Chapter 7: Lightly 2
Lee Suh-ah quietly collected her breath.
She liked this moment.
That little gap that appeared after the song finished. When the accompaniment gradually faded away in front of the quiet audience as the breath found its place leaving behind only the heaviness in her chest.
When her lungs were filled back with breath, she could receive the compensation for all the hard work she had put in.
Hong Yoojin who had been listening clapped with a bright smile.
“Very good. Well done Suh-ah. You must’ve been practising a lot? There’s nothing for me to point out on.”
“Thank you.”
Seeing Lee Suh-ah lower her head, Hong Yoojin gave a smile.
“Right. You’ve passed the prelims of the concour and the prac song seems to be going well as well... when were the finals again?”
“In 2 weeks.”
“2 weeks... you’re going with that song just then right?”
Lee Suh-ah thought for a bit.
The song for the finals.
She had already prepared the song to sing in the final stage of the concour beforehand. It was a lied she was the most confident in – something she had practised all the way from middle school. She was confident in the level of mastery she had over the song as well as the ability to show off some fancy skills in it.
“...”
Suddenly, anxiety touched her heart.
But... would that be enough? Would this much be enough to go past the third-grade seniors that had gathered nationwide?
She couldn’t be sure but... this song was the one with the highest possibility at least so...
In the midst of her thoughts, she thought of Han Dasom. Han Dasom, a soprano who suddenly started singing a good song.
Was I... able to predict that Han Dasom would be able to advance to the finals?
She opened her mouth.
“Um... can you listen to another song? I’m a bit uneasy about it.”
“Uneasy?”
After tapping on the piano, Hong Yoojin tilted her head.
“What song is it? Did you prepare something special for the finals?”
“That’s not it but... I want to try singing ‘Let me weep’.”
“Let me weep...? Have you practised it before?”
Lee Suh-ah immediately thought of Jo Yunjae’s name before quickly erasing it from her mind. She thought there was no need to talk about it.
“That... I’ve done it a few times with my friend.”
“A few times...”
Hong Yoojin frowned.
Let me weep... it was a bit too sudden. From her knowledge, as the Specialist teacher, Lee Suh-ah had never sung this song before, and it was a pretty difficult aria as well. A few times with her friend? She was planning on bringing such a song to a concour that was opening in 2 weeks?
“Phew...”
...It wasn’t that she couldn’t understand her thoughts.
Of course, since it was a difficult aria, it could appeal more than the previous lied in many ways and could definitely gain more marks at the concour. However, Hong Yoojin was worried that her greed was getting the best of her. An unpractised, unprepared song was that dangerous since one subtle expression or skill could immediately change the quality of the song.
There was a reason why experienced teachers were sent to help students prepare for their concours.
...Although there were many things she wanted to say, Hong Yoojin closed her mouth. As she was a teacher, she had to listen first before saying anything. The feedback could come after that.
“Good. Try singing.”
“Yes.”
Like that, the song started and Hong Yoojin wrote evaluations inside her brain.
‘Mhmm. The start is better than I thought. Did she practise it a lot in secret?’
Those thoughts were soon changed as the song progressed.
‘Good, she’s doing well. I thought it wouldn’t suit her but it’s quite good.’
‘Un? She went over that part easily as well? That part is where students usually get it wrong though; did she listen to this song a lot?’
‘Uh? She’s expressing it like that?’
‘Uuunnn???’
Without even realising that her mouth was open, she thought.
It was strange.
Let me weep, this song was... different. It was as if it was at a different dimension compared to the songs Lee Suh-ah had sung before, like there was an invisible aspect that had been added.
The small, very subtle mistakes she felt as she watched Lee Suh-ah sing, the use of breath and the quality of the sound... all of that had been fixed already.
Things she couldn’t explain in words had been fixed by Lee Suh-ah like they had been an illusion.
‘All by herself!’
How could such a thing happen? Other songs still had those mistakes so why, why, just this song...?
A thought sparked inside Hong Yoojin who had been in deep contemplation.
Was this song Lee Suh-ah’s life song that suited her perfectly?
