (Monday)
Asamura-kun called out to me at school.
Contrary to my expectations, Asamura-kun is a very flat and even person.
I don't like the idea of him just taking the rumours about me at face value, but I know that it can't be helped. I know what I look like to others after all.
I was angry. Yet, he accepted that I was angry.
He might be the first person I ever met who was willing to adjust to me like that.
9th of June (Tuesday)
Memo: Asamura-kun likes his fried eggs with soy sauce.
From today onward, I will be cooking food.
Asamura-kun is going out of his way to search for a high-pay part-time job for me, so I will provide him with breakfast and dinner.
He apologized for not being able to find anything, but I knew that it wouldn't be this easy.
Especially asking strangers for help.
If I could do that…
10th of June (Wednesday)
Urk, so embarrassing…
To think he would hear that.
I don't want to look lame, so I try to keep my hard work a secret.
Maaya came to visit us. She's as noisy as always.
The three of us played together, and laughed a lot. How long has it been since I laughed like that.
We exchanged LINE contacts.
It's very much like Asamura-kun to keep a scenery picture as his profile picture.
Thanks… for the umbrella.
11th of June (Thursday)
I have to pay more attention when I dry my underwear in my room, yep.
Underwear is just like every other piece of clothing. How could you be so entranced by it, Asamura-kun…
Luckily, he didn't try anything vile with it.
But…
He said he won't do anything. He admitted to having desires like that, but stated that having them and acting according to them is a different problem.
I couldn't agree more.
Whenever I hear his opinion, I realize that I always sympathize with it. That's probably why I feel so relaxed.
Asamura-kun is dangerous.
He understands me too well.
12th of June (Friday)
Asamura-kun got angry at me for the first time.
In the heat of the moment, I even told him about it. Even though I didn't want to remember it again. Yet, it looks like he experienced something similar to me. I didn't ask what exactly though.
We talked a lot, but there's things I couldn't tell him.
I was willing to sell my body…because I was scared of being indebted to Asamura-kun.
13th of June (Saturday)
At night, Asamura-kun and I ate dinner as just the two of us.
Mom and step-father went off to have dinner as the two of them.
Asamura-kun was the one who came up with it. Shows again that he is considerate even about the smallest details.
That's exactly why I can't call him 'Nii-san'.
Once I start calling him like that, I'll definitely rely on him all the time.
That is one thing I cannot allow myself.
I'm sorry, Asamura-kun.
But…whenever I call him Asamura-kun, deep inside my heart, another emotion starts to rise up, different to me calling him a big brother.
It's a feeling I haven't ever experienced, and I can't put a name on it either.
I only realized that I became conscious of Asamura-kun.
It makes me feel uncertain, even gloomy.
Even when I go to bed, I have trouble sleeping recently.
If I don't listen to calm music, in order to heal my brain cells, then my hands and feet won't relax. Unable to fall asleep without listening to music, how can I even hope to become independent when I'm like this? I feel pathetic.
…Just what is this feeling, really.
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