Chapter 234 Big Bro
June sighed and felt a pang in his chest. "Where are the others?" he asked.
"In their rooms," Jangmoon responded, closing the door and walking toward June. "The trainees were all advised to wait inside their rooms while the winners decided whom to eliminate."
"Then…why are you here?" June asked.
Jangmoon shrugged, sitting on the cold, wooden floor. Then, he glanced up at June and patted the spot next to him.
June pursed his lips and hesitatingly sat next to him.
"Have you made your decision?" Jangmoon asked.
June slowly shook his head.
"I figured," Jangmoon chuckled. "It must be killing you, huh?"
June groaned in agreement, leaning his elbows against his knees. "You have no idea. I shouldn't have won if I knew it was going to be like this."
"But you're the only one who can make the choice," Jangmoon said. "It's in your hands, big bro."
"And I'm telling you, I don't want it."
Jangmoon smiled as he shook his head. "You're really amazing."
"What do you mean?" June furrowed his eyebrows in frustration.
"Others would love to have this opportunity. Everybody is praying to go to the finals, and you are basically given a free pass to it," Jangmoon responded.
"It's too much of a responsibility," June responded, tracing circles on the ground. "I don't think any of you deserve to go home. Maybe...Maybe I should just..."
"Stop it," Jangmoon firmly said before June can even finish his sentence. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."
June chuckled. "You don't even know what I was going to say."
"You must be thinking of eliminating yourself, huh?" Jangmoon asked, causing June to purse his lips.
Jangmoon then sighed as he stared up at the ceiling, his thoughts already cemented.
"Pick me," he said in such a soft voice, making June wonder if he heard him right.
"What?" June asked, snapping his gaze at his tall friend.
Jangmoon blinked back his tears and looked back at June, a sincere smile on his face.
"Pick me," Jangmoon repeated. "Write my name."
June's frown deepened as he gazed at Jangmoon with disbelief. "Are you crazy? This is your dream. You joke a lot about these things, but I know you want this life."
"I do," Jangmoon nodded, his throat aching. "But so does everybody else. I'm not special."
June sighed. "Jangmoon…don't say that."
"I'm kidding," Jangmoon chuckled, although it sounded a bit lonely. "But I'm being serious right now. You can write my name on the paper."
June clicked his tongue and clenched and unclenched his fists, appearing to be conflicted.
Jangmoon sighed since he knew June wouldn't be so easily convinced.
"Big bro," Jangmoon started, staring into the distance. "Do you know why I always call you bro?"
June snapped out of his thoughts and listened intently. He shook his head, causing Jangmoon to smile.
"It's because you remind me of my big brother—my real brother," Jangmoon shakily said, tears glistening in his eyes.
June stayed silent, not knowing what to say.
"He was four years older than me, and he was the one who wanted to get into the entertainment industry. He did everything he could to break through the harsh environment, but in the end, his body was too weak to accomplish his dream. He died of cancer when he was 24," he continued.
June looked away from Jangmoon. This was the first time he had heard of the trainee's story, and it was more devastating than he had thought.
Indeed, people had different stories to tell.
"He died without getting to live his dream—and I couldn't bear that. So, in the end, I decided to live his dream for him."
Jangmoon chuckled as he remembered the day he decided to be an idol trainee. "I think it came naturally. I wasn't good at anything. I was bad at school. I didn't have any talent in sports despite my height. I had a short attention span. So, in the end, I decided to give it a try—I decided to become an idol."
"However," he quickly added. "It wasn't as easy as I had thought. I thought it was just singing, dancing, and looking attractive, but boy, I was wrong. But with my happy-go-lucky personality, I braved through all the hardships I faced. There were plenty of times when I doubted myself. I even thought of giving up. Was this even the right field for me? But then again, I was never really passionate about anything else, so I decided to keep pursuing this path."
"And I don't regret it," Jangmoon said, a sad smile emerging from his lips. "During the start of the show, I didn't enjoy performing on stage. But when we performed together for the first time," he said, recalling those days. "I actually felt like the stage was a nice place, and being applauded by people was a heartwarming feeling."
Jangmoon glanced at June with a sincere smile. "So, in a way, you made me realize that this might also be my dream."
June let out a deep breath and softly said, "Then, why are you telling me to eliminate you?"
"Because I deserve it," Jangmoon said. "I didn't believe in you last week. I couldn't even imagine how betrayed you must have felt."
"I've already forgiven you for that," June groaned.
"But I haven't forgiven myself," Jangmoon said. "I still feel like a shitty person."
"We both know you're not," June insisted.
Jangmoon shook his head. "You're really so stubborn," he said. "During these times, I really remember my big bro. You're both so stubborn."
"I'm not stubborn," June defended.
"See!" Jangmoon exclaimed with a chuckle, finding June's irony hilarious.
"Fine," he sighed after a while.?"If you don't want to accept that reason, then accept this."
"I want you to make it," he said with pure sincerity, his voice even breaking in the end. "This might be my dream, but this is your destiny. You need to continue on with the show, big bro. You have to debut."
"And by eliminating me, I know you'd have a bigger chance."
"But—but your dreams," June stammered. "I can't let them turn into memories."
Jangmoon sniffed as he wiped a lone tear from the corner of his eyes. "I told you earlier—I have a short attention span. I'm sure I'll find something to fawn over later."
June shook his head in amusement. However, the heavy feeling in his heart couldn't be shaken off.
"Besides," Jangmoon said, causing June to look at him. "You've already said it in our song—my memories will only die if I let them be."
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