...Hong Yoojin who had been indulged in strange thoughts didn’t even realise that the song had ended and came to things only after being tapped by Lee Suh-ah.
“Miss...?”
“Uh? Uh... right. Suh-ah. That was good. That was very good.”
“Thank you.”
Seeing Lee Suh-ah bowing elegantly, Hong Yoojin made the brightest smile she could make.
“Suh-ah... Those are not empty words. You did it so well! You could bring this to the concour immediately! Perhaps... first place... no let’s not go that far but anyway! Well done Suh-ah!”
“...Huh?”
With a dumbfounded expression, Lee Suh-ah stared at her teacher. What was this? Had she ever shown such reactions before? While she was like that, Hong Yoojin stared into her eyes and started talking endlessly.
“I was surprised! There was nothing weird and it was good. Let’s go with this song. It’s so much better than the other one.”
“...Sorry?”
So much better...? Than a song I have sung since middle school?
She thought in a blank. She wasn’t expecting such things to happen. Just thinking that it might be better to sing an aria... she had brought up the topic as she did fix a lot of things while practising with Jo Yunjae.
But what was with this evaluation? She had only practised this with Jo Yunjae though?
A thought flashed by her head.
“Don’t tell me...”
“Don’t tell me?”
“Sorry Miss. Give me a second.”
Quickly, she took out her phone and opened the messages she had sent to Jo Yunjae but what should she write?
[How did you do it?] – That would be way too sudden with no context.
[Wanna practise together?] ... This was too cringe and she couldn’t say that.
[Can you help me with the concour?] – This sounded too shameless.
“Uu...”
While she was in trouble as to how to word it, the previous conversations she had with Jo Yunjae entered her eyes.
[Jo Yunjae: The cooperation with the composing department. Let’s do it together]
[Nonsense]
[Jo Yunjae: Let’s do it togetherrr. You really don’t have time? Recently, you say you’re too busy to practise together as well.]
[zzz Look for someone else.]
“...”
Lee Suh-ah lowered her head deeply.
*
[Lee Suh-ah: (An angry cat emoji)]
Looking at the messages on my phone, I tilted my head.
What was this; did I do something wrong to Lee Suh-ah?
No matter how much I thought, I couldn’t think of anything. Besides, it seemed more like that Lee Suh-ah was the one avoiding me these days and the practices we had without a problem became fewer recently.
I tried asking what this meant but she didn’t reply as the case became shrouded in mystery.
“Mhmm...”
What did this emoji mean?
Inside the head that returned no replies no matter how I thought, a thought suddenly flashed past. The fact that I can’t understand this... is it perhaps due to the generation difference?
“...!”
While I was frozen solid in surprise, the door of the practice room was pushed open as teacher Ku Mingi appeared from behind wearing a clean sweater and grey cotton pants. Thinking about it, it seemed like it had been a while since I had seen teacher Ku Mingi because last week, he had an urgent task and had cancelled the lesson.
A lesson after 2 weeks.
I lowered my head in greeting and the teacher replied with a smile.
“Hello. Student Yunjae.”
“Yes, hello.”
Then, he took out a bunch of papers from the files he brought and handed them over to me. Curious, I glanced at it and found out that it was a music sheet. On the five lines that had been drawn, there were countless beansprouts hanging as well as some French words written beneath...
“...La Fille du Régiment?”
“Hoh you could tell even though it doesn’t even have a title.”
Seeing him smiling, I dropped my chin in disbelief.
...Is he sane? Why’s he giving this to me?
Teacher Ku Mingi gave a grin before opening his mouth.
“Student Yunjae, are you doing well on the cooperation with the composing department?”
“...I am doing fine...”
“Hahat. Don’t look at me like that, because that song... I had my own reasons for bringing that here.”
After another round of laughter, he sat down on the piano chair with a somewhat serious atmosphere.
“I’ve heard from student Yu Minji. That you were having trouble learning the light sword... I mean the new vocalisation method.”
Did she say all that? Seeing me in thought, teacher Ku Mingi slowly opened the lid of the piano keys as he opened his mouth.
