Chapter 663 Does not want to live [Bonus chapter]
Feng Lao slid the door to enter the dressing room after he took a bath. He picked up the cross-collared sweatshirt and wore it above the trousers. Tying the knots on the left side, he put on a knee-length cross-collared robe. He came to the drawing room and saw Miaoran.
"Miaoran, were you waiting for too long?" Feng Lao asked and she tilted her head to look at him.
"I came a minute ago and thought to wait for you," Miaoran said. He sat in front of her, on the floor chair, and looked at the tray.
"You brought tea for me. Thank you," Feng Lao said and placed the cups on the table.
"I will serve," Miaoran said and poured the tea into the two cups.
"I heard from Sister Jingfei, you want to sew the clothes to make a living," Feng Lao said and picked up the teacup.
"Yes. I am best at that. When you took me to the clothhouse, I realized I should also work there. I want to earn money of my own, Feng Lao," Miaoran asserted.
"I appreciate that you want to be independent. I have no problem with that. I will take you there tomorrow," Feng Lao said and sipped the tea.
"Feng Lao, I can go myself. You do not need to take me everywhere. You have your work too. I know where the shop is and I will go in the carriage," Miaoran affirmed.
"Alright," Feng Lao said and gestured to her to drink the tea.
"You have a good taste in your hands. Even in the morning, the breakfast that you have prepared was delicious," Feng Lao complimented her cooking skills.
"Thank you, Feng Lao," Miaoran said and passed a tiny smile to him.
"My mother used to cook some of my favorite dishes frequently in the meals. It has been a long time since I tasted something like that," Feng Lao shared the tiniest memory with her.
"You can tell me what you like the most. I will cook for you. I cannot replace the taste which your mother's hands had, but I can give something similar to you," she asserted.
Feng Lao hummed. "They died tragically, Miaoran. I could not save anyone," he said. The tone of his voice had changed. It was filled with guilt and remorse. "If I tell others, they ask me not to think about it. However, it is difficult to forget too. Everything was going well. They did not even get time to escape that deadly fire. I should not have come here. Perhaps, that night, I would have saved a few lives," he said. His eyes had turned watery while narrating all that to Miaoran.
Miaoran looked at his hand which was on the table. She forwarded her hand and placed it above his. Gently, she caressed his hand. "If you are blaming yourself, then you do not have to. I hope wherever they are, they are in peace," she said.
Feng Lao lowered his gaze. He did not want to fall weak again because if he did that, then for days he would remain deviated from everything. Miaoran pulled her hand back slowly.
"I suppose you would have thought about dying too because no one was around you," Feng Lao suddenly said and met her gaze again.
"I did have that thought many times," Miaoran admitted, "but I did not want to die either."
"I had the same situation, Miaoran. I think a part of me does not want to live. If I tell about this anyone around me, I will be scolded or they will get hurt. I believe, with you, it will not be the same since you have experienced what it feels like to live even when you do not want to," Feng Lao asserted.
Miaoran nodded her head. "Not everyone can understand that," she said.
"I do not want to hurt the people who love me today with these thoughts of mine," Feng Lao stated.
"I understand," Miaoran said. "Sister Jingfei told me that Brother Xu Zifan also went through the same experience as you. The former King did all this. You both lost your families. You succeeded in saving Princess Consort Li Hua that night," she briefed him.
"Yes. I saved Li Hua. I loved her once, but more than me, Prince Lóng Wei loved her. I got married to a woman, whom Xu Zifan liked. I thought Xu Zifan was dead, or else I would not have done that. But that woman and I had nothing between us. I married her to save her dignity as she got pregnant out of wedlock. Because she was the woman whom my best friend liked once, I wanted to do something for him thinking he was no more. I wish I had not agreed to marry her. At least, she and her child would have been safe today." Feng Lao was in pain because his namesake wife's unborn child also died. That child had no fault. It was his family, who were supposed to pay for their betrayal toward the Xu Family.
Miaoran was shocked to learn that Feng Lao married to save a woman from society. The respect in her eyes for him had again increased. He was a real hero who worked behind the shadows.
"Feng Lao, you did what you found right at that time. If you blame yourself for her tragic death, then you are doing wrong. You did not know what was coming your way," Miaoran said.
"Perhaps, you are right," Feng Lao said and filled the cup with more tea. "Thank you for hearing me out," he added.
"Anytime, Feng Lao," Miaoran said.
After they finished drinking the tea, Miaoran put the teacups, and teapot in the tray. She was ready to leave when Feng Lao asked her to stay there for a few more minutes.
"Sure." Miaoran pulled her hands away. She saw Feng Lao had stood up from his place and went to the shelf. He picked up a tiny well-polished wooden box that had a paste in it.
He returned to the floor table and sat next to Miaoran. "This is for the scars left on your face and body. It may help to remove them," Feng Lao said, and he put it in her hand.
"Where did you get this?" Miaoran asked.
"Li Hua sent it through a servant's hand in the evening. You were not present to receive it, so I took it from the palace servant. She had learned medicine from her father, so she knows a lot about such things," Feng Lao said.
"I need to thank the Princess Consort again," Miaoran asserted.
Feng Lao smiled to hear that. "Your body has started to heal. The glow on your face says it all," he said.
"It is because you saved me," Miaoran said.
"It is strange, Miaoran. I did not realize the time with you," Feng Lao said and looked at the sand clock.
"Ahh, it is the time for you to go out on an inspection," Miaoran asserted.
"Yes," Feng Lao said.
"You did not brush your hair. Should I?" Miaoran asked.
"I will do it," Feng Lao said.
"Then, I take my leave," Miaoran said, and she rose to her feet. "What would you like to eat for dinner? I will make it for you," she asked him.
"Fish," Feng Lao replied, "it has been two weeks since I last ate it."
"I will cook a delicious meal for you," Miaoran said and walked away.
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