“Student Yunjae. In opera, the position held by ‘tenors’ is special. Do you know why?”
“...Because they make high notes?”
“You’re right.”
Flicking his head towards me, he continued with an expressionless look.
“High notes. Most people like high notes. There might be several reasons; perhaps they like it because it’s nice to hear while there are even people that are in admiration that male voices could go that high. Whatever the reason, ‘tenors’ are acknowledged by their ability to sing high notes.”
“...”
When I made an expression asking what connection there was between that and the light sword style, he continued.
“It’s the same. That light vocalisation method I taught you – the objective is to easily and lightly make high notes because the main goal of tenors, is to sing high notes. If you could express high notes properly, it could be seen as you having mastered the ‘light sword style’.”
Blinking my eyes, I thought.
That was right.
Since the light vocalisation method did not put much pressure on the throat, it was more comfortable to make high notes. I had been able to force out a high C as well thanks to that...
In the midst of my thoughts, teacher Ku Mingi opened his mouth.
“High notes, and from those, high C is special.”
Ding–
After pressing the 3 Octave C on the piano, he released his hand from the keys.
“High C. In most operas, it is hard to find a pitch higher than a high C but there are lots of famous songs that have high Cs in them. In other words, the generally perceived highest note of a tenor is high C.”
Turning over from the seat, teacher Ku Mingi smiled.
“So in order to conquer this highest note... let’s sing this song.”
He gave a smile as he held the music sheet up.
“‘Pour mon âme’ which has 9 high Cs inside.”
The score with a mix of beansprouts could be seen. It was the tenor aria which appeared in La Fille du Régiment, Pour mon âme, which was infamous for being one of the hardest arias in the world.
A high C which would usually mark the highlight of normal songs had to be sung 9 times so would that be easy? On top of that, it was an aria, not a lied so it required the singer to have loud volume as well. At this point, it was pretty much a song made to torture tenors.
And... he was telling me to sing that?
“Me? Can I sing this?”
“Student Yunjae.”
After talking solemnly, he stood up from the seat and started walking towards me.
“If I’m not wrong, student Yunjae had made a high C in front of me right?”
“...Yes. I squeezed it out though, and cannot make that sound now.”
“No. The fact that you can make a high note, means that it is possible for you to sing in that note. The things student Jo Yunjae is lacking are tricks and confidence.”
“Sorry?”
My expression crumpled unknowingly. Not the physical aspect but the confidence? What nonsense was that? At least when I was singing, I was filled with confidence.
It’s just that I can’t reach that high no matter how much I practise... while I was in thought, teacher Ku Mingi approached suddenly and grabbed my shoulder.
“...!”
His pressure made my shoulder scream in pain. With a start I raised my head, and as my eyes met his, the cold yet blazing gaze of his was etched deeply into my brain.
“What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not af...”
“No. I’ve felt it throughout the lessons. Student Yunjae is afraid, of making a high C. As if...”
He scanned through my eyes before opening his mouth.
“You firmly believe that you won’t be able to make a high C.”
“...”
I couldn’t say a single word back.
After staring at me for a while, he let go of my shoulder and sat back down on the piano seat. He then asked.
“Are you ready?”
Ready...
Was I? I had no idea, and just felt dizzy. Suddenly I remembered the lesson I had received before which felt like a distant memory despite only being around a few weeks ago. I, who had been forcibly singing in teacher Kwak Jungsoo’s style; the advice from the teachers and the new vocalisation method.
I definitely thought back then,
That the current me was different from the me before.
“...”
I thought I understood, that it would change soon. But somewhere deep inside... maybe I couldn’t believe in it myself.
A wall that had stayed there for 20 years, how could I breach that and how could I ever make that high note?
Maybe those were the thoughts I had been having. Just like how a flea that had been inside a glass bottle for a long time cannot jump high after leaving it.
I vowed to myself in silence.
“...I am ready.”
In fact, I had no idea, whether I was ready or not, and whether I would be able to make a high C or not.
However, I had to at least try.
To go outside the glass bottle,
...I had to surpass my past self.
“...”
The accompaniment began.
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